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Doing Life Together

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Doing Life Together Archives

7 Ways Pride Makes Conflict Difficult

posted by Linda Mintle

“Conflict is an inevitable reality. Like a car flying down the interstate, our body shuts the windows and locks the doors to contain all our pain. Conflict moves in a set direction on four wheels – distress, anger, fear and […]

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4 Strategies to Minimize Relationship Conflict

posted by Linda Mintle

Five years ago, there was no conflict. Renee and Jerry decided to have children. At the time, both felt it was best for Renee to stay home with the children while Jerry worked outside the home. Recently, Renee was having […]

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Is Someone Too Controlling? 10 Questions to Ask

posted by Linda Mintle

Rachel: “He’s so controlling! I can’t even go out with friends or he gets mad. Should I be concerned about this or does this mean that he really loves me?” Barb: “You should be concerned! Someone who gets upset when […]

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5 Things to Say That Will Upset Your Partner

posted by Linda Mintle

If you want to upset your partner, try these tried and true conversation starters or responses. These phrases will get a reaction, mostly, an upsetting one. So think before you speak! 1) We need to talk. Yes, this is the title […]

The Gift Your Father Gave You

posted by Linda Mintle

Happy Father’s Day! I know not everyone has a great relationship with his or her father. However, this Father’s Day, I encourage to think about your father and find one thing he gave you as a gift. Some of you […]

Divorce Physically Hurts a Woman’s Heart

posted by Linda Mintle

Their families were surprised. Don and Jackie were getting a divorce after 15 years of marriage.  Don’s sister believes Don will have a difficulty living alone. She fears the stress of the split could cause him serious emotional and health problems. But […]

The Consequences of Holding a Grudge

posted by Linda Mintle

A grudge involves holding resentment because of some real or imagined wrong. A grudge develops when you don’t like the way a conflict ended. Nursing a grudge can lead to revenge. Consider the story of John the Baptist in Mark […]

10 Ways to Recover and Respond to Angry Email

posted by Linda Mintle

It happens to all of us. Someone sends an email that upsets us and we react by firing off an angry response. This impulse to react usually leads to regret and ends up damaging our relationships. So how do we respond to hurt, […]

Does Happiness Affect Your Success?

posted by Linda Mintle

Happiness is a good thing, right? Yes and no. There is actually a down side to too much happiness. 1)   Happy people tend to be less persuasive. When happy, you can overlook details. Unhappy people can focus more on the […]

Are You Addicted to Love?

posted by Linda Mintle

Some of you remember singer Robert Palmer’s well-known music video, Addicted to Love. The chorus repeats the line, “Might as well face it, you’re addicted to love.” What if Palmer was on to something here? Can people be addicted to […]

Hope for That Difficult Person in Your Life

posted by Linda Mintle

We all have that one or two people in our lives that are hard to live with or obnoxious to be around. You know, the person who growls when any little thing goes wrong, or maintains a frown when people […]

Relationship Dissatisfaction? Could be a Power Imbalance?

posted by Linda Mintle

When  Donna and Jim were asked if they want an equal relationship, they answered, “Yes.” What they mean by that answer is where communication breaks down. People have widely different ideas about what equal means in a relationship. Power usually […]

Shamed by a Secret? Let it Go!

posted by Linda Mintle

Do you have a secret? If so, you join more than 95% of people who do. Most of us keep one fact or piece of information about ourselves from others. One reason for this is that secrets often involve shame. […]

Simple Ways to Improve Your Relationships

posted by Linda Mintle

We know that when we feel negative towards someone, the relationship suffers and is difficult to turn around. So try these few ideas to think more positively. Some one I know does loving kindness meditations. She thinks about the good […]

Do Men and Women Speak the Same Language?

posted by Linda Mintle

Jack and Kirsten are out to dinner. Kirsten begins the conversation. “How was your day?” “Fine.” That was it. Jack stopped talking. Kirsten was frustrated. Kirsten is thinking that a little more detail would be nice. Let’s say Kirsten began […]

