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Doing Life Together

Here are my 5 Dos and Don’ts for Valentine’s Day for singles:

1. Not in a relationship this Valentine’s Day:

Don’t sit home and pout about not being in the relationship of your dreams while drowning your sorrows in pints of ice cream. You’ll only gain weight and feel even worse!

Do focus your love on someone meaningful in your life—maybe your parents, grandparents, a special friend, a child in need, etc.  Love can be celebrated even when it is not romantic love.

 

2. Recently rejected?

Don’t keep asking yourself what you did wrong or go after the person who dumped you.

Do move on even though you may still want the person. The reward system in the brain for wanting the person who dumped you becomes even more active when you can’t get what you want. So don’t rely on your feelings to give you respect. Lead with your head, not heart.

 

3. When you are attracted to someone: 

Don’t worry so much about what you say. Research tells us that 55% of attraction is based on body language and 38% on the tone and speed of your voice.

Do notice if he or she is responding to initial attraction. Studies tell us that people know within 90 seconds to 4 minutes of meeting someone.

 

4. If you have been dating someone for a long time…

Don’t allow your relationship to become so routine that both of you are bored and becoming uninterested. Between 18-36 months, passion takes a dive due to chemical changes in the brain. This is normal and does not mean you’ve lost that loving feeling.

Do something novel to ignite a new spark in the relationship. New experiences reactivates the brain’s reward system and bring those same feeling as initial love.

 

5. Should you say, “I love you?”

Don’t say I love you unless you’ve really thought about it and mean it. Research at MIT Sloan School of Management found that the timing of saying this powerful phrase is often based on a cost –benefit analysis and that men tend to sat it first.

 

Do tell the person you love him or her if you mean it. He or she will want to hear it and it may improve your health. Studies show intimate relationships can bring a drop in blood pressure and longer life. L’chaim!

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