Advertisement

Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

Will You Rate Your Marriage and See Where You Stand?

prom-dancing-smile-5374843-oIt’s not uncommon for couples to come to therapy and a therapist to ask, “On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your marriage?”

Even couples who don’t come to therapy will occasionally think about this.

What is interesting is whether or not the couple agrees on the rating. When one spouse rates the marriage low and the other high, usually it means one has checked out mentally and the other is unaware of issues.

Advertisement

And it seems that even troubled couples will rate their marriages higher than reality when it comes to comparing their marriage to others. One reason is because the rating exercise helps you think of positives in the relationship. We tend to overrate our own and underrate others in order to keep our alternatives low.

But is rating your marriage a good idea?

Therapists think so, that is can help you take a step back and evaluate strengths and weaknesses. And it can serve as a baseline for problems that can be worked on and repaired. It’s not helpful if you use it as a club over someone’s head!

So if you are game to do this, do it from a positive perspective. “Hey’s lets take this little quiz in order to gain some insight into our marriage. You know I love you and want our marriage to be the best it can be, and I know you do too!” Then look first at the positive areas and use the lower score areas as a guide to improve.

Advertisement

Here is the quiz if you want to give it a shot. It’s 40 questions that you rate from 1 to 5. It’s only a tool to help point out areas of strengths and weaknesses, not a scientific test!

Rate your marriage

 

 

Source: Arthur Aron, Stony Brook University and the University of California, Berkeley; Lisa Neff, The University of Texas at Austin; Terri Orbuch, The University of Michigan

Previous Posts

Does More Exercise Mean Better Learning?
The push to academic learning at the expense of exercise has some parents concerned. Connie thinks her preschoolers academic learning doesn't include enough exercise. She decided to meet with her preschool's administration. The push for ...

posted 7:00:23am May. 27, 2015 | read full post »

Memorial Day: More Than a Backyard Cookout!
Memorial Day is more than a long weekend to play. Yes, it is a three day weekend and the grills are firing up. But it is a day we recognize those who have died while serving in our armed forces. Honestly, it's not a day of joy and fun for ...

posted 7:00:36am May. 25, 2015 | read full post »

Are Your Tweets Tied to Heart Disease?
#AngryInNYC Another stupid person runs in to me. Sorry doesn’t cut it. Look up from your phone you idiot. This is just one example of Sara’s tweets that regular fill her Twitter account. It doesn’t take much to anger Sara. If someone ...

posted 7:00:10am May. 22, 2015 | read full post »

What To Do When Anger is Triggered
Anger is triggered by expectations, perceptions, and things people say and do. These hot buttons are triggers that cause the feeling to rise. Knowing your hot buttons can prepare you for future conflicts. To deal with hot buttons, think ...

posted 7:00:22am May. 20, 2015 | read full post »

Why You Shouldn't Withhold Sex in a Marriage
Aaron and Jill feels distant in their relationship. Because of the lack of closeness, their sex life has suffered. Aaron came to therapy wondering how to change this dynamic in their relationship. Sex is so important to a man’s emotional ...

posted 7:00:16am May. 18, 2015 | read full post »

Advertisement


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.