Advertisement

Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together Archives

5 Things to Say That Will Upset Your Partner

posted by Linda Mintle

If you want to upset your partner, try these tried and true conversation starters or responses. These phrases will get a reaction, mostly, an upsetting one. So think before you speak! 1) We need to talk. Yes, this is the title […]

Advertisement

Divorce Physically Hurts a Woman’s Heart

posted by Linda Mintle

Their families were surprised. Don and Jackie were getting a divorce after 15 years of marriage.  Don’s sister believes Don will have a difficulty living alone. She fears the stress of the split could cause him serious emotional and health problems. But […]

Advertisement

Reconciliation: The Willingness to Try Again

posted by Linda Mintle

The pain of a broken relationship is often difficult to heal. Years of hurt and resentment can feel too big to tackle. And the idea of embracing emotional pain without being able to control the other person means an uncertain […]

Advertisement

One Way to Facilitate the Feeling of Love

posted by Linda Mintle

Rosie is a little anxious about her first date with Sean. We all know how important first impressions are when it comes to finding love. After a few outings at a local coffee shop, her feelings of attraction were obvious. The setting was […]

What Is Really Drawing Women to Fifty Shades of Grey?

posted by Linda Mintle

Yesterday, I heard a CNN reporter talking about the movie 50 Shades of Grey like she was promoting a Disney Movie. I was stunned by what she was saying. She was giddy with approval (not sure how that was journalism) and telling me […]

5 Factors That Put You At Risk for An Affair

posted by Linda Mintle

Justin Lehmiller at Purdue University is the author of The Psychology of Human Sexuality and studies sex and relationships. He has found that about 1 in 4  or 1 in 5 married people admit to sexual infidelity. So what puts a person […]

10 Reasons Why You Are Not Having Sex in Marriage

posted by Linda Mintle

You are busy. I get that. Welcome to life! When we are busy, sex can take a back seat and get lost in our everyday TO DO list. Of course busyness isn’t the only reason why sex wanes in a […]

10 Ways to Respond to Family Betrayal

posted by Linda Mintle

Forgive and love generously. Remember, as you choose to forgive, bless and do good, this does not mean you condone negative behavior, are minimizing hurt or denying problems. It means you have decided to follow the words of Christ and […]

10 Ways to Encourage Your Partner to Go to Couple Therapy

posted by Linda Mintle

“Our marriage needs help but my husband won’t go to therapy.” I’ve heard this statement often and it is usually filled with frustration, sadness and sometimes anger. A relationship is in trouble but one spouse refuses to get help. If a marriage […]

Success at Work? Maybe It’s Your Spouse’s Personality!

posted by Linda Mintle

Dave is getting a promotion. His boss is impressed with his hard work. But could Dave’s work success be related to his wife’s conscientious personality? Possibly! Your spouse might influence your career. Conscientious, hard-working, agreeable….are these traits you list on your […]

Are Couples Who Play Together More Satisfied?

posted by Linda Mintle

When I was dating my husband, I realized he was a huge soccer fan. Me, not so much! I grew up in the north where hockey ruled game day. But because I was falling for him, I decided I better […]

It’s Tax Day But How Is Your Emotional Bank Account Doing?

posted by Linda Mintle

Yes, today is tax day and many of you will make that last minute run for the post office before midnight! Why? Because you don’t want to be penalized by the federal government. But what about your emotional bank account? […]

Is Monogamy Only for Women?

posted by Linda Mintle

I generally like the work of biological anthropologist, Helen Fisher. She wrote a book called, The Anatomy of Love, and concludes that women are more wired for monogamy than men. She claims that men are wired to want sex with many partners […]

Relationship Dissatisfaction? Could be a Power Imbalance?

posted by Linda Mintle

When  Donna and Jim were asked if they want an equal relationship, they answered, “Yes.” What they mean by that answer is where communication breaks down. People have widely different ideas about what equal means in a relationship. Power usually […]

Simple Ways to Improve Your Relationships

posted by Linda Mintle

We know that when we feel negative towards someone, the relationship suffers and is difficult to turn around. So try these few ideas to think more positively. Some one I know does loving kindness meditations. She thinks about the good […]

Does a Little Porn Help a Relationship?

posted by Linda Mintle

I was reading a new book on relationships by one of the leading people in the field and was stunned. In the book, he suggested that “a little” pornography could help a marriage. Here is why he is wrong. After […]

Should You Keep Secrets from Your Partner?

posted by Linda Mintle

I was in the grocery store yesterday. The tabloids at the check out were headlining the secret love child of yet another celebrity couple. While we tend to expect this from celebrity relationships, secrets are a problem. They don’t usually […]

