Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue


12 Ways to End Addictive Relationships

posted by Beyond Blue

In his book, “How to Break Your Addiction to a Person,” Howard Halpern first explains what an addictive relationship is, then gives guidelines for recognizing if you’re involved in one. Then, he offers several techniques on how to end an unhealthy relationship (or an emotional affair).
I’ve compiled and adapted all of his suggestions into the following dozen techniques, excerpting what I found to be the most important passages for each.

1. Keep a Relationship Log
Keep track of the events and happenings of the relationship, but above all, and in as honest detail as you can, set down your feelings about the contacts with your partner. The reasons this can be extraordinarily helpful are (a) It compels you to notice what is going on and how you feel about it, (b) It can help you to look back through it and see the shape of the relationship, what it has really been like and felt like, what have been its patterns over time, and (c) It can curb your tendencies to distort the relationship by either twisting events, repainting your feeling and forgetting either the unpleasant or the pleasant.
2. Find the Patterns
It can be eye-opening to see if there is a pattern in the people you have tended to get involved with and the types of relationships you have formed, so unless your current partner is the only love relationship you have had, I suggest you do a Relationship Review. First, list the names of each person with whom you had a romantic attachment, going as far back as you can. Then set down the Physical Attributes of each–his or her height, build, hair color, movement, voice, general attractiveness, etc. Then write down the Personality Characteristics of each person on your list. What do you feel is the most striking feature of his personality? What adjectives best describe him: Introverted or extroverted? Passive or active? Warm or cold? Intimate or distant? Self-confident or self-effacing? Successful or ineffectual? Hearty or frail?
Even more important than similarities in the physical and personality characteristics of people with whom you have had close relationships are the Relationship Characteristics, the repeated patterns of interaction in which you have been involved. To get some idea if your relationships have had repeated patterns, it can be useful, under the name of each person with whom you have had a relationship, to write the answers to questions such as these:
a) Exactly how did the relationship start? Who was the initiator? The pursuer?
b) Was one of you more dominant? Who seemed to control when and where you would get together, and how you would spend your time?
c) What was the emotional tone of the relationship for you? Loving? Angry? Contented? Depressed? Anxious? Boring? Insecure? Romantic? Desperate? Or what?
d) Emotionally, did you get your needs satisfied?
e) How did your relationship end? Who ended it? Why? What were the feelings of each of you about its ending?