What if Eminem’s Daughter Dated A Guy Raised on His Music

posted by Linda Mintle

This was inspired by a satire on THE ONION about Eminem. What would happen if Rapper Eminem’s 17-year-old daughter brought her boyfriend home to meet dad? Would dad, Marshall Mathers, AKA Eminem, have a wake-up call? Let’s say the boyfriend […]

5 Tips to Change a Marriage From Fizzle to Sizzle

posted by Linda Mintle

According to marriage researcher, Paul Amato, 60% of divorces in the U.S. are from low conflict couples. This means these divorces were not characterized by abuse, addiction, repeated infidelity, or even high conflict. The marriages just fizzled. Couples stopped paying […]

What Does Anger Do For You?

posted by Linda Mintle

One of the reasons we hold on to anger even when it troubles our relationships is because we think it works for us. We don’t’ like to give up things that serve a purpose. So ask, what does anger do […]

10 Tips to Express Anger in a Healthy Way

posted by Linda Mintle

We all get angry, right? But how we deal with others when we get angry makes a big difference. Here are 10 tips to express anger is way that helps your relationships, not hurts them. 1)    Press pause. Don’t respond […]

7 Things to Say If You Want to Upset Your Partner

posted by Linda Mintle

Getting along in a relationship takes work. Some of the things we say, make things worse. Here are a few phrases that will probably bring more tension.  I was inspired by Gina Barreca’s recent blog to put a relationship twist […]

Are You Emotionally Intelligent? Take the quiz!

posted by Linda Mintle

Relationships are such an important part of our lives. How do you measure up in your partner relationship? Check your emotional intelligence here: Answer YES OR NO to each question. 1) When your partner does something that bothers you, do […]

How to Empower a Child

posted by Linda Mintle

I was at Costco grabbing a slice of pizza and watched a mom, her older son, middle daughter and younger son get lunch. They looked like they were having a great time. The mom was about to go and get […]

10 Things Happy Couples Do

posted by Linda Mintle

I couldn’t get in to blog today until now so this is brief but good. A number of years ago, I found this on a website, Thirdage.com.  It’s simple but true. This is what happy couples do… Go to bed […]

How Well Do You Really Understand Anger? Take the Quiz!

posted by Linda Mintle

Tony insisted he doesn’t have an anger problem. Yet, by all accounts, people say he does. I asked Tony to answer these 10 questions. After taking the quiz and talking with me, he changed his mind. See how well you […]

Bathing Beauty or Sex Object? Are Women Sold a Lie?

posted by Linda Mintle

  You put on that bikini and think, It’s just a bathing suit. Men see more skin on TV and in the movies than on me. No big deal, right? Well at the risk of once again sounding like a […]

If You Could See In Someone’s Heart–4 Minutes To Think of Others

posted by Linda Mintle

With all the bad news about hate speech, hurting people, murder and mayhem, use this 4 minutes to stop, reflect and care about those you encounter every day. Instead of selfishness, hate, anger and uncaring, let’s build love, support and […]

15 Minutes to Build Trust

posted by Linda Mintle

Trust is foundational to any relationship. Today’s Blog is an audio blog. 15 minutes of Liberty Radio Journal. MMark Edwards and I sat down and talked about how to build trust in your intimate relationships. It’s worth your time! Click […]

What Women Have More of Than Men

posted by Linda Mintle

So you are at that dinner party and you feel like you are carrying the conversation. As a woman, it’s the most natural thing to be entertaining others through verbal sparring and lively conversation. Your husband comments on how much […]

2 Physical Reasons Not to Avoid Conflict

posted by Linda Mintle

A typical question I get asked is, “Why can’t I just avoid conflict? It makes me uncomfortable. If, for example, my mother is driving me crazy, can’t I just ignore her? Or, if I get too upset talking to my […]

The Benefit of Romance

posted by Linda Mintle

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY! And HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my 92 year old father! Love is definitely the topic of today. Love has many benefits, especially when we are talking about romantic love. Did you know that having a romantic relationship makes […]

Single Men Share What They Want From Single Women

posted by Linda Mintle

You’ve heard the saying, “Put your money where your mouth is?” Well if you are single, this idea may have some merit. A singles survey of almost 5500 unattached adults conducted by MarketTools.com for Match.com sheds light on what singles […]

Could The Way You Start a Fight Predict Divorce?

