Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

No More!

When life is going your way, it’s easier to be happy. But you can smile even when it’s not perfect. I do it all the time! That’s what inner contentment can do for you. I’ve learned that contentment involves feeling in control of your life. DoorMats let other people make decisions for them. Nice People on Top take control of their own actions. When you feel in control, your confidence increases and it feeds good self-esteem.

Control isn’t about making others do what you want. It is taking responsibility for what you do, or don’t do.

Every time you do something you’ve put off, you take control. I hate doing laundry and it seems to take forever. Going up and down to the machines in my building kills precious time. So it often piles up. But, when I finally get it all done, I feel SOOO GOOD because I took control and did it! Munching on less sweets is controlling your eating. Being on time even once when you tend to be late is control. Saying no to someone’s request that you normally would do despite not having the time for it is control.


Thinking about all the stuff you haven’t gotten done or what you could have done had you not given your time to someone else’s needs creates negative emotions about yourself and your life.

Taking control by doing something you put off or saying no or doing anything else you’ve wanted to do but didn’t increases positive emotions and are acts of self-love. Control is taking care of you and YOUR needs. The more control you take, the more self-love you give. The more you push past obstacles, the better you will feel. The more you put your own needs first, the more control you feel, which translates to feeling better about you. The better you feel about you, the stronger you are to do more good for you.

Seek to truly lift up your life so with more control over you.


Begin now–say, scream, proclaim, “No more!” No more excuses! No more complacency! No more procrastination! No more putting my needs after everyone else’s! No more whatever it is you do that makes you feel badly after. Keep saying it and you’ll eventually believe. It won’t change overnight. For me the transformation took years. But each little bit of control is a piece for building a strong foundation of self-love and confidence. Say over and over:

I take responsibility for myself. I chose to love myself enough to have the wonderful life I deserve.

Please leave comments under my posts so we can stay connected.

  • Sue

    I just got out of a very negative relationship. I said “NO MORE DISRESPECT” “NO MORE BEING USED” “NO MORE MANIPULATION” “NO MORE BEING BELITTLED” “NO MORE BEING CUSSED AT”. I could go on more but I think this gets my point across, just like you stated “NO MORE”. I feel I’m getting my self back. I’m starting to do the things I stopped doing for “him”.
    Anyway, thank you for your blog I read it everytime I get it.

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Good for you Sue! Glad you’ve enjoyed reading my articles. : )

  • Still a doormat, but working on it.

    Thank you for sharing your life lessons. It has helped me clarify some of the things I have learned as well.
    I am a doormat. I just broke up with my boyfriend because he didn’t treat me well. The strange part was that it wasn’t my boyfriend that protested the break-up. It was my father. When I read your blog, I realized that my father treats people badly the same way my ex-boyfriend does, and he is afraid that since I stood up to my ex, I might stand up to him as well.
    Sometimes when people disagree with your choices, it’s not just because they are unhappy with their own lives. When they see you taking control of your life and becoming happier, they start to fear that they will lose their doormat.

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