3. Write Memos to Yourself
A patient of mine invented the technique of writings memos to herself. She would write memos, mail them to herself, take them out of her mailbox when she got home the following night, and find such things as: “Hi! Welcome home. Make yourself that curried chicken, and put on some good music. You are worth making a fuss over. After, get to that stack of letters and bills you’ve been putting off.” Or, “Call Carolyn and/or Mabel tonight and make some plans for the weekend. Then enjoy the rest of the evening by doing whatever you want to do that would be fun and pleasurable.” Or, “Tonight will be exactly two weeks since you last saw Wayne. If I know you, you’ll get particularly sad and sentimental over the anniversary and may even be tempted to call him. You’ll begin to forget why you ended it. So remember how impossibly stingy he was and berated you viciously or being extravagant whenever you bought something a little luxurious, even though it was with your own money! And how stupidly meticulous he could be. And how ungenerous he was with his feelings. It’s the two-week anniversary of being free of all that.”
4. Make Connections.
To free yourself from the tyranny of your Attachment Hunger [the degree to which your needs were satisfied as an infant], it can be helpful to see clearly the connection between the infant or child you once were and the feelings you are experiencing now.
It would be enormously helpful for you to connect up with the infant and child memory tapes within you. Write down each negative feeling that is triggered by anticipating or acting to break a bad relationship, whether it is your terror of aloneness and abandonment , overwhelming neediness, longing, inadequacy, insecurity, guilt, or whatever. Then, for each, think about and write down whatever you can remember of the earliest times you felt like that. What was going on? Why did you feel that way? What in the present situation seems similar enough to be triggering these old feelings? Is it really a valid and appropriate way for you to be reacting now? Feel the connections, be compassionate, empathic, and supportive to the little child you once were–he had reason to feel the way he did. But you will probably discover that you, as an adult, do not have good reason to feel now as you did then. And that can be very liberating.
5. Foster a Supportive Network
At a time when you are breaking a connection which has given you sustenance, friends can serve as an auxiliary life-support system. The value of this network is so great that having it or not having it should not be left to chance. It can make the crucial difference in your success in ending the relationship. It has many specific and even specialized uses, but overriding all else is that when you are terrified of being all alone in the universe, it can give you the comforting assurance that there are other caring people out there. And this assurance, by making you feel reconnected to the web of life, can firm up your determination to make and sustain the break.
6. Complete Your Sentences
Below are some incomplete sentences that, if you finish them spontaneously and frankly, will put you in touch with basic aspects of your Self. You can st down one or more completions for each sentence.
I am…
The main thing about me is…
I always…
I feel most like me when…
What I like most about a person is…
I will be…
I get angry when…
I feel happiest when…
I believe in…
One thing I want to accomplish is…
What I like most about myself is…
I hate it when…
I was…
I feel least like me when…
I feel weakest when…
7. Be Aware of Your Body
Your Self is not a disembodied entity. How you feel about who you are is related in many ways to your sense of size, the shape, and the functioning of your body. Any exercises that help you become aware of your own body–what it looks like, feels like, how it operates, its impact on its surroundings, and the world’s impact on it–can enhance your feelings that there is a central core that is unmistakably your own and is part of your unique identity. If you are a person who engages in sports or other active pursuits, it is a matter of tuning in to your body in action and seeing it as a manifestation and reflection of who you are. But whether you are active or sedentary, the most basic physiological process that you can easily become aware of is your breathing. If you ten to lose touch with who you are when you are not connected to someone else, it can be helpful to spend some time each day doing deep breathing.
8. Nurture Your Core Fantasies
Create your own way of seeing, hearing, exploring, and being in touch with your own unique center. Some people I know have drawn pictures of it, sculpted it, and written about it. The method is less important than the message it brings. That message is that you do have an identity that is real, complete, and yours alone. You may have feelings to the contrary–that your identity is weak or cloudlike or fragmented–but these feelings distort the fact that you are a solid and whole person.
Your identity does not depend on being connected to another person. In fact, being connected in an addictive way to another person, though giving you the illusion of identity, is a sure way to further weaken your sense of who you, as a separate being, really are.
9. Awareness of Wanting
If your sense of self is shaky in a way that is reflected in not knowing what you want, I would like to suggest a little exercise taken from one that the psychoanalyst and group leader Ruth Cohn (formerly of New York, now in Switzerland) prescribed for some of her patients. Take ten minutes of each day in which you can arrange to be undisturbed and simply give yourself the task: In these ten minutes I will focus entirely on what I want at this given moment, what my body wants to do, what my thoughts want to do, and to as great an extent as possible, I will do what I want.
10. Stop Thoughts and Distract Yourself
Eileen told me, “I found a way to think of Peter a lot less often. I wear this rubber band around my wrist, and as soon as I notice thoughts of Peter intruding my mind, I pull the rubber band out and let it snap against my wrist hard. It really works!”
At first I was appalled at this effort to condition herself not to think about Peter through punishment. . . . But then I realized that Eileen had developed a very deep understanding of the needs, patterns, and history that went into forming her attachment to Peter and other similar men before him, and that she had strengthened her sense of her worth and viability as a separate person. In that context, her behavioral gimmick was not a substitute for real change but a useful technique in dealing with the residue of her attachment–the intruding thoughts about Peter. I could see that it had great value in severing the last vestigial ties to him. And I could see the appropriateness of recommending some behavioral techniques as part of the process of breaking an addiction.
11. Allow Multiple Attachments
If we have multiple sources of gratification of our needs for love, nurturance, and stimulation, we will be more secure, independent, and free to be ourselves. This does not mean that all our attachments will have equal meaning. It is not only possible but highly desirable to be deeply devoted to your primary partner and still have much of your need for connectedness met by friends, close kin, colleagues, co-workers, and others.
12. Connect with the Timeless
There is another source of connectedness that does not involve specific other people and that has some advantages that attachments to people do not. The Gershwin song expresses the romantic wish that through “the Rockies may tumble, Gibraltar may crumble, they’re only made of clay, but–Our love is here to stay.” Well, the Rockies and Gibraltar are still around while countless people who earnestly sang these lyrics to their partner are not. Or their partner is not. Or both, through separation or death, are gone.
I am not proposing that it is better to love rocks than people. But I am implying two other propositions: 1) that it is unrealistic not to recognize the possibility of any relationship being transient and ephemeral, and 2) that the more we can root some of our attachment needs in things more lasting and even timeless, the firmer is the ground on which we stand in life’s changes and discontinuities.