posted by Linda Mintle

Jenna was really mad at her husband. He promised to come home at a reasonable hour. She cooked a fabulous meal, got the kids to bed but sat waiting in the silence. Two hours after his scheduled arrival, husband Tom […]

It’s All Relative: 10 Come Backs to Family Digs

posted by Linda Mintle

There is no place like home for the holidays unless it is filled with family members who seem to have nothing better to do then criticize or complain. So to maintain a little peace on earth, think about how you […]

Stressed? Take A Holistic Approach to Self-Care During the Holidays

posted by Linda Mintle

It’s hard not to feel stressed during the holiday season. There is so much to do–parties, cleaning, cooking, shopping and gift wrapping .. OK I am getting stressed just listing it all out! This season, don’t let stress get the […]

5 Tips To Help Control Your Anger

posted by Linda Mintle

Are you easily angered? Do you have a low tolerance for frustration. Does any little thing annoy and frustrate you? Are you tired of feeling out of control? If so, consider these five tips: 1) Take a 20 minute time-out […]

How To Get Out of a Relationship Triangle

posted by Linda Mintle

  Reader Question: I am in the middle of a big argument with my mom and sister. The issue is between me and my mom but my sister sides with mom and the two of them gang up on me. I […]

3 Needed Tips for Dealing With Family Stress

posted by Linda Mintle

Reader Question:  When mom and dad are so stressed from kids and work, what kind of strain does that put on marriages? And what about temptation? Stress either pushes you closer together as a couple or moves you father apart. […]

Stressed? One Way You Can Stop It

posted by Linda Mintle

“Sure I’ll cook for the spaghetti dinner.” “Yes I can baby-sit your children for the day.” “Yes, I can chair another committee.” “Since no one else will volunteer, I guess I’ll do it.”   Do you ever find yourself saying […]

Does Your Relationship Pass an Easy Test?

posted by Linda Mintle

Years ago, martial researcher, John Gottman, discovered an easy marker for healthy relationships. It can provide you a quick assessment on how well you are doing with your partner. The “test” is called the five-to-one rule. If it is operating […]

5 Tips When Seeking Relationship Help

posted by Linda Mintle

Steve and Jan are growing apart. Their lack of connection is impacting their children and they need help. They have talked about going to see a couple therapist, but are reluctant. Yet, research shows that couple therapy works. Here are […]

Can You Change Your Mom?

posted by Linda Mintle

A willingness to change helps in every relationship. We aren’t perfect and all bring some emotional baggage to our relationships. Perhaps you and your mother are locked in a situation now where a change is needed, but it seems too […]

I Am My Mother-Not!

posted by Linda Mintle

Years ago I had a favorite coffee mug. It looked like this: A shrieking woman was pulling out her hair, looking totally stressed, and screaming, “EEEEEEK I am my mother.” I laughed when I first saw it. Then I thought […]

5 Quick Ways to Improve Your Relationship

posted by Linda Mintle

I’m often asked to give a few tips on how to make your relationship better. Here are five quick tips: 1) Turn off media and engage with your partner. Looking at the person instead of a screen sends a message–you […]

Four Minutes, Four Times a Day to Improve Your Relationship

posted by Linda Mintle

I’ve been through years of relationship training. During those years, some ideas seem like good ones, others not so much. At a recent seminar I attended, I liked this idea and thought I would pass it on. The leader of […]

10 Signs of Relationship Trouble

posted by Linda Mintle

Robert and Sarah had been together for five years. They had their share of fights, but one night, Sarah looked at Robert and said, “I’m done here. It is over!” Shocked, Robert knew things were a little rocky in the […]

A Mother’s Day Dilemma: How to Deal With a Mom Who Left

posted by Linda Mintle

In this week’s lead up to Mother’s Day, an adult daughter asks… Every Mother’s Day I have a hard time honoring my mom for this reason. She left our family to be with another man when I was 14. It […]

Making Mother and Daughter Relationships the Best

posted by Linda Mintle

One of the common areas of tension between mothers and daughters involves boundaries. Boundaries are important because mothers and daughters often have different expectations about their relationship. Mothers tend to want more time and attention than their adults daughters can […]