7 Things to Say If You Want to Upset Your Partner

posted by Linda Mintle

Getting along in a relationship takes work. Some of the things we say, make things worse. Here are a few phrases that will probably bring more tension.  I was inspired by Gina Barreca’s recent blog to put a relationship twist […]

Could WHY You Have Sex Affect Your Marriage?

posted by Linda Mintle

Grace was really tired and knew her husband would approach her in bed. She just wasn’t in the mood, but thought she should probably have sex and get it over with–not the best motivation to be intimate. At least, she […]

Are You Emotionally Intelligent? Take the quiz!

posted by Linda Mintle

Relationships are such an important part of our lives. How do you measure up in your partner relationship? Check your emotional intelligence here: Answer YES OR NO to each question. 1) When your partner does something that bothers you, do […]

10 Things Happy Couples Do

posted by Linda Mintle

I couldn’t get in to blog today until now so this is brief but good. A number of years ago, I found this on a website, Thirdage.com.  It’s simple but true. This is what happy couples do… Go to bed […]

Is The Other Woman/Man More Attractive? Surprise!

posted by Linda Mintle

When John left his wife for another woman, his wife was shocked. She saw  pictures of his lover  on her on Facebook and could not believe it. She was not attractive. What was going on that he would leave her […]

Is Your Teen Involved in An Abusive Dating Relationship? Know the Signs!

posted by Linda Mintle

Would you be surprised to learn that more than a third of teens say they have been physically, emotionally or sexually abused while dating?  This was the finding of a new survey presented this past July at a meeting of […]

Dr. Linda, I Was Nice, But It Didn’t Seem to Matter

posted by Linda Mintle

Couples come in to therapy with this complaint. “I did nice things for my spouse, but it doesn’t seem to matter. She doesn’t even notice. I don’t get it.” Honestly, they usually don’t get it. They fail to see that […]

Should You Reveal Your Secrets to Your Spouse?

posted by Linda Mintle

I was in the grocery store yesterday and the tabloids were headlining the secret love child of yet another celebrity couple. While we tend to expect this from celebrity relationships, secrets are a problem for any couple. The question asked […]

The Secret Relationship Killer

posted by Linda Mintle

It’s toxic. It can be sexual, but doesn’t have to be. It can be present and you may  not be aware of it. It’s at the heart of failing relationships. The secret relationship killer is betrayal. And betrayal isn’t always […]

10 Emotional Repairs for Relationship Conflict

posted by Linda Mintle

You are in the middle of a fight. Temperatures are rising and you know this isn’t going well. How can you bring down the tension and allow reason to prevail? You make what we call in therapy, an emotional repair. […]

How Do You Know You Are Having a Nonsexual Affair?

posted by Linda Mintle

Kim and Jack have worked together now for the past five years. Sometimes, in a joke, Jack refers to her as his “work wife.” They spend most of their day together, work on projects and go to lunch everyday. They […]

The Kids Are Gone! Are You More At Risk for Divorce?

posted by Linda Mintle

The last child has now left the nest. The house is quiet. You look at that person you’ve been married to for so many years and yet, he/she feels like a stranger. There isn’t much to talk about except to […]

Talk on How to Handle Disagreements and Arguments. Listen In!

posted by Linda Mintle

Faith Radio and I talked this week about disagreements and arguments. What are the secrets to keeping things calm and actually coming up with solutions. Listen to the 20 minute interview. Click here.                 […]

A Possible Divorce Prevention?

posted by Linda Mintle

When you think of preventing divorce, you usually think about improving communication, strengthening the marital friendship and dealing with conflict. What you probably do not think about is how many children were in your family growing up. Yet, one new […]

How to Calm Down An Argument

posted by Linda Mintle

Russ and Rachel were at it again. Russ is driving like a maniac through busy traffic. “Hey, slow down. You are driving way too fast!” “I know how to drive and don’t need to be told what to do. When […]

Couples: How Far is Too Far?

posted by Linda Mintle

 “I did not have sex with that woman.” These words from President Clinton concerning his relationship with  White House intern. Monica Lewinsky. raised questions about what does and does not constitute marital infidelity. How does one define infidelity? Is it […]

One Secret to Keeping Love Alive

posted by Linda Mintle

Do you like to roller skating? How about hiking? Maybe consider taking cooking classes or release that inner artist by painting. You could be on to something and discovering one of the secrets to keeping love alive. When couples try […]

