Beliefnet
How Great Thou Part

Let’s be honest, pretty much any individual who has experienced the horrors of a broken relationship has at some point felt like a victim.

And divorce is about as broken as a relationship can get.

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Therefore, even those who admirably hold their heads the highest have soaked enough pillows to water a whole garden variety victim village. 

A mouth full, I know – but being a victim is all-encompassing.

And frankly, exhausting.

It’s a tangled web which is hard to free ourselves from. On one hand, the emotional exhaustion lends itself to giving into ourselves. On the other hand, victimization feeds the emotional gerbil wheel, leading to further exhaustion.

It’s all well – exhausting.

There is absolutely nothing good nor positive in playing the role of victim. 

Though many of us play it well enough to warrant starring roles.

So just what is a victim?

A victim is a powerless puddle of pity who feels endlessly sorry for themselves. 

And while it may be a part of the human condition it can be debilitating and thus, should be brief in nature.

It is more than possible to acknowledge and embrace pain while finding our way to the other side. It is only on that other corner of the emotional world where we regain our sense of self and empowerment. Therefore, the hard and necessary work of addressing the feeling of victimization is essential.

5 Ways to Avoid Being a Victim in Divorce:

1. Counseling:

It is critical to not only seek counseling but the proper counseling for the adequate length of time.

It’s normal to want a quick fix. To believe that a few sessions of pouring our hearts out will yield the desired result. In actuality, it took quite a long time to build up the emotional layers which brought us to this point.

Therefore, the average person far underestimates the duration of self-reflection necessary.

Furthermore, it’s about making sure to get the best counseling services available.

An effective counselor will teach self-accountability for decisions which led to being treated in a manner which makes us feel like victims. This remarkable epiphany fosters strength because we no longer feel our world is out of control but that we made the choices which led to this point and therefore, can get ourselves out of it.

This will seem like a luxury especially since divorce compromises financial holdings; however, it is as critical as retaining an attorney.

 

2. Action:

The longer we stay in a bad situation the more victimized we feel.

Why is this happening to us? Why is our marriage ending? Why did our spouse cheat? Why did our spouse gamble? Why did our spouse drink? And on and on.

Many think divorce is the action but it’s easy to get stuck in the grief, stress, and resistance to change.

It’s important to establish a stable of resources and make a list of those who can aid with the action.

An attorney who is an expert in a particular divorce arena (custody, narcissism, etc.)

A career counselor or life coach to find a job, inspire and help in the life transition.

A realtor to make a list of necessary home repairs.

A friend who will be an exercise buddy.

If you do not have the finances for this search your area for a local women’s center who may supply these types of services and seminars free of charge.

 

3. Empowerment:

This is an area of interest or focus which will build you up during a difficult time.

Think of either facing your fears, things you have put off doing or taking back your health and wellness routine.

A self-defense class, horseback riding, skydiving, going to the gym, juicing for improved health, an online technology class, etc.

This will gradually become the placebo effect of revitalization.

The more we do the more empowered it feels because they are small attempts to seize our lives back.

 

4. Self-Forgiveness:

Some of the victimization is not only caught up in the other person but in the inability to let go of the mistakes we ourselves made.

Especially if we happen to be people who are hard on ourselves.

In this case, the mental recitation is not just why did this happen to me but how did I let this happen?

It can be equally as damaging.

There is no solution here except to let it go and surrender that not everything is in our control and everything does happen for a reason.

 

5. Spirituality:

God is always working in our lives.

It is impossible to feel like a victim or rather permanently play the victim if we possess spirituality.

It is counterintuitive to what faith stands for.

When we believe in God it means we also believe He has a plan for our lives and we are living the path he chose for us.

Even the most faithful will feel at times the victim because we are human but truly spiritual beings will eventually progress out of this stage.

The person who behaved badly in the marriage had free will.

It was not God who made this person hurt us and we in turn, used our own free will to choose this person, stay as long as we did, make excuses and tolerate what should not have been tolerated.

 

If you feel like a victim forgive yourself.

You deserve to feel sorry for yourself, cry your eyes out and moan a bit.

But then do the necessary work of moving out of victimization and into empowerment.

If not, you won’t achieve full and true happiness.

Rarely, will you meet a victim who is also filled with joy. 

They haven’t the time – self-pity requires too much energy.

Be better to yourself. You deserve it. You were strong enough to get out of a bad situation.

Be strong enough to choose the happiness you deserve.

 

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E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
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(Picture courtesy of Pexels)

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