And Why Am I Supposed to Cheer Brad and Angelina’s Engagement?

posted by Linda Mintle

Big entertainment news last week on the cover of People–after living together for seven year and having  six children, Brad and Angie are engaged. We supposed to be getting excited over this news. Hollywood is dishing it out: Could Brad […]

Will This Couple Divorce?

posted by Linda Mintle

John and Ann are asked about the history of their relationship. They have nothing positive to say. In fact, all they can remember are the problems. For years, they have been unable to deal with conflict in a way that […]

Pornography Involves Somebody’s Daughter

posted by Linda Mintle

I’ve treated a number of people caught up in pornography addiction. So when my friend and founder of the ministry, Music for the Soul, Steve Siler did a CD and DVD on this topic, I had to pass it on. […]

How to Handle Rejection

posted by Linda Mintle

When a gunman opened fire and killed seven people and wounded three at a Christian college a week ago, the question was, “Why?” Why would anyone walk into a classroom and shoot people at point blank range? While we may […]

You Can’t Change Him, But You Can Change You!

posted by Linda Mintle

  One of the biggest problems in our relationships is that so many of us believe we can change another person. Truth is, we can’t. But we can change our reaction to that person and then the relationship changes.This lie, […]

Do I Need a Christian Therapist?

posted by Linda Mintle

Question: I’ve got marital problems. I feel down all the time. Nothing seems to be working in my life. Maybe I need to get some professional help. But how do I pick a therapist? Do I need to see a […]

The Secret to Being Content

posted by Linda Mintle

Self-sufficiency was considered a virtue in Greek culture. The Greek word for content, autarkes, means to be self-sufficient or independent. However, the Bible offers a different view of this concept than the Stoic philosophers of biblical days. The Stoics believed […]

A Tall Order: Bless Those Who Curse You

posted by Linda Mintle

This week I have had the opportunity to practice what I consider one of the most difficult passages in the Bible. It is found in Matthew 5: 43-48 (NIV). Jesus tells us how to treat those who curse us –something […]

Problems? Take the God Challenge

posted by Linda Mintle

I was very challenged today by my devotional reading in Jesus Calling. The entry focused on how we approach problems when they arise. Our human tendency is to get upset. panic or worry, and become distrusting of God. We question […]

Does It Matter What Your Wife Thinks?

posted by Linda Mintle

Tom’s wife made a spot on comment about his behavior, but Tom isn’t buying it. He looks at her and says, “You are wrong” and then becomes highly defensive. His wife tries again to explain her perception of the problem. […]

Anger Expression: Helpful or Hurtful in Relationships?

posted by Linda Mintle

Back in the 80s, marital therapists used to give angry couples nerf-like bats and tell them to go at each other. We also used to advise angry teens to hit their pillows or even purchase a punching bag and wail […]

Encountering Life Storms: Lessons from Pilots

posted by Linda Mintle

Are you going through a difficult time, what we might call a storm in your life? It could be a health diagnosis, a failing relationship, difficulty at work, parenting problems, etc. We all have problems and issues that pop up […]

Do Opposites Really Attract?

posted by Linda Mintle

Are you emotionally expressive but attracted to someone who seems to be very reluctant to share his emotional feelings? It may be the intrigue that has captured your attention. Or perhaps it is the challenge of opening up someone who […]

Ash Wednesday: A Day to Let Go of Relationship Hurt

posted by Linda Mintle

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future—Paul Boese Today is Ash Wednesday.  It is the beginning of the 40 days of preparation (Lent) that leads to the celebration of Chris’s death (Good Friday) , burial […]

What Makes a Happy Couple Happy?

posted by Linda Mintle

A national survey  (the National Survey of Martial Strengths) was conducted on 21,501 married couples from all 50 state, using the assessment tool called ENRICH. The purpose of the survey was to identify what is it is that happy couples […]

Tonight: The Love Cocktail!

posted by Linda Mintle

You see him across the crowded room. Your eyes meet and you feel drawn to that person. As you move towards him, your adrenaline rises, your heart races, your mouth is dry–can I even speak? Then, something amazing happens. Your […]

Addicted to Social Media?