To read more Beyond Blue, go to www.beliefnet.com/beyondblue, and to get to Group Beyond Blue, a support group at Beliefnet Community, click here.



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CAROL

posted July 5, 2007 at 11:09 pm


I AM CURRENTLY BREAKING OFF A RELATIONSHIP THAT IS NOT HEALTHY FOR ME.I REALIZE I LET THIS RESON USE ME & HURT ME FOR FEAR OF BEING ALONE.MY SPOUSE PASSED AWAY IN 03. I HAD NOT BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP SINCE 99. THE ARTICULE HELPED REINFORCE ALL THE REASONS WHY I SHOUOLD WALK AWAY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR HELP.



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Mac

posted July 6, 2007 at 6:15 am


Yet another great article! Keeping a journal of events and feelings with loved ones and friends is very helpful. Three years ago when I was struggling with a toxic friend, I wrote down each time she was late–or didn’t show up at all–for our plans. When I looked over the long list of dates and times I immediately felt disrespected and angry and that my time wasn’t important. (I’ve also heard that tardiness is a form of control because plans can’t get started until all arrive.) The list continued to incense me and eventually I understood the root cause of my struggle: I need to feel respected by my friends, peers, and family. Also, when people are confronted with an uncomfortable situation or feeling threatened, they seem to want to know when they did whatever you’re suggesting (I think this is a tactic to eliminate ownership as if no documentation of when and where means there’s no validity to the complaint; my ex). To this day I’ve not had to whip out the dates and times of such nor do I want to, but it makes me more confident to address the issue and more confident with my decisions.
Thank goodness life goes on…
Peace



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Ladybird

posted July 9, 2007 at 2:34 pm


I was in a 15 year “toxic” relationship. We were there for each other, as good friends, when our spouses passed away. Years later, we became serious about one another. As the years went on, we helped each other in raising our children (his two sons, and my one). We also worked together, so naturally we gravitated towards one another. We married after the kids were grown, but then I found out that he was dating my niece while married to me!! That took some strength on my part not to hurt them both. I realized that things work out for the best sometimes. Although I no longer speak or see him or my niece, I am a happier person. I look at it as though he just moved out of the way so that the “real” love of my life can come in. I’m waiting (smile).



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GINNY

posted July 9, 2007 at 2:42 pm


I DID BREAK FROM AN UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP OF 2 1/2 YRS. AFTER I JUMPED INTO IT AFTER MY 25 YEARS OF MARRIAGE.
IT WAS HARD AT FIRST, BUT I HIT MY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF THE BREAK UP. I DATE BUT AM CAREFUL NOT TO BE WITH ONE I AM NOT COMPATABLE WITH.
THE LONGER I AM AWAY FROM HIM, THE EASIER IT GETS.
I DO LIKE MY FREEDOM AND MY ALONE TIME. TO BE WHO I AM FINALLY IN MY LIFETIME.
TO LOOK AT MYSELF AND NOT TO ANOTHER PERSON TO MAKE ME HAPPY.



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aishah striggles

posted July 9, 2007 at 4:06 pm


thank you for your innsight. sometimes in this lifes jorney we meet souls that we meet before maybe in another life time we make karma with theses souls.this is why i will become a friend. let me love you as a friend, we might not have a chance again our souls met befor, now we are here to meet onces more. i wrote this poem i want to share with you.what you send out shall return back to you.BE KIND TO OTHERS, THEY WII BE KIND TO YOU. LIVE YOUR LIFE A BLISS. LOVE AND LIFE AISHAH.P.S LEARN TO BE GOOD TO YOUR SELF AND LIFE WILL BE GOOD TO YOU.



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nancy

posted July 9, 2007 at 4:56 pm


I have been in a relationship for 5 years that i don’t think is the best for me, My partner isn’t outwardly affectionate. He has health problems and seems to not want to be touched because of them, but it makes my self-esteem go through the floor. How can I tell if it geniunely is his health or he just doesn’t “want” me?
Just when I fel like it is not worth all the pain, he is sweet and kind for awhile and then reverts back to indifference. He does really not feel well and I would feel HORRIBLE if I left him because he’s sick and just doesn’t feel like being affectionate. It would seem as if I am a shallow person to put my needs above his health? Help, don’t know what to do, I do love him, but sometimes it seems like it is an unbalanced relationship.



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betty

posted July 9, 2007 at 5:00 pm


im in a bad relationship and love it.



