Smiling the morning after what I would like to think of as an annual foray into fun and service combined. I spent a few hours yesterday at the Philadelphia Flower Show with a group of dedicated volunteers who are part of an organization called Sara’s Smiles: Lift The Cloud, Inspire the Joy. After last year’s experience, I wrote this article for Beliefnet that provided the back story shared by Sara’s mother Jennifer Kogen Burke.

Sara’s Smiles was founded by the family of a beautiful child whose life is a legacy of love. This May will bring the 8th anniversary of her passing as a result of cancer. While she and her family lived in the hospital during the last months of her time here on Earth, they were struck by the importance of making the environment as nurturing and supportive as possible. As a result, they create Inspiration Kits that to date, they send to 25 pediatric oncology units throughout the country. Among other goodies, they are filled with small toys, a door knob hanger for the child to decorate and have their name on, paper and markers to spark their creativity, a feelings board for them to acknowledge their emotional state on any given day and a file folder for family to store important papers.

I was chatting with Jennifer and realized that had she lived, Sara and her family would be planning her Bat Mitzvah. A wistful thought, as her mom shared that some of the young people in their synagogue who would be stepping before the congregation themselves had chosen Sara’s Smiles to support as part of their ‘Mitzvah Project,’ that has them offering some type of community service.

The table was situated amidst thousands of people who were attending the iconic Flower Show. The theme this year is Explore America and the displays highlighted national parks. As I meandered through, I imagined hiking and breathing in the fresh clean pine or dry desert air. In a playful nod to the natural world, we wore aprons embellished with little stuffed critters, such as bears, rabbits and wolves.

Our job was to introduce passersby to the mission of Sara’s Smiles and invite them to write uplifting messages on cloud shaped cards for children in the hospital facing cancer. Colored markers were scattered on the table for them to use to pen their sentiments. The cards would then be placed in the Inspiration Kits to be delivered to the children. I attempted to engage them by asking them to take a moment of their time to cheer up children in the hospital who were living with cancer. I reminded them that it cost them nothing. I encouraged them by saying that I knew someone as big-hearted as they were would gladly help out. If there were children with them, I asked the kids if they wanted to draw a picture for another little boy or girl who was sick in order to help cheer them up. I thanked the parents for raising socially conscious young ones. Hugs sometimes accompanied their agreement.

Most of the people were happy to oblige our requests; some were survivors themselves. One woman took a card over to a group of older folks she was sitting with and asked them to sign it. A man who was a retired Spanish and Latin teacher wrote a message in Spanish. A woman who herself was in the throes of her own treatment gladly helped out. A woman who is a cancer coach spoke with Jennifer about getting involved.

Others, however were dismissive, rude and were simply too busy to stop and waved us off. A few were insistent that because THEY had had cancer, they didn’t think they should be bothered to help someone else. It was as if they had done their time and owed no one anything.

That was when I needed to assess my own feelings on the matter. I wondered what anger, bitterness and dis-ease still existed within them that prompted their reaction. I looked at the people who were enjoying the beauty of the Flower Show, happy, smiling children with them and imagined how they might feel if cancer came to visit their family. Inconceivable.  If they happened to find themselves in the tragic circumstances that Sara’s family did eight years ago, wouldn’t they want something to ease their pain?

I then wondered how Sara’s mother Jennifer and grandmother Neile who were ‘woman-ing’ the table too; seemingly tirelessly, felt about the refusals. They shrugged and acknowledged that people have their own issues. I felt compassion for them as they watched some walk away. One woman handed Jennifer a cup to throw away and when asked to sign a card, declined. Someone else asked if she could take one of the flower topped markers without filling out a card.  A more humorous interaction occurred when a woman asked if she could pet the wolf  (what she really asked was “Can I pet your chest?”), that was emerging from the apron I wore and she reached out to do so before I could give her permission. I told her it would cost her and that I would expect her to sign a card. She declined and began to walk away. My retort was, “I feel so cheap.”  She didn’t respond.

I’m sure that there were some who were still in pain from their own health journey and those of loved ones and when they sadly shook their heads and said they couldn’t comply, I wished them well.

Although we never know what goes on in the minds and hearts of those who refuse to offer a loving gesture, I  remember that we can’t legislate caring. Kindness costs nothing and smiles are contagious.

 

 

For more information, go to www.saras-smiles.org