Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together


6 Ways to Calm Down During an Argument

posted by Linda Mintle

fightingJack and Rachel do not agree on household chores.  Both work outside the home and are tired when they come home. The last thing either wants to do is tackle dishes, clean, water plants, etc.

The conflict has come to a head and both are in the kitchen screaming at one another. Blame and accusations are coming rapid fire. Nothing is getting solve. It’s hard to listen when a fight gets to this level.

So here are 6 ways Jack and Rachel can calm down and try to solve this conflict.

1)  Use humor to break the tension. Crack a joke. Make a funny reference or laugh at how crazy they both sound. This will calm down their physical bodies as well. Rachel could say something like, “We sound like crazy people right now” and start to laugh. Or maybe, “Oh no, we are becoming our parents!”

2)  Acknowledge that some part of what your partner says may be true. It is easy to go on the defensive when confronted. But instead of reacting with anger, pause and ask if there is any truth to what the person is saying. You may not agree with the person’s point completely, but take responsibility for your part. Jack could admit that he doesn’t offer to help with chores. Maybe he should come up with one that he could do. Rachel could suggest they both come up with a list of what has to be done and then talk about the items one at a time.

4)  Agree to one point of positive change. Even when you are angry, it is possible to calm down enough to think and make a change. If you stay angry, you can’t think. So make it a goal to think of one possible change. For example, could Rachel and Jack agree on who does dishes, rather than trying to solve all the household chore problems at once.

5)  Tell your partner you see his or her point (show empathy) of view. Empathy keeps anger levels down. If you can see the other’s person’s perspective, you will understand the person better and his or her motivation.

6)  Check your physical and mental states. If you are tired, sick, hungry, anxious, overwhelmed, etc., you are more likely to respond poorly. Wait until you feel better to address an important issue. Maybe this is a topic for a weekend discussion when the couple feels more rested. They could say, “Hey we need to talk about this because we have to get things done even though we are both tired. Let’s deal with this Saturday morning.”

 



Previous Posts

Mean Girls or Is It Mean Boys?
Perhaps you've seen the movie Mean Girls. If so, you remember the popular clique of girls who ruled the social scene by backstabbing and being verbally mean to anyone they didn't like. The movie reminds most of us of those one or two girls in middle school who could use their verbal aggression to

posted 6:58:47am Jan. 30, 2015 | read full post »

Could Visualizing Food Make You Eat Less?
You are on your way to work and feel hungry. The morning rush caused you to skip breakfast. You pass the bakery as you walk to your office. The smell of freshly baked croissants is tempting. As you look in the window, those croissants are lined up in a row, oozing with chocolate and inviting yo

posted 6:00:56am Jan. 28, 2015 | read full post »

Treating Binge Eating With Medication?
Every day Sally vows she will not eat herself sick. But today is no different. She is distressed, eating past full and feeling as if she has no control. Sally suffers from Binge Eating Disorder (BED) which has been recognized as a psychiatric disorder. To date, there are no medications approved f

posted 6:00:35am Jan. 26, 2015 | read full post »

Is Binge Drinking Just College Fun?
In the throws of January, college students begin dreaming about Spring Break. Those plans often include partying on a beach with nonstop drinking. Binge drinking is "a pattern of drinking that brings blood alcohol concentration (BAC) levels to 0.08 g/dL. This typically occurs after 4 drinks for w

posted 6:00:57am Jan. 23, 2015 | read full post »

Does the Cold Make You Catch a Cold?
My mom used to tell me to put a hat on my baby when the weather was cold. I used to argue, "Mom, babies don't catch colds from the cold. They get them from viruses. I'm not putting a hat on the baby." But now it seems that my mom could have been on to something. Could the cold weather actually p

posted 6:00:36am Jan. 21, 2015 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.