Idol Chatter

Idol Chatter

Schism in the Jon Stewart Religion

Recently, I blogged about the website JonStewartisGod.com, (JSiG for short), the homepage for a “religion” based on deifying the popular fake-news anchor. It turns out that, like any religion worth its salt, the Stewartist faith, if I may call it that, is already splintering. Yes, there’s a schism among the faithful over whether to accept fellow anchor Stephen Colbert into the pantheon. The rival Web site www.jonism.com, while confusingly named, accepts both men as saviors, in distinction to the original JSiG. Stewart is known as “His Hostiness” and Colbert as “His Truthiness.” Futher bolstering its sense of inclusion, Jonism declares that regular Daily Show correspondents like Ed Helms, Samantha Bee, and Lewis Black are prophets.

Of the two sites, Jonism is much broader in its scope. In addition to its acceptance of Colbert, Jonists have a “Fake News Heaven and Hell,” to which they consign journalists, pundits, politicians, and lobbyists based on their political affiliation. (Example: Anderson Cooper is in heaven, Ann Coulter in hell). JSiG has a catchy single, but Jonism has a “Relics and Idolatry” page where the faithful can view screencaps and photos of their idols.

In terms of doctrine, though, JSiG definitely has the advantage. They have written their own text about beliefs and practices, whereas Jonism simply reprints one-liners or segments from Stewart’s and Colbert’s shows. One could make the argument that it’s better to hear the Word straight from the deity without human interference, but it never hurts to sprinkle some “thee”s and “thou”s into the liturgy. JSiG also has a much more streamlined and easy-to-read website. Jonism tends to rely too much on bright colors and fancy graphics that make their message harder to read. JSiG uses cool colors that feel soothing and make me want to hand my soul over to a man I’ve never met. And isn’t that what online church is supposed to be all about?

What to make of this schism in Jon-Stewart-based religions? Just as Christianity has its Catholic/Protestant divide, so believers in the spirituality of “The Daily Show” must choose their allegiance. For now, I’m staying neutral in what will surely become an all-out religious war. Forget fake religion. I’m sticking with the fake news.

  • http://estherk.com Esther Kustanowitz

    See, this is why human beings destroy each other. First, there is belief. And it is good. Then someone else says, “Hey, not THAT. THIS!” and everything goes to hell…crucifixions, crusades, jihads, cats and dogs, living together, total anarchy… Can’t we just accept them both?>

  • http://28yearoldembryo steve

    This is awesome, now all we need to complete the circle is for Anne Coulter and Bill O’Rilley to form their own equal but opposite religion and have a schism over which deity is better. Then we could top it off with a never-ending war between the Stewart/Colbert-ist verses the Coulter/O’Rilley-ist to see which side represents the ultimate truth! And of course there are no losers in this war because they will wind up being self-proclaimed martyrs. Man, fake news religions ROCK!>

  • MS

    I visited both. Jonism is much more in the Daily Show/ Colbert Report vein. JSIG is about a song, period.>

  • Laurie

    I believe Jon is God (i.e. Executive Producer) and Stephen is his prophet (i.e. salaried). I believe Jon owns a good part of both shows and hires (or spins off) whom He wilt. Go forth, Stephen! Although I’m ususally too tired to follow thee, I do watcheth thy promo at the end of the Daily Show, and it is Good.>

  • windbender

    I will admit to a lack of faith when Cobert first struck out on his own. Verily, he has risen.>

  • Jasper Kent

    Well, Jon Stewart is definitely God. Perhaps He is God the Father and Stephen Colbert is His Son. Now, you can be with God directly, or go thru His Son, it doesn’t matter. The metaphor works even better when you take into account Jon is Jewish and Stephen is Gentile. And yes, Samantha Bee et al are absolutely prophets if not saints. Love them all, as we must all unite against evil.>

  • http://strawdog.wordpress.com Grommel

    Jon Stewart rocks so hard!>

  • foxylady

    It’ all garbage. I can’t believe these people are for real. Blasphemy against the true and Living God.>

  • http://jonism.com m0ment.0f.z3n

    You didn’t enjoy our fancy graphics? Hehe, actually we weren’t really expecting much viewership so there wasnt much quality assurance check for the site for its easy viewability, but thanks for noticing our wee little site. And this wasnt created to rival JSiG, we only discovered them after the site was up. For those of you who enjoyed it, there will be some updates coming up…at some point.>

  • http://jonism.com One of 2 Creaters of Jonism

    Hello, it is I again, I posted the last comment. Honestly, we just had some extra time on our hands and decided to create a funny website about Jonism. Again, we didn’t make the site to contradict JSiG, but we just wanted to leave our mark>

  • http://www.oca.org NewTrollObserver

    If Jon is the Father, Colbert the Son, then Bush is the Holy Spirit. Without Bush, the Father and the Son would be powerless to save our souls from humorlessness.>

  • Dave Stephenson

    Sorry guys, I’m going to be the blasphemer here and declare that Colbert is BETTER than Jon Stewart. Cuddlier? No. Stewart is pretty darn cuddly. And where’s Ann Coulter been in the war against bears, huh? The chances of a 9/11 widow attacking you in the forest seem pretty slim, don’t they?>

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