I know, I know–we talk a lot about Facebook on this blog. I suppose that’s because Facebook and other sites like it have become the engines of social interaction and social networking for our generation. And, out of everyday social interactions come everyday moral dilemmas.
I’m at this fantastic hippy-dippy spiritual yoga retreat in the Berkshires (Kripalu
) on vacation with a friend. After several blissful internet-free days, I’m forced to borrow her iPhone to check in with work and see if I’m needed. (I must admit that iPhone is pretty damn awesome and I covet it in a way that is not at all spiritual.) Anyhow, as I scroll through my email, I see a message in my inbox saying, “You have a friend request from ___.” Now, ___ is an adorable, if extremely brief fling from somewhere deep
in my distant past. And I have fond memories of ___. *Sigh.*
I’m happily married now. I’ve been married to my smooshy for just over 2 years, and I’d like to stay married for another 47.9888 or so. (He’ll get the reference.)
I know, from a brief email communique a few years back, that ___ is also happily married and raising a kid (perhaps several) by now. So, there seems like there’d be no harm in accepting the friend request.
Or would there?
Beliefnet’s got a ton of resources on emotional affairs
, but for my own self, I’ll just tell you my thoughts on the ethical thing to do here, (and what, in fact, I ended up doing).
- Tell my husband about the friend request.
- Send a message to the old flame telling him I hope he is well but I am not going to accept his request at this time because I don’t want any hint of impropriety.
Why do these things? Because I don’t want to. Because there’s a part of me that would like to open the door, even just for ego’s sake, for nostalgia, for curiosity. Because, frankly, it feels like a suspiciously hard decision, and it shouldn’t be.
What would you have done?