Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue


12 Ways to Mend a Broken Heart

posted by Beyond Blue

broken heart.jpg

Bess Myerson once wrote that “to fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful,” especially if you are the one who wanted the relationship to last. But to stop loving isn’t an option. Author Henri Nouwen writes, “When those you love deeply reject you, leave you, or die, your heart will be broken. But that should not hold you back from loving deeply. The pain that comes from deep love makes your love ever more fruitful.” But how do we get beyond the pain? Here are 12 techniques I’ve gathered from experts and from conversations with friends on how they patched up their heart and tried, ever so gradually, to move on.

1. Go through it, not around it.

I realize the most difficult task for a person with a broken heart is to stand still and feel the crack. But that is exactly what she must do. Because no shortcut is without its share of obstructions. Here’s a simple fact: You have to grieve in order to move on. During the 18 months of my severe depression, my therapist repeated almost every visit: “Go through it. Not around it.” Because if I went around some of the issues that were tearing me apart inside, then I would bump into them somewhere down the line, just like being caught in the center of a traffic circle. By going through the intense pain, I eventually surfaced as a stronger person ready to tackle problems head on. Soon the pain lost its stronghold over me.

2. Stand on your own.

One of the most liberating thoughts I repeat to myself when I’m immersed in grief and sadness is this: I don’t need anyone or anything to make me happy. That job is all my own, with a little help from God. When I’m experiencing the intense pangs of grief, it is so difficult to trust that I can be whole without that person in my life. But I have learned over and over again that I can. I really can. It is my job to fill the emptiness, and I can do it … creatively, and with the help of my higher power.

3. Detach.

Attempting to fill the void yourself–without rushing to a new relationship or trying desperately to win your lover back–is essentially what detaching is all about. The Buddha taught that attachment that leads to suffering. So the most direct path to happiness and peace is detachment. In his book, “Eastern Wisdom for Western Minds,” Victor M. Parachin tells a wonderful story about an old gardener who sought advice from a monk. Writes Parachin:

“Great Monk, let me ask you: How can I attain liberation?” The Great Monk replied: “Who tied you up?” This old gardener answered: “Nobody tied me up.” The Great Monk said: “Then why do you seek liberation?”

4. List your strengths.

As I wrote in my “12 Ways to Keep Going” post, a technique that helps me when I feel raw and defeated to try anymore is to list my strengths. I say to myself, “Self, you have been sober for 20 years!! Weaklings can’t pull off that! And here you are, alive, after those 18 months of intense suicidal thoughts. Plus you haven’t smoked a cigarette since that funeral back in December of last year!” I say all of that while listening to the “Rocky” soundtrack, and by the last line, I’m ready to tackle my next challenge: move on from this sadness and try to be a productive individual in this world. If you can’t list your strengths, start a self-esteem file. Click here to learn how you build one.

5. Allow some fantasizing.

Grief wouldn’t be the natural process that it should be without some yearning for the person you just lost. Dr. Christine Whelan, who writes the “Pure Sex, Pure Column” on BustedHalo.com, explains the logic of allowing a bit of fantasy. She writes:

If you are trying to banish a sexual fantasy from your head, telling yourself “I’m not going to fantasize about her” or “I won’t think about what it would be like to be intimate with him” might make it worse: In a famous psychological study from the 1980s, a group of subjects were told to think about anything but whatever they did, they were not supposed to think about a white bear. Guess what they all thought about?

6. Help someone else.

When I’m in pain, the only guaranteed antidote to my suffering is to box up all of my feelings, sort them, and then try to find a use for them. That’s why writing Beyond Blue contributes a big chunk to my recovery, why moderating Group Beyond Blue has me excited to wake up every day. When you turn your attention to another person–especially someone who is struggling with the same kind of pain–you forget about yourself for a split moment. And let’s face it, that, on some days, feels like a miracle.

7. Laugh. And cry.

Laughter heals on many levels as I explain in my “9 Ways Humor Heals” post, and so does crying. You think it’s just a coincidence that you always feel better after a good cry? Nope, there are many physiological reasons that contribute to the healing power of tears. Some of them have been documented by biochemist William Frey who has spent 15 years as head of a research team studying tears. Among their findings is that emotional tears (as compared to tears of irritation, like when you cut an onion) contain toxic biochemical byproducts, so that weeping removes these toxic substances and relieves emotional stress. So go grab a box of Kleenex and cry your afternoon away.

8. Make a good and bad list.

You need to know which activities will make you feel good, and which ones will make you want to toilet paper your ex-lover’s home (or apartment). You won’t really know which activity belongs on which list until you start trying things, but I suspect that things like checking out his wall on Facebook and seeing that he has just posted a photo of his gorgeous new girlfriend is not going to make you feel good, so put that on the “don’t attempt” list, along with e-mails and phone calls to his buddies fishing for information about him. On the “feels peachy” list might be found such ventures as: deleting all of his e-mails and voicemails, pawning off the jewelry he gave you (using the cash for a much-needed massage?), laughing over coffee with a new friend who doesn’t know him from Adam (to ensure his name won’t come up).

9. Work it out.

Working out your grief quite literally–by running, swimming, walking, or kick-boxing–is going to give you immediate relief. On a physiological level–because exercise increases the activity of serotonin and/or norepinehrine and stimulates brain chemicals that foster growth of nerve cells–but also on an emotional level, because you are taking charge and becoming the master of your mind and body. Plus you can visualize the fellow who is responsible for your pain and you can kick him in the face. Now doesn’t that feel good?

10. Create a new world.

This is especially important if your world has collided with his, meaning that mutual friends who have seen him in the last week feel the need to tell you about it. Create your own safe world–full of new friends who wouldn’t recognize him in a crowd and don’t know how to spell his name–where he is not allowed to drop by for a figurative or literal surprise visit. Take this opportunity to try something new–scuba diving lessons, an art class, a book club, a blog–so to program your mind and body to expect a fresh beginning … without him.

11. Find hope.

There’s a powerful quote in the movie “The Tale of Despereaux” that I’ve been thinking about ever since I heard it: “There is one emotion that is stronger than fear, and that is forgiveness.” I suppose that’s why, at my father’s deathbed, the moment of reconciliation between us made me less scared to lose him. But forgiveness requires hope: believing that a better place exists, that the aching emptiness experienced in your every activity won’t be with you forever, that one day you’ll be excited to make coffee in the morning or go to a movie with friends. Hope is believing that the sadness can evaporate, that if you try like hell to move on with your life, your smile won’t always be forced. Therefore in order to forgive and to move past fear, you need to find hope.

12. Love deeply. Again and again.

Once our hearts are bruised and burned from a relationship that ended, we have two options: we can close off pieces of our heart so that one day no one will be able to get inside. Or we can love again. Deeply, just as intensely as we did before. Henri Nouwen urges to love again because the heart only expands with the love we are able to pour forth. He writes:

The more you have loved and have allowed yourself to suffer because of your love, the more you will be able to let your heart grow wider and deeper. When your love is truly giving and receiving, those whom you love will not leave your heart even when they depart from you. The pain of rejection, absence, and death can become fruitful. Yes, as you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear.



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susan

posted January 6, 2009 at 7:24 am


Dear Therese, this touched my heart. I still cannot get over my last relationship ending, it’s still raw like an open wound. He has moved on. I am still stuck like it was yesterday. I hope this helps. Thank you.
The other things that help are chocolate, Cherry Garcia ice cream, and a snuggle with a feline.



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Nancy

posted January 6, 2009 at 8:41 am


Dear Therese, number 11 on your list, finding Hope, really hits the spot. I’ve been suffering from severe clinical depression since my brother drove his corvette stingray into a tree, a tree into my head, and will not take responsibility for his actions, for 4 years. Going through 3.5 yrs of litigation to settle medical costs and losses, has been horrible! A one point, I was suicidal. I felt as though it was a HOPELESS situation. Thank God, my spirital director (I’m also practicing Catholic)has helped me not to fall into “the pit” and my shrink has kept my head above water. And a good neuropsychologist has found the right mix of meds. In my new year, I am trying to focus on Hope—hope of rebuilding. He may never apologize and I will have to forgive him everyday (he doesn’t want forgiveness), but HOPE will get me through this!



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Lois Marie

posted January 6, 2009 at 5:05 pm


WOW! I so needed to hear what you said! For the past 4 months I have been allowing myself to be void of any emotions, since I was the one that was left behind from a 9 year relationship. It’s been very difficult and challenging and heart breaking. Hopefully I can begin to forgive and move forward again. It’s a scary thing to forgive isn’t it. And it’s also frightening to leave someone or something behind, especially when you still are inlove with that person. Hope can be a wonderful thing can’t it.



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Dawn

posted January 6, 2009 at 6:45 pm


my favorite quote from the movie was “because one act of forgiveness can change everything.”



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Bouncingback

posted January 6, 2009 at 10:22 pm


It is hard even when one is moving from a relationship that is not convenient and one promotes the breakup. Just as Lois Marie said there are lingering feelings after the breakup and I have learned to look in to the wounded places instead of running from them.
Susan, snuggle with a feline sounds terrific solution! mine doesn’t care for cuddling though.
Nancy, good for you on your quest for forgiveness and hope. You might want to read John Paul II speech “there is no peace without justice and there is no justice without forgiveness”.
And thanks for the addition Dawn, I like to believe that.



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 10:44 am


I HAVE RECIEVED MANY E-MAILS FROM THIS SITE. TODAY I OPENED IT. I HAVE A EMPTY FEELING THAT WILL NOT GP AWAY. I AM SAD, LONELY AND WISH I COULD TURN BACK TIME. I WILL TRY AND KEEP READING THESE PASSAGES, SOMETHING HAS TO CLICK. THANKS,I WANT TO BELIEVE.



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 11:06 am


I am also ending a 9 year relationship and I had a baby with the person. But I do believe that everything happens for a reason. This article is definitely a helper and I will print it out and continue to read it so I can get past this stage of my life. I know it will only make me a better person, but it still is not easy especially with a child…



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GESUMARILOV

posted January 7, 2009 at 11:27 am


REALLY NEEDED TO HEAR THAT I’VE BEEN LETTING THE TERS FALL FROM TIME TO TIME AND MAN THAT PRECIOUS ACHE OF WHAT MIGHT’VE BEEN A DAY DOES NOT GO BY THAT HE DOES NOT CROSS MY MIND SOMETIMES IF EEL HIS LIPS ON MY MOUTH THE STRANGE IS WE HAVE NEVER KISSED … I DREAM ABOUT HIM AND THE PROMISES THOSE ARE THE BIG ONES I AM A LITTLE APPREHENSIVE THAT JUST AS I AM READY TO MVE ON HE’LL CALL AND I’ JUST HAFE TO SAY NOT NOW NOT EVER … BUT FRGIVE HIM I STILL FEEL MAD ABOUT IT … MAYBE WHEN I AM DONE … HAVE BEEN SLEEPIN A LITTLE MORE THAN USUAL BUT I SHOULD BE ALRIGHT I HAV A GREAT CAPACITY TO LOVE I WILL JUST HOLD OUT FOR AWHILE I AM IN NO HURRY BESIDES A LIITTLE HEARTACHE ALOT OF LOVE I CAN DIG IT…



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moms5angels

posted January 7, 2009 at 11:44 am


The grieving part is so very true. Marriage separation in October. I thought I was okay. Then the grieving started. 14 years was a lot to lose. I knew what it was. So, I allowed myself to go through this process. It was intense the first month, moderate second month, now gone. I’m confident, strong, moving forward with God’s arm around my shoulders. I have the occasional pang, but that’s okay. It has all made me who I am today.



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 12:03 pm


Hi Therese,
I’m mending a broken heart right now. I’ve goodbye to that beautiful and painful chapter of my life. I wallowed in grief for months on end and i have forgiven. I feel a lot better now. Though i still cry and feel the pain from the bruises at times. But i feel peace in my heart. Ohhh yes, i have not closed my heart to the beautiful experience of loving and sharing. Maybe somewhere down the road, someone with a good heart will come my way. Who knows??? Thank you so much for this article. This will serve as my reminder when i slip back and falter. I always read your blog…it helps me a lot! More power and a happy and abundant New Year to you and your family :-)



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 12:18 pm


Thanks for the article. I really believe that forgiveness is critical to move forward. I also think it is important for people to list their strengths and find ways to improve and reach new goals after a break up. I am feeling much stronger day by day. I do have days or time periods when the sadness creeps in but that does subside with time and awareness.



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 12:27 pm


I got married 8 mos ago and have learned a lot about marriage in this short time. I wanted to marry my hero, my everything. But no human on this earth could be that. What I was looking for in a husband is what I already have in Jesus Christ. I could not appreciate my husband until I realized this. I just always spent my time disappointed in him. But it took him for me to realize that only Jesus Christ can fulfill ALL my needs and that no one else is perfect. I thank God for my husband and when it seems my husband isn’t interested in me, I just open my Bible and spend time with the Most High.



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sybil

posted January 7, 2009 at 12:47 pm


Death is harder than divorce how do you get through that? again it takes time.
Friends help be they family or not.
There is a longing and an emptiness that is lingering.



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 12:57 pm


i cant seem to get over my current divorce, this dec 3rd,2008.,( or my breakup from a boyfriend i had while seperated.)(more on boyfriend further down)..even though we have been seperated for some time,my ex-husband and i … he was my first true love right out of high school, i am now 39 years old and very lonely, i had a boyfriend during our seperation and thought getting divorced would be easy becuase i thought i found a new true love, well when i became ill and was hospitalized, he decided to leave me, never visit or call the hospital. i was only there for 2 weeks but it got a little scary when i was told they wanted to do a biopsy on my lungs if there wasnt any improvement( i have copd and mid, both severe lung cond. that when i get a cold its rather dangerous for me)anywho, my lungs did improve no biopsy needed, but he never even called,then when i got out he came back and said he was off thinking i new it wasnt true, but i acted like i believed,(i knew he had a girlfriend, yet i Played dumb..WHY???) eventually he left for good and was recently incarcerated for fighting with his new girlfriend who while he was in jail did to him exactly what he did to me..karma ..but now hes back and wants to be just friends and stay with me, he is staying with me right now , but its so hard i dont know what to do ..please help



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 1:08 pm


i think is a death child is harder than a breakup or a divorce. Is there anything to deal with that?



