Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue


Video: Meeting My Inner Child

posted by Beyond Blue

In case you’re confused, I accidentally published this last week. Sorry! Now it makes sense given today’s mindful Monday meditation.

Some of you have already seen this video about my reading through my junior-high journals and the process of coming to terms with my childhood anxiety and depression. My inner-child work began here. It has been a long process and a lot of work, but I think I’m finally getting to the freer me on the other side.

To view my YouTube video click here.

To read more Beyond Blue, go to www.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.



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J.

posted September 20, 2008 at 12:39 pm


Therese,
Thank you so much for your videos, blogs and most of all for sharing your private life and inner struggles with such candor. Mental illness in it’s various forms can make you feel so alone in the world because it’s generally not something that people talk openly about. I think that what you’re doing not only helps on the individual level (those of us who view your posts) but also in the broader sense of pushing the subject into the light of day and refusing to accept that mental illness is something that should be hidden from the public. You are very brave – a warrior for our cause.
I just wanted to add that when you were talking about your Jr. High journals I pictured you. I saw the pretty, articulate, smart girl you must have been. The dichotomy of the two images (what you looked like on the outside and what you were feeling on the inside) struck me. I hope that one day the extremes of these two images can one day meet somewhere in the middle and be o.k. I hope that for you and everyone else here.
J.



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Mary Hughes

posted September 20, 2008 at 3:26 pm


Hi Therese,
I don’t know how I ended up on your blog, I think it was through someone else’s who recommended it.
I’m a recovered heroin addict, and I’m writing my life story like you. I’ve never met anyone who talked about the pain of the Junior High age like you before. In my active addiction I was in all sorts of really bad situations, and none of them have had the impact on me that my junior high life had. I want to write this story becasue there are so many stories that almost sensationalize addiction, and the nitty gritty of real addiction, and its precursors, is anything but sensational!
Keep going with the work and the writing. I remember up until a couple of years ago, even after having written a lengthy fourth step (2000 resentments and turnarounds)I could not even consider even thinking about those years, never mind write about them. I guess, like you, I was ready in God’s time!
Mary J
http://www.againborn.blogspot.com/



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Mary Anne

posted September 20, 2008 at 6:25 pm


T,
As I have already told you I love the talkies (videos). Thankyou for being so open with all of us. Letting us see your smile, your tears, sharing your inner child and the adult Therese both. You are such an inspiration to me and I know LOTS of others!
Growing up in a home with an alcoholic father alot of my pain and problems started then..in my childhood. A special memory I would like to share is when I was 11 yrs old and my father sacrificed all he had to take my Mother and I on a family vacation, by bus (ugh) to DisneyLand in Ca. He bought me a Tinkerbell necklace then, that I have lost through the yrs. I have always had a fondness for Tinkerbell, in recent yrs she has made a reappearance in stores in the form of sheets, pillows, wall hangings, pictures etc. I embrace my innerchild by getting Tinkerbell things that I run across in stores. At age 48, I have a dresser which I have cleaned all of my adult perfume bottles, knick knacks off of to display a small Tinkerbell doll having a tea party with one of her fairy friends. I have a Tinkerbell clock hanging on the wall, a Tinkerbell pillowcase on my memory foam pillow I sleep on. I even found Tinkerbell colored pencils, markers and coloring pages I enjoy playing with. As a child I always enjoyed coloring and I have learned that it is very theraputic for adults, those of us with depression and stress to do something creative. Mandella’s, prints to color and work on are very relaxing/calming.
Take some time out from all the studying, research, writing, innerchild work that you do to PLAY! Play with Katie, its ok to not have to be so responsible and adult all the time.
I DO love you and keep you in my thoughts and prayers, please do the same for me. Hugs and love, Mary Anne



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Anonymous

posted September 21, 2008 at 4:46 am


Parenting our inner child has to be one of, if not THE most difficult parts of our individual journeys. It’s also been (for me)one of the most important Those who haven’t had to experience this process (like your wonderful Eric), can’t undestand the significance of a seemingly incongrous symbol like Katie as we work through this painful period in our ives. I love how she reflects things like your blond locks nd blue eyes; she’s PRICELESS in her appropriateness. For those of us who have repressed memories of ourselves a children, which is many of us, cannot even visualize ourselves as children despite family albums or old home movies, we’re THAT out of touch with who we were because of the deep pain we experienced at that crucial time in our lives. I’m glad you protected Katie in the ways you yourself were not protected; that, in itself, is indicative of your growth. Let Eric laugh however much he chooses to do so, there had to be something very poignant about realizing Katie was being discarded in a tragic reenactment of the abandonment you felt as a child!