posted by Linda Mintle

You are worried. Is this addiction going to come between the two of you? Should you be looking for an accountability group? Why can’t she stop doing this? Please put down that IPAD and look at me! Sounds like someone […]

5 Do and Don’t for Valentine Day Singles

posted by Linda Mintle

Here are my 5 Dos and Don’ts for Valentine’s Day for singles: 1. Not in a relationship this Valentine’s Day: Don’t sit home and pout about not being in the relationship of your dreams while drowning your sorrows in pints […]

WIll You Take The Date Night Challenge?

posted by Linda Mintle

This week, the city of Chicago is revving up for the Date Night Challenge, a not-for-profit venture involving businesses, churches and individuals that is designed to strengthen relationships. The goal is to have couples go on 5 million dates in […]

February: The Month of Love or Divorce?

posted by Linda Mintle

  I was surprised to read that divorce attorneys report that January and February (just before Valentine’s Day) are the busiest time of year for divorce. Think about it. Couples try to make it work over the holidays and hope […]

Heidi Klum and Seal Separating: Why the Timing Isn’t Surprising

posted by Linda Mintle

Another celebrity couple decides to split. If you haven’t heard, Heidi Klum and Seal announced their decision to separate for “irreconcilable differences” after seven years of marriage involving four young children. Heidi Klum told reporters that she and Seal had […]

Conflict Resolution in a Family

posted by Linda Mintle

What happens to children when the parents can’t deal with conflict? You might be surprised at the impact on kids. Watch the video  

Look Out People: A Divorce May Just Kill You!

posted by Linda Mintle

Who likes to think about death, especially the things that can bring early death–getting hit by a car, smoking, excessive drinking, obesity, etc. But did you ever think that getting divorce could bring early death? Researchers at the University of […]

Yearbook Picture Deemed Too Sexy: Mom Needs Common Sense

posted by Linda Mintle

Sometimes, you just want to shake a parent and say, “Really, get a grip.” That’s what I wanted to do to Miki Spies, the mother of high school senior Sydney. Instead of talking sense to her 18-year-0ld daughter, she is […]

A Woman Scorn: Tiger Wood’s Ex-Wife Takes Down the House–Literally!

posted by Linda Mintle

I’ve seen my share of angry divorces in all my years as a marriage and family therapist, but this takes the cake. Angry spouses usually throw clothes out the door, pack boxes and ship them out and even remove furniture, […]

10 Ways to Help Your Kids With Sexually Saturated Media

posted by Linda Mintle

I sound like a broken record when I harp on all the sex in media. Pick a week of TV –Fox’s Glee–the characters are deciding whether or not to have sex;  CW’s  90210 is a steady stream of hookups;  Two […]

Tips to Deal with Holiday Family Angst

posted by Linda Mintle

It’s that time of year again when most of us consider the trek home to join the family fun. For many, it’s a trip into dysfunction, raising anxiety levels. Family get-togethers can create holiday angst–a gift worth not giving! Most […]

How Happy Couples Deal With Conflict

posted by Linda Mintle

  How many times have you heard a couple say they need to work on resolving conflict? Well, it may surprise you to know that conflict resolution is not the solution to happy marriages. My parents were married 67 years […]

Why I Am Done With Glee

posted by Linda Mintle

I really loved the music when TV’s Glee began, so much so that I downloaded several of songs, but my Glee days have come to an end. I’m over the constant message of sex, sex and more sex that continues […]

3 Ways to Avoid the Commercialization of Christmas

posted by Linda Mintle

It is only November and already children are hounding parents for presents. The way our culture focuses on getting versus giving, many children don’t know the true meaning of the holidays. How can we change this? By being intentional, one […]

Guess Who is Saying No to College Sex

posted by Linda Mintle

Frat parties, binge drinking, one-night hook ups and lots of next day regret? Not for some young women. They’ve taken a stand against the party hardy norm and do not want to be the next hook up on their college […]

10 Possible Reasons For Kim Kardashian’s Divorce

posted by Linda Mintle

Yesterday I was interviewed multiple times on the radio, once in LA, to discuss the Kim Kardashian divorce. The interviewers felt Kim owed her fans a better explanation for the ending of her marriage. Here are  10 reasons I could […]

