Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


Remember the Good!


I recently saw someone I hadn’t seen in ages, who I’ll call Sue. We went through the usual pleasantries of “How are you doing?” She said she had a better job and had lost a little weight. I said I was glad that things are going well for her. That triggered her telling me a flood of things that had gone wrong in the last few years.

Sue’s Mom had been sick—two years ago! She’d recovered fine but Sue went on and on about how bad it was when Mom was in the hospital. Then she told me all the gory details about why she’d left her last job. I tried asking questions about the good stuff she had going on but she kept telling me about all the negative things she’d gone through in the past years.

Yet she was at a job she liked, in good health, with a Mom who was now in good health!

Too often we relive the past. Or should I saw wallow or grovel in. I did it when I was a DoorMat! Deep down, I think that I didn’t feel deserving of good things. So I held onto the past and suffered through old memories. When you’re in a negative state of mind, you tend to look back on the past more, remembering how people hurt you, feeling low, having promises broken, etc.

But living in the past has few positive benefits. It’s over. Done. Finito!

I live in the NOW. That means I focus on what’s going on right now. And now my life is fine. Actually it’s fabulous! I’d rather count my current blessings than recount past unpleasantries. I don’t worry about tomorrow since it’s not here yet. And yesterday is over. Yet we often keep yesterday alive:

* A romantic partner broke your heart once and now you’re scared to trust anyone.
* You were bit by a dog as a child but are still scared of animals.
* You didn’t feel loved as a child and continue to be needy for it from anyone who’ll give it.
* You mother said that you were worthless and you still feel incapable.
* You were a DoorMat growing up and still can’t get rid of the old messages.

My kindergarten teacher laughed at my paintings. I was five years old, very vulnerable, and wanting to please everyone. Miss Angulo looked at what I was happily making with paint and made fun of it. She joked that I had no talent. To this day I still can’t fathom how someone, no less a teacher, could do that to a child. Yet she was a nice lady, and she liked me. I took her criticism very personally and for the next twenty years was convinced I should stay away from art.

Yet I loved art! I’d draw with pencils and magic markers and hide them.

I was terrified to let anyone see what I made. I enjoyed doing art so much. But, I had no talent! It wasn’t till my mid-twenties that I took an adult ed art class and the teacher said I did some of the best work she’d seen. I said she was wrong and told her what happened in kindergarten. She looked at me like I was insane. One teacher told me at five that I had no talent and I’d made it my reality! That’s when I left the art closet and let people see my work. Now I’m proud of it and have exhibited in art fairs.

Stevie Wonder said, “The only time we should look back to yesterday is to look at the positive things that were accomplished to encourage us to do better things today and tomorrow.

That’s where I am now. Sometimes I look back as I count my blessings. Good stuff. Positive things people said or did. Remembering good things that happened reminds you that getting what you want is possible. Y

Our past is history. Leave it there instead of dredging it up as painful reminders of what you’ve been through, like Sue did.

I wake up happy each day, because what I’m thinking of is the good stuff I have right now. NOTHING someone said or did to you in the past can hurt you today unless you allow the memories to. Life is as lovely as you choose to make it. So CHOOSE to make it as positive as possible. Rehashing negatives doesn’t add one good thing! Watch your thoughts, what you say to others, and how much you complain. Stop the negatives!

You deserve to choose a happy life and have happy experiences! So leave yesterday in the past where it belongs and relish your life and the blessings you have in it, right now.


Remember the Good Part 2
Thanks for including this article in the Carnival of Positive Thinking.
If you enjoyed my post, please leave a comment and/or click on the bookmark and write a short review at some of the sites, especially Stumbleupon and Digg. Thanks!

AddThis Social Bookmark Button var addthis_pub = ‘wryter’;


  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15977335384543321307 auntie

    wow – i love this post! that list you made (broken heart, bitten by a dog, etc.) could have been taken right out of my head. and i wonder how many things i may have held back on over the years? i’m aware of some of these beliefs i have about myself, and i’m working on changing them to create a more positive life. great things to think about – thanks!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01445486103480238038 Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Thanks for letting me know auntie! It seems to be human nature to hold onto the past almost as a protective reminder. But it isn’t necessary or healthy. Your consciousness will help you make good progress! :)

  • Pat Miran

    Great reminder to let go of the past! I can get caught up in memories if I don’t catch myself. Thanks!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01445486103480238038 Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Practice makes perfect Pat!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06784110880405377931 Rainy

    Hi – Wow, my eye caught your title “Lessons from a Recovering DoorMat” – I could not believe MY ‘M.O.” was looking at me! – I guess you could say I’ve attracted a lot of ‘negativity’ in my life – maybe it does go back to seeing yourself as powerless in a bad childhood – it’s hard to escape from the School of Hard Knocks (experiences) – but I do try – it seems that abusive bosses and people in general FIND me – or maybe I find them, don’t know – do I need to lift my vibrational frequency or something along those lines? how do I go about it?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01445486103480238038 Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    Awareness is the first thing necessary for change so you’re on your way. We tend to attract what we’re used to, even if we don’t like it. This touched a nerve in a lot of people and I’m going to have some more posts on this next week and beyond.

  • kittykatty

    I had exactly the same experience when I was about 8 years old :) The teacher actually told me how hideous is my painting and until this moment I kept believing that I had no talent for painting. I think it’s the right time now to let go of this belief.Your blog is very inspirational:)

  • Genaata

    I thought I’d become more enlightened but reading this I see I must become more conscious. Thanks for this post Daylle!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01445486103480238038 Daylle Deanna Schwartz

    wow kittykatty, what a small world that it happened to you too! thanks for your kind words about my blog.Glad to help raise your consciousness Genaata!

Previous Posts

Ditch the Victim Mentality
A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.”  I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People

posted 10:41:37pm Jul. 21, 2014 | read full post »

Standing Up for Yourself
You may be angry at many people and want to tell them all of. But you need to –prepare to take a stand first. Before taking a stand, ask, “Am I WILLING to be serious?” You may want to stop unacceptable behavior, but are you willing to leave or mean “no” or cut visits if ignored? Decide how

posted 12:01:04pm Jul. 18, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: What You Think Of Yourself
This is post 290 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to manifest your desires. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how. Very often, your biggest roadblocks to achieving goals are the labels you put on yourself.

posted 8:44:56pm Jul. 16, 2014 | read full post »

Why People Become DoorMats/People Pleasers
George Bernard Shaw said, “The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself.” Having DMS (DoorMat Syndrome) made me a People Pleaser wh

posted 2:09:35pm Jul. 14, 2014 | read full post »

Law of Attraction in Action: “It’s for the best”
This is post 289 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series  to see how. People get confused when they’re trying to manifest if something doesn’t work out

posted 12:01:14pm Jul. 08, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.