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Tonja

posted July 9, 2007 at 5:01 pm


A few years ago, I was in a very toxic relationship.I kept a journal, in which I wrote in, almost daily.I would wait for about a month then I would read what I had written, boy, was I an emotional wreck.My thoughts and feelings changed so much and so often, I didn’t know who I was or what I wanted. But, eventually, I became the person that I knew I was, all along!Today, I have bloomed into the ROSE that was UNDER all of the THORNS. Thank you so much for all the wisdom,encouragement,and hope that you have given me.THANKS AGAIN!!!!!
Sincerely,
TONJA



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Louann

posted July 9, 2007 at 6:39 pm


I have just been through the wringer again in an addictive relationship. We are not “officially” dating, but we are talking on the phone, commiserating with mostly “his” problems and me being the supportive person that I am. Once in awhile he throws me a bone and I feel that it is all worthwhile, but deep down I know for a fact that he is just a “user” and is using me up till he feels validated to throw me away. He did that this past weekend. I drove 12 hours to see him and after he got what he wanted, he asked me to go. I hadn’t seen him in four months! I was appalled. I got sick to my stomach and felt that even friends don’t treat you that way. I saw his true colors. We have had issues for whole time we dated but never had he sunk this low. I am now ready to let myself heal and move on. I have taken more than enough abuse from him and am letting him go. I still love him unconditionally, but I know that as damaged as he is, he will never truly love or respect another. That is his damage he must fix somehow and may never be able to. I was a “rescuer” personality who tried to “help” him. There were a few moments when he could be a great guy, but overall, not worth the private pain I endured.
Louann



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Leanne

posted July 9, 2007 at 6:46 pm


Our relation started about 6 years ago and it was wonderful. I was still married and it took a little while to get divorced but he waited and wasvery patient. Now this past 7 months he has been un loving, yells at me that I talk to much everytime I open my mouth. Our relationship went to something I had always dreamed of to somethin that I dont’t understand. He tells me a lot eveyday that he loves me and I do believe him. Therhas been a lot of strees lately and I know he can loose his patience when he’s upset and stressed out. Nobody changes the way they treat someone overnight, Can someone give me advice? Thank You.leannes530@yahoo.cpm



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pup

posted July 9, 2007 at 7:46 pm


Perfectly written for just me today… I find it always intriguing how the universe provides us with a direction when we start down this path of Letting go of the toxic people. I always have to say “thank you to the universe” and with always more reassurance that everything is going to be fine just fine for this troubled soul ;o)… Again, always amazing the coincidence eh.. Even worth printing and saving for a blue day…



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SueAnn

posted July 9, 2007 at 8:07 pm


I have been with my husband for twenty-five years. We were high school sweet-hearts. Of course alot has changed since. I feel addicted to this man, because he is all I know. He was my first everything. But being a changed and grown person, I want out! I still love him, but I have lost myself. I am afraid. I have been “used” and “unappreiciated” for years. My story is so long I can’t write it all here. I know deep down it time for me to move on and live ME! I pray every day the Lord remove this fear I have and set me free!



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christie

posted July 9, 2007 at 8:29 pm


Where were you when I needed you? I was in this kind of relationship for over 10 years. It destroyed me, it destroyed my family and our relationship. I missed out on my niece’s growing up years, I missed out on all the family Christmases and birthdays, and I still to this day do NOT understand why I did any of it. This person was not of my race, we were not from the same background, and I was NOT raised to live with him the way I did. Stealing, lying, cheating, fraud, his drug use that just kept getting worse and worse, the beatings, the lack of money. I knew I should leave, knew I couldn’t survive, but was unable to make the move. Had plenty of opportunities but couldn’t take them for I thought he’d be lost without me. What a joke THAT was. But I was finally able to break free once he’d finally, for the last time, beaten all the love I ever felt for him out of me….emotionally, financially, etc. The first day I left him I’d never felt freer or happier. Fortunately, I didn’t dwell on why it’d taken me so long. I just wanted to revel in the freedom and happiness and sense of peace and relaxation. Which opened me up to be able to accept a truly decent man who is loving, kind, and giving in every way. I hope your book will help others at a time when they need it as badly as I once did. Thank you.



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Peggy

posted July 9, 2007 at 9:02 pm


I HAD diaries and journals for over 20 years and the man I’m “addicted to” threw them away, when I accidentally left that box in his basement when I moved out. One of my best girlfriends is now HIS best friend and my other best friends don’t have too much to do with me anymore. I wish so bad that he would have been the man I THOUGHT he was.



