The Bliss Blog

The Bliss Blog


Go Take A Bath!

Heads up, parents!  When was the last time you took a bath, not just to cleanse your bod, but for inner hygiene as well? So many of us are on the go, taking care of the little ones (no matter how big they are) that we neglect the mom or dad in the mirror.

Seasoned therapist and parenting coach, Robin Kevles -Necowitz; a mother of 2, unless you count the 4-legged Nugget Necowitz, then it’s 3 kiddos,  penned this book as a guide for others to put remind us that we deserve calm in the midst of chaos in our lives as well.

She begins by acknowledging that teaching clients how to parent and actual parenting are two entirely different things. It isn’t until you are in the trenches that you can have a clear understanding of the dynamics involved. She makes it abundantly clear that this book will not make you the perfect parent, nor will your children adhere to your every whim. She does hold out hope that by reading about her experiences and using the tools she offers, that dysfunctional cycles can be halted healthier, happier families will become more of the norm.

Taking note of  history, baggage, beliefs and triggers is crucial so that parents don’t unconsciously fall into the same patterns of parenting that previous generations exhibited. Working on self comes before the ability to meet the needs of the children. Remember the oxygen mask on the airplane metaphor. You can’t be there for your children if you are passed out on the floor from oxygen deprivation.

Many parents believe that their children come first, almost at all cost. While providing shelter, food, clothing, education and love are essentials, making the child the center of the household is counter-productive. In the chapter Creating A Family Hierachy That Lets Kids Thrive, Kevles-Necowitz posits:

1. Kids at the top think they are in charge.

2. Kids at the top don’t feel safe.

3.  Parents can’t communicate their experiences and foster respect from the bottom of the hierarchy.

Now, this doesn’t imply tyrannical, ‘because I said so,’ authoritarian parenting, but instead, loving guidance.

She goes on to give case studies as examples of healthy and unhealthy parent-child interactions. Treasures in the book are the simple tidbits:

Detaching with love

Patience

Trust the process

Don’t Let Perfect Get in the Way of Good Enough

Rules are Rules

Speaking of that last line, I particularly liked the ‘new rule’ concept in which she acknowledges that sometimes the old rules just weren’t working, so there is a need for adapting. An example is: ” This just in, we do homework after school, not after dinner.” or “We ALL clean up after a meal.”

Lots of demonstrative love and praise are sprinkled throughout as the author encourages using sweet names to encourage behavior change, calling the child ‘hon’ or ‘sweetie’, while reminding them of what they need to do.

Time off from parenting duties is crucial as well; meditation, engaging in a hobby, going to a spa, playing a musical instrument,  and yes…as exhibited on the book cover, TAKE A BATH!

www.parentassist.net



Previous Posts

In The Garden of Eden
I spent the day today basking in the sun, dashing in the rain, lounging in a hammock, enjoying healthy munchies, singing, dancing, drumming, hugging, smiling, laughing; all in the presence of kindred spirits. No wonder the event I attended was called Kindred Spirits Labor Day of Love. I was surround

posted 10:59:51pm Sep. 01, 2014 | read full post »

Resurrection
      Last night I watched one of my favorite movies that debuted in 1980. Resurrection starred Ellen Burstyn, Sam Shepard, Eva Le Galliene, Richard Farnsworth and Roberts Blossom. It is the story of Edna Mae McCauley, who in the first 10 minutes or so of the film, has a

posted 3:49:27pm Aug. 29, 2014 | read full post »

Don't Give Up
As I am in the middle of the fifth decade of my life, the world has become a patchwork quilt of experiences. In the last 55 years, I have splashed in puddles of joy and gasped for air while feeling like I was drowning in sorrow. I have been clutched by fear and basked in light. Through it all, I hav

posted 8:53:03am Aug. 28, 2014 | read full post »

Heaven On Earth
    "Imagine, will you....Heaven On Earth For Real." These are the words that are on my friend Tambra Harck's Facebook page. I think about it a lot since I believe that we create our own vision/version in our vivid imaginations. One of my favorite songs on the topic, sung by Ma

posted 9:47:47pm Aug. 26, 2014 | read full post »

With An Open Hand
  When you consider all of the things that you desire; from relationships to abundance, from faith to freedom, from possessions to passion, how do you hold them?  What I mean by that is this:  do you hold them with a closed fist; grasping, clinging as if for dear life or can you let go a b

posted 9:07:21pm Aug. 25, 2014 | read full post »




Report as Inappropriate

You are reporting this content because it violates the Terms of Service.

All reported content is logged for investigation.