Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


Every Day Victories

fingers_victory1_xenia.jpgI just heard that the US consumes a large majority of anti-depressants.
Messages in the media contribute to a majority of the reasons for so
many people being unhappy. Girls grow up with more pressure than ever to
have perfect looks. They see young celebrities getting their bodies
worked over in the name of looking perfect. Heidi Montag from The Hills
admits she’s obsessed with plastic surgery as she shows off all the work
she had done. She almost died in the process but would go back for
more! Yet she looks too fake, and older in my eyes.

Women who
can’t afford to get work done or who just don’t have the face or body to
be perfect feel lousy about themselves, which is the antithesis of
self-love.

And guys aren’t immune to feeling depressed about
themselves either. Different issues can make them feel bad, in
particular, not making enough money or having enough power, especially
in this bad economy. Appearance–being short, losing hair, not being as
muscular as they see in magazines, being overweight–all can hurt
self-esteem in men. Those who’ve lost their jobs or taken pay cuts or
who just can’t get a promotion hear about great success stories and feel
inadequate. That contributes to depression and unhappiness.

The
best way to combat feeling inadequate it to celebrate small victories
you have each day.

What is a victory? Anything you do that’s
positive. Giving thanks when you wake up is a victory. Getting out for a
walk is a victory. Putting yourself first in something is a victory.
Buying yourself a rose is a victory. Stopping to take some deep breaths
is a victory. Basically anything you do for yourself that’s positive is a
victory. Don’t just look for the big stuff. Losing twenty pounds would
be nice for you but passing on a cookie you want is a victory. Getting a
huge raise would be wonderful but doing a good job where you are is a
victory.

Ask yourself, “Do I want to be depressed or happy?”
“Miserable or satisfied?”

While you might not consciously
choose the be depressed or miserable, your subconscious picks up on your
dissatisfaction with yourself and responds by giving you negative
emotions. You can choose to succumb to feeling bad about yourself or
consciously choose to celebrate the good in you and in what you do. The
operative word is CHOICE. No Pill can make you happy. They can lift some
depression but only YOU can choose to recognize the good in you and
accept yourself as you are now with love.

Acknowledging your
small victories can keep negative emotions at bay.

When I was
a DoorMat, I chose miserable and depressed by hating my cellulite and
other things about me. I beat myself up for not being perfect and
suffered with low self-esteemed and tastes of happiness when someone
threw me a bone for a favor. Now I wake up happy every day and look for
small victories to celebrate. I opened my eyes and smiled. Victory! I
ate a healthy breakfast. Victory! I looked in the mirror and said, “I
love you!” Victory! I wrote this post. Victory!

Find your own
victories and let them carry you to a state a self-acceptance
that
builds pride in who you are and what you do. Then you’ll enjoy more than
a taste of happiness and a content life. Focusing on small victories
build the positive emotions that, like a jigsaw puzzle, piece together
to create a happy, satisfying life!

Please leave
comments under my posts so we can stay connected. 



  • Paula

    Excelent advice! Totally going to do this today and for as often as I can remember. A friend of mine calls this process “knocking on Heaven’s door”,and it truly carries one to a state of well-being. I read your post. Victory!

  • Paula

    P.S. THANK YOU! (capslock intended)

  • http://blog.beliefnet.com/lessonsfromarecoveringdoormat/ Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Thanks for your kind words Paula! Love the “knocking on Heaven’s door” analogy!

  • Diane McCarthy

    Don’t dismiss depression so fast! Part of the verbal abuse I experienced growing up was the constant exclamation that I should just “Snap out of it” when I said I was depressed in response to the question “what’s wrong with you?” because I had “Nothing to be depressed about” so I had no right to be depressed. As if I could just DECIDE to be happy! HAHAHAHA
    I suffered from depression and the abuse for over 24 years before I had the courage to go to a psychiatrist for help. I finally got some relief for the depression then, but the abuse has left it’s scars on my psyche still after another 25 years. And I seem to be getting worse and worse now as I age.
    It’s great that you have overcome your doormat syndrome–I pray that one day I will be able to, but I just don’t know if I will have the energy anymore. But I do know I have the energy to point out that sadness and depression are not the same and depression is NOT just something you can decide to stop feeling.

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Hi Diane,
    I wasn’t trying to say you can snap out of depression. And there are different levels of depressions. Many people who aren’t happy will label themselves depressed. They go for pills but until the real issue is resolved, the pills will lift some depression but not make them happy. A recent Harvard study of people with heart disease who were also depressed found that the ones who were given anti-depressants were able to function better but their hearts got worse and they still weren’t happy.
    My point is not to let go of depression as you indicated but to focus on making yourself happier by honoring your small victories. I’d never tell someone to get over it. Instead, people can work on their lives now to begin to increase appreciation and build the parts that can make them happier.

  • Julia

    One thing I have learned about past abuse is that we have the power to decide how we’re going to let that past affect us. In a negative? or Positive way? I chose Positive! I survived! I’m alive! He didn’t steal my spirit! I’m definetly applying even more now the law of attraction. I would always do these and never realized that I was actually communicating with the Universe. It’s even written in the bible. “Ask and you shall receive”

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