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 1:22 pm


Hello i just read your blog and the 12 steps I want to say THANK YOU!!
for showing this I’ve been doing it all wrong and i need to start new, New Year New Me 2009 it’s been heart shaterring messy and am mad as hell, after 13 years married i wanted to just crawl into a body ball and be left alone, my daugther got me this computer and said find intersting things that will help you grow and get you out of that depressing stage with prayer and new confidence i feel a bit more alive everyday i will be looking forward to more interesting articles keep up the gr8 work **** ladydgauna



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 1:25 pm


2006 was the worst year of my life, but the beggining of a new one at the same time, it is now 2009 and life is still hard, but better every day. Are there moments that I still feel pain? Yes, but now they are only moments. In the beggining my family wanted me to stay on anti-depression medication, but in the deepest part of me I just knew I had to feel the pain, to heal. I knew I needed time to be alone, time to help others, time to hurt, time to make new friends, and for the first time in my life to find ME. And to trust God for everthing I have and evrything I no longer have. I still want a home, not an apartment, but stuff is only stuff. Nothing is more important than my God and my health, my family, my new friends and my old. Without all of what I have been through I now know that if I had not gone through this I would not be the person I am now. Would I have chosen to have gone through it? NO. But I am now very thankful that I did. I now am a whole person, that can give and receive. I am now in a Healthy Loving Supportive relationship. I now have hope and know that it all works out for the best even if it hurts.



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EazyB

posted January 7, 2009 at 2:14 pm


The death of a child is the most traumatic experience a person can go through. A divorce is the second most traumatic experience followed by the death of a spouse. Why is a divorce more traumatic than the death of a spouse? Because in death, there is “closure.” In a divorce, there are lingering feelings that may go on for decades.



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 2:15 pm


Thank you!
I have had such a difficult time walking away from a man I was deeply (and with so much dysfunction) in love with. First not knowing he was an addict (yes I am naive to some things in life but I’ve got a big lesson on this one) and then his confession to me and asking me not to run away once I knew… pulled me even deeper into the darkness. I held on in hopes I could CHANGE MY SELF and be more TOLERANT of his ways, non judgmental etc…hang on as he promised to make changes… but I couldn’t sit by and be ok while he went through his process. Because his process of “using” in front of me hit me right between my eyes! He didn’t want to hide and wanted to get clean.. and by my not running (as the rest of his family had) he had said it would help strengthen him etc…BS! It doesn’t work that way.. I KNEW THAT.. but the “tolerant” factor of my wishes to try something new got in the way…… Yes he meant well and today is going through his 30 day sobriety but that all happened once I left.
Why I allowed myself to see the RED and yet like the matador, take him head on??!! I knew better.. but I fell off my own co-dependent wagon after YEARS Off sobriety from it all. WOW that hurt…
You’re news letters have been such a ray of sunshine and reminders of all that I had learned in the past… THANK YOU.. for helping me get back on track.
The topics of your news letters continue to be timely and I look forward to the next!
Happy New Year…
MAKE IT A GREAT ONE!
A Mending Heart



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 2:58 pm


ITS NOT EASY FOUND OUT MY WIFE WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR WE HAVE THREE GIRLS ITS BEEN THE HARDEST THING I EVER BEEN THROU IN LIFE ,SO I TURNED MY LIFE TO GOD FOR AN ANSWER,AND TO HELP ME GET OVER ALL THIS.



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 3:04 pm


My son Evyn would have been 12 years 1.9.09
I found comfort in these words:
I think of heaven as a garden where I shall again meet those dear ones who have made my world.
The first year I just existed, the second year, I told myself I’ve been here before. Time and time again I realized the fact I’ve lost a child and was able to deal with the pain, meant I can handle anything.
Remember God only gives us that which we can handle.
I hope this helps. :)



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an

posted January 7, 2009 at 3:17 pm


ended a relationship 3 months ago, felt like I was broke in pieces, cried all the time, but guess what, I made it, I feel good about myself for knowing that after 6 yrs. of giving I deserve too also receive, he started a relationship before we ended, he said he could not be alone, I thought we had been working on our issues, to my surprise I found out he was working on them with someone else, just in case we didn’t resolve ours. Surprise to me, I found another person at my home when I can home early. Anyway, I realized I deserved more from a relationship then that, it’s call respect, so I’m now moving on and after all the tears I,m happy to say, I’m glad I did what I did and I can close that door for good.



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 3:41 pm


I feel like reading this was exactly what I needed at this moment in my life. At this particular moment I am very hurt, but I do have hope that one day the pain will pass and I’ll be happy again. Though I must say after this, I’m a little afraid to love again.



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Freddy

posted January 7, 2009 at 4:00 pm


Over 35 years ago I met a beautiful lady that we immediately ‘fell for each other’…so I thought. Unfortunately, she lives on the East coast and I live on the West coast.
We spent the first night, just talking and sharing many romantic kisses. We agreed to meet each other in a midwest town, in a couple months…and, we did, for three nights. It was there that we discussed our leaving our spouses and plan to live together, and eventually be married.
After returning to our respective cities, we called each other every day and sent tapes to each other, talking about how much we loved each other and looking forward to spending our lives together.
I have never loved any lady as much as I still love her.
About 6 months later, I received a tearful phone call from her, telling me that she could not go through with our plans. She had talked to her priest, and he convinced her that it was wrong to leave her husband, and for me to leave my wife.
She wanted me to promise to never contact her again, and that all the (loving) things I had sent her would be discarded….her priest told her to have nothing that would remind her of me.
I have never stopped loving her…there is not a day that goes by that I don’t think of her.
I have been depressed ever since receiving that phone call!
My heart never did mend…and, I know that I will take my love for her to my grave.
I am still with my wife, but my life with her has nnever been the same.



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Jaymie

posted January 7, 2009 at 5:07 pm


This article described my feelings so well. It has been 7 weeks since my husband of 20 years told me “I met someone else”. Those 4 small words destroyed my entire being. He left me for a 24-year-old girl. I joined a support group, and have been getting out and working on myself. I am still struggling, but I am happy to say I don’t cry every day any more, I don’t e-mail or text him any more, and I am mostly thinking about what I am going to do today.
It is hard…very hard. I plan to fall in love again. I had 20 years with my man before he lost his mind and forgot what our love was about. But I can’t imagine NOT feeling that again. I am only 43 years old and with many years left. Once I feel more independent and know I CAN live without a man loving me, then I will move on in that direction because it is a glorious place to be. We all deserve happiness…he felt his was with another person. I have forgiven him, moved past hate, and on to sadness..edging upon hope. It is a journey.



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 5:20 pm


One of my best friends was a brittle alcoholic. When he was sober, we had fun, he made me laugh and we travelled quite a bit. Well he suffered a traumatic head injury while on one of his binges and was found in his apartment dead. I still have not gotten over this, has been 2years this past Christmas day. I find solace in trying to remember the fun times but am also in therapy because I’m still angry that he had this horrible disease and it killed him. I miss him so much but I know that he is in a better place, no longer suffering from the clutches of this horrific disease.



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marie

posted January 7, 2009 at 5:37 pm


My husband died 4 years ago. At 52 years old. We met in 1983 and married on Valentines on 1986. He died a year after my sister died (at 41 years old.) This man was my best friend and very good to me. After losing them, I do feel like I can get thru anything if I have survived losing them. My husband loved me unconditionally. I do not believe I will ever be loved like that again. I have gone thru the grieving process. I honor his memory and know that we will be together again. God has helped me get to this point in my life. I am 44 years old, recently diagnosed with MS. So, with that..it is hard to be hopeful about much.I just miss my Husband. It does help reading Beliefnet daily. I take good care of myself and have learned alot. Thank you for your stories. It helps to know others can relate to lost love.



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 6:59 pm


This was, as is all ways of the Lord, right on time. I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years. At the time it began, I was in a very good place in my life. I was a single mom, my kids were growing up and doing well for themselves. I was working hard and playing hard and pretty content with my life. The only thing missing was someone to share it with. Then I met this wonderful man. I was NOT planning to fall in love with him. I was NOT planning to even remotely consider the rest of my life with him. Then..it happened. I had had my guard up for 5 years and he broke through my wall. We decided just a few short days ago (and no, I have not had time to grieve) that we couldn’t continue until some issues in our lives were taken care of. It’s almost like I am missing a body part. I don’t know what the future is going to bring for us. I miss my best friend and the love of my life. But, I do know because of my ability to love him, I am better because he was a part of my life. I pray he was better because I was a part of him. I know the extreme sadness will calm down. Just right now..it’s too raw. Thanks for this, it truly does help.



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Suzanne

posted January 7, 2009 at 7:15 pm


I just wanted to say ditto to all the above. I thank God for this website everyday. It speaks volumns to me. I recentely lost a husband if 12 yrs when he walked out on me when I asked him to start helping pay for some of the houshold expenses–you see I put him through chiropractic school and finacially supported us for 12 yrs. He literally never bought a roll of tp for the house. That was my 2nd husband I then reconnected with my second husband made upnbecame friends again only to lose him to alcoholism 6 weeks later. At least I had closure. I then had to put my dog down the day after this Xmas. He was my only child. I then had several financial problems within a two week period two ac units, one furnace died then 2 goldfish and a bird not to mention a hairdryer a d coffee maker. I felt alone abandoned and angry as hell. Oh! I forgot to tell you just found out imam also going blind due to genetic disease,it’s called Fuchs dystrophy. That was my turning point. I made a joke and I call it the f–ck disease. . For the first time in 9 months of severe depression I feel a sense of hope after your article. Thanks so much .



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 7:20 pm


A few months back, I was the happiest I had ever been with a friend whom became my lover and my man. This was the first real relationship I was in sense my sons dad and I broke up. Well, I allowed myself to give love a try again and got hurt really bad once again. I was with this new guy for 6 months and things were doing great, then I heard the worst thing ever and that was I need some space. I have yet to get over this because I really fell in love with him and I actually thought he was the “one”. My bad, I guess this is what I get for thinking and loving. I am about to be 36 and I feel that it’s not worth falling inlove because all it does is cause more pain.



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Anne

posted January 7, 2009 at 7:34 pm


After I was diagnosed with MS, my boyfriend ultimately abandoned me. I am now coping with my Mom’s hospitalization for dementia. If it were not for the fact that I need to be supportive emotionally for my Dad, I would no longer wish to live. At age 56, I will never find another man like my ex, who is 47. Due to my disability, I cannot work, even if it were possible to find a job in this rotten economy. The few friends I have left are either too busy or too distant. I don’t know how to make new friends at this stage in life.



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 9:13 pm


thank you for this site.i lost my father 3 yrs ago and i was seeing a woman who i loved dearly,my father died of cancer i was so hurt because we didnt get to talk,while that was going on this woman who i loved stop seeing me to get back with her old boyfriend i knew better because she never gave me straight answers about us.I wastorn up because i thought we had something special,we shared so much.the one thing is she was never there for me,reading your articles i see where ive been blind to love really ive given up because im tired of being hurt and lead astray.i need a change in my life because i feel like im not worth anything.thank you for your articles they help from time to time



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Bitter Cold

posted January 7, 2009 at 9:19 pm


For the last 4 years, I have questioned myself as of why I am here. First My best friend passes, my brother, my father gets severly ill and then I loose my mom and during this time I find out that I had cancer. Now during this time I went thru a divorce, went thru 3 relationships that cheated on me with other women and violently attacked by one of them. All I can say is, “WHY”! Then the end of 2006 I met the man I thought was the one. We enjoyed the same hobby and felt there was a future for us. 2 days before we was going to move in with me (Just this January 2009), he said that he couldn’t go on. I have been been distraught, confused, angry and torn with every emotion you can imagine. Why am I here Lord. To watch the people I love die, to have people come into my life to destroy my heart every minute, work my rear off every day to save my home. Why am I here. I have no purpose..



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Michele

posted January 7, 2009 at 9:38 pm


Ann, I know you must be feeling overwhelmed just about now. Trust that the Lord is with you. My sister has been living with MS for the past 16 years or so. Although the disease has been difficult to live with she is doing ok. I am writing because I know that she is involved with several MS support groups. Perhaps you can look into and find some a group to help you cope with the effects of the illness; it could also lead to healthy friendships with people who truly understand. I wish you health and peace.



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 10:46 pm


Yes, there are days I’m depressed and I still feel the pain from rejection, but thanks to a couple meds. my mental health is usually in check. I’m also attending a new church and making new friends!



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 10:50 pm


I just ended a relationship of 12 years with a married man. I was very unhappy for most of those 12 years. I had been happily married for 22 years to the first and only man in my life. I allowed myself to be seduced by this other man and felt that a lot of it had to do with the fact that I had married very young and had not dated or had any significant experiences of my own. i went from being a teenager at home to becoming the wife of someone that was several years my senior. I ended the relationship because my lover was not a selfish man who exploited the relationship and took advantage of my feelings of love and kindness because I allowed him to in my quest to be wanted and loved. He had been separated from his wife for since the later part of last year and while he was still attempting to get me to sleep with him he was quietly seducing her in an attempt to patch things up with her which he did.
I went trhough the pain and devastation of the betrayal and now I am feeling so releived and I am also moving on and feeling happier that the nightmare is finally over.



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Jennifer

posted January 7, 2009 at 10:51 pm


My heart got break about 2 months ago. My boyfriend of 6 years left me I am sure for someone else. Because he has a girlfriend already. I am having a hard time moving on. He was so great to me my best friend my everything. I miss himso much I cant get he out of my mind. I am praying everday for him to go away out of my mind. THen I look on My e-mail today and see this. Thank u so much I know this is going to help me get through this mess today . I will ne praying everyday!!!!



