I’ve heard people say, “How do I get over something if it still hurts?” And yes, forgiveness is key, whether it’s aimed towards yourself or someone else. However, it’s not really the main issue. What people really want to know is, “How do I deal with the pain?”
The problem with pain is that it doesn’t just go away quickly. It doesn’t disappear when the dust settles. When you’ve been hurt – even if you’ve taken the high road of forgiveness – sometimes the pain comes along for the ride.
I’m not sure what’s worse. The initial pain of being hurt or the repressed pain that surfaces later when you least expect it. You know, you’re going along, happy and whole, then something happens that reminds you of the past and instantly a flood of emotions you thought you locked away come rushing back in. It’s enough to make you wonder if you’ll ever be okay again.
Can I help you as someone who’s been there and is walking this road with you today?
First of all, it’s normal. Yeah, you can still get riled up about something that happened to you six months ago, a year or ago or maybe years ago. You’re not a machine. You’re a human being with a heart. Just like you wouldn’t expect a deep flesh wound to heal over night, neither will your feelings when you’ve been hurt.
Secondly, don’t be afraid of your pain. Don’t be afraid to let it surface if it needs to. Nothing gets better when it’s covered in layers of shame, fear and regret. So you can’t be concerned that your pain is too ugly to show, which leads me to my next point…
Talk to somebody about it. If you’re married, talk to your spouse. Maybe you need a professional counselor or a trusted friend and cup of coffee. Let your pain come out in words. You don’t need to tell everyone. In fact, too many people knowing your problems can be counterproductive. But find one person you trust and let the cork off of all those bottled up emotions.
I talk a lot here about letting go of your past and moving forward, and I still believe those are powerful tools for living an abundant life. However, the truth is that you can’t let everything go. Some things you have to let heal. Give it space and time to get better on its own and don’t try to rush the process. Let the wound turn into a scar that one day becomes just an old story you forget to tell.
Photo Credit: OWN / George Burns
We have a number of bloggers and writers here who have been inspired by the writings of Marianne Williamson. Her debut book, A Return to Love, reflected A Course in Miracles for a new generation. She first gained notoriety by an appearance on the Oprah show, and they will sit down once again this Sunday on OWN!
Oprah and Marianne Williamson: 20 Years After ‘A Return To Love’ will premiere on the Emmy® Award-winning “Super Soul Sunday” July 29 at 11 a.m. ET/PT on OWN: Oprah Winfrey Network and will simulcast online worldwide via Oprah.com and Facebook.com/OWNtv.
To get a glimpse of what’s in store, check out this exclusive clip OWN sent us:
“Oh the places you’ll go! There is fun to be done! There are points to be scored. There are games to be won.”
My friends who have known me a long time can attest that I’m always into something.
I’ve been a writer, guitarist, a radio DJ, artist, missionary, marathon runner, theater actress, and music journalist, just to name a few. I strongly considered becoming a chef, and it was only a twist of fate that steered me away from a cooking school in Florence, Italy. I’ve told funny stories and sang songs at open mic nights. I studied yoga for two years. I’ve had brief affairs with designer fashion and home decor. I have a number of tattoos.
This isn’t to say that I stay all over the map. My truest passions were ignited and stayed lit. I still love cooking. Despite how challenging it is (or perhaps because of it), I can’t seem to stop running and am training for my 5th race. And I’ll probably be a writer until the day I die.
As I’m just in my mid-30s, my bucket list is far from complete. I still want to complete a triathlon and learn how to ride a motorcycle. I want to earn a doctorate degree. And although, I’m pretty sure I’d be bad at it, I want to surf… just one time.
I guess I’ve always considered life to be a buffet and it’s all there for you to sample. I know that if I died tomorrow, I’d leave with few regrets because I’ve tried (and sometimes failed at) just about anything and everything that interested me in my life.
“There are some, down the road between hither and yon, that can scare you so much you won’t want to go on.”
When you look over your life, how many leaps of faith have attempted? How many new things have you tried? Are you satisfied with where you are or is something inside of you begging to step out into more?
Fear is probably the biggest bucket-list-killer. It makes you hesitate, question your motives, and stalls you into inactivity. It wants to convince you that if you try you’ll fail. And you know what? Maybe you will, but that never ever means you shouldn’t try. You have talents, interests and passions that you may be unaware of. All they need is a little push in the right direction.
I believe life is inherently challenging. Even if you never ventured from your home, trouble and heartache have a way of finding you anyway. That’s just the way it is. So instead of letting life throw you here and there, why not take the bull by the horns and make it your adventure. Dismiss the fear. Rewrite your bucket list and keep rewriting it, because your journey is full of surprises and the biggest one of all is all the potential that lies inside of you.
“You’re off to Great Places! Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So, get on your way!”
All italicized quotes from Dr. Seuss’s Oh, The Places You’ll Go
The following is a guest post by Juana Lopez. Enjoy!
“Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love, to work, to play, and to look up at the stars.” – Henry Van Dyke
Muse. Love. Beauty. These are words that bring on connotations of inspiration and newness. However, when we get wrapped up in the day-to-day tasks that we have to complete, we often do not see the avenues of inspiration that are all around us. It is important to take the time to view everything with fresh eyes. A mindset of newness must constantly be had so that each moment in our lives has the potential to inspire, not only ourselves, but also those around us.
One way to find inspiration is to look beyond what we find seemingly ordinary. An evening walk that is taken multiple times a week can grow dull and routine, but if we only focus on what seems “usual”, we will never see the unusual! Perhaps, there is a neighbor who tends to their lawn at the same time and there is an opportunity to make a new friend. Or maybe you never noticed how musically the birds chirp as the sun sets. I am often amazed at how much time I spend fixated on getting through the day, which only causes me to miss out on life’s little surprises. We have to learn to welcome those surprises with open arms!
Another avenue to find everyday inspiration is through things that make us happy. For example, I quite enjoy swimming and being in water, whether it is at the pool or the beach. It is that quiet moment when the water around me dulls outside noise or when I am standing at the point where the water meets the sand that brings me the most inspiration. From this, I become inspired to write poems and stories. It even inspires me to buy blue paint for my apartment or create sea shell jewelry!
A great practical way to find inspiration is to focus on the positive side of our circumstances instead of griping and complaining. It can be really difficult to do this, but it is worth it! Each situation in life then gains a silver lining making it easier to be inspired by any situation that we may be in. It allows us to find joy and delight in everyday events.
Many times, even the most difficult situations in our lives can bring inspiration to us. Quiet moments and chaotic moments bring inspiration to those who seek it out! Be encouraged that life never has to be monotonous! Look outside of that window; take a step beyond that door! Grab on, hold tight, and be INSPIRED!
Juana Lopez is currently pursuing her Master degree in Journalism at Regent University. She enjoys writing on her new blog The Rushing Calm.