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Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together Archives

5 Things to Say That Will Upset Your Partner

posted by Linda Mintle

If you want to upset your partner, try these tried and true conversation starters or responses. These phrases will get a reaction, mostly, an upsetting one. So think before you speak! 1) We need to talk. Yes, this is the title […]

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Should You Keep Secrets From Your Partner?

posted by Linda Mintle

I was in the grocery store and the tabloids were headlining the secret love child of yet another celebrity couple. Secrets are a problem. They don’t usually end well. I am often asked if it is a good idea to […]

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Why You Shouldn’t Withhold Sex in a Marriage

posted by Linda Mintle

Aaron and Jill feels distant in their relationship. Because of the lack of closeness, their sex life has suffered. Aaron came to therapy wondering how to change this dynamic in their relationship. Sex is so important to a man’s emotional […]

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10 Tips to Calm Anger in a Heated Conflict

posted by Linda Mintle

One of the keys to resolving conflict is to keep anger in control, to stay calm and not allow anger to overtake you. Here are 10 tips to help that process: Use humor to break the tension. Nothing lightens the […]

Hurt By a Conflict? How Do You ReBuild Trust?

posted by Linda Mintle

You’ve heard the saying, trust is easy to break, hard to repair. How do you go about building trust with someone you’ve hurt! The key is to know the other person’s world and reliably respond to it. Do what you […]

Should You Keep Secrets From Your Partner?

posted by Linda Mintle

I was in the grocery store yesterday, and the tabloids were headlining the secret love child of yet another celebrity couple. Even though we tend to expect this sort of thing from celebrity relationships, secrets are a problem. They don’t […]

5 Factors That Put You At Risk for An Affair

posted by Linda Mintle

Justin Lehmiller at Purdue University is the author of The Psychology of Human Sexuality and studies sex and relationships. He has found that about 1 in 4  or 1 in 5 married people admit to sexual infidelity. So what puts a person […]

What Type of Decision Maker are You?

posted by Linda Mintle

Last week, I was going out of town for the weekend. I spent hours going over my wardrobe choices. What if it rains, gets cold, I want something more formal, etc.? My husband opened his suitcase, threw in a few […]

Are Couples Who Play Together More Satisfied?

posted by Linda Mintle

When I was dating my husband, I realized he was a huge soccer fan. Me, not so much! I grew up in the north where hockey ruled game day. But because I was falling for him, I decided I better […]

Fatal Attraction: What You Found Attractive May Now Bother You

posted by Linda Mintle

When John dated Katie, he was attracted to how book smart she was and how much she loved to learn new things. He is the first to tell you, he’s not cut out for academics and loves to play instead […]

5 Ways to Live in Financial Harmony

posted by Linda Mintle

Money can’t buy you love but it sure can make love difficult. Especially if you are in a relationship and not managing your money well. When it comes to money, here are 5 tips to live in relationship harmony: 1) Decide […]

Is Texting Helping or Hurting Your Relationship?

posted by Linda Mintle

Many of us remember the woman who fell in the fountain at the mall because she was so distracted texting. And we know texting and driving is extremely dangerous, but what about the dangers or help of texting on our […]

Mad at Your Spouse? Go Eat!

posted by Linda Mintle

The last thing you will hear from me, an eating disorders specialist, is to grab some food when you are angry. This is exactly what I help people NOT do –eat when they are emotional. So many of us channel […]

Too Much Information (TMI) Tori Spelling!

posted by Linda Mintle

Tori Spelling, former Beverly Hills 90210 TV actress and daughter of well known television and film producer, Aaron Spelling, takes her broken heart to reality TV.  After seven years of marriage and four children, Tori is telling all in her […]

Have You Found Your Soul Mate?

posted by Linda Mintle

People tell me in therapy that they have or want to find their soulmate.  I’m really not sure what that means. Murray’s new book, The Curmudgeon’s Guide to Getting Ahead defines  soulmate as your closest friend to whom you are sexually […]

How to Keep Passion Alive

posted by Linda Mintle

Rick and Susan were once passionate lovers. Now, they wonder what happened. Can they keep passion alive in their relationship? For years, researchers believed that romantic love wore off after about 18-36 months, explaining why romantic love burns hot in the […]

