Jesus Needs New PR

Jesus Needs New PR

PICTURES OF THE DAY: My Facebook friend met Jesus and Satan in Florida…

The pictures are real. One of my Facebook friends (and reader of this blog) recently took her kids to Florida! Besides spending time with Mickey, Donald, Buzz, and Cinderella, she also visited TBN’s The Holy Lands (yes, believe it or not, they’re in Orlando!)… but she brought home some amazing pictures, and a couple featuring her adorable children.

(I got permission to use these photos…)

But yes… the pictures are real. The captions are not.

"Verily verily I say unto you: Welcome Ya'll! Come on in and get ready for some good ole Holy Land hospitality! Here, you will experience everything you would experience in the REAL Holy Lands, minus the bombs and Muslims..." -Jesus


"Here, the rocks and birds don't talk, but our shrubs scream truth all the time! AND IN ALL CAPS, TOO! Nothing communicates truth like shrubbery." -Jesus

"Now, I know what you're thinking: The story of Pinocchio isn't biblical. But I think once you experience the guts of our exhibit here at Orlando's Holy Land, you'll wish it was in the Bible!" -Jesus


"That's me giving my new little buddy the Sistine Chapel!" -Jesus

"People ask me all the time: 'Jesus, why do you let the evil one roam around the park?' And I tell them, 'Satan don't roam! He's not REALLY here in the park. He's just a cardboard cutout!' Here you see my new little buddy peeping through Satan's thorax." -Jesus

Hey, don’t laugh… make sure your shrubs are trimmed before you go trimming other people’s shrubs…

Okay… I must be tired. :)

Comments read comments(24)
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posted February 11, 2011 at 3:06 pm

Your captions are way funnier than mine. I wish I was as witty! Thanks for sharing my pics :)

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    posted February 11, 2011 at 3:11 pm


    your kids are adorable. Please tell me, what was their impression of Jesus and Satan after meeting them at the park? Do they actually have live, dressed up Jesus & Satan walking around like Cinderella at Disney World? I suppose you would have included that picture if they had. Maybe that would have been too much?

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      posted February 11, 2011 at 3:24 pm

      They did have a Jesus walking around, but it was too crowded to get a pic with him (or is it Him?). They also had guys dressed up as Roman soldiers, but no Satan.

      The crucifixion reenactment scared the bejeesus out of my son (4yrs old).

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        posted February 11, 2011 at 3:34 pm

        We took our kids to a thing called The Christmas Train here, which also featured a crucifixion scene with live actors. Afterwards, our 4yo foster daughter said, “When I grow up, I wanna be a soldier.” Fair enough. It’s one of the few careers that still offers a pension.

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posted February 11, 2011 at 3:09 pm

too much.

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    posted February 11, 2011 at 3:29 pm

    We are leaving for Orlando next Friday. Perhaps I need to add this to the itinerary. What did you think about it Amanda?

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      posted February 11, 2011 at 3:41 pm

      If my mil wouldn’t have bought the tix, I wouldn’t have gone, lol

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        posted February 11, 2011 at 3:47 pm

        Lol yeah, I Just looked at the ticked prices, too much. I’d rather just head out to the beach on our downtime from the big parks.

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scott overpeck

posted February 11, 2011 at 3:22 pm

I had no idea Jesus looked so much like Fabio. Its amazing how middle easterners have changed so much over the years.

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posted February 11, 2011 at 3:25 pm

Yay O-Town! We rock.

Haha. I’ve lived here my whole life and haven’t stepped foot in that place. It just looks like the final desolation of the gospel.

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Jason Boyett

posted February 11, 2011 at 3:40 pm

I’m curious why they used two different Jesii in those cut-outs. Because those guys don’t match, right? Is part of the “Holy Land Experience” deciding which Jesus we’re supposed to worship?

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    posted February 11, 2011 at 3:44 pm

    Nice pluralization of Jesus. The guy walking around dressed as Jesus was also different. However, they were all white.

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Saint Schizophrenia

posted February 11, 2011 at 4:04 pm

This is a place in need of a good category 5 hurricane.

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posted February 11, 2011 at 4:17 pm

When Jesus met the Knights of Ni, they came away impressed.

(Then there was the bit with the 5,000 herrings….)

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posted February 11, 2011 at 8:34 pm

What’s with the face hole in Satan’s torso??? That’s just weird!!!

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David Poole

posted February 11, 2011 at 8:47 pm

I love how the first picture of Jesus looks like someone photoshopped Christian Bale’s face onto a Jesus picture…

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posted February 12, 2011 at 7:54 pm

Isn’t this theme park featured in Bill Maher’s “Religulous”?

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posted February 12, 2011 at 10:30 pm

Ginger hair, lace-up long shirt- wait, Jesus was a Saxon?

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Joe Crenshaw

posted February 13, 2011 at 8:31 am

Another $$$$$ Grab for naive Christians . . . looks cheesy.

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    posted February 14, 2011 at 12:32 pm

    It is.

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Leon Bloder

posted February 13, 2011 at 9:29 am

Oh yeah, I visited there with my 6 year old (who may be scarred for life). You can read about my day and see pics from my journey here:

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    posted February 14, 2011 at 12:35 pm

    Knowing that the satan thing was a bean bag toss totally makes sense now. It’s still weird & creepy, but it makes sense. When I went in January, it was just sitting in the kids’ play section with no explanation. Ridiculous.

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David in Houston

posted February 13, 2011 at 4:50 pm

If I knew Jesus was a smokin’ hot bear, I’d have given up homosexuality decades ago!

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