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Doing Life Together

couple embraceJealousy, the green-eyed-monster that makes us green with envy! We all have moments when we feel jealous. But if jealousy persists, you need to work on letting it go.

The root of jealousy is usually insecurity. We aren’t confident and fear we may lose something or someone. This insecurity can rear it’s ugly head in the form jealousy and ruin a relationship if left unchecked.

Interestingly, the Bible has quite a bit to say about jealousy:

1) First, be aware of jealousy. It may be normal to have those feelings, but is not an emotion we want to rule our hearts. It will only do us harm in the end. James 3:14-15 says, But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. This is not wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic.

Identify the source of insecurity that underlies jealous and deal with that. Get at what drives  those feelings.

 2) Thinking about jealous feelings leads to anger and revenge. Proverbs 6:34 tells us, For jealousy makes a man furious, and he will not spare when he takes revenge. Therefore, we need to take jealous thoughts captive. Ruminating on what you think someone else has or is taking from you fuels anger. Get off the thought and onto what you do have. Be grateful.

 3) Do not to act on jealous feelings. Romans 13:13- Let us walk properly as in the daytime, not in orgies and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and sensuality, not in quarreling and jealousy.

Once we recognize jealous thoughts and stop them, then our actions change. We can be happy for other people when they have success. We can acknowledge others without being afraid they will take something from us. Be secure in who you are, not in comparing yourself to others.

Here is an example. Sally is jealous of her husband’s new administrator who is quite attractive. Sally has recently had a baby and feels insecure about her physical attractiveness. Yet her husband shows no signs of lacking interest in her.

Sally identifies her jealous thought towards the administrator. She realizes her jealousy has everything to do with how she feels about her own body. Right now, she doesn’t like it due to the recent birth. So, she takes that thought captive, “I’ve just had a baby. My body is bouncing back and it isn’t what it was, but that is normal and doesn’t mean my husband will look at other women. There is no evidence that my husband is interested in this woman. I’m feeling insecure and need to talk to him and be reassured.”

Jealousy comes when we feel threatened. It causes us to focus on the negative, not what is going right in a relationship.

Assess your relationship. Rather than allowing jealousy to build, ask for reassurance and build positivity in your relationship.

 

 

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