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Your Name

posted January 7, 2009 at 10:58 pm


I’m not a fast computer person so the first part of my text was lost and I messed it up! Briefly. went through a divorce 7 yrs. ago after a 26 yr. marriage. He was my first love and I expected to be married til death. Well, one day out of the blue he tells me he doesn’t love me anymore and no there wasn’t another woman. I was devastated and I wish I could say I relied on God, however I became extremely angry with Him and went into a deep depression and before 2002 was over I attp. suicide twice. It wasn’t my time to die and I pulled trough despite dire medical predictions and suffered no physical side effects. Am I sorry I did that and am I forgiven by Dod, YEs! I put my adult children through Hell during those times! I’ve made a promise to my son I’ll never do that again as he found me both times when he couldn’t reach me by phone.



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Sharon

posted January 7, 2009 at 11:05 pm


just realized there’s another no name and I’m not computer literate enough to know whether those can be diatinguished, but I’m the one about the 26 yr. marriage ending in divorce. What I wanted to add was that I can never thank God enough for pulling me through because I nevwe would have known my grandson. It did takealmost 5 yrs. to work through with a Christain counselor and he always told me I would return to my true First Love- God!



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Sabrina

posted January 7, 2009 at 11:30 pm


I too couldn’t believe how perfect it was to find this in my mailbox. I have been with the same man for 7 years and we recently broke up. I am devestated. He just fell out of love with me. After 2 kids and 7 years i can’t understand how. But I pray eveyday and know that GOD will help me go on. I always remeber that GOD never gives you more than you can handle!



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ANNE

posted January 8, 2009 at 12:24 am


I ‘m so glad to read this article. So far I am in the process of healing a briken heart.The hard part is actually will be having to see him with her once a week. i want to run but I see now that I should face up to It.I’m not particuliarly looking forward to doing this.But I know I got to through with it.I got a great support team so I guess that’s a good thing.



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MaryAnn

posted January 8, 2009 at 5:44 am


It seems like most of these people talk about either a girlfriend or boyfriend, but I would like anyone, someone, to answer the question how do you ever heal after the death of a MOTHER that was everything to you, not only a mother but best friends, went on vacations together and we liked each others company better than most others. I lost her after 2 yrs of her being extremely ill and I am completely alone now even had therepy and still not to be able to get past it at times. I know she is looking down at me and saying STOP and go on and one day we will be together again and I believe that but what to do now while I am still living or I should say existing? Any answers would be appreciated. I pray each and every night and that is the only thing that has kept me going.



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Your Name

posted January 8, 2009 at 6:38 am


i am going through a separation from my husband of 5 years and my heart is completely broken…i have 3 children from a previous and i thank God he has seen me throught this…it’s been 6 months now and i know he isnt coming home…i love him with all my heart and accepting his leaving has been the hardest thing to do…i just keep praying and asking God to help me and i know He will



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Cee

posted January 8, 2009 at 6:50 am


God’s grace to receive this article.I myself am going through a terrible breakup after 2 years of dating a man with a sex addiction. I test every 3 mos. and so far remain negative for HIV. He says he loves me but he still frequents strippers, and drug addicts for sex.It is comforting to know that you are not alone in your pain and struggle. I cry, I pray and I have found the article helpful. Much love to those experiencing this painful transition. We may never know why or all the reasons for the situation, but I certainly do believe that there is always an abundance of love. That is something you never run out of. Thank you for sharing, thank you for listening and I thank God that you are still here. We will love again. Much luv to all.



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Sunshine

posted January 8, 2009 at 10:00 am


Hello everyone! I am 30 years old and just went losing my baby’s father. He went back to his ex after I had my baby.I didn’t understand how to deal with having a baby and not being with him. You know seperating your feelings for that person from the fact that you have a child. But with being a Christian, I knew I could pray and the Holy Spirit would give me direction, and it happened! I had to practice praying for him so I wouldn’t be bitter; and face him instead of hiding so I would know I was over him. Then, not dwelling on the past time we had but looking forward to what I could have with someone else. But most importantly, I took the void and allowed God to feel it. As crazy as it may seem; God and I talked, cried, laughed, and had the best time for hours a day. And the best part it never had to end. Then to my surprise I was healed by just knowing someone actually loved me more than I loved them cause they gave their life for me. Just know God is everything we need and more. He can do anything for you, but you have to give yourself to him along with your issuses. I hope this encouraged someone, be blessed.



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Your Name

posted January 8, 2009 at 10:45 am


my pain is not caused by loosing a mate but my daughter. She recently moved out because of our constant fighting. The fighting was mostly caused by her terrible mood swings, and wanting to do things that we totally disagreeded with. Even tho we allowed her to do about any thing she wanted which was never any thing really bad. We constantally worried about her being out by her self at nite and not knowing where she was. She is 21 now and just as soon as she became financially able to the day she moved out with out us knowing anything about it and closed all her accounts with my name on it. This was just her way of showing her parents that she didn’t need us any more, and that she would make it on her own. All this could have been handled very diffrently. Her move was on the heels of one of her tantrems, and was done all on an impulse. Please dont say “well shes 21 and it’s time”. She is a very big part of my life, and I dont know how to go on with out her. The thing that kills me is the spite work that was involved in the way she handled everything. Why does the parent always have to be the adult and try to make ammends, if she is an adult and 21 then why cant she see the pain that she has caused not only me but our entire family. I try to go on every day but this has just happened and I know all of this is just fresh on my mind maybe that is why it hurts so much, but I really dont see it getting any better. It always has to be her way or no way. I guess that is what the whole problem was to start with. I could go on forever but I wont, the pain is so great that it seems like just as long as I type, it somehow eases some of it. I don’t know what to do!!



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Cooky

posted January 8, 2009 at 11:28 am


Hi Everyone,
It is a pleasure to read all of your stories and know that I am not the only one feeling so alone and sad and in love. I recently broken up with I think was my best friend, lover, and Baby after a year and the half. I know he loves me but he is in a sticky situation. Although, he has lied to me I truly believed it was because he didnt want to hurt me as he said. Yet, the truth may have not gotten us here now. After, reading all of your stories the more I went on the more I cried and felt each and every one of your pain.
I am in so much pain and dont know what to do but roll over and die right now. Neither one of us expected to fall in love with one another it just happened, we was only going to have fun neither one of us was really looking for anything serious, it just happened. I guess that is why it is so painful. I found out that his ex ( so-called) was having his baby and the day I found out was the day they buried their baby boy. He came to me that night and told me the reason he has been acting the way he was and why we couldnt be together. He stayed with me that night and I knew he loved me more than anything at that point but had to take responsibility for what him and her is going thur. I respected him for that, he went back to her, and even though I know I lost him, I know in my heart she needs him more than I do at this time. We decided never to call, text, email one another again. And it hurts so bad and I miss him dearly, one moment I am crying, than I am so mad and angry, for allowing myself to love him. This passage came in my email right on time I needed to read this maybe GOD knew what he was doing, I know my healing process is going to be long and dreadful but it has to be done. GOD Bless all of you and may your hearts mend gracefully. WALK with GOD for he knows your next path! Seek for happiness for your self !!! I know it is easier said than done but I didnt feel this way until I read all of your stories, My break up is only a week old. and all of you have gave me HOPE!!!



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Lisa June

posted January 8, 2009 at 12:09 pm


I was with my live in boyfriend for 17yrs- He loves me, comforts me, takes care of me when I have been sick and has always been there for me emotional. Sounds good right-Well he for the most of the time has been on drugs (heavy drugs) so 3 1/2 yrs ago a pastor came by to see him and I was there alone (no doubt that God put this pastor in my life) just @ the right time. Anyway he moved out-very painful, greive, heartbreak. Time passed I got better God stared blessing me more & more and then bam he got really sick and I was there for him and I got sick and he was there for me-he mows my yard, and does anything that I need done-(we are not sexual) just good friends I truly love him only in that way. The problem is I cannot move on with my like with him still being in my life. I truly do not know what to do-Please any advise–This is just something I cannot seem to let go of. He is now clean of the drugs but still doesn’t change all the things that we went through when he was.. I pray to God everyday and it seems that he is just telling me to take one day @ a time. I am very lonely and cannot seem to stay away from him-its not that I see him everday but we do talk everyday and say the I love you’s…….. I feel so messed up inside. Help- Help !!! I do not want a therpist I have put my trust in God.



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jujube

posted January 8, 2009 at 12:57 pm


what is with the ” am christian” but has had child out of wedlock with a man thatis mrried? isnt that a no no in the 10 commendants?
the “church looks down on same sex marriage but looks the other way
on this matter…??



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Your Name

posted January 8, 2009 at 10:54 pm


After eight years, recently I finally broke up with my boyfriend. It feels odd to be on the dumping end, but I know it is the right decision. I still second-guess myself sometimes about breaking up with him, but I am taking steps to fill the void with helpful activities. Instead of calling him before work, I write in my personal journal about whatever issues I’m dealing with at the moment. Sometimes that triggers prayer, which is good for my spiritual well-being. About a week ago, I watched “It’s Me or the Dog!” on Animal Planet and learned that walking the dogs everyday is essential to their mental, emotional, and physical well-being. It gave me an incentive to start walking with the dogs. I get exercise as well as the dogs and it gives me a sense of self-control and freedom. In time, I hope to have a new and better relationship. For now, I know I have to heal from this one and that will take time. I’m willing to do the work necessary now so that any new relationship will have the best chance to grow. Shalom.



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Your Name

posted January 9, 2009 at 8:03 am


Hi parent of the 21 year old daughter, I can relate to your pain, suffering, and saddess. It is especially troubling when the source is our children. I would like for you to think about this, as hard as it may be at this time. “LOVE” is what it is really all about! If you can put everything else aside, just let her always know she is loved and “you are here for her” if she needs or wants you. It has to be that simple. You may both feel a sense of relief and it may eventually help your relationship. Even though she always needs her way and independence (however hard this is for a parent to deal with…I’ve been there and done that too), the best you can do is make sure she’s safe and “LOVE” her softly. She hear you in a loud way and even carry your voice in her heart when making difficult decisions. Think about this and maybe try to simply love her and nothing else right now. I hope I don’t sound too preachy, but it’s worth a try. I know your heart will lighten up and hopefully your daughter will feel you sooner rather than later…but either way, it’s okay. I feel for you and hope this might help. B



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Your Name

posted January 9, 2009 at 7:12 pm


I have been married almost 19 years and we lived together for 2 before we married. We have 3 children. I thought we had a pretty good marriage, the normal ups and downs… Last Jan. I found out my husband was having an affair, I never would have believed he was the kind of man that would do that. I ended up in the hospital stress center for 10 days and went into a deep depression. In May he moved out and in Sept. filed for divorce. I was hospitalized again in May. Many days I pray for death to come. I go to church and pray an pray, and beg God to fix my husbands heart. This is not the man I married, he seems a stranger! He treats me like I am the one who betrayed the marriage. I am in couseling and found a job teaching pre school but I find no joy in anything but my kids. On Christmas eve I had to sit home alone while he and his family had a family celebration. I nearly killed me. My husband was a wonderful man for many years, I don’t understand where that man has gone! He gives me no real reason for any of this. I feel like this pain and loniness is all I will have once my children leave home. One will go to college next year and one the year after and my daughter is 12. I try to be happy around them but when I am alone I cry for hours. I don’t know how I will ever feel whole or happy again. Debbie



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Betty

posted January 9, 2009 at 10:30 pm


For every one that has been left by a man and is hurt and suicidal. He is not worth it. Though you still love him, I know in your heart you don’t respect him anymore. If you were a sincere, loving and faithful person, they are your standards and a testimony to your good character. How can you respect a man who has acted in an immoral way. My husband left me after four years of marriage. I would call him and he would come over, but then I would never see him until I called again. I began to think of suicide and didn’t go to work for three weeks. I got a therapist and she advised me to stop calling him and repeating the rejection cyle with him. I haven’t called him in three months. I am no longer suicidal. I am keeping myself safe from further hurt. I deserve better and so do you. Even if you got back togeter you would think of how he betrayed you, and how shallow he is. To love deeply and faithfully is a testiment to your good character. Unfortunately, cheaters do not have a good character. Rid yourself of further hurt. You need to talk to someone who is objective and sees how you are hurting yourself, then stop doing it. Think of when you were a whole happy person and involved with activites you enjoyed. He has hurt you enough, he doesn’t deserve a person like you. Keep remind yourself of that, and you will fall out of love with him which is a good thing.



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Your Name

posted January 10, 2009 at 7:48 am


I’m 48 with 3 boys, 19 17 15,married for 20 years. The last 10 My Husband entered depression and progressed to manic. Days and nights were a struggle. He drank gambled and flirted constantly. I lost respect and pulled away to stop the pain. All while trying to help him and me understand the disease. 2 years ago he had an affair, I new it was coming so I WENT THROUGH IT. I didn’t stop it. After a really big CRY,(breakdown) I realized I REALLY DID LOVE HIM, I called him and he came home and its been hard but beautiful. Through our pain we have learned to love so deeply. BUT I had to ask MYSELF. What do you want, what are your goals, How can I make a difference to my life and who really has control. Roads are long people but never give up and prayes do so help. We both prayed daily for what we really wanted – WISDOM to move on. God Bless and LIVE



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Terrible turn

posted January 10, 2009 at 5:07 pm


Debbie,
Stay strong for your kids. Your husband doesn’t know what he lost by cheating on you.
My wife of 20+ years recently served me with divorce papers. We have two little ones, under age nine.
She’s what Larry Bilotta (with The Fulfilled Couple organization) calls a CHAOS KID.
There’s no reason to bring this decision on to our family. She loves her work, and appears to have little left for me. I’m not an excessive drinker, or a drug user. I’m steadily employed, have not been abusive in any way, and love my kids.
Now I’m invisible to her — and it tears my heart out.