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Jan

posted July 9, 2007 at 9:06 pm


Being a naive and trusting ‘rescuer’, I attract toxic relationships with ministers, (two of them over a period of 25 years) They took me into their confidence, I did anything for them because to me I was doing it for God. I got wrapped up in their agenda, trusting them. I started to feel ‘used’ yet I liked being associated with men of their stature. I no longer felt like my own person and now as I’m pulling away I am ostracized, critisized and judged. At first I thought it was my dysfunction that was making me feel so bad. Then I got to the point where I thought I had gone crazy because I couldn’t believe a minister could be so cruel. What had previously been a ‘safe haven’ is now my greatest nightmare. I want to leave the whole situation but I have ties to so many church activities and many people that I care about.



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Veronica

posted July 9, 2007 at 10:05 pm


I can truly relate to the suggestions and the comments (except Betty’s). I am 6 weeks away (got my own place now) from a bad 5 yr. relationship. My ex was narcissistic and sociopatic (diagnosed).
While it was difficult to leave (took a year to save up the bucks to break away) it was SO WORTH IT! My diaries helped me keep track of his “cycles of discontent” which were tirades he would go on. My main goal was to not get sucked into the drama, so that I could keep my jobs going, and goals in focus. The last straw was when he told me he “had his way with me” while I was recovering from surgery and on heavy painkillers. I guess that’s why sleeping in the same bed with him gave me the creeps, and I felt safer on the couch.
He did plenty of things that should have made me pack my bags long before, but finantially I couldn’t do it. Lesson learned was to never let a man control ALL the money no matter what he says. It will be impossible to break away. A good man won’t want to do that anyway.
At age 47, I never thought it could happen to me. It did. I learned.
Now, my freedom is intoxicating! I’m somewhat of a hermit (I love “alone” this time out!). No person on the planet is worth giving up your heart, soul, dignity, control of your money, the list goes on.
I have no fears about ending up with another toxic turd as I am working on myself heavily to find answers, and let no man in until my vulnerability to this is taken care of. Focusing on “what ifs” and other “I wish he was” type nonsense is a ridiculous way to pass the time. That will magnetize another turd, I guarantee.
Loving yourself, the way a best friend would is the direction to go in. And hey, it’s fun too.
Blessings to all who have suffered this. WE DO have a choice and the choice is ours.Love yourself and you will find the truth.



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Becky

posted July 9, 2007 at 10:16 pm


My story is different, but i don’t know what to do about this pls help me.
I was friends with a guy back in my countryfor about three years, i moved to the united states in the year late 2005 and we lost contact for almost two years. He called for the first time two weeks ago that he got my phone # from a friend of mine who he had met that same week.
I was so more than happy to hear from him, and so we talked for almost every day until last thursday when he did call to tell me that he loved me. At first i thought he was kidding and told him that i already had a boyfriend, and that weve being dating for the past seven months, but this guy kept on calling, emailing, and then sent me flowers and stuffed animals. And now i think i have feelings for this guy, but at the same time i still love my boyfriend, bcos my relationship with my boyfriend is the best relationship i have ever had, and the nicest guy i have ever being with



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Teresa

posted July 9, 2007 at 10:26 pm


i REALLY APPRECIATE READING THE TWELVE WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU ARE IN A
ADDICTIVE AND UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. I LOVE MY EX-HUSBAND (WE HAVE BEEN SEPARATED FOR 3 YEARS) HE KEPT PURSUING ME AND SAYING HE LOVED ME, SO FINALLY I SAID OKAY, I REALLY DO STILL LOVE YOU, SO LET’S DATE AND SEE WHERE IT GOES. WELL WE HAVE BEEN DATING FOR 6 MONTHS AND I HAVE NOTICED THE SAME THINGS HAPPENING ALL OVER AGAIN, WHICH IS THE REASON I LEFT, LIES, DECEIT AND A SWEET TALKER. AFTER ABOUT A MONTH I ACCIDENTALLY FOUND OUT HE HAS A LIVE IN GIRL FRIEND, WE ARE BOTH IN OUT 50′S AND I REALLY THOUGHT THIS WAS OUR SECOND TIME AROUND, NOW HE SAYS HE REALLY LOVE ME BUT CARE ABOUT HER WELL BEING AND CAN’T JUST PUT HER OUT, BUT HE TOLD HER THAT WE WERE TRYING TO GET BACK TOGETHER SO HE IS GIVING HER TIME TO FIND A PLACE. WELL HOW LONG DOES THAT TAKE. NOW I JUST NO LONGER BELIEVE HIM OR IN HIM BUT I AM REALLY AFRAID OF BEING BY MYSELF. KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS, I PLAN ON TELLING HIM THAT WE APPARENTLY DON’T WANT THE SAME THINGS IN A RELATIONSHIP AND WE SHOULD JUST LET IT GO.