Responding to Unfair Treatment

posted by Linda Mintle

Personally, I have had to deal with a situation where someone was treated unfairly. There was no apology and no indication that the offense would ever be acknowledged. And confronting the offense was not a safe thing to do. So […]

Could Kardashian Marital Trouble Been Predicted?

posted by Linda Mintle

It was big news yesterday. E! News released this statement from Kim Kardashian regarding hubby New Jersey Nets player Kris Humphries . “After careful consideration, I have decided to end my marriage,. I hope everyone understands this was not an […]

10 Ways to Help Your Young Adult Resist Premartial Sex

posted by Linda Mintle

A recent Gallup poll reported: 80 percent of young unmarried Christians have had sex outside of marriage. Two-thirds of unmarried Christians have been sexual active in the last year. 42 percent of the 18-29 year olds in the 80 percent […]

Making Relationships Work

posted by Linda Mintle

Today, I am at the E-Women conference in Lynchburg, Virginia. The event is sold out and Sarah Palin is headlining the conference. The women are here, ready to be inspired. As a marriage and family therapist, I love to talk […]

This Doctor Disagrees With The Doctors on Sexual Fantasies

posted by Linda Mintle

I am at the Y exercising. What do I hear as I am flipping the channels? It was The Doctors on their daily talk show and they made me crazy again! The Doctors were talking about “F” words today. The […]

How Couples Grow Apart

posted by Linda Mintle

This week, I am speaking at the American Association of Christian Counselors World Conference in Nashville, TN. My first session is entitled, Advances in Marital Therapy: What Works? We know what works, but the frustration is that too many couple […]

Could You Give Away the Family Pet?

posted by Linda Mintle

I was sitting in church not too long ago when a guest speaker was talking about his family’s decision to give away their two small eight-year-old dogs. I could hardly listen to the story and the somewhat buried spiritual point […]

For or Against On-Line Dating

posted by Linda Mintle

Last week, I did a news story on on-line dating. I also took the opportunity to use my social media to ask people if they were for or against on-line dating and why? I received a great response that was […]

Staying Together or Growing Apart?

posted by Linda Mintle

Today is my 37th wedding anniversary and yes, I was a child bride! Seriously, I am so thankful for the person I married. The strength of our relationship comes from our unity in God. Like any marriage, we have had […]

I Love My Mother But…

posted by Linda Mintle

Just returned from an amazing weekend with mothers and teen daughters at THE GREAT ESCAPE conference at Sandy Cove Conference Center in North East Maryland. I spoke on the topic of my latest book, I Love My Mother But…And while […]

Previous Posts

Check Your Anger in the Check Out Line
The other day, I ran into the grocery store to pick up a last minute item for dinner. As I meandered through the aisles trying to find the one item I needed, I noticed the checkout lines were long and dotted with carts of overflowing groceries. ...

posted 7:00:31am Sep. 04, 2015 | read full post »

Do Intelligence and Creativity Come With a Price?
When you contemplate a beautiful work of art by van Gogh, you sense the genius and creativity behind it. What mind envisions such beauty and is able to capture it on a canvas? Or how about when you read the famous works of Virginia Woolf or ...

posted 7:00:13am Sep. 02, 2015 | read full post »

What Isn't Discussed in Violent Shootings
Like most of you, I was shaken by the horrific events of this past week: the senseless shooting of two TV journalists happened in my backyard. Those reporters worked at one of the TV stations in my viewing area and not too far from the massacre ...

posted 9:00:29am Aug. 30, 2015 | read full post »

Why Sex is Not Always About the Sex
If you watch most television shows, you would think that the most important part of any relationship is sex! But when it comes to what matters most in a relationship, it's not the sex. And if we focus  only on sex, the relationship won't ...

posted 7:00:42am Aug. 28, 2015 | read full post »

National Dog Day: Take Your Canine to Work!
In honor of national dog day... I feel blessed that I get to take my dog to work every day. Zoe, pictured here, is the comfort dog for the medical school in which I work. Every morning she greets the students and helps reduce their stress. ...

posted 7:00:18am Aug. 26, 2015 | read full post »

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