6 Signs of a Failing Relationship

posted by Linda Mintle

Kim and Mark were hopeless romantics when they fell in love. But lately, the marriage was faltering and both were considering divorce. When they came to see me, I saw six signs of distress that told me things were not […]

Three Ways to Stop a Marriage from Divorce

posted by Linda Mintle

Ed and Jane were having marital problems.  Jane was at the point of walking out. Ed rarely spoke to her. This once loving couple was now thinking divorce. So what happened? Like too many couples, Ed and Jane waited too […]

After the Admission of an Affair

posted by Linda Mintle

Susan was devastated. Her husband Dan was supposed to be in Cleveland on business. Instead he was seen vacationing in the Virgin Islands with a female co-worker. The betrayal took her by surprise. She couldn’t believe Dan would risk the […]

4 Reasons Not To Avoid Conflict

posted by Linda Mintle

I’m guessing that, “In this world, you will have trouble…” is not your favorite BIble verse to quote! But it is true, with trouble comes conflict.  Conflict is always present in our relationships and many of us don’t like to […]

Is Housework The Great Equalizer in Couples?

posted by Linda Mintle

Men, when was the last time you rolled up your sleeves and tackled the dishes? Today’s modern family has women in the workplace and men much more involved in the home and parenting. This means men and women are figuring […]

Complaints About Your Spouse? Tend Your Own Garden!

posted by Linda Mintle

 “I can’t live with this man. He makes me crazy. I constantly have to remind him of even the simplest things. He’s like having another child.” “She would make anyone insane. She always tells me what to do. All she […]

Singles and Sex: The Survey Says…

posted by Linda Mintle

According to an online survey of 5,481 singles, ages 21 and older, who are not in a relationship, conducted by Market Tools Inc. for Match.com (Margin of error plus/minus 1.32 percentage points), this is what singles are saying about their sexual […]

Single Women Share What They Want From Single Men

posted by Linda Mintle

Ladies, it is your turn. A singles survey of almost 5500 unattached adults conducted by MarketTools.com for Match.com sheds light on what singles look for in potential relationships. And yes, physical attraction still makes the list. I already blogged on […]

Three Divorce Predictors

posted by Linda Mintle

It may surprise you what researchers Alan Booth,  Paul Amato and colleagues at Penn State found to be important predictors of divorce when they studied long term marriage and divorce. 1) Couples who do NOT own a house. House owners are […]

Could The Way You Start a Fight Predict Divorce?

posted by Linda Mintle

Jenna was really mad at her husband. He promised to come home at a reasonable hour. She cooked a fabulous meal, got the kids to bed but sat waiting in the silence. Two hours after his scheduled arrival, husband Tom […]

Does Your Relationship Pass an Easy Test?

posted by Linda Mintle

Years ago, martial researcher, John Gottman, discovered an easy marker for healthy relationships. It can provide you a quick assessment on how well you are doing with your partner. The “test” is called the five-to-one rule. If it is operating […]

10 Tips to Stay Married For A Life Time

posted by Linda Mintle

I recently received a tweet from the Huffington Post about the myth of marriage for a lifetime. Honestly, I didn’t even open the link because I am so tired of hearing how impossible it is to stay married to someone. […]

4 Tips on Marriage From Divorced Couples

posted by Linda Mintle

When researcher Terri Orbuch at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research interviewed couples who divorced, she learned what couples would have changed in their failed relationships. Here are 4 tips from those couples.      

Martial Problems? Try a Spiritual Solution

posted by Linda Mintle

Janet was about to divorce her husband but decided to meet with her pastor first. The counsel he gave her provided a new perspective on her relationship. The pastor pointed Janet to a passage of scripture, Matthew 17:14-21 . The […]

What We Learn When Celebrity Couples Divorce

posted by Linda Mintle

Today is a video blog. Russell Brand and Katie Perry are officially no longer a couple. What can we learn when celebrity couples break up? 3 quick tips to remember in order to keep your marriage intact.  