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rosemene

posted July 9, 2007 at 10:32 pm


I have been ADDICTED to a guy for too long and I finally run away from him.I’ve known him for 4 years but we lived together for a year and if you consider times I left and went back to him I would say that we only lived together for 6 months. he was very manipulative, physically,mentally abusive.He never took responsibility for any of his actions.He would beat me up and then blame me telling that it was my fault and that I deserved it.I have a daughter who is from a previous relationship and he loved her like she was his own.And he always used that against me to make me come back to him everything I left for his abuse towards me.What opened my eyes and made me see that no matter what he said that man would never stop abusing and using me was the fact that he beated me up for 3 straight days over stupid issues after I had a breast biopsy.Even when I was recovering from surgery he put his hands on me and still blamed me for that saying that it’s because I talk and I never can shut my mouth.he also told me that I am mentally ill and that’s why I always start the arguments.The next day I waited for him to go to work I grabbed my daughter and a few things and we left to another state.Since then he’s been harrassing and stalking me and my family; calling my sister and sending me e-mails even threatening ones.What I hate the most is the fact that I find myself thinking about him a lot;I know that he had a rough childhood and that he suffered a lot.I know that he cannot change because he has been hurt for too long(he is 36).I hate the fact that I still love him regardless of everything that he’s done to me.But I have to think with my head and not my heart and see that I have my daughter to raise and live for.She should come first not a man who cannot control his anger.In life we sometimes have to do what’s right and forget our feelings.



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shaniqua

posted July 9, 2007 at 10:54 pm


well if you tell someone you love them everyday and nothing seems to work out than you need to leave them alone. i had to realize that if you can’t trust them what reason is for ya’ll to be together. maybe it’ll work out for myself also, but how can tell someone that he is letting his friends in between us, or his ways and don’t do’s are pushing them away from each other. how can you tell a man all of this when he just propose to you something you always wanted from him.



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Honey

posted July 9, 2007 at 11:09 pm


Hi,
Mine is a 30 year old freindship..I thought that we were best friends, until my friend started to ignore me and not answer my calls..she got angry with me when I gave an old person her phone number…I really think it was an excuse to get rid of me…we have been throught everything together…I am very hurt…we were both in the same vaction spot for 2 days and I didnt speak nor did she and we passed right by each other…how do I get over this????



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rosemene

posted July 9, 2007 at 11:12 pm


He also did something that I should never and will never forgive him for.He sent intimate pictures of me to my family.He always told me that if i left him that’s how he is gonna treat me.For him if he does that I am gonna be so ashamed and I am gonna go back to him.But this is so direspectfull.My worries are that these pictures will follow me for the rest of my life.If he really wanted me back that’s the last thing he should have done.he proved to me by acting that way that he never and would never respect me as a woman.But you know what? we should respect ourselves first for others to respect us.Maybe I lost that respect for my person everytime I went back to him.We can really make fools of ourselves in the name of love.I learned the hard way but I learned anyway.And there are a lot of mistakes I will never make again.



