Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

How I Gave Myself Love Today

To start 2009 off on a loving foot, I’m posting something I give my clients who struggle with loving themselves. You may not love yourself right now but you can learn to with a conscious effort. Loving yourself is the BEST New Year’s gift you can give!

Self-help books encourage loving yourself, like a catchphrase. But doing it is the tough part. It’s easy to say “You must love yourself,” but hard to figure out how to achieve that. It sounds so nice but can feel very elusive. Clients tell me, “but Daylle, I just don’t love myself.” Often they don’t understand what it means.


Loving yourself begins with consciously doing things for YOU that are loving. You don’t have to love yourself now to do it.

The more loving things you do for yourself, the more you get focused on being loving. The more you focus on being loving, the more fertile ground for love to grow. When I was a DoorMat, I had NO self-love. And I thought it was impossible to feel it. But as I began to treat myself more lovingly–being kinder about my inner messages, treating myself to more things I enjoyed, cutting myself slack on self-loathing or getting angry if I made a mistake, eating healthier, doing exercise, using nice skin care products, etc.–the more my head was able to wrap around loving ME. It took time and lots of conscious self-loving behavior. But I was able to eventually develop the strongest self-love possible.


I NEVER thought it could happen. If I could learn to love myself, so can you! Yes, I learned by being loving. It made me feel good, so I did more and more.

I suggest you copy the chart below that I give to my clients, and make copies for every week. Then make sure you fill it in every night or as you do things for you that show love. Keep it where you can see it as a reminder to be more loving.

















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  • igebadia

    Man I hate the way blogger does comments….isn’t funny how success in life, happiness often is just about how we see ourselves..we could accomplish anything if only we could like who we are…we punish ourselves for the mistakes we make in life…unable to grasp the simple concept it is human to make mistakes.

  • Cherylann H.

    I’ve always wanted to love myself but it seems so elusive. I grew up being put down and picked on. Seems like everything I did was wrong. So my self image never went beyond that. I don’t even like seeing myself in the mirror. Friends tell me I’m so much better than I see. But self-hatred overrules reason. I’m desperate and will try to fill in something every day that I make myself do that’s loving. Maybe I have a small hope now. But it’s hard to change my lifelong attitude.

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    When we punish ourselves Gebadia, it prevents self-love from blossoming.Keep trying Cherylann. It takes a long time to undo habits, but you can!

  • Char

    I just bought some expensive lotion because I realize I deserve it and can afford treats like that occasionally. It did feel good! I will find other ways to be loving and use your list to do something every day when I can.

  • Samantha Vial

    Good idea Daylle. I like the idea of writing down what I did that was loving. It really can be a good reminder to be kinder to me. I will copy this and try to keep up with it.

  • strongerone

    I would think that part of loving yourself would mean learning to ask for what you want. My problem is that when I don't get what I ask for, I struggle with disappointment. Especially from men. This is a good blog. Thanks for the insight.

  • Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    I recently did 2 posts about disappointment. When your faith gets stronger you'll learn to accept it more. Thanks for your kind words!

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