Stay or Go? How Spouses Can Move Past Adultery

posted by Linda Mintle

    This interview with CBN News was based on the news story about Governor Sanford’s infidelity a few years ago, but has some terrific points in terms of how to think about picking up the pieces after an affair. […]

10 Ways to Worsen Relationship Conflict

posted by Linda Mintle

 Jackie and Mike felt like they were constantly battling over small things. Like them, most of us need a little help when it comes to dealing with conflict in our relationships. Here are 10 things NOT to do. They only […]

Will You Rate Your Marriage and See Where You Stand?

posted by Linda Mintle

It’s not uncommon for couples to come to therapy and a therapist to ask, “On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your marriage?” Even couples who don’t come to therapy will occasionally think about this. What […]

6 Ways to Calm Down During an Argument

posted by Linda Mintle

Jack and Rachel do not agree on household chores.  Both work outside the home and are tired when they come home. The last thing either wants to do is tackle dishes, clean, water plants, etc. The conflict has come to […]

7 Things to Say If You Want to Upset Your Partner

posted by Linda Mintle

Getting along in a relationship takes work. Some of the things we say, make things worse. Here are a few phrases that will probably bring more tension.  I was inspired by Gina Barreca’s recent blog to put a relationship twist […]

Is The Other Woman/Man More Attractive? Surprise!

posted by Linda Mintle

When John left his wife for another woman, his wife was shocked. She saw  pictures of his lover  on her on Facebook and could not believe it. She was not attractive. What was going on that he would leave her […]

Her Cheating Heart At the Office: 10 Ways to Put on the Brakes

posted by Linda Mintle

Sara was going through a rough patch in her marriage. She and Jeff were struggling to spend time together and found themselves growing apart. They stopped attending church, rarely went out or did anything together. Both were in intense careers […]

Dr. Linda, I Was Nice, But It Didn’t Seem to Matter

posted by Linda Mintle

Couples come in to therapy with this complaint. “I did nice things for my spouse, but it doesn’t seem to matter. She doesn’t even notice. I don’t get it.” Honestly, they usually don’t get it. They fail to see that […]

A Quick Anger Guide for Relationships

posted by Linda Mintle

John and Mary are at it again. Arguing escalates to anger and John has a hard time calming down. As they sit in my therapy office, they ask what needs to happen. Basically, here is a summary: 1) John needs […]

Should You Reveal Your Secrets to Your Spouse?

posted by Linda Mintle

I was in the grocery store yesterday and the tabloids were headlining the secret love child of yet another celebrity couple. While we tend to expect this from celebrity relationships, secrets are a problem for any couple. The question asked […]

The Secret Relationship Killer

posted by Linda Mintle

It’s toxic. It can be sexual, but doesn’t have to be. It can be present and you may  not be aware of it. It’s at the heart of failing relationships. The secret relationship killer is betrayal. And betrayal isn’t always […]

10 Emotional Repairs for Relationship Conflict

posted by Linda Mintle

You are in the middle of a fight. Temperatures are rising and you know this isn’t going well. How can you bring down the tension and allow reason to prevail? You make what we call in therapy, an emotional repair. […]

How Do You Know You Are Having a Nonsexual Affair?

posted by Linda Mintle

Kim and Jack have worked together now for the past five years. Sometimes, in a joke, Jack refers to her as his “work wife.” They spend most of their day together, work on projects and go to lunch everyday. They […]

The Kids Are Gone! Are You More At Risk for Divorce?

posted by Linda Mintle

The last child has now left the nest. The house is quiet. You look at that person you’ve been married to for so many years and yet, he/she feels like a stranger. There isn’t much to talk about except to […]

A Possible Divorce Prevention?

posted by Linda Mintle

When you think of preventing divorce, you usually think about improving communication, strengthening the marital friendship and dealing with conflict. What you probably do not think about is how many children were in your family growing up. Yet, one new […]

How to Calm Down An Argument

posted by Linda Mintle

Russ and Rachel were at it again. Russ is driving like a maniac through busy traffic. “Hey, slow down. You are driving way too fast!” “I know how to drive and don’t need to be told what to do. When […]