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Your Name

posted January 12, 2009 at 10:53 am


THANKS TO THE PERSON THAT REACHED OUT TO ME ABOUT MY 21 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER. I BEEN THUR HELL THIS WEEKEND. I HAVE TRIED TO LEAVE HER ALONE, AND LET HER HAVE HER INDEPENDENCE, THIS IS KILLING ME. I SIMPLY WANT TO BE PART OF HER LIFE. I KNOW THIS IS NOT REAL GROWN UP TALK BUT I WANT HER TO REALIZE WHAT SHE HAD. A MOTHER WHO LOVES HER MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD. MAYBE THAT IS PART OF HER PROBLEM, I HELPED TO MUCH, IF THAT IS POSSIBLE. DONT GET ME WRONG, I WOULDNT WIN ANY MOTHER PRIZES, AND WE FOUGHT ALL THE TIME. SHE IS VERY STRONG WILLED,AND ALWAYS WANTS HER WAY. SHE HAS NO REGARD FOR WHO SHE HURTS. I GUESS I AM SECRETLY HOPING SHE WILL LEARN A LESSON FROM ALL THIS. BUT SHE IS YOUNG, AND HAS HER WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF HER, I FEEL LIKE MINE IS QUICKLY COMMING TO AND END, BECAUSE AS I STATED BEFORE MY CHILDREN ARE MY LIFE AND WITHOUT THEM I FEEL LIKE I AM NOTHING. I AM A VERY STUBBORN PERSON ALSO, AND BUTTING HEADS IS NOT WHAT WE NEED RIGHT NOW. WHAT KILLS ME IS ALL THE SECRETS THAT SHE WANTS TO KEEP FROM ME, AND HOW EVERYTHING WAS HANDLED ALL IN ONE DAY. GONE!! I JUST CANT GET OVER THAT. IT WAS TRULY A KICK IN THE TEETH, AND THAT IS THE WAY SHE MEANT IT. I AM HURT ALSO, WHY CANT I BE THE ONE THAT IS HURT SHE SAYS WE ARE BOTH ADULTS, WHY CANT SHE REACH OUT TO ME. PLEASE NO ONE EMAIL ME BACK WITH “BECAUSE YOU ARE THE MOTHER”. I AM ALSO A HUMAN BEING TOO THAT IS HURTING BEYOND WORDS. THINGS WERE SAID TO ME WHEN SHE LEFT THAT KEEP RINGING IN MY EARS, I KNOW SHE PROBALLY DIDNT MEAN THEM, BUT OH HOW THEY HURT. I AM JUST DOING THE BEST I CAN DAY BY DAY WITH A LOT OF PRAYER AND READING MY BIBLE AND TALKING TO WHAT FEW FRIENDS I HAVE THAT WILL LISTEN. I WILL GET THRU THIS SOMEHOW I KNOW. THANKS TO ALL!!



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Brokenhearted Ex-Boyfriend

posted January 13, 2009 at 6:41 pm


Debbie, and all others going through the pains of infidelity, I highly recommend the advice given by Dr. Harley at the Marriage Builders website. Divorce doesn’t have to be the only option. Your relationship can be saved, but I’ll warn you – it’s painful. It’s not easy. I’ve just lost a girlfriend of only 1 year to cheating, and while it was such a short amount of time, I was totally and completely, deeply in love with her. I actually envisioned us getting married in a few years and spending the rest of our lives together. We even moved in to a new house together a few months ago, and things were great.
She was never the type to cheat… but she succumbed to a temptation that made itself readily available. Since that time, she’s lost most of her morality and has become very… “promiscuous” and enjoys being with several men. I was only her third partner, and now it’s only 2 months later and she’s up to number 7 (and, on multiple occasions, more than one in a night, sometimes simultaneously), not including the 4-6 she’s fooled around with without intercourse.
Despite all the pain she’s caused me, I still love her. Yes, I’m horribly depressed. Yes, I miss her. She’s moving out today and the pain of knowing I will now be alone in that house is almost unbearable. Yes, I’ve had suicidal thoughts. I’ve written what could be interpreted as suicide notes. I’ve even gone so far as to do research into a few methods of painless suicide I was considering, but then I snap out of it, telling myself that she’s not worth it, and I have the rest of my life ahead of me, no matter how bleak it looks right now.
She will always hold a special place in my heart, both for good and for bad. I still don’t know today how I’m going to move on. I’m deeply worried about the downward spiral her life has entered, with the casual sex, alcohol, and drugs that came out of nowhere. She’s not at all the same person I’ve known for 3 years and fell in love with a year ago. I can only hope that someday that person will return and she’ll realize what she’s done, and that someday she’ll be in my life again. I can only hope that that “someday” will come before any she experiences any major life-affecting consequences (such as a major STD).
I’ve lost my point. Just talking about it randomly on the Internet seems to help make it real and helps me move on, even if nobody actually listens or cares.



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still devestated

posted February 10, 2009 at 9:22 am


OK – What EXACTLY does “Go through it, not around it” MEAN????
Go through what? What is going around it? I couldn’t go around it if I tried. it’s with me all day every day….every night…
Does this mean I am going “though” it???



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still having a hard time

posted February 11, 2009 at 10:05 am


It hits me like a ton of bricks sometimes. Some days I’m fine and others I sink like a rock. Makes me think my hormones are out of whack. I love him. He doesn’t love me. He said so in plain english. What do you do? How long will this take. I feel like life is waiting but I can’t quite climb that mountain to get to the other side.



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Wild-Alice

posted February 11, 2009 at 10:31 am


To the Mom grieving the emotional seperation from her 21 year old daughter: When I read your comment, it was like reading a page from my diary. I have experienced nearly identical situations with my own young daughter (she is now 25). With much crying, pulling my hair, stomping my foot and demanding that life be fair to me and that she realize all that she was screwing up and all the hurt she was causing, I wasn’t listening to my own inner voice. Finally, one day, totally exhausted from all the “drama”, a little voice said “let her go”. I thought “What, are you crazy? I’m a good mother, I’m holding on to her as tight as I can!” The voice just repeated “let her go.”
So, with all the strength I possessed, I finally just told her I was done; that I loved her with all my heart and always would, but it was time for her to move into her life as an adult, and time for me to move on into my life without her. You know what? A few very hard months went by, and one day she called. Being without me there to give her everything, to do everything for her, to help her make decisions, to be the fall guy when things went wrong, to pick her up when she fell down, to curse the world when it was mean to her, she had finally found herself and her place in the world. She was struggling, yes, as we all do. But she realized at that point, what I had done for her her whole life, and the things she had handled badly.
We live apart, she in one state and me in another. We email daily, we are on phone calls to each other several times a week. We see each other at holidays and other special times of the year. And I know, now, that I did the right thing. My heart doesn’t hurt anymore and I have found a new life without her as the central focus. It is as it should be. That old saying “To hold something close, you must let it go first” is sooooooo true. Whoever said it was an awfully wise person.



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Broken Hearted

posted February 11, 2009 at 10:36 am


I love this man with all my being. I thought he loved me that way too. I have recently found out he has secret names on yahoo and chats with this particular woman almost every night. The only time he chats with me on Aol is when she is either not on or he is finished talking to her. He tells me she is just a friend and that she in no way will come between us, but hasn’t she already? If you love someone do you hide yourself from them online, get secret calls or text from other women, I think not. My feelings are hurt because he has put this woman who is supposed to be a friend over talking to me whom he claims to love. I feel hurt and betrayal everyday. It is killing me and I don’t know how to cope. I am going through it now. I have kept myself from any contact from him for days now and not even a single text or email from him asking where I have been. I am not the one on his mind. I don’t believe he loves me the way he says he does. How am I to get past this? I am constantly reminded of him everyday because we have know each other for 5 yrs. and have gone through alot together and some I will never forget because he got me through some rough times, so how am I to dismiss what he has done for me? No matter how much I tell myself to get over him I love him still. I read this article and it does not help me in the least.
Broken hearted



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carmen

posted February 11, 2009 at 11:04 am


Please tell me how do you go through it and not around it, I do not understand this, it has been 2 years now and its not getting any better we are still living together,but I can not let go of him cheating on me. HELP PLEASE !!!!! I do love him and he says that he loves me, he says that he is so so sorry and that day was the worst day of his life,he can’t even tell me why it happend, just that he hates that he has done this to us.



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Lilly

posted February 11, 2009 at 11:26 am


I’m going through a divorce after being with my husband for 5 yrs and a child together. He cheated with a younger girl from work and it killed me to find out the truth but after going through major depression (and thoughts of ending my life) i realized that he was not worth it! God allows things to happen so that better things come our way! It was really hard for me to adjust and come to my senses but I had to do it for me and my kids. I realized he stopped loving me and I accepted it! Time to move on…and after 3 months I am smiling and I dont care anymore. I still think of the good times but I also thing of all the bad and the pain he caused me and my kids. I put God 1st in my life and now I can thank him for putting interesting people in my life that have also helped me cope and move on knowing that I deserve better! so everyone out there keep your head up and eyes on God he will help you get your strenth back.



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Catherine

posted February 11, 2009 at 12:00 pm


Just as a person falls into love – generall falling into love encompassess thinking and visualizing all of the good attributes the significant other has or has shown to you.
ALL of the good behaviours come forward and ALL of the behaviours, every person possessess them, that we normally could not even think about tolerating, melt into the background as tolerable, we ignore all
of these behavours, as we choose not to look at them – we do not want to spoil our look of love, or put a scratch in our rose-coloured glassess.
Well just as we “fell into love we can FALL out of love” via all
of the behaviours we once ignored to protect our “love”. The first step
in falling out of love is to concerntrate on one behaviour that
annoyed us at any time weather it be that he/left towels on the floor
to the way he/she scratched their ear , flicked their hair back –their is ALWAYS at least one action of that other person that was annoying to us. Then concerntrate deeply on how much that action annoyed you how deeply it irritated you how on earth did you stay with a person who annoyed you that much, there is always more than one
action or saying that person had, well concerntrate until you find
it because it is there, put so many scratches in the rose coloured glassess until you take them off.
This is only one part of falling out of love – it will help in correcting eyesight.
Cathy



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Rita S.

posted February 11, 2009 at 12:09 pm


I have no friends where I live and am handicapped with rheumatoid arthritis so I don’t feel I can go online as if I’m healthy. I’m starting to not want to leave the house. My ex-husband faked a domestic abuse situation and I have had no contact with my 13 year old for 7 months. He has an order for protection stopping me from finding work. I don’t want to bring anyone in to this drama, so I sit alone each day. These comments have soothed me. Thank-you one and all.



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Problem

posted February 11, 2009 at 12:19 pm


There’s a contradiction in loving someone regardless of whether they’ve left you and growing in love in your heart and wanting to punch them in the face during your workout. Which are you promoting?



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Rita Bach

posted February 11, 2009 at 12:30 pm


I need to add to this I am trying to get pass a broken heart I am 55 live with a man I love and we married after 4 yr and was married about one yr when he got his mothers beach house so he divorced me so I could not get 1/2 of his mothers house IF anything happened to him it would stay in his family I love him and gave him the divorce and we would be remarried after the paper work was done and still lived with him as man and wife. I got tired of the not knowing what I would end up with after he is gone and left I have family I don’t see but 3 times a yr. I am trying to move on but still think of him and things we enjoyed. After 3month of being alone we didn’t date outhers he is asking me to come back and and remarrie and be together for life The house is gone thanks to IKE. We have fellings we never had with our first spouces. He was married for 30yr and I was marreied for 31yrs and my kids don’t wish for me to go back his kids love me They all have thire life and familys. My family would be 300 mils away. I don’t like being alone and do enjoy him I feel like a 16yr old with him. My family has set me up in a home with everything I could need to live but I am not ready for the rockers yet What should I do ??????? Any one out thire been in the same fix
help me find the way he has a cruse on hold for the yes from me



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Arinda

posted February 11, 2009 at 12:36 pm


This was the most perfect email for me to get today. It was the thing I needed the most. I found out yesterday that someone I loved very much has be deceiving me for months and all I could do was cry, and check his “My Space” page over and over. I even wrote him a nasty message and when I was done deleted it because once it was out I felt better. After reading this I know it will only get better and I fully intend to keep looking for the love of my life.



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Amada

posted February 11, 2009 at 12:42 pm


I lost my husband in December I know I will continue to love my children, grandchildren, and family members but I know I can never love again like I loved my lolo.



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Pat S

posted February 11, 2009 at 12:53 pm


This page was very helpful. Last year I found out that my husband and soul mate (so I thought)of 20 years was having an affair for over a year. I divorced him as I would never be able to trust him again. It has been just over a year since my divorce ans I still have a broken heart and reading this has helped me to move on. Please know that it does get a bit better with time but now maybe it will be much better if I follow the steps above. Thanks again for the advice!!!



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Carol Gacioch

posted February 11, 2009 at 12:59 pm


Dear Rita Bach:
If all he wanted was to keep the beach house in the family then let him live with the house and make love to it!!!!! Ha Ha!!! You can learn to live without him and be much happier. Obviously he does not value you as much as you value him. I was married for 30 years. He left me for a bimbo he picked up in a bar right after I found out I had breast cancer. Somehow I managed to get myself so busy after I finished cancer treatment that I had no time to think. Guess what? It was like a ball you push under the water, it came back up someplace else!! I finally realized I needed to face it head on. With God’s help and the help of friends, I made it. I even forgave him. I see him at my daughters when the grand kids have birthdays. The bimbo he left me for, died 4 years later. Then he divorced me. He sold his parents house and kept all the money. I hate being in the same room with him much less the same planet. he has had several girlfriends but they don’t put up with his bs like I did. Now i have my own car, own a brand new home and I am still working full time at 69. Good luck honey there is life after a long unhappy marriage. I am not looking for love but I don’t expect it will fall in my lap either. I love having my own way, can eat and go out when I want and with whom I want. If you do look and find someone you can always have a prenuptial and that would settle any disputes. Because I refused to believe he was an alcoholic I wasted a lot of years. I joined Al-Anon after he left and learned a lot. It helped me thru the dark days of autumn. Good luck and keep us posted as to how you are doing. I do care about you as a sister. Love ya honey, you can do it!!!!!!!



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sandra

posted February 11, 2009 at 1:28 pm


this was a great email, i was married for 12 years we have 3 beautiful girls and 2 years ago I found out he had someone else he left us for her and started a new family it was the hardest thing that I have ever had to go thru and I guess the statement only time will heal is true I do feel a little better but still very empty.