5 Quick Ways to Improve Your Relationship

posted by Linda Mintle

I’m often asked to give a few tips on how to make your relationship better. Here are five quick tips: 1) Turn off media and engage with your partner. Looking at the person instead of a screen sends a message–you […]

Four Minutes, Four Times a Day to Improve Your Relationship

posted by Linda Mintle

I’ve been through years of relationship training. During those years, some ideas seem like good ones, others not so much. At a recent seminar I attended, I liked this idea and thought I would pass it on. The leader of […]

Married? Are You in the Majority?

posted by Linda Mintle

With a growing desire to say, Yes to the dress, Karla often dreams of her wedding day. In her head, it is all planned out–her colors, the music, location, the rings, the cake and how the ceremony will be conducted. […]

Are You Normal When It Comes to Married Couples and Sex?

posted by Linda Mintle

Jennifer came to therapy because she was not having sex with her husband. She wondered if this was normal. It isn’t. Then she asked a question so many people ask, “What is normal when it comes to sex in marriage?” […]

10 Signs of Relationship Trouble

posted by Linda Mintle

Robert and Sarah had been together for five years. They had their share of fights, but one night, Sarah looked at Robert and said, “I’m done here. It is over!” Shocked, Robert knew things were a little rocky in the […]

Will This Couple Divorce?

posted by Linda Mintle

John and Ann are asked about the history of their relationship. They have nothing positive to say. In fact, all they can remember are the problems. For years, they have been unable to deal with conflict in a way that […]

When Your Think Your Marriage is Over, Think Again!

posted by Linda Mintle

Sarah and John were at a family dinner. During a trip to the restroom, John pulled Sarah aside and said, “I’m done. No more of this. I want out of this marriage. ” Sarah, stunned and speechless, wondered what prompted […]

You Can’t Change Him, But You Can Change You!

posted by Linda Mintle

  One of the biggest problems in our relationships is that so many of us believe we can change another person. Truth is, we can’t. But we can change our reaction to that person and then the relationship changes.This lie, […]

How To Respond to Unfair Accusations

posted by Linda Mintle

My devotional reading this morning was quite challenging. It talked about responding to someone who accuses you. When a false accusation comes your way, the natural response is to lash out, come back with a real zinger, and put that […]

Couple Therapy For One Please

posted by Linda Mintle

Susan’s marital distress reached a tipping point, leading her to see a marital therapist. Her chief complaint was that her husband refuses to change, blames her for all the family problems, doesn’t hold a steady job and rarely takes responsibility […]

Later Life Divorce: Why Boomers Are Calling It Quits

posted by Linda Mintle

A recent article in the Wall Street Journal entitled, The Gray Divorce” brought attention to a growing trend–divorce after 50. The article reported that for people 50 or older, the divorce rate has doubled in he past two decades. At […]

Does It Matter What Your Wife Thinks?

posted by Linda Mintle

Tom’s wife made a spot on comment about his behavior, but Tom isn’t buying it. He looks at her and says, “You are wrong” and then becomes highly defensive. His wife tries again to explain her perception of the problem. […]

Anger Expression: Helpful or Hurtful in Relationships?

posted by Linda Mintle

Back in the 80s, marital therapists used to give angry couples nerf-like bats and tell them to go at each other. We also used to advise angry teens to hit their pillows or even purchase a punching bag and wail […]

Do Opposites Really Attract?

posted by Linda Mintle

Are you emotionally expressive but attracted to someone who seems to be very reluctant to share his emotional feelings? It may be the intrigue that has captured your attention. Or perhaps it is the challenge of opening up someone who […]

The Key To Staying Married

posted by Linda Mintle

“I like you and want to stay married.” Great. But that probably isn’t going to cut it unless the commitment is much deeper. Think about it. Most people stay committed when the relationship goes well, but what about when stress […]

Can You Recognize This Famous Love Poetry?

posted by Linda Mintle

Happy Valentine’s Day! Here are portions of a famous piece of love poetry. Do you know who wrote it or where it is from? Read it before you look at the bottom for the answer. You might be surprised! Oh, […]

What Makes a Happy Couple Happy?

posted by Linda Mintle

A national survey  (the National Survey of Martial Strengths) was conducted on 21,501 married couples from all 50 state, using the assessment tool called ENRICH. The purpose of the survey was to identify what is it is that happy couples […]

Tonight: The Love Cocktail!

posted by Linda Mintle

You see him across the crowded room. Your eyes meet and you feel drawn to that person. As you move towards him, your adrenaline rises, your heart races, your mouth is dry–can I even speak? Then, something amazing happens. Your […]

5 Do and Don’t for Valentine Day Singles

posted by Linda Mintle

Here are my 5 Dos and Don’ts for Valentine’s Day for singles: 1. Not in a relationship this Valentine’s Day: Don’t sit home and pout about not being in the relationship of your dreams while drowning your sorrows in pints […]

5 Ways To Make A Date Night Work

posted by Linda Mintle

Couples trying to improve their relationship satisfaction often find that spending time together does the trick. In fact, that is the idea of the Date Night Challenge. Take your partner on a date and have some fun. But the mundane […]

WIll You Take The Date Night Challenge?