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Terri

posted July 9, 2007 at 11:51 pm


I had met a man online and went out on a date in a public place. I knew ahead of time that he was recently released from prison after 20 years. He was incarcerated from the age of 20 and is now 42.
I didn’t think anything would really come of it but we really seemed to hit it off. We had the same likes, dislikes and it was really too good to be true.
I had been married twice before, the first was a high school sweetheart and it was very good until alcoholism ruined it. The second one I chose for a different personality from the first but ended up being addicted to him only in the bedroom. He became a jealous man over time, watching my every move. I stayed in it because of the children for over 10 years.
I had no plans to start another serious relationship but this new guy really won me over. It ended up being a lie all the way. Lying to my face when I knew the truth ahead of time. We would get mad, then talk and make up. He promised me alot of things, which never happened. I stood up for him when my family got angry about him living with me (they didn’t know about his lying to me).
I ended up being thrown out of my home which is family owned. He said he would move in with me and help pay rent. I paid the deposit on a new place but he never moved in. He gave me excuses which were the same things he promised that he/we would leave behind.
I am in love with the man who seems to be my other half or soulmate. But I hate him just as equally when he does the Dr. Jekyll routine.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt because he has not been in a loving relationship in a very long time. He abused me emotionally to get what he wanted by twisting my words, throwing guilt and when I told him not to do so, would get very defensive.
It was a tightrope relationship, one week good and then a fight which repeated for almost 6 months.
I am trying to break the cycle of wanting to call him. I have already told him how much damage he has done in my life. My children are upset over moving out. I have to find a better job to afford rent. He just gives me condolence talk…offering money. I told him to keep it. He told me I need to focus on getting that better job…better said than done in my area. So I am struggling to say the least. He wanted to know how I was going to keep things going and I replied, “It’s none of your concern now, you left me”.
It’s hard but I have alot to keep me busy, my kids, work, housekeeping. When there is nothing going on, that is when I want to call. Online dating, cell phones, computers and text messages should not have been invented. It gives me the opportunity to shout at him or try to keep it as arms length “friends”.
As for his living situation, he just kept running back and forth to the people who took him in when he was released from prison. They have money, beautiful home and everything anyone could want in life. He gets it free….while I am paying.



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bindi22

posted July 9, 2007 at 11:55 pm


I have been in an off and on again sexual relationship with an older man for the past 10 years.( I am 45; he is 60) I thought we were “soul mates”…my, the illusions we live with and stories we build around them. We had been back together for about 4 months…had romantic evenings together, great sex, long talks…I thought it was just me in his life. He never talked about anyone else.
The other night I was at a concert and saw him picnicking in the grass, drinking wine with another woman. As I walked by, all he said was “How’s it going?” I was too stunned to speak. I continued walking and found a place to double over and cry. We haven’t spoken or emailed since.I was shocked for the first week that I heard NOTHING from him..not even, “look I met someone else..blah, blah..”no, absolutely nothing.
I actually think it was a God thing though..everything shifted in me and the illusion CRUMBLED. I have gone back to my yoga and meditation practice, and feel healthier and happier and more serene than I ever have. I guess I’m a slow learner and have a lot of karma that I am trying to burn off. I have been divorced raising 2 kids on my own for 11 years and I have tended to accept whatever bone (no pun intended) that a guy would throw me.
I will never let any man treat me so poorly again. As painful as it was to see him with another woman, I would still be waiting for the phone to ring and feeling like a doormat right now if this hadn’t happened…Life is full of great things if we open ourselves to the possibilities.



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DENISE KIRK

posted July 9, 2007 at 11:56 pm


I HAVE BEEN IN AND ON AND OFF RELATIONSHIP WITH A MARRIED MAN. I HAVE BEEN MARRIED SEVERAL TIMES IN AN ATTEMPT TO GET HIM OFF ME MIND AND START A NEWW LIFE FOR MYSELF. BUT SOMEHOW I GO RIGHT BACK TO HIM. I HAVE KNOWN HIM SINCE I WAS 8 YRS. OLD I LEARNED HOW TO WRITE HIS NAME IN CURSIVE WHEN I WAS 9. I MOVED TO LA TO GET AWAY AND HE CALLED ME WROTE ME LETTERS. HE IS A RETIRED POLICE BRASS. NOW I HAVE MOVED TO FLORIDA, I TRIED NOT TO CONTACT HIM BUT I AM HERE ALONE AND SO WEAK. HE CAME HERE 20 DAYS AFTER HE RETIRED, I THOUGHT AFTER HE RETIRED HE WOULD MOVE HERE. I HUNG ON ALL THIS TIME THINKING AFTER HE RETIRED WE WOULD BE TOGEATHER. I AM SUCH A FOOL. REALLY IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD I KNEW HE WOULD NEVER LEAVE HIS WIFE FOR ME, BUT HE NEVER LET ME GET TOO FAR AWAY WITHOUT DOING SOMETHING TO REEL ME BACK IN. HE REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF MY FATHER, IN AND OUT OF MY LIFE TOO. I BECAME OBSESSED WITH HIM WHEN MY MOTHER AND FATHER DIVORCED WHEN I WAS EIGHT. BAD CASE OF TRANSFERENCE. I AM SO DEPRESSED. I TRIED TO BLOCK HIS CALLED GOD HE WAS MAD, AND SO UPSET. HE HAS DONE SOME VERY GOOD THINGS FOR ME ALWAYS PLAYING MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR. AFTER ALL THIS TIME I DON’T IF ALL OF THE GOOD THINGS WERE MY IMAGINATION OR REAL.. I REALLY NEED HELP..