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julie

posted February 11, 2009 at 1:49 pm


I just lost the long, drawn-out comment I was writing! So in a nutshell, how can I stop feeling like an idiot? Married in 2002, divorced in 2004, friends again in 2007. I have prayed to not care so much about this person…. and he has been living with me for 18 months now. He does not “cheat” but we have no commitment. He puts conditions on his love and affection. I do not. I know I deserve better so why am I doing this?



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Rebecca

posted February 11, 2009 at 1:51 pm


Wonderful article and so very true. Many of the steps I have already incorporated into my life, a widow of 5 years now. The last, love again, is the step I am working on now. Believe me it’s not easy to open up to anyone, but good friends are helping. Thank you for bringing this article this week – as Valentine’s week is one of the hardest for any of us.



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Barbara

posted February 11, 2009 at 3:41 pm


Julie and the rest – you deserve better than what you are permitting to be in your life. You have settled for what is available not what is best for you. You are afraid of being lonely, alone and are settling for second best. Get rid of the bum. Being alone even lonely you will survive. Add new activities to your schedule, make yourself met new people. You never know what new activity you will enjoy, if you don’t move on to a new activity. Same goes for new people.
You have to met the grief head on. If you don’t it will hit you when you least expect it. Grief addressed at the time of event is easier to get through now not 10 years from now. Waiting to deal with your grief entrenches the grief and like any habit is that much harder to break.
The death of a child takes about 2 years. 2 years to reach a new level of contentment that you had before the child’s death. It is a different kind of contentment. You will be stronger and not take anything in life for granted. As the years go by the intense pain will be shorter and times between will come farther and father apart.
Do not let anyone tell you it has been 6 months so it is time to be done grieving. You must grieve in order to heal. There are no short cuts, you must go through it. You will come out the other side, stronger for the tempering. The fire of pain will make you strong.
Cry, cry, and cry some more. The tears will wash out some of the pain. Your cheeks will be raw – you will heal. Remember all of those special moments. They will bring comfort.
Your grieving makes others uncomfortable. They do not like being reminded that their child could die. Our society does not deal with death. We are a society that feels everything is supposed to feel good. Life is not that way. Put the two together; death and child, and society wants you to go away.



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sabrina

posted February 11, 2009 at 3:42 pm


hi i have been married for 32 years hapily, but recently caught my husband eyeing up a young girl and flirting mildly with her whereas i know nothing would happen due to health reasons i just cant seem to get it out of my mind i cant ask him as we respect each other very much and also i know he would get violent i am beating myself up about this as i have gained alot of weight and feel fat and ugly i just cant seem to settle its in my head always and making me very depressed what should i do



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teri fabian

posted February 11, 2009 at 3:49 pm


I agree with some of the ways to help mend a broken heart. What do you do when the deaths were multiple? Within a two year period i lost (in order) my uncle, my mom, my sister, cousin, his niece(13 and comitted suicide) my nephew drowned, two more uncles and my best friend died in my arms, and just recently my dad, Not to mention distant relatives and friends. In that period of time i cared for dad the best I could. There is so much I could get into, but I won’t. So my question is ,”How do I get all of this traumatic feelings to ease? I haven’t been able to stop grieving since march 2006, haven’t had time. Any solutions?



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RICCO

posted February 11, 2009 at 3:59 pm


WHAT SOULD I DO WHEN MY WIFE NAG AT ME ABOUT NOT HAVEING A JOB I LOOK FOR A JOB EVERY DAY BUT WHEN SHE GET MAD AT ME SHE CALL ME LAZY WHATS IS WRONG WITH HER.I WATCH THE 7 MONTH WHILE SHE IS AT WORK.



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mary margaret

posted February 11, 2009 at 4:00 pm


thank you for the quote “there is one emotion that is stronger than fear, and that is forgiveness”….I will not forget this lesson..adding it to my little notebook of rules of happiness, which I refer to often..my little gray cells thank you..mary



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cindy

posted February 11, 2009 at 4:00 pm


Dear Julie
I don’t know if it will make you feel better, but I am in the same situation. I was married for 25 years and to make a long story short I let him come back I guess out of loneliness and finacial reasons. He sounds a lot like the guy you are with. I feel he blames me for all of his problems. I just wanted you to know their are a lot of idiots and I am probably the biggist one.



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sandra weisz

posted February 11, 2009 at 4:09 pm


I hope and pray that only good comes to all of you who are suffering. i have been a victim my whole life, but never as severe as the last 3 and a half months of torture of being maliciously prosecuted by a corrupt judicial system, and also i’ve been homeless for 3 years.i have decided to sue for legal mal practice the laywer that turned on me, and also to turn in the man who has been molesting me to let me live with him. los angeles is the cruelist place in the world for some ppl. i am wracking my brain to try and figure out how th is tradgedy could be turned around into good. i have both parents alive, divorced and they don’t love me. i come from a very very bad neighborhood. but i went to universities, and was an honour student. also i’m a dancer and pianist among other things. i was always a responsible person with high morals. if this could happen to me, anything could happen to anyone. God bless everyone, esp Theresa.



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Vyvyan

posted February 11, 2009 at 4:11 pm


God recently taught me who we are is who we end up attracting.
Here are two lists of qualities that we all should seek in a potential mate — a list for women and a list for men. Each is a summary of the main points made by the Rev. Alistair Begg on the radio program “The Search for a Godly Spouse.”
Godly Husband Characteristics:
1)Be continually growing closer to Jesus Christ
2)Demonstrate integrity
3)Be a bold leader
4)Love sacrificially
5)Laugh heartily, especially at himself
6)Model genuine humility
Godly Wife Characteristics:
1)Have a personal faith in Jesus Christ
2)Possess inner beauty, not just outer
3)Be an initiative taker and have an attitude of submission
4)Be a wife who will help build her husband’s confidence
5)Display kindness
6)Have a sense of humor
Insight to why:
Virtue One: Selflessness Men, in general, tend to be selfish and it is one of the reasons that marriages are failing in greater numbers. A godly husband is selfless, like Jesus. He never focused attention onto himself, but rather always on the Father and then His bride (the church). A godly husband will follow that example by focusing his attention on God first and then his wife.
Jesus taught husbands how to be servant leaders and that is what every marriage needs. Let us learn from Jesus, as He would first go to the Father for instructions and then focus on the needs of the people. As I started going to God every morning for instructions, He would help me to see how I could serve my wife every day, by showing me what I could do that day to make my wife?s life more enjoyable. My reward has been a wife who wants to serve me and an incredible, loving, passionate marriage.
Virtue Two: Humility As a whole, men tend to be prideful. We are taught from an early age to be strong and self-reliant. Yet, God isn’t looking for self-made men, He?s looking for men who will humble themselves to His will, just like Jesus did. Jesus humbled himself and set aside His God-nature in order to be a man. In order to become a godly husband, I had to put my pride and ego aside, and submit myself first to God and then to my wife. Instead of lifting myself up as the priest of the household, I began to honor my wife and exalt her as a beautiful and wonderful God-given helper. Godly men are humble servants to God and their wives.
Virtue Three: Loving In my counseling, I often hear men say that they have fallen out of love with their wives. This is because they are trying to love their wives in a worldly love. The Apostle Paul taught about a different kind of love in Ephesians 5:25, Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. This is a spiritual love that is unconditional and sacrificial and only available from God.
In my quest to become a godly husband, God taught me that in order to love my wife the way Jesus loved the church, I must first come to Him and be filled with His love. Then I could go to my wife and let His love flow through me. We love each other more today than the day we married.
Virtue Four: Kindness Wife abuse has become a huge problem in the world, even in Christian marriages. I have never hit my wife, but like many husbands I was an emotional abuser. I didn’t use my fists, but I did use my tongue. Proverbs 18:21 (NIV) reads, The tongue has the power of life and death. Husbands can speak life or death to their wives with the words they use. As I learned to be a godly husband, the Lord taught me to engage my spirit before letting my tongue loose.
Kindness is a real key to becoming a godly husband. Each day you should strive to be kind to your wife. Compliment her looks, surprise her with flowers, a gift, or fix her dinner. Give her short love notes and special cards that tell her how special she is to you. Take her on creative dates and every once in awhile do the chores she usually does in your house. A godly husband realizes how kind God has been to him and funnels that kindness to his wife.
Virtue Five: Gentleness The world’s image of a man is rough and tough the Marlboro Man, but a wife would rather have a gentle husband. Jesus modeled the perfect man by being both strong and gentle. As husbands we are called to be the same.
Many men struggle with control and anger problems. I was one of those who needed to be in control and when I wasn’t I would explode like a volcano, permanently damaging anyone who was around me. My wife forgave the words and actions, but it took a long time for her to forget. In order to become a godly husband, the Lord had to teach me first that He is the only one truly in control and then how to let my emotions out in other ways through conversation, prayer, and even tears. Yes, real men do cry! Over time, God removed the anger and filled me with His peace that resulted in a more gentle nature.
Virtue Six: Honesty Our world is full of dishonesty and so are many marriages. Trust is a huge area for women and most husbands have done things that have strained that trust. Some women, like my wife, come into marriage with trust issues from previous relationships. Unfortunately, I did things that broke that trust and it took many years to regain it.
A godly husband will always tell the truth. Little white lies will damage a marriage, as will leaving out key details that you feel she doesn’t need to know. Anything that even looks remotely dishonest to your wife, will damage your marriage.
Godly husbands will be honest and up-front with their wives in all areas. They realize that God made her as a helper and in order for a wife to do that, there can be nothing hidden.
Virtue Seven: Faithfulness Infidelity, even in Christian marriages, is on the rise. Unfaithfulness falls into two categories physical and emotional. Most often, men think of physical unfaithfulness as a sexual affair. However, this area also encompasses relationships with other women where you are sharing intimate information that should only be shared with your wife. This area would also include visiting strip clubs. A godly husband never shares his body, or mind with a woman other than his wife. The second is emotional unfaithfulness. Many husbands get to a point in marriage where they don’t feel sexually fulfilled and rather than discuss it with their wives, they turn to pornography. Because there is no physical contact, it seems ok. However, Jesus said that if we look at women with lust, we have committed adultery. Pornography is rampant, even in Christian marriages and it is tearing them apart.
If you are struggling with any of these areas of unfaithfulness, you need to seek help from a Pastor and become accountable to one or two godly men. A program that has proven to be very effective is ?Setting the Captives Free.
A godly husband makes a life-long commitment to give himself physically, emotionally, and spiritually to his wife alone.
The devil is doing his best to tear down marriages and his focus is on the husband, as he is the priest of the household. God is also working hard to teach men how to be godly husbands, so that they can enjoy a loving, passionate marriage.
You have a choice: To love your wife they way the world loves and let the devil tear your marriage apart or invest your time with God and let Him teach you how to be a godly husband and enjoy a wonderful, fulfilling marriage.
May God bring you the Godly spouse your heart yearns for. Peace to your weary heart.



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Esther

posted February 11, 2009 at 4:11 pm


It’s nice to know that what most of us feel are normal feelings; nonetheless the sooner we ‘go thru it’ and shake it off, the better we will be. One more idea that’s helped me is watching the 700 Club …i watch it on a daily basis. I usually watch the news in bed, then i switch it over to the 700 Club! It’s a great way to end the day. God Bless Ya’ll :)



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Victoria Eckard

posted February 11, 2009 at 5:31 pm


I really don’t know how I got this web site but I am grateful I did. It showed up on my E-Mail at just the right time. I went through a bad breakup with my ex husband four years ago and did not handle it well at all.I drank myself to oblivian for four years. I met my current boy friend 9 months ago and we broke up last week , The 12 ways to mend article is perfect and is exactly how I already decided to handle this break up .Thanks for the reinforcement!



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denny

posted February 11, 2009 at 5:45 pm


Thanks for the insight. I have been having such a hard time with my life. I have lost 3 fiances to death,the last one in august of 2007. I recently met this man that I believed could make me find love again,but he turned out to be a jerk and my whole world collapsed around me again. Reading the email and the people that wrote to it makes me believe that maybe i can move on and remember that i have survived from the deaths of my men that i can adjust to a breakup from a loser like this guy who just broke my heart. I never had to go through a breakup as an adult. But go through it not around it sounds like somethine i need. Im going to try this and i will get back to you as soon as i can let you know. Thanks again for the insight.



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Brownman

posted February 11, 2009 at 6:18 pm


All of these stories have been mirrors of each other and my pain. I’m a man and i just lost the love of my life too. i think the hardest part for me to deal with is the guilt I feel for losing her. I did some really stupid stuff during my relationship and wanted to give her a better life. i was hoping that 2009 was going to be the year that i did it right and put in the committment like she had wanted. but early in the year, she broke up with me and is already with another guy that we had met in san fran during new years. i know this guy is gonna be good for her and she’s happy now which is what i always wanted but now the loss of her is killing me inside. the guilt won’t go away for all the dumb stuff i did and it’s hurting me inside so much that my heart is constantly racing, i don’t sleep much (used to sleep through anything anytime of the day), i stopped eating, and i wake up feeling hopeless. it’s a horrible thing for a man to admit that he cries but i’ve been a crying mess for the last month or so. so now i’m alone in an empty apartment and there’s no love or laughter where I’m at.
I really hope reading and rereading this article will make me feel better and help me cope more. i feel like such a baby crying all the time but at the same time, it comes from this emotional guiltpit in my heart and soul.
i’m not a particularly religious guy but i have to admit, i’m trying to pray for better things and to get over this soon. thansk everyone for your stories, there’s a lot of hope in them. i hope some of it rubs off on me…



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Candy1964

posted February 11, 2009 at 6:33 pm


I am happy to be on this web site, I was cheated on by my husband,and needed advice,I registered myself on a forum,one of the member sent this web site to me and asked me to look into it,I did,and I never regret it,I have learned things that I never knew,now I can think and plan my life.
Thank you Candy1964.



