Question: I know that my husband has cheated on me in the past. We fight over this since he was not honest with me. I still love him but cannot trust or respect him just yet. I want to make it work but sometimes I feel so angry and resentful. I just want to take it out on him for hurting me so badly! How can I deal with this so I can move on? My mind goes crazy just thinking about it all the time.
Answer: The mind, as it is presently constituted, thrives on conflict . . . having problems to solve and positions to protect. To see this — as a fact in oneself — is the beginning of the end of our consent to allow it to drive us mad. If you have decided to go ahead with the relationship, then see this constant resurfacing of the pain not as an issue with him, but rather one of your own present inability to keep your own heart and mind present, in spite of the temptation to revisit the past (what I call the “scene of the crime”). Make the best choice you know to make at this time, and get on with your life . . . with or without him, but — most importantly — without this part of you that can’t wait to create worry and resentment over what is no longer in question.