Does Your Partner Want Your Advice?

posted by Linda Mintle

You see her trying to balance the checkbook. You have some advice that you are ready to give. After all, you are just trying to be helpful, but it turns out that your partner may not appreciate that type of […]

Couples: How Far is Too Far?

posted by Linda Mintle

 “I did not have sex with that woman.” These words from President Clinton concerning his relationship with  White House intern. Monica Lewinsky. raised questions about what does and does not constitute marital infidelity. How does one define infidelity? Is it […]

7 Myths About Infidelity

posted by Linda Mintle

Myth #1- Everybody is doing it. Marital fidelity is still the norm even though Hollywood depicts it as a dying possibility. Survey data suggests that 15% of women and 25% of men confess to straying. While these numbers are still […]

Is Your Marriage More Than a Contract?

posted by Linda Mintle

The way you think about marriage matters. When marriage is reduced to a set up conditions, you do this, I’ll do that… and as long as we are happy, we stay together, you’ve missed God’s design for marriage. Do you […]

6 Signs of a Failing Relationship

posted by Linda Mintle

Kim and Mark were hopeless romantics when they fell in love. But lately, the marriage was faltering and both were considering divorce. When they came to see me, I saw six signs of distress that told me things were not […]

Three Ways to Stop a Marriage from Divorce

posted by Linda Mintle

Ed and Jane were having marital problems.  Jane was at the point of walking out. Ed rarely spoke to her. This once loving couple was now thinking divorce. So what happened? Like too many couples, Ed and Jane waited too […]

Tackling Marriage Myths and Making Marriage Work (Video Blog)

posted by Linda Mintle

Dr. Linda tackles the marriage myths: .  I am a victim of my past I can’t change. Infidelity means automatic divorce. We are just two different people. We’ve grown apart.

Complaints About Your Spouse? Tend Your Own Garden!

posted by Linda Mintle

 “I can’t live with this man. He makes me crazy. I constantly have to remind him of even the simplest things. He’s like having another child.” “She would make anyone insane. She always tells me what to do. All she […]

Three Divorce Predictors

posted by Linda Mintle

It may surprise you what researchers Alan Booth,  Paul Amato and colleagues at Penn State found to be important predictors of divorce when they studied long term marriage and divorce. 1) Couples who do NOT own a house. House owners are […]

Healthy Strategies to Handle Marital Differences

posted by Linda Mintle

Joe and Rachel were fighting over a common parenting issue. Of course, both were convinced they were right because of the way they were raised. Differences noted, but they had to come to some agreement as to how to actually […]

Guest Blogger Wendy Griffith Asks, Are You Worth the Price of Dinner?

posted by Linda Mintle

Anchor woman,Wendy Griffith’ feels strongly about men and dinner dates. Read her guest blog and let us know. Do you agree?  In today’s world, it can sometimes be confusing about who pays on a date.  Stop right there!  Ladies, there […]

Are You a Walk Away Wife?

posted by Linda Mintle

Is your wife nagging you? Take this as a good sign. It might mean she is still invested in the marriage and not ready to walk away. Maybe you’ve heard about the Walk-away Wife Syndrome. It’s a phrase that has […]

3 Needed Tips for Dealing With Family Stress

posted by Linda Mintle

Reader Question:  When mom and dad are so stressed from kids and work, what kind of strain does that put on marriages? And what about temptation? Stress either pushes you closer together as a couple or moves you father apart. […]

Does Your Relationship Pass an Easy Test?

posted by Linda Mintle

Years ago, martial researcher, John Gottman, discovered an easy marker for healthy relationships. It can provide you a quick assessment on how well you are doing with your partner. The “test” is called the five-to-one rule. If it is operating […]

5 Tips When Seeking Relationship Help

posted by Linda Mintle

Steve and Jan are growing apart. Their lack of connection is impacting their children and they need help. They have talked about going to see a couple therapist, but are reluctant. Yet, research shows that couple therapy works. Here are […]

A Marital Lesson from Hosea

posted by Linda Mintle

As a marital therapist for the past 30 years, I have seen too many couples divorce over fixable problems. When I talk about fixable problems I am referring to couples who stop liking each other, grow apart and refuse to […]

