Dadequate

Dadequate


Story Contest: Land Shark Edition

posted by Jason Boyett

Back at my old blog, I used to do the occasional story contest. I show a photo, set up a bunch of arbitrary and inflexible rules, and then invite readers to submit a story that goes along with the photo. I choose the winners based on creativity, rules adherence, and where the dart hits my computer screen…and the winner gets a free signed book of their choice.

It’s time to introduce all that fun to Dadequate.

Yesterday, the webs were abuzz with a story about a mysterious blue shark that was found by a couple of guys in the woods of New Hampshire, an hour’s drive away from the ocean.

No, it wasn’t this kind of woodsy shark:

It was THIS one:

Parents, as you hopefully know, are required by the rules of good parenting to be able to make up a spur-of-the-moment story about pretty much anything. Tell me a story about dinosaurs and the teapot, Daddy! Tell me a story about the little people that live inside my shoelaces!

So that’s going to be the scope of this story contest: Tell us the story of this shark.

Rules:

1. You have to explain how a blue shark came to be in the woods of New Hampshire.

2. The story must be written in a story-type format, but using no more than 6 sentences. You can use less than six but no more.

3. The story must be creative and plausible enough for a 5 year-old, or at least my perspective on what is plausible a 5 year-old.

4. About the word “plausible” — it doesn’t have to make logical sense. It can involve mermaids or aliens or Charlie Sheen or whatever, just as long as it works.

5. It cannot reference Shark Week. Because I already know what you’re thinking. It can reference James Woods, but that’s not a requirement.

6. Everyone is welcome to enter, whether you are a mom or dad, a parent or not.

All submissions must be left in the comments by 6 pm Eastern tomorrow, August 10. I’ll announce the winner here on Thursday.

Ready? Go!

 



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Jason Boyett

posted August 11, 2011 at 9:55 am


Thanks for participating everyone! The contest has now ended.



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Amber

posted August 10, 2011 at 2:58 pm


Once upon a time, in the great blue wet the race of Men calls “the Sea,” lived a small, weak, abandoned creature. He was hated by his fellows and hunted by Men, and so it is said that one day he visited a shaman many reefs away in search of relief from his troubled life. “Shaman,” said he, in a sad voice, for he was very sad, “I wish to fly away from this place, and from my troubles.” The shaman, who was wise in the ways of the sea but foolish in the ways of Men, said, “Fly you shall, and free you’ll be, but always come soon back to me, bring me fire, bring me power, or else you’ll ne’er return to sea.” The poor troubled soul found himself lifting slowly, then faster and faster until he was soaring freely above the ocean! He remained overjoyed at his freedom, but moments turned to hours, and hours to days, until the shark had forgotten the shaman’s wishes, and the spell wore off, and as quickly as he tried to go back to the sea, he could not fly fast enough, and he sunk, slowly, to the earth.



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Tim S.

posted August 10, 2011 at 1:29 pm


The sharks say that God had declared sometime in the past (it could have been earlier that day or in the last couple million years–sharks really aren’t all that good at telling time) that though they possessed the power to walk, they must never be seen by humans, as it would disrupt the humans own belief in their superiority over the other creatures and would result in the offending shark’s death.

Jake, our stunning hero who was blue in all the right places, was walking through the woods one day and heard some humans nearby.

He began to run back towards his watery home, but tripped and fell over a log he did not see because his eyes are inconveniently placed on the sides of his head.

Hitting his head on the hard ground, the cartilage that formed his skull cracked and he died, thus reaping the just reward for his being seen walking by a human.

God, seeing this transpire, erased the memories of the humans that saw the shark walk, but didn’t have time to move the body as there were some people elsewhere declaring that He should grant them money for a new house and He had to figure out how to get the stock market to cooperate so that He could earn enough return to be able to give it to the fine people who wanted a bigger house (which wouldn’t be all that easy considering how much humans had messed up the stock market).

And so it was that a blue shark’s body was found in the woods miles from any water.



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Matt

posted August 10, 2011 at 11:03 am


We live beneath you. In a labyrinth of dark water below your feet, we swim. And we wait. We sent The First as a sign of what is to come. You will not like what is coming.



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Matt F

posted August 10, 2011 at 9:53 am


Fernando was only 14 hours away from being a married man but he worried about surviving his bachelor party. His best man and brother, Stu felt that there was no better way to spend his last day of singleness than catching a wild shark and transporting it to Fernando’s soon to be mother-in-laws huge salt water aquarium. The drive from the ocean had last about an hour and the roads through the New Hampshire wilderness were rocky to say the least. The rest of the groomsmen did their best trying to keep the blue shark wet with the buckets of salt water but time was running out. Stu sped up but out of nowhere appeared a creature that can only be described as a mix between an alien, mermaid and Charlie Sheen and it sent the car in a whirlwind and launching the shark right out the back of the car.
As they all lay on the woodlands of New Hampshire next to a now dead shark, Fernando exclaims “BEST NIGHT EVER” and went home and didn’t watch Shark week.



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Susie Finkbeiner

posted August 9, 2011 at 5:59 pm


Well, Blue (that’s what his friends called him) never did like to use that GPS his wife got him for Christmas. He said “A man like me can sniff his way around”.

Anyhow, Blue’s wife was pregnant with a litter of pups (yup, they call ‘em pups…how cute) and was craving som “Phish Food”. Sadly, Old Blue got himself lost on the way to “Ben & Jerry’s”.



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dan mcm

posted August 9, 2011 at 5:38 pm


Our family was camping, and for a change of pace, Dad drove us an hour to go to the beach – my big brothers surfed while Dad and I fished. When my brothers got tired of surfing, they threw their boards in the back of the truck and told me and Dad it was time to go. Dad put his pole in the truck, and I put mine away too… but I think I might’ve forgotten to reel in the line.

The drive back to the campground didn’t take too long – the country road was pretty much deserted. When we got out of the truck, I noticed the line from my pole was stretched out the back of the truck towards the campground entrance and it was tight, like there was weight on it. Dad cut the line and I didn’t think about it again, until I saw a picture of a shark at our campground when we were watching the news a few days later.



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