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I'll Never Love Again!!!

posted February 11, 2009 at 6:50 pm


I do disagree with people saying that you should open up your heart to be loved again. I really do. I am in my early thirties, and there has not been a single year where I didn’t experience some type of abuse, every kind. sexual, physical, or verbally. Every single man that I have come in contact with have hurt me to the extent where I have ended up in the hospital or in a shelter, or just messed up in the mind. When I got saved, I decided to allow the Lord to send me my husband. He knew that I was his wife, and I knew that he was my husband. When I first met him He’s was a sheep, and I was so happy that the Lord had sent me someone,and that I wasn’t going to have to worry about being unloved or mistreated. Well, I got a rude awakening. For almost 5 years, it will be on 2/14 he has been nothing but abusive, controlling, selfish, etc… He has taken me out 4 times since we have been married, and two of those times where when his job payed for it. He has never bought me a birthday gift, no any other holiday, in the bedroom, I am the server, always! I hate being in the bedroom. I was once a very compassionate person, but now I hate holidays, especially valentines Day, because that’s when we got married. He has put his children in front of me, his mother, sisters, and have admitted that he has mistreated me. I have been hurt so badly that I now have a condition called conversion disorder. I have panic attacks at any given time, and I have stroke like symptoms, where I lose my voice, and by body shuts down. I now have to talk to a councelor every week. It comes from extreme abuse. He’s has treated me so badly, and get this. He’s a minister. I can’t leave because I am stuck. I can’t work because of my condition, and more importantly, I have made a vow to God to live with him to death does us apart. He has taken my spriturality and kindness for granted and told me that he is like he is because he isn’t perfect. I will never love again in this way. I asked the Lord not to put anything in my heart that didn’t belong in there.My husband got in there. I hated myself because I felt as if I wasn’t worthy enough for love. So I quit. I’m telling you, If you feel as if you’re interested in someone, check his criminal record, investigate his parents, if he has children, see how he treated their mother. His job history, credit. You must be careful because I don’t want anyone to experience what I am and have been going through. I love the Lord Jesus, He is my life, the reason why I breath, I couldn’t live without him. He knows how much I can bare. I cannot bare another man hurting me like these pastors, my father, uncles, teachers, and husband has. I do not and will not ever trust another man into my heart. That’s it. I have helped my husband pay off his child support, get his license, and other things. He has advanced himself. But I have gained 30 pounds, and my hair has fallen out, I’m sick and can’t work. But you say love again??I’ll be crazy! Just fall in love with the Lord, he’ll keep you. I rather make myself happy than take a big chance with my heart again.



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Cherrie

posted February 11, 2009 at 6:52 pm


Being hurt again in my time has thought me that some small things in life are much better than the greater things that you can find,right in your own back yard. Take time to forgive don’t hate it only makes you more angerier. Heal with your friends and family.It has helped me out greatly.



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norma

posted February 11, 2009 at 7:13 pm


thanks for the insight, I have been struggling with a breakup since aug 08.I was so in love with him! he is a good person but we wanted two totally different lives.now he is facing 7 years in prison because he had a few beers, went to drive home had a stroke and hit someone head on causing serious damage to the other person.he has next to no function in his left side and it kills me to see him like this.I am now in a relationship with my bestfriend of 10 years and I know I am not giving him my entire heart. he does’nt deserve that.I think about my ex everyday and wondered if I will ever get over him.



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Barbara

posted February 11, 2009 at 7:41 pm


well it’s beeen 8 1/2 years now that we have been divorced, he was a very abuse man NASTY ALCOHOLIC USED DRUGS ABUSE ME. WE WERE TOGETHER FOR 30 YEARS I WAS THE ONE WHO LEFT HIM, BUT I MISS HIM SO MUCH I FEEL LIKE I HAVE A WHOLE IN MY CHEST HE IS REMARRIED AND HAD ANOTHER CHILD AND IS RAISING HIS NEW WIFE’S CHILD TREATS HER LIKE GOLD WHY COULDN’T I HAVE THAT WHEN WE WERE TOGTHER.
HOW DO JUST LET GO OF A 30 YEAR LIFE TOGETHER, I GUESS I JUST LOVED HIM MORE THEN HE LOVED ME BUT I PRAY FOR HIM I WILL ALWAYS LOVE HIM AND MISS HIM WHY ????? LOVE IS DEEP AND ALL I CAN SAY IS THAT I HAD 3 GREAT SONS AND JUST TRY TO MOVE ON EACH DAY @ A TIME



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Cletis

posted February 11, 2009 at 7:56 pm


I have enjoyed this article because i just experienced a break up and my heart was broken deeply. But i refused to run from the problem i faced it head on. While i know there will be days of sadness i search for the days of happiness in my life. The grieving process has been awful for me but i will make it thanks to this site and the great knowledge that i have gained from it. It gods brings us to it; he will bring us through it. to all keep this in mind he will not put anymore on us than we can bear.



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wanda

posted February 11, 2009 at 8:00 pm


I have been trying to get away from a relationship for 9 months now..I am glad I read this artical..I was married when I was 15 yrs old and I stayed married for 25 years,,I wasn’t single 6 months until I found myself in a relationship with a man that was a alcoholic,abusive,messed up person,,I had never had that in my marriage,we were always respectful to each other,,we just messed up and couldn’t figure out what to do after all our kids left the nest,,we decided to divorce,,but I will always love the man I married,,but also I know Its over,(as a smart moman once told me;YOU CAN’T UNSCRAMBLE A EGG,,whats done is done.)we have made many mistakes,,he is with a younger woman that he seems to care for,,he has a young son with her..I wish him happiness,,I just wonder why the men I have met is so rude and mean,,I dont get it,,and dont know about all this love deep again stuff,,I think it takes a lifetime to love a person and it becomes a little stronger each day,,,starting with TREATING A PERSON THE WAY YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED,,,,yeah just being nice.



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Tanya

posted February 11, 2009 at 8:18 pm


To I’ll never fall in love again,
I am so sorry that you are going through what you are going through.
I am just starting to heal myself, and I myself have been hurt by my father and other men. Every man that I have allowed in my life has hurt me. I have to say, I have never been hurt physically, but emotionally and verbally is enough. I am married but I have been separated since 2003. I do not regret it. I also stayed in my marriage thinking that, that was what I was suppose to do. He cheated and cheated and May of 2008 I walked away and never wanted to return. Even though we were seperated I thought that he wanted to work things out and that he was finally going to do right. After years of arguing I decided no more. I am so hurt and angry 1. Because I stayed in there so long and 2. beccause I put my children through things that they should have never had to go through. Him and my son had been so close since my baby was 2yrs. old, and now my son is 12 he just walked away like we never existed. Through all of this I realize that none of this is my fault and I walked away knowing that I did everything that I could to be a good wife, friend and lover. I can’t do anymore. I thought at one point that I will never love again, then I realize that I refuse to allow this man to have anymore power over me. I will one day meet someone that will love me and my children. Everyone is not bad. God does not intend for us to live the way you are living, you need to leave and get you some help and start loving yourself again. Please remember this God put some people in our lives for a season not for a life time. Some people try to hold onto things that God himself is trying to tear apart. God does not put us in situations that he can not bring us out of and he does not take away things to punish us, it just means that he has something better for us. I will pray for you, but I really hope that you will get some help and leave.



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Andy

posted February 11, 2009 at 9:20 pm


It has been 2 1/2 years since I recieved that dear john letter, and it still rips at my heart strings. She might as well have died,I could not have felt any worse. It is so sad to finally find the woman of your dreams and have her walk away. I have been married 3 times and I just feel like my dream will just never happen. I know in my heart that she was it and there just isn’t anyone that would come close. I have since given my life to Jesus and given up on my dream. If God finds it in his best interest, maybe someday, but I am not holding my breath anytime soon.



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Debbie

posted February 11, 2009 at 9:21 pm


I too am trying to allow my broken heart to mend and I appreciate your information so much. When my marriage fell apart in 2003…I pretty much vowed to never love another man and let my heart be broken. But, I met a man at my 2nd job on weekends that seemed to be so sweet and wonderful and he kept asking me out…but I just kept refusing because I was so afraid that he would hurt me the same way that all the other men in my life had. He finally wore my resistance down and I agreed to be his friend and that blossomed in to what I thought was going to be the love of my lifetime. Maybe not! We had been together for 2 1/2 years and he told me five days before Christmas that he was moving out….things weren’t working out for him….needless to say I was devastated. I had allowed this man to become a firm part of my life, my daughter’s life and my grand-daughters’ lives only to have all of our hearts broken again by a selfish, arrogant, Bi-Polar alcoholic! He left on December 28th with no notice or even a goodbye and has done nothing since but worry me via e-mail. One of the things that he finally admitted to me was that he was an Athiest and that just sent me reeling….I had just thought that he was too shy to pray at family functions in front of everyone….I had no idea. Every day is a struggle to try to accept what has happened and try to put my life back together but through God’s love and a very strong faith….I know I’ll get there. Thanks so much for your help and I wish all of you “broken hearts” a better love next time and one that we all deserve.



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tara ann

posted February 11, 2009 at 9:54 pm


I have learned that a broken heart usually means I gave more than I got back and I am always right. I never grieve extremely when my relationship with someone or something ( a job) was flowing equally between.
Grief can mean I was not really in the relationship to see it was falling apart- no one just gets up and leaves. And if I grieve when someone I love dies it means I can no longer give to them–thats why I am so upset-now I have to find someone else to give my love and what a pain in the ass that is.
Grief is the essential component of humanity-the acceptance of loss and a broken heart is a reminder of once living as opposed to someone that never grieves–a sociopath for example.
If someone breaks my heart–and it happens all the time–it means I expected too much from that human being and that my need to get or give is a selfish one. It does not mean the person was bad–we all have the right to leave-even in a divorce- and noone should expect anyone to be around forever to love us the same everday.
Once I accepted humanity in my life I begain to embrace a broken heart like a medal of honor–I loved and won albeit briefly and the world is a better place for me because I chose to live with what I have to give and receive–not with what I demand or assume I should have.
Peace.



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Christy

posted February 11, 2009 at 10:22 pm


This was affirming. I’m broken-hearted because he kept waffling on me and was emotionally unstable; I guess it is good he broke it off so I didn’t go down the gutter with him but I hate diving back into depression. I’ll take the advice to detach because he’s been calling every day since which kind of makes it hard to heal or bring closure. I feel conflicted because I can’t make my own world because we are both involved in the same comunity stuff (related to our disabilities). I asked him before we went out to never discuss anything with our mutual associates but he did which makes me feel awkward now. I long for support but I need to find vallidation within myself. It just hurts to be humiliate.



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Stephanie

posted February 11, 2009 at 11:06 pm


My boyfriend and father of my 5 month old daughter passed away 3 weeks ago. We were friends for 10 years and dated for the last 3 years.Chayla our daughter is his only child. Andy was only 31 years old. It was a tragic accident. That is the worsed broken heart ever. We had no warnings. He is qa farmer and his coat got caught in the PTO while it was spinning. It is the hardest thing I have ever went through. I don’t know what I am going to do without him. He is the love of my life and now he is gone forever. How can you heal a broken heart like mine. I not only lost my love but my daughter lost the best dad in the world. He loves that beautiful little girl so much. I don’t understand why God had to take him. He never did anything wrong. He just became a father and a great boyfriend. How do I move on. It wouldn’t even feel right being with someone else.



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Lillie

posted February 12, 2009 at 12:50 am


It has been almost a year since the love of my life and my soul mate passed away. Everyone says that time will heal my broken heart but I beg to differ because life has not gotten any easier. If anything, life has gotten more difficult and my heart aches more and more each day. We were married for ninteen years at the time of his death but we were together since our Middle School years. We did EVERYTHING together so most days it is hard for me to proceed alone. I can hardly make decisions on my own as we made all decisions as a couple. I pray to God everyday to make it minute by minute to make it to the next day. It is difficult for me but I have to try to be strong for our two beautiful children, one of which is too young to understand death so she asks for daddy on a regular basis. This information is very helpful and I will rely on it as I struggle to get myself out of this state of depression.



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Merna

posted February 12, 2009 at 1:31 am


Stephanie,I am so sorry for you and your daughters loss. My 22 year old daughter went through almost the same thing on July 31, 2007. Her boyfriend was killed on his motorcycle. I was staying with her at that time and it was a very difficult time in our lives, especially hers. She had just left him at 11:00pm and he was gone by 11:20. She is doing well now and she is about to attend college to be a nurse. There is something I would like to say. God doesn’t take people from us and the fact that your boyfriend was a good man means that he is in Gods memory. I know how badly you would love to have your boyfriend back and someday you and your daughter can see him again. God loves us and thats why he sent his son Jesus Christ to the earth. He wants us all to have a second chance. Revelation 21:4 says; AND HE WILL WIPE AWAY EVERY TEAR FROM THEIR EYES, AND DEATH WILL BE NO MORE, NEITHER WILL MOURNING NOR OUTCRY NOR PAIN BE ANYMORE. THE FORMER THINGS HAVE PASSED AWAY. I look forward to that time. You have to be strong for your daughter now. Time heals all wounds and someday you will love again. Take care of yourself and your daughter. I am praying for you



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Carolyn

posted February 12, 2009 at 2:47 am


Stephanie, I do not know if this will help but I’ll try to explain to you that you do have a long road ahead of you because the loss of someone so deep into your very being,as a soulmate is, is devastating. the actual physical and emotional pain is beond belief or comprehention. It seems an impossible emptyness that overwhelms you very core of being. I lost my husband and best friend 25yrs. ago. I have never gotten over it, I just got used to it. I miss him everyday of my life and dream about him often. I love the dreams, they make me feel closer to him. I too had a small daughter, she was my only reason for staying her in this life. You absolutely have to get through all the heartache and pain for her. she needs you more than you can imagine. Please don’t give up…. you have to go through this and believe it or not, one day you will actually smile, instead of crying, when you think of him and remember your time together. I never believed that would happen, but it did. Itdid take a long while. I am married again to one of his best friends. this man always made sure that I and my daughter were well taken care of. he never waivered, even when I told him that i would never marry again, and that we could only be friends. It took a very long time before i felt like one of the living again. But the good Lord sent me an angel, when Ileast expected it,and really needed afriend. We are still best buds after 21yrs. You have to try, with everything in you , to allow yourself to grieve, for as long as you have to grieve, while still moving on with life. The memories will become so sweet and so precious, tucked away in a special corner of your heart. They belong to you and no one can take them away. And they will tell you to get over it and move on. But i really believe that God does not take that love away forever, it just becomes a different kind of love, as all relationships are different. Be strong and love your daughter and i will pray for you everyday of my life as I do for all my friends and family. You and your daughter will have a special place in my heart from now on, as I have and still do feel the loss so strongly. But you will get better and you and your daughter will have a life. You are all she has, and she is all you have of him. All the best.



