Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Standing Up to Aggressive Types

Some people are used to bullying. And it’s hard to stand up to them because it could be intimidating. I was bullied a little in middle school and got others to stand up for me because I was too scared to stand up for myself. Some tough words or threats made me try to hide behind my people pleasing ways. No more!

In my post, Behind the Face of a Bully I talked about how I saw the girl who bullied me at my school reunion and how she confessed that she acted tough to keep from being bullied herself. That can be a way to keep from being bullied. I found the best way is to try to stand up to someone who’s trying to intimidate me. I refuse to cower or give in on autopilot. While I don’t want to fight with anyone, I take each instance on its own merit and decide how to handle it.

For example, I like to run regularly in Central Park on an exercise path and tend to adhere to the rule commonly used–stay to the right. Not everyone does but I believe that’s the norm. One day as I jogged on the right side of the path, a big guy came toward me in the same lane—his left. This happens all the time. I even stay in that lane if no one id coming towards me. But normally the person on the left moves right as a courtesy, me included. But not Big Guy. He came straight toward me. I was in a flow and continued straight toward him, figuring one of us would move before we crashed.

In the past I’d have deferred to him, even though I believe everyone should keep right. As I stayed my course, he swerved before we collided, and was raging. He yelled at me, “You must be used to always getting your way!” I smiled instead of asking why he expected me to move when he was on the wrong side. Big Guy was the one used to getting his way and it angered him that I “won.” Women are still expected to defer. I felt empowered by holding my ground, silently. I forced myself not to make a retort back. In the old days I would have needed to say something back or to defend myself. But now that I’m empowered, I also have self-control.

I don’t need to prove myself and knew yelling back at him would do nothing positive for me, so I just smiled and kept going. I couldn’t stop smiling for a while because it felt so good to hold my ground and not get knocked down. I also laughed at his absurd comment. Of course we shouldn’t put ourselves in jeopardy by standing up to a bully type. But usually bullies have their limits and sometimes you can get your way if you stay your course like I did. I choose my battles and had he not moved when he did, I would have. It’s not worth getting hurt over. But It’s good to test people, and yourself, to stand up for yourself when you can. And it’s a great confidence booster!

Join the Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Lauren

    Wow! This is great! I still have trouble with the controlling the need to justify myself, explain, etc. I think I am a bit to easily affected by perceived slights and perceived criticism. Something to work on! Hope I can get to where you are at (a higher level empowerment) soon!

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Glad it helped Lauren! There are many tips for empowering yourself in the archives. Or check out my book, Nice Girls Can Finish First.

Previous Posts

Law of Attraction in Action: Making the Best of What Happens
This is post 281 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. Things don’t always go the way you planned or hoped for. That’s how life works. But wh

posted 12:01:35pm Apr. 22, 2014 | read full post »

Rewriting Elizabeth Barrett Browning
  Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. I borrowed it for the title of the book I’m giving away through The Self-Love Movement™---How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways. To build self-love, it’s good to think in those terms. I suggest you rewrite

posted 12:01:25pm Apr. 21, 2014 | read full post »

Shutting Yakkers Up Nicely
Have you ever just wanted to be left alone but someone intruded on your space? When I was a DoorMat and someone talked my ear off when I wanted silence I’d just smile and let them go on and on. I’d get mad inside and feel frustrated at my inability to say what I was feeling—SHUT UP! I’d g

posted 12:01:09pm Apr. 18, 2014 | read full post »

A Wake Up Call
Can you easily recognize when it’s time to make changes in your life?  I’m thrilled to have Dr. Dain Heer as my guest today to give you suggestions for waking your consciousness. He travels all over the world facilitating advanced classes, workshops and seminars on Access Consciousness® and a

posted 12:01:58pm Apr. 17, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: Assuming the Worst
This is post 280 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires.. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. When you’re going through a problem it’s easy to get worked up in a negative direction

posted 12:01:25pm Apr. 15, 2014 | read full post »

Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.