Beliefnet
Jesus Needs New PR

The pictures are real. One of my Facebook friends (and reader of this blog) recently took her kids to Florida! Besides spending time with Mickey, Donald, Buzz, and Cinderella, she also visited TBN’s The Holy Lands (yes, believe it or not, they’re in Orlando!)… but she brought home some amazing pictures, and a couple featuring her adorable children.

(I got permission to use these photos…)

But yes… the pictures are real. The captions are not.

"Verily verily I say unto you: Welcome Ya'll! Come on in and get ready for some good ole Holy Land hospitality! Here, you will experience everything you would experience in the REAL Holy Lands, minus the bombs and Muslims..." -Jesus

"Here, the rocks and birds don't talk, but our shrubs scream truth all the time! AND IN ALL CAPS, TOO! Nothing communicates truth like shrubbery." -Jesus

"Now, I know what you're thinking: The story of Pinocchio isn't biblical. But I think once you experience the guts of our exhibit here at Orlando's Holy Land, you'll wish it was in the Bible!" -Jesus

"That's me giving my new little buddy the Sistine Chapel!" -Jesus

"People ask me all the time: 'Jesus, why do you let the evil one roam around the park?' And I tell them, 'Satan don't roam! He's not REALLY here in the park. He's just a cardboard cutout!' Here you see my new little buddy peeping through Satan's thorax." -Jesus

Hey, don’t laugh… make sure your shrubs are trimmed before you go trimming other people’s shrubs…

Okay… I must be tired. ūüôā

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