Sitting here reading and watching the Cubs play the Bucs in Pittsburgh, I got to thinking about how lucky we are to be Cubs fans. I began to feel sorry for everyone else, and then I got to thinking about which set of fans I feel most sorry for. Here’s my list, and you might want to chirp away or chime in or carry on or for cryin’ out loud let me have it. This is all in good fun. Don’t take me too seriously or I’ll call George Steinbrenner.
First, it would not be fun to cheer for the Twins. Everybody in those duo-cities, and I mean everybody, seems to be hockey-football fans. It seems you’d have to explain why it is important to use a change-up on a 1-0 count. (I’ll not mention that goofy stadium, or the helmets and colors of their football team.) (By the way, Tony Jones got himself in trouble recently when he tried to use a baseball analogy — it may have been Chicago’s resentment of a Minnesotan using baseball imagery.)

Second, Toronto. People in Canada don’t play baseball. They’ve begun to descend south, the way deer have in the last three decades, so there is more and more hockey in Minnesota, but still — their history channel has programs about Wayne Gretzky for cryin’ out loud. Baseball belongs in Canada the way football belongs in Buenos Aires. It’s out of order.
Third, LA Dodgers. About the seventh inning, or sooner, someone must start cell-phoning around Chavez Ravine about where Paris Hilton is partying and everyone just starts heading out of the stadium and down to Rodeo Drive.
Fourth, Texas Rangers. One simple reason: it is too hot down there to go to games unless it is April, May or October — and baseball happens in October as often in Texas as it does at Wrigley — which just proves my point. They’ll be exhausted from the heat and we won’t be — if it happens.
Fifth, I can’t figure out if it would be the NY Metropolitans or the NY Yankees. Well, I’m lying. I can: the Yankees. How can a person go to bed cheering for a team directed by The Guy Who Put Paradise Out to Pasture With Big Salaries for Free Agents?
Sixth, Notre Dame. Why? Their fans.

HT: John Ramer, Bob Robinson — neither of whom cheers for ND.