posted by Linda Mintle

This week, the city of Chicago is revving up for the Date Night Challenge, a not-for-profit venture involving businesses, churches and individuals that is designed to strengthen relationships. The goal is to have couples go on 5 million dates in […]

February: The Month of Love or Divorce?

posted by Linda Mintle

  I was surprised to read that divorce attorneys report that January and February (just before Valentine’s Day) are the busiest time of year for divorce. Think about it. Couples try to make it work over the holidays and hope […]

Heidi Klum and Seal Separating: Why the Timing Isn’t Surprising

posted by Linda Mintle

Another celebrity couple decides to split. If you haven’t heard, Heidi Klum and Seal announced their decision to separate for “irreconcilable differences” after seven years of marriage involving four young children. Heidi Klum told reporters that she and Seal had […]

Conflict Resolution in a Family

posted by Linda Mintle

What happens to children when the parents can’t deal with conflict? You might be surprised at the impact on kids. Watch the video  

Look Out People: A Divorce May Just Kill You!

posted by Linda Mintle

Who likes to think about death, especially the things that can bring early death–getting hit by a car, smoking, excessive drinking, obesity, etc. But did you ever think that getting divorce could bring early death? Researchers at the University of […]

The Duggar’s Miscarriage: A Model of Grieving

posted by Linda Mintle

For those of you who may not know who the Duggars are, they are the family who currently has 19 children, all by natural birth, and have their own reality TV show on TLC, 19 Kids and Counting. Recently, the […]

How Happy Couples Deal With Conflict

posted by Linda Mintle

  How many times have you heard a couple say they need to work on resolving conflict? Well, it may surprise you to know that conflict resolution is not the solution to happy marriages. My parents were married 67 years […]

10 Possible Reasons For Kim Kardashian’s Divorce

posted by Linda Mintle

Yesterday I was interviewed multiple times on the radio, once in LA, to discuss the Kim Kardashian divorce. The interviewers felt Kim owed her fans a better explanation for the ending of her marriage. Here are  10 reasons I could […]

Making Relationships Work

posted by Linda Mintle

Today, I am at the E-Women conference in Lynchburg, Virginia. The event is sold out and Sarah Palin is headlining the conference. The women are here, ready to be inspired. As a marriage and family therapist, I love to talk […]

This Doctor Disagrees With The Doctors on Sexual Fantasies

posted by Linda Mintle

I am at the Y exercising. What do I hear as I am flipping the channels? It was The Doctors on their daily talk show and they made me crazy again! The Doctors were talking about “F” words today. The […]

How Couples Grow Apart

posted by Linda Mintle

This week, I am speaking at the American Association of Christian Counselors World Conference in Nashville, TN. My first session is entitled, Advances in Marital Therapy: What Works? We know what works, but the frustration is that too many couple […]

Staying Together or Growing Apart?

posted by Linda Mintle

Today is my 37th wedding anniversary and yes, I was a child bride! Seriously, I am so thankful for the person I married. The strength of our relationship comes from our unity in God. Like any marriage, we have had […]

Previous Posts

What Does True Freedom Mean and Require?
As we celebrate this Independence Day, it is important to remember the freedom we have in this country to openly embrace our religious beliefs. For the Christian, true freedom is found in Christ. But with this freedom comes responsibility as ...

posted 7:00:54am Jul. 03, 2015 | read full post »

5 Things to Say That Will Upset Your Partner
If you want to upset your partner, try these tried and true conversation starters or responses. These phrases will get a reaction, mostly, an upsetting one. So think before you speak! 1) We need to talk. Yes, this is the title of my latest ...

posted 7:00:05am Jul. 02, 2015 | read full post »

Are You Practicing The Best Parenting Style?
Parenting is on John's mind now that his second child has arrived. John was raised by a father who was harsh and demanding. John often felt as if he could not live up to his father's expectations. Now a father himself, John is aware that his ...

posted 7:00:20am Jun. 29, 2015 | read full post »

Are You Genetically Predisposed to Worry?
Susan feels she can’t stop worrying no matter how hard she tries. She’s beginning to wonder if she is a born worry. She is asking, "Can worry be genetic?" In 2007, Yale researchers found a gene variation associated with chronic worrying ...

posted 7:00:57am Jun. 26, 2015 | read full post »

Does God Hide in Times of Trouble?
When Christians are being beheaded in the middle east, when a man shoots people praying in a church, when young girls are taken and forced into sex slavery, when you are falsely accused or ridiculed for your beliefs, it often feels like God is ...

posted 7:00:35am Jun. 24, 2015 | read full post »

Advertisement


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.