Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Thumbnail image for HowDoILoveMeCover.jpgThe New Year is coming. People are beginning to make resolutions–lists of things they’ll do in the new year. But as I said in my post, Preparing for the New Year, there’s no magic happening when the calendar changes to 2011. People look toward the new year with expectations of grandeur, believing that making resolutions would make them change things they don’t like in their lives. It rarely happens.

For example, I was recently at an event and a woman I know said she was sick when I went to give her a hug. She sounded awful, was all stuffed up and complained that she’d been feeling that way for days. All of a sudden she put on her coat and headed to the door, cigarette in hand. I asked why she was going out into the frigid weather to smoke, which would surely make her symptoms worse. She said she wasn’t ready to stop smoking but would do it for the new year. I almost guarantee she won’t stop then if nothing else changes!

There’s no New Years wish fairy who waves a wand to grant your desires to stop smoking, lose weight, find true love, get a better job, etc. on January 1st.

Those things are up to you to work at, any time of the year! That’s why I don’t make resolutions to accomplish big things as the calendar turns. I do resolve to continue to do the best I can to live up to my potential and accomplish what I want. That way I always fulfill them! When resolutions to do the big things don’t happen, it can make you feel worse. That’s not loving!

The best resolution is to do your best to do loving things for yourself.

Self-love maximizes your chances of accomplishing what you want. When you love yourself, you take better care of you and your energy is stronger. That helps you to accomplish more. That’s why I consider the pledge on my site,, as the best new years resolution you can make:

“I pledge to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, on every day of January 2011.”

What better to make a resolution about than building self-love? It’s a resolution you can keep more easily, because giving yourself love can be a teeny kind act, like making time to read a book, buying the good jam instead of the store brand, stopping a negative thought, giving yourself a hug, etc. Losing weight and the other major resolutions can be hard if nothing changes in you or your life as the calendar switches to 2011. But you can do a small act of self-kindness if you choose to.

Taking the pledge can motivate building self-love and raise your consciousness about treating yourself more lovingly.

I implore you to resolve to be more loving to yourself in 2011. It can open the door to achieving all those others things you want for next year. When you love yourself, it’s easier to accomplish and manifest what you’d like. My book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways, is available for free on the site. Please take advantage of this and download it. It has hundreds of suggestions for showing yourself love. I know you’ll find some you can do easily.

Share it with friends. I want you to love yourself so you can enjoy the kind of happiness it brings. This former DoorMat knows how it feels to not love yourself. I was so unhappy for years. Now I’m resolving to spread the love and do what I can to help others love themselves too. And, I continue to do what I can to show myself love so mine gets stronger every day.

Self-love is the best anti-dote to being a DoorMat.

When you’re making your New Years’ resolutions, put “Love myself more” first. It’s the most important resolution you can make in order to become happier, healthier, attract more loving people to you, accomplish more in your career and many other things. I know, because all those things happened for me, once I gave me the gift of self-love.

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