Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


Standing Up to Aggressive Types

Some people are used to bullying. And it’s hard to stand up to them because it could be intimidating. I was bullied a little in middle school and got others to stand up for me because I was too scared to stand up for myself. Some tough words or threats made me try to hide behind my people pleasing ways. No more!

In my post, Behind the Face of a Bully I talked about how I saw the girl who bullied me at my school reunion and how she confessed that she acted tough to keep from being bullied herself. That can be a way to keep from being bullied. I found the best way is to try to stand up to someone who’s trying to intimidate me. I refuse to cower or give in on autopilot. While I don’t want to fight with anyone, I take each instance on its own merit and decide how to handle it.

For example, I like to run regularly in Central Park on an exercise path and tend to adhere to the rule commonly used–stay to the right. Not everyone does but I believe that’s the norm. One day as I jogged on the right side of the path, a big guy came toward me in the same lane—his left. This happens all the time. I even stay in that lane if no one id coming towards me. But normally the person on the left moves right as a courtesy, me included. But not Big Guy. He came straight toward me. I was in a flow and continued straight toward him, figuring one of us would move before we crashed.

In the past I’d have deferred to him, even though I believe everyone should keep right. As I stayed my course, he swerved before we collided, and was raging. He yelled at me, “You must be used to always getting your way!” I smiled instead of asking why he expected me to move when he was on the wrong side. Big Guy was the one used to getting his way and it angered him that I “won.” Women are still expected to defer. I felt empowered by holding my ground, silently. I forced myself not to make a retort back. In the old days I would have needed to say something back or to defend myself. But now that I’m empowered, I also have self-control.

I don’t need to prove myself and knew yelling back at him would do nothing positive for me, so I just smiled and kept going. I couldn’t stop smiling for a while because it felt so good to hold my ground and not get knocked down. I also laughed at his absurd comment. Of course we shouldn’t put ourselves in jeopardy by standing up to a bully type. But usually bullies have their limits and sometimes you can get your way if you stay your course like I did. I choose my battles and had he not moved when he did, I would have. It’s not worth getting hurt over. But It’s good to test people, and yourself, to stand up for yourself when you can. And it’s a great confidence booster!
***************

Join the Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at http://howdoiloveme.com. Read my 2013 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.



  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Lauren

    Wow! This is great! I still have trouble with the controlling the need to justify myself, explain, etc. I think I am a bit to easily affected by perceived slights and perceived criticism. Something to work on! Hope I can get to where you are at (a higher level empowerment) soon!

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Glad it helped Lauren! There are many tips for empowering yourself in the archives. Or check out my book, Nice Girls Can Finish First.

Previous Posts

Ditch the Victim Mentality
A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.”  I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People

posted 10:41:37pm Jul. 21, 2014 | read full post »

Standing Up for Yourself
You may be angry at many people and want to tell them all of. But you need to –prepare to take a stand first. Before taking a stand, ask, “Am I WILLING to be serious?” You may want to stop unacceptable behavior, but are you willing to leave or mean “no” or cut visits if ignored? Decide how

posted 12:01:04pm Jul. 18, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: What You Think Of Yourself
This is post 290 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. Very often, your biggest roadblocks to achieving goals are the labels you put on yourself.

posted 8:44:56pm Jul. 16, 2014 | read full post »

Why People Become DoorMats/People Pleasers
George Bernard Shaw said, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.” Having DMS (DoorMat Syndrome) made me a People Pleaser wh

posted 2:09:35pm Jul. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: “It’s for the best”
This is post 289 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series  to see how. People get confused when they’re trying to manifest if something doesn’t work out

posted 12:01:14pm Jul. 08, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.