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Fred kb

posted February 12, 2009 at 5:49 am


IT is true that if you have a brocken heart,just constrate and put your trust in Gods hand for the way forword.



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yalonda

posted February 12, 2009 at 9:40 am


i recently moved to texas from kentucky with the guy i was with i love him more than anything but he’s broke up with 3 times since the year weve been together.
i dont have any friends down here no famliy i just had a baby by him he just turned 2 months its his first child i think the problem is the age hes 19 im 23 i already have a 4 year old son he listen alot to his friends alot tell him he needs to singal and they dont like me and they dont even know me they even take the chance to get to know me they dont want to like they think i dont desevre him and the one thats doing me wrong but im stuck in a situation his mom loves me and she said i can stay till i find a place hes still acting like we aint broke up still all over calls me baby but hes trying to talk to other females and when he breaks up with me the nexted day hes saying he dont know why he did he says he want to go clubin and do things he says ive lived my life what should i do



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RICCO

posted February 12, 2009 at 11:39 am


WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR JOB AND YOU HAVE A WIFE AND KIDS



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missM

posted February 12, 2009 at 12:18 pm


Yolanda, Have you ever thought about what YOU want in life? What YOU would like for your children? Ask yourself those questions. Write down all of your good qualities and seriously look at them. We all deserve to be loved. Your guy may just have some more growing to do but you have to ask yourself if you have that kind of time. His mother sounds like a nice person. I’m glad she is being so kind to you. When women love, we love hard and that may be why you moved to his state. Try to find ways to concentrate on yourself and your children and you’ll be surprised at all the love you will be able to give to yourself. Don’t worry about people who don’t want to get to know you, think of it as their loss and move on. Pray for God to lead you in the direction HE has planned for your life and you will be well on your way to a great life. I’m praying for you. Take care:)



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Mary

posted February 12, 2009 at 1:45 pm


Yalonda, you came a long way from home with someone you love & someone you thought loved you. Men are not mature at 19. you need to think of your children first and yourself before thinking of him. he just wants his cake & eat it to. your best bet is birth control & go back home to your parents. Even tho his mother loves you, she loves her son more. my husband walked out on me & our 14 year old son when he turned 40 for a 24 year old, thought he was in love with her, I was so devastated that he would do that to his wife & son, it took a long time to get over it, i still have a closed heart & that happened in 1983. i have dated, but they do not measure up to the husband i loved so much. he died in 1996, my son & i were there with him, even tho, they had him in in a semi como for 16 days. He had drank himself to death, being alone & had lost his job at 53. The family that had loved him for 33 years was there with him still, even tho he had cast us aside. After all these years, 46, i still love him, so you never forget, but time does heal.



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Thomas

posted February 12, 2009 at 4:28 pm


I think that is pretty lame no matter how truthful it may be. “It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” Just how many times it is going to happen is up to you.



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Your Name

posted February 12, 2009 at 6:00 pm


Yolanda-
I was married for a number of years and my husband at that time chose to party and drink excessively. We have one child together and one day I decided enough was enough. If you are at the point where you are depressed all of the time then it is time to take a step back and look at what it is that you can control about the situation. The emotional turmoil that you are in is no good for you or your children. You need to realize that there is more to life than what you are allowing to happen to yourself. I still love my husband to this day, but my life has significantly improved for myself and my child. I am not able to be in a serious relationship yet, but, I am still open to the idea of true love. PRAY ALOT, and there will be tears, there is no way around that, but in the long run you will find that there really is someone else out there who will love you and treat you with the respect that you deserve. No one can tell to leave that person that you are in love with, but look at the big picture and do what is best for you and your children. I promise you, when you make the move to emotionally lighten your “burden”, things will turn out better than what you think. Keep your chin up! I will keep you and your children in my prayers.



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Gerry Marie

posted February 17, 2009 at 1:15 pm


I just lost my husband and soulmate of 30 years and found these tips for mending a broken heart useful and uplifting!



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Hindsight

posted February 19, 2009 at 9:52 am


What about the heartbreak that comes from being in love with someone who throughout our four year relationship believed in their heart that I was cheating? I never did, not even once. In hindsight maybe I should have ended it myself, sometime during year one at the first signs of their insecurity. Instead I let the relationship continue in the hopes that time would prove that I was indeed loyal and committed. However, over time I only became angry and resentful because of the time and effort that I put into something that may have been doomed from the start. I should have listened to my gut when it said that this doesn’t feel right for someone who says that they love you to assasinate your character and accuse you of cheating and lying. I should have accepted that it was indeed verbal abuse and moved on. Why didn’t I just move on?



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ANGEL

posted February 19, 2009 at 5:18 pm


I’m so broken hearted because despite my faults, I truly loved my ex.
I am so tired of being punished for the same crime despite the fact that he “loves” me. I’ve been in the push/pull relationship and I think he’s so afraid of true good love.
The bottom line is: unless you learn from your 50% in the relationship you are doomed to repeat it.
So may we all take be 50% responsible to ourselves and the other person stop playing victim and learn their role too.
I think he’s in a relationship even though we had contact he said he can’t live without me.
But my role is now to forgive myself and him.
I’ve learned mine; hope he learned his part too.
May God bless all the broken hearted.
Angel.



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Your Name

posted February 20, 2009 at 8:35 pm


I find that a good cry truly has its healing benefits. I have lost my three sisters. One died October 1984, the second died October 29, 1994 and the third died October 29,2001. How do you heal from that, keep them in your heart,sometimes memories will give you a good cry and have faith that God will do the rest.



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Rose Socorin

posted February 25, 2009 at 9:40 pm


I like what I just read above. I just don’t know how to really move on. Everything are still fresh. My lover cheated on me twice. It really hurt
yes I forgive him,but the sadness is so deep. God help us…. Thanks!



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Your Name

posted March 6, 2009 at 10:30 am


This blog is very helpful. My wife left me for the third time,for this pretty boy and shes been intimate with him and said she almost had a baby with him. what makes it harder is that i have two children with her and I feel like Im raising them on my own. She always says it was me that destroyed the relationship but it takes two to tangle. I have been broken hearted for months Im in counseling but it does not help this blog was better advice then what he gave(time to get another). The hurt is overwhelming, she has the perfect body face and everything halle berry sexy. I have not seen a more beautiful girl yet. She makes me try to feel regretful, I dont know how to handle it anymore.



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Devastated

posted March 10, 2009 at 10:38 am


I just been told He does not love me anymore, we have been married for 39 years. He admits to be emotionally attached to a widow.I am crushed and don’t not know what to do. I know part of this mess is my fault.Your comments do help. Thanks



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Denise Hampton

posted March 14, 2009 at 1:32 pm


I should have been done with my ex over a year ago, but he keeps contacting me even though he has a girlfriend. He is getting married March 21 and I haven’t talk to him in almost 2 months, but it hasn,t been easy. He cheated on me from the very beginning and I still love him but I will move forward with God’s help. I deserve better than him.He didn’t even tell me the truth about him getting married when I asked. Why would you lie about something like that?



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Your Name

posted March 15, 2009 at 12:36 am


after 8 yrs & 2 sons he decided that i wasn’t worth it. i got this, stopped & read it. it actually put things in perspective for me. even though i still have to deal with him because of our boys & it will be hard.it helps me realize that despite what he thinks “i am worth it” even if it is just to me & the boys. i’ve cryed good & hard & i still cry from time to time at unwanted times. it does help. so does breathing deep. my grandpa used to tell me that “the hardest thing about falling is the getting back up”. i know that it’ll just take some time, & that sooner or later i will find that someone will think me the treasure that i am. in the end i’ll be the one that is truely happy & free, with no regrets.



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Your Name

posted March 15, 2009 at 1:21 pm


What happened? I was left in the street with a blanket around me one day my whole life was over..he crushed me..ended me…was I breathing?..could I hear?…was this real?…yes I know a broken heart…I survived, it’s been 11 months…he’s still alive..I’m still alive..everything in the world is still here..our children..our family..our belongings..he talks to women, I don’t look at him as the same person..I can’t even see him in his body anymore…I tolerate him and I am kind to him for the sake of our children. Every day is lonley. There is an empty whole in the universe that used to be our love..now it is just a void. Thank you for your article. Unfortunate
that I didn’t read it sooner.



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Your Name

posted March 30, 2009 at 10:59 am


I’m a 56 y/o woman who just discovered the reason he left me….a 23 y/o woman….they’re having a baby…she got pregnant while we were still seeing each other…I didn’t know why he left…now I do….I’m absolutely devastated!! I’m in therapy….I’ve been dealing with the loss for almost a year now and when I put some pieces together, I was confronted with this ugly truth. My therapist explained that all the pain from the initial breakup has been stirred up…..that I’m grieving the loss of someone who was very important to me. Knowing these things make me no less miserable. I want to be “over it”, and at the same time the thought of not loving him any more is such a painful thought. what do you do??



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rita

posted May 8, 2009 at 4:40 pm

Your Name

posted May 21, 2009 at 2:01 pm

Your Name

posted August 20, 2009 at 2:08 pm


im 27 y/o…my partner left me more than a month ago…we never argued on anything…i tried to contact him almost everyday since then but he never answered my call neither send me a message…just 5 hours ago i tried again to contact him and i did… he told me that he dont love anymore,without giving any reason and then he turn off his cellphone right before i was able to told him i was pregnant…im hoping to feel alright for the sake of my unborn child.



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Gables

posted August 20, 2009 at 7:13 pm


The Tale of Despereaux is one of my favorite movies! I like your blog, it’s very inspirational. Please tell what you think of my article. Is it as helpful as yours?
http://www.ehow.com/how_5321698_mend-broken-hearts.html



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Jewell

posted September 14, 2009 at 10:51 pm


I hope this helps me….I know this guy is poison and I am better than all this….but I feel compulsive and unable to control my feelings for him…I don’t know if that is what unconditional love is or if it is insanity….but I know that I am going insane



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Stronger than this

posted October 24, 2009 at 4:06 pm


My 43 y/o soon to be ex husband is a gambler. This is the reason why we separated more than 5 yrs ago. He now says he has been going to a gamblers support group and has not gambled in 3 months. Since he’s cried wolf so many times, it’s difficult to believe him anymore. We have 2 daughters and have been on a roller coaster ride with him for more than 20 yrs. We just talked and decided that it would be best for us to divorce and part ways. Well, even though it’s tough for me since I was waiting for him to clean up his act all these yrs (i’m still single) now he wants to just part ways. What to do? I have to run with my decision as fast as i can and never look back. Ladies, stand on your own 2 feet. Make a decision and never look back in cases like these…..



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Not Wanting to Live

posted October 27, 2009 at 7:57 pm


my girlfriend of 2 years cheated on me with her co worker about a week ago she decided to tell me the truth a couple of days ago over a text message while she was at work and i was sick in bed. she rather work late to be with him than come home and take care of me or even be with me. she said she did it because she was confused (i’m gay) she’s not sure what she is. i was her first everything and i thought she was the one. i don’t understand it at all i feel like my world was taken from me with no warning. i know i’m young (21) but i’ve lived a tough life making more mature and experienced than my peers. i was ready to settle down make a life we had already started that process and she ruined. everyday i hurt more and more my heart breaks with every breath. i’ve tried killing myself b/c i couldn’t stand the pain i hope that i can get past the first step soon b/c i don’t think i can take much more let alone be open to love deeply again and again. i just want to stop crying i can’t even sit with friends or in a classroom without falling apart. i don’t want to live anymore.



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Renee

posted January 11, 2010 at 10:19 pm


I was with my ex for 6 1/2 years. He wanted to get married, I did too but not til we stopped fighting so much. We argued over everything! Why because he wanted his way and then give me my way. It was a constant battle. Anyhow we broke up again, (many times before) and he had the audacity to go after one of my friends. Not a great friend but someone I had cared for because of her past problems. Now afterwards he tried to contact me after I was finally leaving him alone to tell me about it as he thought it was the right thing to do. But now I am confused because now I think it was to prove a point to her and not try and get back with me, as it usually was in the past. And now it hurts. I guess I deserve it, but I feel like I dont. He says he didnt do anything because he cares for me and she was married! Can you believe it. Even though she’s married she is not with her husband. I am like sick to my stomache, because it’s like I want him to grow up but now I am disgusted with him and I just want these feelings to go away. I am so hurt, and she tells me today he contacted her thru email and said he was single. I’m sickened and sickened.



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Getting An Ex Back

posted May 11, 2010 at 9:28 pm


Excellent study, I just passed this onto a colleague who was doing just a little investigation on that. And he really bought me lunch because I found it for him smile So let me rephrase that: Thanks for lunch!



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LegitOnlineJobs

posted May 19, 2010 at 6:11 pm


There are a lot of opportunities when it comes to marketing and sales that don’t require going door to door or selling junk you dont like on eBay, lol. Check out this URL to see how I make a living. http://tinyurl.com/29ew9cq



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LegitOnlineJobs

posted May 19, 2010 at 7:08 pm


There are a lot of opportunities when it comes to marketing and sales that don’t require going door to door or selling junk you dont like on eBay, lol. Check out this URL to see how I make a living.
http://tinyurl.com/29ew9cq



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Winning Back your ex

posted September 13, 2010 at 1:25 am


wow your post is full of hope and very encouraging..thanks for sharing this. But what if I want to get my ex back? what are your insights?



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knicefeakejok

posted September 17, 2010 at 10:10 pm


I enjoyed reading your blog. Keep it that way. rkujmuqdwfnfcvke



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knicefeakejok

posted September 18, 2010 at 5:46 am


I enjoyed reading your blog. Keep it that way. xjmbrprnlpfvzcke



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Home Stagoing

posted September 22, 2010 at 10:17 am


There’s definitely a lot a lot more details to take into consideration, but thanks for sharing this post.



