Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together


Will You Rate Your Marriage and See Where You Stand?

posted by Linda Mintle

prom-dancing-smile-5374843-oIt’s not uncommon for couples to come to therapy and a therapist to ask, “On a scale from 1 to 10, how would you rate your marriage?”

Even couples who don’t come to therapy will occasionally think about this.

What is interesting is whether or not the couple agrees on the rating. When one spouse rates the marriage low and the other high, usually it means one has checked out mentally and the other is unaware of issues.

And it seems that even troubled couples will rate their marriages higher than reality when it comes to comparing their marriage to others. One reason is because the rating exercise helps you think of positives in the relationship. We tend to overrate our own and underrate others in order to keep our alternatives low.

But is rating your marriage a good idea?

Therapists think so, that is can help you take a step back and evaluate strengths and weaknesses. And it can serve as a baseline for problems that can be worked on and repaired. It’s not helpful if you use it as a club over someone’s head!

So if you are game to do this, do it from a positive perspective. “Hey’s lets take this little quiz in order to gain some insight into our marriage. You know I love you and want our marriage to be the best it can be, and I know you do too!” Then look first at the positive areas and use the lower score areas as a guide to improve.

Here is the quiz if you want to give it a shot. It’s 40 questions that you rate from 1 to 5. It’s only a tool to help point out areas of strengths and weaknesses, not a scientific test!

Rate your marriage

 

 

Source: Arthur Aron, Stony Brook University and the University of California, Berkeley; Lisa Neff, The University of Texas at Austin; Terri Orbuch, The University of Michigan



Previous Posts

Could Visualizing Food Make You Eat Less?
You are on your way to work and feel hungry. The morning rush caused you to skip breakfast. You pass the bakery as you walk to your office. The smell of freshly baked croissants is tempting. As you look in the window, those croissants are lined up in a row, oozing with chocolate and inviting yo

posted 6:00:56am Jan. 28, 2015 | read full post »

Mean Girls or Is It Mean Boys?
Perhaps you've seen the movie Mean Girls. If so, you remember the popular clique of girls who ruled the social scene by backstabbing and being verbally mean to anyone they didn't like. The movie reminds most of us of those one or two girls in middle school who could use their verbal aggression to

posted 6:00:47am Jan. 28, 2015 | read full post »

Treating Binge Eating With Medication?
Every day Sally vows she will not eat herself sick. But today is no different. She is distressed, eating past full and feeling as if she has no control. Sally suffers from Binge Eating Disorder (BED) which has been recognized as a psychiatric disorder. To date, there are no medications approved f

posted 6:00:35am Jan. 26, 2015 | read full post »

Is Binge Drinking Just College Fun?
In the throws of January, college students begin dreaming about Spring Break. Those plans often include partying on a beach with nonstop drinking. Binge drinking is "a pattern of drinking that brings blood alcohol concentration (BAC) levels to 0.08 g/dL. This typically occurs after 4 drinks for w

posted 6:00:57am Jan. 23, 2015 | read full post »

Does the Cold Make You Catch a Cold?
My mom used to tell me to put a hat on my baby when the weather was cold. I used to argue, "Mom, babies don't catch colds from the cold. They get them from viruses. I'm not putting a hat on the baby." But now it seems that my mom could have been on to something. Could the cold weather actually p

posted 6:00:36am Jan. 21, 2015 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.