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V

posted September 21, 2008 at 8:18 pm


This video hits home. The same thing has been happening to me in the last week. It’s like all the sad memories of my childhood are coming back to me. And like you, Therese, for the first time I felt that God showed these events to me as a way of holding me in his arms and telling me, “it’s not your fault”, “you are not the black sheep of the family”, “you were not the dumb child that people made you believe you were”. I cried my eyes out yesterday. I said to my self, “it’s ok to feel sorry for myself and to soothe my heart”. The problem is that these memories are making me blame it on my parents. I feel very angry at them right now for the aggressive environment in which I lived. My bipolar disorder started also in my junior high school years but I did not get formally diagnosed until 1995. All those years of turmoil believing that it was my fault. To this day I still feel like the family doormat that people talk down to. However, I have hope that one day Christ will wipe away my every tear and welcome me into Paradise.



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Theresa Tighe

posted September 22, 2008 at 3:12 am


Dear Therese,
You are an incredibly brave person. Such honesty must be very painful. Rest in the fact that you are doing God’s work. Wrap the support, relief and insight you are giving others around yourself like a blanket, fuzzy blanket of grace just taken out of a blanket warmer.
Theresa in St. Louis



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dustmyblues

posted September 22, 2008 at 3:34 am


Therese-That is such a cool thing that God did for you that you “just happened” to run into your old therapist and get your journals. I love it when when God does very personal things like that. I call it a “Heavenly Hug.” Thanks for sharing that. It reminded me of our Father’s love.



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MJ

posted September 22, 2008 at 11:43 am


I decided at some point in high school or college that life would go better if I murdered my inner child – so I did. The equivalent of beating her to death and throwing her out with the trash. Now that I’m 39 and mostly dead internally I wish I could go back and save her (and give my family the living hell they deserved). If anyone should have been murdered it should have been ancestors a few generations ago, to wipe the family off the planet before they could ruin more lives.



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dawn

posted September 30, 2008 at 11:36 am


i remember hearing about the “inner child” in my group therapy sessions of the 90′s (my party decade) and didnt know what to say to her. i’ve kept a journal since i was 11 years old. the entries were similar to yours, the angst of living and wanting to die, wanting someone to see me, hear me.
at one point, i hated her, yelled at her, ignored her…until i heard her crying, sounding still like my sorrow as a woman, now. i couldnt turn away. my children are boys (one entering adulthood, another entering adolescence), so i have forgotten what it was like to be a little girl. im still adjusting to my adulthood having just turned 40.
i’d have desires to have a little girl but this was a need to make right what seemed to be wrong with my own inner child. im still a work in progress (with tubes tied, lol). thank you for sharing your insight to the “inner child” :).
namaste
dawn



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Valerie

posted October 6, 2008 at 9:12 pm


This blog still cracks me up when I think about Eric possibly giving Katie away to Goodwill. And then I remember the video with the dolls you were showing us all who were prospective candidates for your inner child. Now, THAT really cracked me up!
Lately, I’ve been doing a little “inner child” work myself and my therapist told me to put a picture of myself as a child in my wallet so I will see it every day and I will remember her and think of her.
Sometimes it works but unfortunately, I think I often ignore her. It’s when I truly think about what I’m doing or what’s being done to me etc and think about that happening to that little girl that I was, then I truly can start to feel the pain and work on protecting her and keeping her safe and sticking up for her.
It has to do with your blog on perserverence–we just have to keep on trying and trying and trying and never give up.
Valerie



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