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Home Stagoing

posted September 22, 2010 at 10:21 am


Usually, I do not publish on blogs, but I would like to say that this weblog truly forced me to do so! Thanks, really good publish.



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Eva BreakUp Movies

posted November 24, 2010 at 7:08 am


I find very helpful watching breakup movies. 500 days of Summer, for example.



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despairing

posted December 19, 2010 at 4:56 pm


Thanks. I feel intense sadness and anxiety and a fear that I’ll never recover from a recent break up. This helped…a lot. I know it will take time and grieving…but it will get bearable and the hurt will diminish and hopefully something better… Thanks for your helfpul words.



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ERIC

posted March 24, 2011 at 10:34 am


GREAT READ THANKS,WE WERE FRIENDS FIRST & THEN IT BECAME INTIMATE ! DONT DATE FRIENDS, I JUST WISH SOMEONE HAD TOLD ME ! ALL THE FRIENDS ARE INVOLVED & ITS NOT SOMETHING I WOULD SUGGEST EVER DOING ! I FIND MYSELF QUESTIONING ALL MY FRIENDS MOTIVES & THAT IS UNHEALTHY ! WORSE OF ALL, I LOST MY BEST FRIEND ! SHE WILL ALWAYS HOLD A SPECIAL PLACE IN MY HEART, & FOR THAT I AM TRULY GRATEFUL. 12 STEPS, INTERESTING ! WHAT A CONCEPT !



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Dad

posted April 13, 2011 at 2:26 pm


Thank you so much for the wonderful website.
And thank to you to all of those that have shared.
Reading the comments are as helpful as the main steps.

I don’t usually post on blogs either.
But today is just an emotional day and I think writing is therapeutic.
Whether or not the writing is shared with anyone. This is not my first love or heartbreak. It doesn’t make it any easier.

I knew this person as a child.
We went out separate ways for 30 years. Never spoke.
We found each other online through mutual friends.
Then one day she posted on a pic. We exchanged comments and began to IM. We chatted for 4 hours that night. This was only a few months ago.

We spoke and text constantly for a couple of weeks. We made plans to see each other. She lived far away. I went. We had the most wonderful weekend you can imagine. It was Valentine’s Day.
Really quality stuff here. Premium content.

I returned. We kept talking. Due to some relationship strains and miscommunication, we drew further apart. I’m in a well-healed state from previous marriage and relationships.
She is going though a divorce from a long marriage and starting a new career. And taking care of her children who are about the same age as mine. She has a lot of emotional stuff on her plate.
I’ve been through some of the same myself and I remained understanding and supportive. The long distance relationship, or a relationship of any kind was difficult. I know first hand that you aren’t really yourself for a while during those times.

We made several plans to see each other. But always cancelled at the last minute due to the feelings she was having.
We had told each other we loved on another. And our words were most assuredly on the path to us being each others life partner.

There were some mistakes made on both sides. I couldn’t fathom making this last visit without expressing some of my feelings about the
decisions that had been made.

We were several days away from seeing one another.
She wasn’t aware how those things were affecting me. She was made aware. It was a difficult talk. But a good one. The next day I got the dear-john. Apologetic. Heartfelt. Requesting that it be over.
I respected her request. I sent some final kind words. With hopes of tomorrow.

I still feel that there is enough good stuff that perhaps one day we can rekindle what we were unable to accomplish this time. I question the futility of my thoughts. But I will hold fast.

We could have had a wonderful weekend together but I had to open my big mouth. But I respect her so much that I didn’t want to tarnish a big event with something on my heart or “matters pending”. She truly appreciated me telling her. I keep telling myself it was the right thing to do. I did it, because I’m thinking long-term with this person. Not just for the weekend. And she did the same to me by ending it. I can see that now.

I have found comfort with close friends that know me well.
They tell me I made the right choice.

I surprised my young daughter for lunch at school today. Not uncommon. She is a grounding force and is why I live and work where I do. To be her dad. I needed her today. Inside I was really a mess.

We talked, shared food, played games as we do. At the end the she give me a hug. Per usual. Maybe I hugged her a little bit longer. Maybe only for a second.

She took a step back. Looked at me. Reached up. Gave me a second big hug. And she kissed me on the lips. “I love you dad”.
She stepped back in line to return to class. As we waved bye, She looked at me as though she were about to cry. I waved back and smiled and she was ok.

Maybe she was just happy that I came to see her. Maybe she was being empathic. I think something told her I was hurting.
And she just wanted to let me know she loved me. Wow.
I lost it. I barely made it out of the school before the tears started. I re-read your page and decided to share.

I’m a complete mess today. This is not a “heartbreak” per say. I don’t feel dumped. I simply miss her something awful. I know I shouldn’t contact her. I fell big time. We both did. It just wasn’t the right “time”. Maybe there will be another time. I think there will. I’ve been though heartbreak where I knew there wasn’t. So I can tell the difference. I hope I’m not wrong.



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Tania

posted May 11, 2011 at 8:17 pm


Awesome!!!! loved the article, made me cry, laugh and above all, gave me hope.

Thanks for posting it.

Tania



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Penelope

posted June 1, 2011 at 7:10 pm


This is a tuff one. I’ve been without my partner for one night. I’m just getting started.
http://www.artdillyart.com



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Heart Broken 12 Stepper in SF

posted June 26, 2011 at 3:09 am


Im glad to have run into your site.

This is my first run at sobriety (3years).
And this is the first time I have had a realtionship in my sobriety.
And this is the first time that I have lost a realtionship in sobriety.

Thank you for using a 12 Step format, bcause I will rread this daily til my heart and soul has healed.

Right now Im wounded and torn in pain….I feel empty again.

But I go to meetings everday.
I run everyday.
I swim everyday.
And I have “crated a new environment” away from the people that knew us together.

Usually, this is a time were I would pick up a drink or narcotic, or substitute my loss for another woman. As one old timer would says, ” The only way to get over a woman, is with another woman”…..but I know that I have to go thru my grief without rebound.

I still feel emotionally and spiritually attached to this person, which has not made me want to date anyone else, even though she is with someone else, probably on rebound….

One Day at a Time, I have to keep trudging along, but it hurts and I still feel empty….

But thank you for your website. Very hopeful!



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Drew G

posted November 17, 2011 at 5:57 am


I caught My 35year old Wife calling a 23year old boy at 3am? It was my 18 year old step daughter’s friend. Broke my heart into 100 pieces. I’m 37 years old Man and i feel like nothing. I even wrote a song to her: ” I don’t know weather to live, I don’t now weather to die but it cuts like a knife when you f*cked up our life. It hurts when I laugh, It hurts when I cry,Cuz it cuts like a knife when you f*cked up our life.
I don’t wanna live I don’t wanna die but it cuts like a knife when you f*cked up my life. My wife My wife, Why did you F*ck my life>>> I recorded this song and played it for her and she flipped out cursing and crying>>> This was about a year ago. And i’m going on 14 months in the gym!
I feel confident a bit but still each and every time i see a young 20 year old punk in skinny jeans i get really angry!
I took in her 3 children from her previous marriage and bought us a 5 Bedroom 3 bath big house and not even 2 years later she repaid me and traded me for a punk Kid???
This big house is full of echoes i’m thinking now to just let it go. It’s to big for just me to many memories…



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deborah hedrick

posted January 17, 2012 at 12:14 am


i hate this world people are evil



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Libra Sun

posted January 27, 2012 at 3:28 pm


Thank you for your suggestions. I will try some of them to help move me out of the deepest depression ever — all over a broken heart.



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Larin Izbor

posted February 1, 2012 at 2:41 pm


thanks for helping me to overcome this difficult period!



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K

posted March 27, 2012 at 11:57 pm


I think divorce is worse then losing your lover to death and I’ve been through both. I lost my fiancee in 1999 to a car accident and was recently divorced a couple of years ago. My ex moved back to Europe with my son and I regretfully allowed it. I thought I was doing the right thing because she has not family here and we were arguing and fighting all the time. She did say she was going to come back though and that’s why I allowed her to go. Just recently she told me that she is getting married and doesn’t want me in her or my son’s life. I’ve never been so miserable in my entire life. I think about suicide every day and the only reason I don’t is because of my son. I hope the despair of divorce passes. I pray to God every day and every night to lift my pain. I hope and pray that I’ll get to see my son. I haven’t found anything that helps to ease the pain. I have begun to realize that isolation is the worst thing to do though and I’m going to get out of my apartment tomorrow and do something anything to try and live.



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cynthia

posted April 30, 2013 at 10:08 pm


My name is cynthia and my ex-boyfriend dumped me 8 months ago after I caught him of having an affair with someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don’t know what to do, so I visited the INTERNET for help and I saw a testimony on how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problems to him….. he cast a spell for me and assure me of 3 days that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my peter came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness. I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that, we are about to get married. Once again thank you Dr Olokum spell caster, you are truly talented and gifted contact his email: LAVENDERLOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM.



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vandana

posted May 29, 2013 at 2:01 am


When you have nothing to live for, you have nothing to die for…

I liked the post, and will live with Hope that I get good days.
I love myself.



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Angela

posted June 6, 2013 at 7:08 am


Dear viewers what should i have done if not for an online DOCTOR called SAKURA,well my name is Angela i married to a man call Richard we were happily married for about five year we gave birth to our child in the second year after our marriage but we loose her out of illness she died at her early age of eight months old since then i could not give birth to another i have tried all my possible best but i could not,my husband was putting pressure on me and he said he will bring in another woman into our home that he is not getting younger he needs a child but i love my husband so much that i cannot afford to loose him to another neither to share him with another,i visited my friend called Monica i also told her about what am passing through in my marriage,she fell pity and introduce me to online spell caster that also helped her in her own times of tribulation called DOCTOR SAKURA,he cast a spell for me that real works out my husband later came back to me with much love and carry and we were later favored with two kids Wow he is very powerful he can also help you out if you are facing any problem in your marriage or relationship,if you need his help contact him with this email: sakuraspelltemple@gmail.com



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susan

posted June 24, 2013 at 5:36 pm


this is really helping me A LOT..! Thank Youuuu



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cynthia

posted July 19, 2013 at 12:47 am


Hi every one!

My husband dumped me three weeks ago because of a girl he met on the internet who cast a love spell on him.I was so frustrated because i had no money to take care of our two kids.So i started selling some of our properties for paying bills. Until i met a friend who told me of a real spell caster on the internet whom i contacted. Prophet Trust told me not to worry and have faith that my problem is too simple for Him to handle because He has done so many other hard jobs for other people.
So He cast the spell and when i got home from work that day,i met my husband who left me weeks ago,on his knees begging me to take him back.i had no choice than to accept him.When i tried to thank Prophet Trust for his good works,He told me not to thank him but to go into the world and testify of his work.CAN’T YOU SEE! the real spell caster is here.He also cast spell for MONEY,GOOD JOBS,PREGNANCY SPELLS,CURE TO HIV AIDS,SPELLS FOR GETTING EX BACK AND MANY OTHERS….
I advice you to contact him if you have any problems at all.His email is BESTSPELLHOME@GMAIL.COM
Thanks for your time….



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nancy

posted July 19, 2013 at 12:48 am


My name is Nancy,I have been through hell and pain,looking for a good and real spell caster who can help me get my boyfriend back.I have been scammed so many times,by some who claimed to be real spell casters.until i found the real and great spell caster Dr omofuma who helped me,and solved all my problems concerning my boyfriend who left me since eight months ago.and after that i also took my friend along,who was also having the same problem concerning her husband,who left her since five months ago,and the problem was also solved by the same Dr omofuma. Cant you see! the real and great spell caster is here,all you need to do now is to contact him when ever you are in any problem related to spell casting.It took me a very long period of time,before i could get this real and great spell caster.So right now is here,and the best for you to solve your problems all thanks goes to Dr omofumaspelltemple@gmail.com



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jane

posted July 19, 2013 at 12:49 am


This is a testimony that I will tell to every one to hear. I have been married four 4years and on the fifth year of my marriage, another woman had a spell to take my lover away from me and my husband left me and the kids and we have suffered for 2years until I met a post where this man DR OLOKUM have helped someone and I decided to give him a try to help me bring my lover back home and believe me I just send my picture to him and that of my husband and after 48hours as he have told me, I saw a car drove into the house and behold it was my husband and he have come to me and the kids and that is why I am happy to make every one of you in similar to met with this man and have your lover back to your self. His email: lavenderlovespell@yahoo.com.



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Selina

posted August 10, 2013 at 8:37 am


Hi everyone i will never forget the help the priest of JAYEMA temple render to me in my marital life. i have been married for 4 years now and my husband and i love each other very dearly . after 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly change he was having an affair with a lady outside,i notice it then i was praying for divine intervention the thing became more serious i told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happen. my husband just came home one day he pick up his things and left me and the kids to his mistress outside at this time i was confuse not knowing what to do again because i have lost my husband and my marriage too. i was just checking my mails in the office when i saw someone sharing her testimony on how the priest of JAYEMA temple help her out with her marital problems so i contacted the email of priest JAYEMA i told him my problem and i was told to be calm that i have come to the right place that i should fill some information concerning my self i did after 30 minus he called me again congratulating me that my problems will be solve within 48 hours. he told me what went wrong with my husband and how it happen.that they will restored my marriage but i will make a free donation to their JAYEMA home anything my heart told me. to my greatest surprise my husband came to my office begging me on his knees that i should find a place in my heart to forgive him i quickly ask him up that i have forgiven him.friends your case is not too hard why don’t you give priest JAYEMA a try they work surprises because i know they will also bring back your husband. contact him via jayemamagictemple@gmail.com



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deep

posted March 3, 2014 at 5:49 am


nice information.. I think its about time in starting it hurts so much but believe me slowly slowly u will be overcome with this stress and pain. Divert your mind go for vaccations with friends..you can also check this http://www.sevenswag.com/3-ways-to-deal-with-a-broken-heart



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