Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Lessons from a Recovering Doormat


Is Britney a Rotten Mom?


Britney, Britney, Britney! Your world is falling apart around you and you don’t have resources to stop it. Yes, you have plenty of money. And know lots of people. But your head is shot from trying to deal with stuff beyond your experience and years. You were never taught to cope on your own, as a woman. Everyone made decisions for you. And now you’re lost, spiraling through life on a crash course with no one to stop you. Your good intentions for being a mom are empty without knowing what to do.

It’s easy for us to take pot shots at Brit. She’s so publicly out there, damaging herself for all the world to see. But it doesn’t matter how old she is and that she has kids. Brit hasn’t grown up yet. That’s the truth. Most of us didn’t have life handed over. We had to earn respect, our jobs and our sense of self. Brit let her parents and manager lead her along to become a Pop Princess. She doesn’t even know how to be a real person! Everything in her life is about facades and media. And I’m guessing, getting some goodies from guys.

Brit has no self in her self-image. It was manufactured and sold to the public. But she also sold out developing as a solid person. Now she’s lost. I remember how long ago she talked about how she couldn’t wait to get married and be a mother. So she handpicked Federline and got married. Didn’t even know him well. He’s probably good in bed and she fell in love with his style and rolling in the sheets with him. That doesn’t create a solid relationship.

Brit has no relationship with herself, so the marriage was doomed. She was used to getting what she wants. She saw Federline, had him flown to her, and then he did her good in bed so she married him. The signs she should dump him were there, like his pregnant girlfriend. But she was used to having what she wanted so she married him. Now folks question her mothering skills. Hello! She’s not a real mother. She had 2 babies but it takes more than birthing to be a mom.

There are many lousy moms out there, especially those with babies who are still kids themselves. But Brit is in the spotlight and everyone points fingers. She can’t love herself if she abuses her body and soul as she does. One needs strength on the inside to navigate life and especially to raise kids. Being a mom isn’t easy for most people. It’s very rewarding, but there are times when ya just want to scream and have someone come take the little ones so you can have peace. Brit uses junk food to calm the kids and drug/alcohol to calm herself and help her forget that her dream of marriage and kids has turned her life into a nightmare.

Brit has no boundaries or folks she trusts. People always made decisions for her. I imagine at least one reason she dropped her parents and managers is because they kept telling her what to do. Looks like she doesn’t want that anymore. She needs loving guidance, not demands or orders. Mandating won’t really help. And can you just see Brit intently taking notes at a parenting class? If she does show up, her mind probably won’t be there. Everyone’s forced their control on her for years. It’s not a healthy path but I understand it. She’s rebelling.

Few people like it when a parent or anyone close tells you what to do in that “I know what’s best for you” tone. Brit wants to make her own decisions but has flung herself from one direction (of being managed carefully) to the opposite extreme—being totally on her own without knowing how to make good choices. It’s easy to judge; it’s harder to have compassion for someone who is obviously hurting. Having the money and fame that many would kill to have makes Brit someone to scorn, not feel sorry for.

I have GREAT compassion for Britney Spears. She’s lost, doesn’t know who to trust, and can’t find people to guide, not order her, to a healthier place. Then there are people like Tony Barretto, her former bodyguard, who tells stories as if Brit is the only mom doing the things he talks about on national TV.

I’d believe his supposedly good intention more if Gloria Allred wasn’t orchestrating his concerned spouting of Brit’s laundry publicly.

A lot of people have been unkind in their comments about Tony. I read many on my favorite gossip column, PerezHilton.com. I agree that Brit needs to get the drugs and excessive alcohol under control. But being nude behind closed doors in your home!! Heck, I do it. Many moms do things sans clothing when their kids are small. And we wouldn’t be such a society of overweight kids if Brit were the only mom to give their kids junk food!

Brit needs to work on herself—figure out who she is and who she wants to be beyond the perception she gives the public. She needs an identity as a person, just as we all do. Until you figure out who you are and want to be, you’ll live up to what others want from you. I did that for years when I was a DoorMat. I gave and gave for approval from others, with no sense of who I was so I couldn’t develop my own identity. That’s where Brit is now. In that way we’re not all that different.

Who does she really want to be? She probably doesn’t know, or know how to figure it out. I feel sorry for Brit. She’s not a rotten mother. She’s a kid who doesn’t know how to develop into a mature adult. What she needs is people who care about HER, not how it will affect her career; to help her grow up and began to appreciate herself from the inside out. Until she finds ways to truly love herself, she can’t be in a healthy relationship, and can’t parent her kids in a healthy way, not unlike many other young women.

I’m praying for you Brit! Call if you’d like some real help! ?

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