Telling Kids You Are Divorcing

posted by Linda Mintle

Reader Question: My husband and I are separating and will most likely divorce. We have two young children. I am wondering how to tell them about the divorce. I am really dreading this because I know how upsetting it will […]

5 Quick Ways to Improve Your Relationship

posted by Linda Mintle

I’m often asked to give a few tips on how to make your relationship better. Here are five quick tips: 1) Turn off media and engage with your partner. Looking at the person instead of a screen sends a message–you […]

Grey’s Anatomy Gets Christianity Wrong Again

posted by Linda Mintle

Last night I watched an episode of Grey’s Anatomy, hoping that they would actually write the Christian character right. As in the past, I was sorely disappointed. Here is what happened. The only virgin of the fifth year residents was […]

How To Respond to Unfair Accusations

posted by Linda Mintle

My devotional reading this morning was quite challenging. It talked about responding to someone who accuses you. When a false accusation comes your way, the natural response is to lash out, come back with a real zinger, and put that […]

Couple Therapy For One Please

posted by Linda Mintle

Susan’s marital distress reached a tipping point, leading her to see a marital therapist. Her chief complaint was that her husband refuses to change, blames her for all the family problems, doesn’t hold a steady job and rarely takes responsibility […]

Do Opposites Really Attract?

posted by Linda Mintle

Are you emotionally expressive but attracted to someone who seems to be very reluctant to share his emotional feelings? It may be the intrigue that has captured your attention. Or perhaps it is the challenge of opening up someone who […]

What Makes a Happy Couple Happy?

posted by Linda Mintle

A national survey  (the National Survey of Martial Strengths) was conducted on 21,501 married couples from all 50 state, using the assessment tool called ENRICH. The purpose of the survey was to identify what is it is that happy couples […]

Tonight: The Love Cocktail!

posted by Linda Mintle

You see him across the crowded room. Your eyes meet and you feel drawn to that person. As you move towards him, your adrenaline rises, your heart races, your mouth is dry–can I even speak? Then, something amazing happens. Your […]

5 Ways To Make A Date Night Work

posted by Linda Mintle

Couples trying to improve their relationship satisfaction often find that spending time together does the trick. In fact, that is the idea of the Date Night Challenge. Take your partner on a date and have some fun. But the mundane […]

February: The Month of Love or Divorce?

posted by Linda Mintle

  I was surprised to read that divorce attorneys report that January and February (just before Valentine’s Day) are the busiest time of year for divorce. Think about it. Couples try to make it work over the holidays and hope […]

Previous Posts

Why Sex is Not Always About the Sex
If you watch most television shows, you would think that the most important part of any relationship is sex! But when it comes to what matters most in a relationship, it's not the sex. And if we focus  only on sex, the relationship won't ...

posted 7:00:42am Aug. 28, 2015 | read full post »

National Dog Day: Take Your Canine to Work!
In honor of national dog day... I feel blessed that I get to take my dog to work every day. Zoe, pictured here, is the comfort dog for the medical school in which I work. Every morning she greets the students and helps reduce their stress. ...

posted 7:00:18am Aug. 26, 2015 | read full post »

Baby Names: Helping or Hurting Your Child?
When Shakespeare asked,  "What's in a name?" the answer is, more than you think. Many years ago, I worked in a very poor school district and noticed a number of the children had unusual names. The most unusual was a girl we called Phamalie ...

posted 7:00:52am Aug. 24, 2015 | read full post »

Angry? Do You Really Want to E-Vent?
John left the meeting frustrated, angry and ready to quit. He returned to his office and fired off an angry email. For the moment, he felt better, he got his anger off his chest. But did this behavior really help? Sarah returned from a ...

posted 7:00:43am Aug. 21, 2015 | read full post »

Picky Eaters May Have More Problems Than Food
Rena, a charming three-year-old, stares at the carrots, potatoes and chicken on her plate. She tells her mom she doesn't want any of it. No matter what is served, Rena wants to eat mac and cheese and hotdogs. Her mom is concerned about her ...

posted 8:20:22am Aug. 19, 2015 | read full post »

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