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Jesus Needs New PR


THIS IS FAKE NEWS: Pat Robertson blames blizzard on….?

Pat Robertson’s smoking the wacky weed again. This time he’s speaking out about the recent blizzard that hit the Northeast over the holiday weekend…

Wanna know why Pat thinks God sent the blizzard?

Because of GAY PEOPLE! Yes, gay people. According to Pat, God can’t stand the gay people. And of course God knew that this past weekend a lot of people were going to be donning now their gay apparel… so God said… NO! You’ll get stuck in snow drifts instead…

But seriously, poor Pat… read these horrible quotes…

Rev. Pat Robertson sparked controversy in today’s broadcast of his 700 Club program when he claimed that God created the blizzard currently battering the Northeast “to punish Americans who were planning to drive to do something gay.”

And too, snow is measured in inches and everybody knows that gay people LOVE measuring inches…

Explaining his theory, Rev. Robertson said, “Because of the bad road conditions the Almighty has made, any gay activities that people were planning on doing will have to be postponed by a day or two.”

Gay activities? Like… writing Broadway plays? Dressing in drag? Performing Southern Gospel music? Being Rosie O’Donnell…? And what about all of those gays who live in Texas who did accomplished all of their gay activities just fine…

But you have to wonder if he really knows what “gay activities” actually are…

Additionally, Pat argued, God shut down major airports in the New York area “so that people who were hoping to fly to do something of a gay nature would have to take a train or a bus, so it might be days before the gay thing they were going to do could occur.”

As for the millions of straight people in New York City who were also grounded by the bad weather, the televangelist said, “I think God probably wonders, if these people are really straight, then what are they doing in New York?”

Oh wow. The man needs to be sedated…

He’s so over the top it’s hard to know what to say or how to respond. I wish the media would just ignore him.

Rebecca sent me this link!

**UPDATE** This could be satire…

**UPDATE 2**I confess. I took it seriously. I apologize for misleading you. It wasn’t on purpose. :)



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Comments read comments(27)
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Rosie

posted December 28, 2010 at 12:06 pm


wow!



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Jen

posted December 28, 2010 at 12:07 pm


Wow. He’s gone the Westboro “Baptist” Church route. Unbelievable.



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Will Adair

posted December 28, 2010 at 12:07 pm


That has to be satire.

Please, please, please let that be satire.



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Mike

posted December 28, 2010 at 12:07 pm


I went to New York on a family vacation once. I should probably speak with my wife about what Pat Robertson said. There could be a serious risk to my marriage here!



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Andy Darnell

posted December 28, 2010 at 12:07 pm


This is Satire Matt. Kinda like you do. Check the source.



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Mike

posted December 28, 2010 at 12:08 pm


dude is still taking his CRAZY PILLS!



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JIm Parker

posted December 28, 2010 at 12:09 pm


That’s funny! I just have to laugh and shake my head about this stuff. :-)



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Ty

posted December 28, 2010 at 12:09 pm


I just saw this link on facebook. When I first read it, I said, “this has to be The Onion, it’s too absurd… no it’s Huffington Post.. oh wait, it’s Andy Borowitz, whew.”

It’s by Andy Borowitz. He writes satire for the Huffington Post. I’m pretty sure the article is fake. It’s possible he is riffing on something Pat actually said, but unless you can find a clip of the 700 Club to confirm, it’s best not to get your hackles up.



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    Matthew Paul Turner

    posted December 28, 2010 at 12:11 pm


    Yes… just posted that link. It’s definitely satire…

    Thank God.



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      Ty

      posted December 28, 2010 at 12:14 pm


      Indeed. It’s funny when it isn’t real.



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      Will Adair

      posted December 28, 2010 at 12:17 pm


      WHEW, even for Pat that would be signs that he might have finally went over the edge.



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watchman

posted December 28, 2010 at 12:11 pm


just confirming what has already been mentioned. Andy Borowitz is satirical reporting.

Also, hilarious.



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Psychomomi

posted December 28, 2010 at 12:16 pm


It’s all Elton John’s fault….that baby adoption probably was the root of the evil.

I simply don’t understand why they can’t put Pat in a nice retirement home. Give him some classic hymns and a remote to watch the 700 Club. But please – let’s make sure the home is in NY.



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ChadJ

posted December 28, 2010 at 12:24 pm


Blogged about what God “thinks of gays” here:

Jesus Doesn’t Support “Gay” Rights, He Supports Human Rights. The point being that we’re all human beings.



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watchman

posted December 28, 2010 at 12:35 pm


I think the funniest/saddest thing here is that something even this crazy could plausibly come from Pat Robertson’s mouth.



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gymmie

posted December 28, 2010 at 12:54 pm


*head ‘splode*

So they’ll just do their gay things where they’re stuck. I swear he’s an IDIOT!

And Pat it’s the SAME reason there are straight people anywhere else there are gay people! GEEZE!



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gymmie

posted December 28, 2010 at 1:05 pm


oops was typing and hadn’t seen the update. I’ll have to remember to refresh next time :)



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Travis Mamone

posted December 28, 2010 at 1:26 pm


You gotta love Andy Borowitz!



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gymmie

posted December 28, 2010 at 2:45 pm


I’ve never heard of him :)



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Joe Crenshaw

posted December 28, 2010 at 3:11 pm


Pat like John McCain is an American hero who served this nation with courage. Pat also like John McCain is a homosexual hater which they shouldn’t be.

I wonder if Pat blamed the Ohio State players selling their goods on Jim Tressel allowing T. Pryor to wear earrings?



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Mallory

posted December 28, 2010 at 9:34 pm


Thank God it was satire. I guess I’m a little like Anne Frank in hoping that no one, not even Pat Robertson, could be that screwed up.

Have to tell you, though, my first thought was “So God doesn’t want to *end* homosexuality and homosexual actions, he just wants to *DELAY* them? Because yeah, that makes sense.”



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Tarasco

posted December 29, 2010 at 12:03 pm


I find it pathetic that this man was close to becoming president. Que verguenza!! What shame.



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Julie Schaal

posted December 30, 2010 at 5:06 pm


Is that a picture of being being gay with a teen JFK?



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Alayne

posted January 13, 2011 at 4:36 pm


I thought it was serious, too — sad statement on Pat Robertson — until I read further down into the article. Then I checked the byline. Borowitz is a name I recognize. =-)



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Fred

posted January 26, 2011 at 10:03 pm


Pat should get Rush Limbaugh to give him some of his pills.
He’ll still be crazy like Rush but he’ll enjoy it more.



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