What do we do when we’ve “had it” with life, and “thinking positively” just is not working for us anymore? Is there a place in life for anger?
Yesterday I ran a lengthy piece in which I quoted extensively from an entry in the Comments Section here from a person posting as “T”. Today I invite you to read this reaction for another contributor to the Comments Section, “karink…”
I do know how “T” feels , I am going thru the same emotions myself.
It is very ,very hard to change the inside when sometimes just feeling angry actually feels better then the work of feeling GOOD. I know you may think that does not make sense but to me it does.
I have read all the CWG series and even gone thru a workshop, you’d think I’d be in better shape to handle life but alas, I’m not. Anyway, I am going to get your new book and work on myself. I keep saying I want ,serenity, peace, joy,but then the old “bad feelings” surface and I’m off and running on how bad I feel and that just spirals me downward.
What small step can we take each day to build to a more “happy “life ?? I think I really need to know that.
Thank you…karink
First of all let me say that it is very okay to be angry. “Just being angry” can feel good, there is no question about that. Anger can be our friend. It is the mind’s way of saying “No, thank you.” And when used well, anger can be a very healthy release.
So no one here has said, Karin, that you should always try to feel good and never allow yourself to be angry. CWG says that Anger is one of the Five Natural Emotions.
Grief is a natural emotion. It’s that part of you which allows you to say goodbye when you don’t want to say goodbye; to express–push out, propel–the sadness within you at the experience of any kind of loss. It could be the loss of a loved one, or the loss of a contact lens.
When you are allowed to express your grief, you get rid of it. Children who are allowed to be sad when they are sad feel very healthy about sadness when they are adults, and therefore usually move through their sadness very quickly.
Children who are told, “There, there, don’t cry,” have a hard time crying as adults. After all, they’ve been told all their life not to do that. So they repress their grief.
People have killed because of chronic depression. Wars have started, nations have fallen.
Anger is a natural emotion. It is the tool you have which allows you to say, “No, thank you.” It does not have to be abusive, and it never has to be damaging to another.
When children are allowed to express their anger, they bring a very healthy attitude about it to their adult years, and therefore usually move through their anger very quickly.
Children who are made to feel that their anger is not okay–that it is wrong to express it, and, in fact, that they shouldn’t even experience it–will have a difficult time appropriately dealing with their anger as adults.
Anger that is continually repressed becomes rage, a very unnatural emotion.
People have killed because of rage. Wars have started, nations have fallen.
Envy is a natural emotion. It is the emotion that makes a five-year-old wish he could reach the doorknob the way his sister can–or ride that bike. Envy is the natural emotion that makes you want to do it again; to try harder; to continue striving until you succeed. It is very healthy to be envious, very natural. When children are allowed to express their envy, they bring a very healthy attitude about it to their adult years, and therefore usually move through their envy very quickly.
Children who are made to feel that envy is not okay–that it is wrong to express it, and, in fact, that they shouldn’t even experience it–will have a difficult time appropriately dealing with their envy as adults.
Envy that is continually repressed becomes jealousy, a very unnatural emotion.
People have killed because of jealousy. Wars have started, nations have fallen.
Fear is a natural emotion. All babies are born with only two fears: the fear of falling, and the fear of loud noises. All other fears are learned responses, brought to the child by its environment, taught to the child by its parents. The purpose of natural fear is to build in a bit of caution. Caution is a tool that helps keep the body alive. It is an outgrowth of love. Love of Self.
Children who are made to feel that fear is not okay–that it is wrong to express it, and, in fact, that they shouldn’t even experience it–will have a difficult time appropriately dealing with their fear as adults.
Fear that is continually repressed becomes panic, a very unnatural emotion.
People have killed because of panic. Wars have started, nations have fallen.
Love is a natural emotion. When it is allowed to be expressed, and received, by a child, normally and naturally, without limitation or condition, inhibition or embarrassment, it does not require anything more. For the joy of love expressed and received in this way is sufficient unto itself. Yet love which has been conditioned, limited, warped by rules and regulations, rituals and restrictions, controlled, manipulated, and withheld, becomes unnatural.
Children who are made to feel that their natural love is not okay–that it is wrong to express it, and, in fact, that they shouldn’t even experience it–will have a difficult time appropriately dealing with love as adults.
Love that is continually repressed becomes possessiveness, a very unnatural emotion.
People have killed because of possessiveness. Wars have started, nations have fallen.
And so it is that the natural emotions, when repressed, produce unnatural reactions and responses. And most natural emotions are repressed in most people. Yet these are your friends.
These are your gifts. These are your divine tools, with which to craft your experience. You are given these tools at birth. They are to help you negotiate life.
(Excerpted from Conversations with God-Book 3-a new edition of which, with additional new material, is now available from Hampton Road Publishing Company.)
You also asked, Karin….
What small step can we take each day to build to a more “happy “life ?? I think I really need to know that.
Oh, my goodness, what a wonderful question. I actually have SEVENTEEN “small steps” (and they really are small!) that you can take! Scroll to the right of this column and you will see an icon for the book that you say you are going to get…Happier Than God. It is a wonderful book, and you are going to find incredible help there, incredible tools to do just what you say you want to do — build a more happy life!
I want to close today with this entry, from “Icarus,” also posted in our Comments Section yesterday. It is a fitting and wonderful conclusion to today’s column…
Neale,
We can suffer “the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,” or not, it’s our choice, I choose not to. The key words are “suffer” by Hamlet and “unhappy” by “T”. I have learned that I cannot change all events, but I can control my suffering and unhappines. And how did I do that? By faking it “til I made it. I still experience pain, but there is no suffering, only gratitude for a warning that something is amiss with my physical body. I nolonger am unhappy because things didn’t go according to my plan. Often they go by a better plan. Here I am, still alive at 77.
A happy and fulfilled life it depended upon how one sees life, not the events of life and how we see life is totally under ones control. I might argue with the word “hurt”, but not with “safety” or “love.”
I don’t have your gift for writing, but I sympathize with T. I spent years like T, but no more. Now I know what works.
Icarus
Well, my friend, I could not agree with you more, and I thank you for your contribution to the class. Sunday School All Week continues tomorrow…
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