Doing Life Together

Doing Life Together

10 Ways to Rebuild Relationship Trust

I Married You 7607FIRS scandals, reports of infidelity, misuse of funds, friendship betrayals….they all involve a loss of trust.

Trust is foundational to any relationship. It is about having confidence in someone or something, relying on someone and believing what he or she says is true. Trust involves honesty, integrity and justice.

It takes a long time to build  and a moment to break it.


Relationships flourish when there is trust. Without trust, relationships are in trouble.

So how does one build trust in relationships, especially if that trust has been broken? Here are 10 ways to build trust:

1) The person who betrayed you or broke trust must admit to the action. Take responsibility without downplaying actions.

2) Be remorseful. If you broke someone’s trust, remorse needs to be evidenced. Without remorse, doubt remains.

3) Once trust is broken, the person you betrayed should be free to ask questions in order to better understand what happened. The betrayer cannot complain about having to answer questions that might be uncomfortable.

4) Forgive the person who broke the trust. This doesn’t mean you condone the action of the person, minimize the impact, or act like it never happened. Forgiveness means you acknowledge the breach and choose not to allow it to fester in unforgiveness and bitterness.


5) Give assurance when and where needed. Once trust is breached, lots of reassurance is needed in order to help the person see your efforts to make changes.

6) Be empathetic to the pain caused by the trust violation. Often, people want to admit to their mistake and then move on without further consequences. But pain is usually involved and takes time to work through. The violator needs to be empathetic to the time it takes a person to heal and be ready to try again.

7) Be patient. You can’t rush the rebuild of trust.  It takes time to see if the person is trustworthy again.

8) Don’t use a trust violation as a weapon. What is done, is done. Focus on moving forward. You will remember the breach, but the pain will eventually go away. So don’t keep bringing it up the past and using it to make a point or fight.


9) No secrets. Relationships built on secrecy do not do well. Honesty is needed to rebuild trust, even when that honesty is painful.

10) Move towards reconciliation. Forgiveness takes one person. Reconciliation takes two.


If you are having trouble rebuilding trust, you may want to see a counselor to help move all parties through the process.



Previous Posts

What It Really Takes to Stop School Shootings
When I listen to any political person rail against guns as a fix for school shootings, I get upset. The focus in wrong and yet it persists and dominates headlines. This tells me there is a lack of real concern to address violence in our ...

posted 9:00:08am Oct. 07, 2015 | read full post »

What's At the Root of Your Procrastination?
Most of us know the feeling of procrastination. It often goes like this: I know I have to complete that project by the end of week. Nothing in me wants to do it. I'll go to the gym. Exercise will relax me and help me concentrate better. ...

posted 7:00:59am Oct. 05, 2015 | read full post »

Get Control of that Anger
Are you easily angered? Do you have a low tolerance for frustration. Does any little thing annoy and frustrate you? Are you tired of feeling out of control? If so, consider this. Some children seem to be born more edgy and irritable. They ...

posted 7:00:34am Oct. 02, 2015 | read full post »

Who Made You the Boss?
Have you ever had that moment when you thought or said, "Who made you the boss?" Someone in authority or a leader makes a decision and you think you know better. If we are honest, this happens all the time. Yet, in most cases, we have no ...

posted 7:00:43am Sep. 30, 2015 | read full post »

Stress Eating? The Brownie or the Apple?
You want to lose weight and know what you need to eat. But does stress make it harder to actually make healthy food choices? Let's say you are under stress at work. You have to pass a series of exams to get that needed promotion. So much ...

posted 7:00:44am Sep. 28, 2015 | read full post »


Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.