Today’s guest post is written by Michelle Rapkin, author of “Any Day with Hair Is a Good Hair Day: How to Get Through Cancer and Get On with Your Life.”
Yesterday I received a very funny chain e-mail that’s making the rounds entitled “Sayings of the Jewish Buddha”. (In the interest of full disclosure, you should know that I was raised by a Jewish father and a Christian mother. So I can assure you that this list was not a slur against the Jews).
One of the funniest sayings I read was: “Let your mind be as a floating cloud. Let your stillness be as a wooded glen. And sit up straight. You’ll never meet the Buddha with such rounded shoulders.”
My other favorite was: “Deep inside you are ten thousand flowers. Each flower becomes ten thousand blossoms. Each blossom has ten thousand petals. You might want to see a specialist.”
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about mindfulness. I’ve been making sure to devote time to silence, hoping to empty out this crowded brain of mine and center my soul. It’s so easy to get utterly overwhelmed by the anxieties of the day. Will my job last? Do we have the money to pay that property tax bill I forgot was coming? Has the mechanic finally gotten to the root of my car’s mystery illness? Spending time each day to be mindful of the many blessings I’ve received, remembering that God is in control, giving my mind and body the care and attention they deserve…these have all these have all helped me to find serenity in the midst of uncertainty and flashes of joy in the midst of fear.
And I see my specialist.
I have suffered from periodic clinical depressions for the last thirty-four years, nearly two-thirds of my life. I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, which descends uninvited every fall and doesn’t leave until the spring. Thankfully, the wonders of science and pharmaceuticals have come to my rescue, and over a period of years, my doctor and I have found medications that have worked beautifully for me. And I’ve learned the hard way that I will need to be on medication for the rest of my life.
Some of my friends think that if only I would meditate more and make sure to do my spiritual exercises as well as my physical ones, I wouldn’t have to rely on Effexor and Welbutrin. They think that if I can just find that right balance, my brain will fix itself.
I have a million different reactions to my well-meaning friends’ advice. Sometimes I’m grateful that they care about me so much; sometimes I feel weak and lazy, knowing that without my medication I’d be back in the Slough of Despond come Labor Day…if only I were more disciplined! And sometimes I feel incredibly misunderstood and even angry that the very people who love me and want only the best for me insist that my illness is somehow different from diabetes or high blood pressure.
Prayer and meditation are an important part of my life. But, like most things in life, while they address many things, they’re not a one-stop cureall. If I had acute appendicitis, no matter what else I did, I’d still need an appendectomy to get rid of the infected gland. If I had diabetes, no matter how much I meditated, I’d still need to take insulin.
I have a depressive illness, and I still need to take anti-depressants. My interior life and spiritual journeys are crucial to the life I want to lead.
So is my Effexor.
* Click here to subscribe to Beyond Blue and click here to follow Therese on Twitter and click here to join Group Beyond Blue, a depression support group. Now stop clicking.
Read Previous Post
