The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog


What a Difference

 

omhandWhat a difference a month makes!  When I awoke on June 12th, I had no idea that I would be indeed be experiencing an awakening unlike anything I had ever known. Going through my normal routine, planning my day in my head that included a full day of clients, writing deadlines, promo for upcoming events, a quick breakfast and out the door I went to the gym. Nothing unusual occurred until I was headed home and I felt a series of sensations that included jaw tightness, drenching sweats and heart burn pain that seared across my back and chest. All of these added up to the certainty that my heart was going haywire. Got myself to the hospital where interventions were immediate…a stent inserted in my collapsed artery and then I was toted to a bed where I hung out for a few days; all manner of wires, monitors, tubes, IV’s and meds were applied. Caring staff offered their best, loving family and friends showed up and both supported and chastised since they saw it coming. I had been running at a ridiculous pace, 12 hour days with maybe 6 hours sleep in between, for months..maybe years. Full time job, many consulting writing and speaking gigs filling in the dubious gaps. All in service to my fears of not being able to support myself added up to near shut down. How long had this been brewing? There had been two other health crises last year that I hadn’t heeded, so my body screamed louder. It got my attention this time. Not letting this heart attack go to waste. I have learned several things as a result.

1. I am human. As much as I like to see myself as invulnerable and invincible, this corporeal existence will one day end.

2. My body needs attention, nurturing, scrupulous self care, rather than neglect and inattention. That means rest…even God was rumored to have done that,  at least for a day.

3. People are there to support me as much as I am to support them. I need not be Wonder Woman to be loved.

4. Emotions play a huge role in physical wellbeing. As a career therapist, I knew this and yet, I repressed feelings for so many years, that they were coming out my ears. Unexpressed grief over my parents’ deaths over the past few years, a paradoxical marriage that ended in 1998 when my husband died following a 6 year illness, raising a child solo, living as a co-dependent caregiver for most of my life while guiding clients in creating healthy lives. The adages: ‘We teach what we need to learn,’ and ‘Healer, heal thyself.’ are pertinent here.

5. Spiritual faith can get me through anything. In the midst of my fears of ‘not enough-ness,’ I discovered a spark of certainty that all was well and would be well.

6. Learned resilience has been my strength. I have bounced back beautifully.

7. Slow and steady are watchwords now. Zen like simplicity in thoughts that had been cluttered and chaotic. Moving at a one step at a time pace; as if walking a labyrinth.

8. I am a work in progress and am ever evolving.

Who knows the outcome of this adventure?  I am eager to discover.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



Previous Posts

Resurrection
      Last night I watched one of my favorite movies that debuted in 1980. Resurrection starred Ellen Burstyn, Sam Shepard, Eva Le Galliene, Richard Farnsworth and Roberts Blossom. It is the story of Edna Mae McCauley, who in the first 10 minutes or so of the film, has a

posted 3:49:27pm Aug. 29, 2014 | read full post »

Don't Give Up
As I am in the middle of the fifth decade of my life, the world has become a patchwork quilt of experiences. In the last 55 years, I have splashed in puddles of joy and gasped for air while feeling like I was drowning in sorrow. I have been clutched by fear and basked in light. Through it all, I hav

posted 8:53:03am Aug. 28, 2014 | read full post »

Heaven On Earth
    "Imagine, will you....Heaven On Earth For Real." These are the words that are on my friend Tambra Harck's Facebook page. I think about it a lot since I believe that we create our own vision/version in our vivid imaginations. One of my favorite songs on the topic, sung by Ma

posted 9:47:47pm Aug. 26, 2014 | read full post »

With An Open Hand
  When you consider all of the things that you desire; from relationships to abundance, from faith to freedom, from possessions to passion, how do you hold them?  What I mean by that is this:  do you hold them with a closed fist; grasping, clinging as if for dear life or can you let go a b

posted 9:07:21pm Aug. 25, 2014 | read full post »

The Art of Surrender
On Saturday, I began my day in retrospective musing. Listening to Ellis Paul singing Dragonfly  on Sleepy Hollow  to greet the sun. Was reading earlier entries down my time line on Facebook and marveled at how far I have come since everything changed with the 'cardiac event' on June 12th. It was o

posted 10:31:49am Aug. 24, 2014 | read full post »




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