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Laura

posted July 10, 2007 at 2:21 am


Well, a year ago was the last time that I saw Mark. He was controlling,
selfish, and unattractive (both inside and out). Where I wanted and believed that “we” were headed for something more significant than sex; he was only interested in sex. Gee, I was more than willing to drive to his houses every Sun. and sometimes Sat. He has since married -
after knowing the women for 5 months and I SUPPOSE that they are happy.
Yes, it was an addictive relationship. I was the child anticipating his every move. He was the parent punishing me for wearing the wrong clothes…eg.
When he dropped me last Sept. (via the email…coincidently that’s how we met: Yahoo) I was devastated. I still harbor anger and bitterness.
The bottom line which I finally acknowledged today was “I wish that I
had dropped him first”.



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Christine

posted July 10, 2007 at 2:21 am


I have been in love with/addicted to my husband for 21 years. I left him 6 years ago, but never divorced. He still tells me he loves me and he pays my expenses. He is there for me in times of crisis, but never any other time. He is addicted to his work and daughters. Six months ago I was out of town and needed to do my laundry. I had been dating a man who was so private about his life I thought he was married or had someone living with him. So I found a laundry close to his house. I went there in hopes of seeing him or finding out something about him. Neither of those happened. But I met a man. Cute, sweet, thick accent. Told me he was single living with friends.
I continued to stay in town to see him for the next week. After seeing each other every day for a week, he tells me the truth, he has a woman living with him for the past 5 yrs and her children. He doesn’t know what happened to him. He saw me and all of his logic went out the window. I told him I didn’t share, I had been neglected in my marriage and I didn’t want that again. His birthday is the same as my husbands. But I am weak, and he is sexy, and it had been years. I kept asking him to stop calling me, but I kept coming to see him.
On the 4th he came to see me, to have sex. After 90 minutes, he had to go, he would come back or call later. He hasn’t called or anything else since.
A guatemalian gigolo’s jilted lover.



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Laura

posted July 10, 2007 at 2:33 am


Haven’t seen Mark for 1 year (today). And today I finally acknowledged that I wish that I had been the one to break up with him. Incidently,
he broke up with me via the email in Sept. Since then I have been
emotionally spent, bitter, angry, sad. He, on the other hand, got married after a “romance” of 5 or 6 months.
It was an awful relationship which consisted of doing things that he wanted to do, going over to his house (Perfect house complete with beigh carpeting throughout) and spending Sun. am and sometimes Sat.
with him. He was not my type..heavy drinker, emotionally distant but
extremely emotionally wounded.
How do I not let myself get involved with the same type again?



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compassion

posted July 10, 2007 at 3:20 am


this response is to all u ladies, but especially to denise kirk and jan. ladies i too have been in an addictive relationship and seems that everytime my mind was made up to become free of it i would fall back into divers temptations. u know getting caught up with people who are wrong for u is a very easy thing to do. like u jan, i was involved with a minister because i gave into him when we both felt very vulnerable and denise, like u i believe that alot of these tendencies came at an early age because i was molested. It is not clear to me if that is what u are suggesting but if it is , u need to surrround urself with positive people who willing to help u thru this. u need to let him go because it is obvious that he doesn’t mean well. he may be a good person but he is not the best person for u.there is someone out there for u and when u let go and learn to love urself ,things will become alot clearer.well jan, i had to just say to God,Lord if u don’t help me get pass this thing i won’t be able to do it without u. I’m free to this day. U know ladies, some men will play on our intellect and lack of self-esteem if we allow them to. being free of that type of relationship is awesome because really “we are just the other woman” these men have no intentions of leaving their wives and u will always end up getting short-changed. whitney said it best when she said learning to love urself is the greatest love of all.



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Feeling all alone

posted July 10, 2007 at 5:12 am


Ladies I have being in a 21 year relationship/marriage with my high school sweetheart, we have two wonderful kids (20 & 17)and we have had our share of good and bad throughout the marriage more bad then good. This is why I decided to end it. We have recently seperated (very recent) and I feel all alone in this great big world because the only other person that I have known for all these years and grew up with is no longer my backbone support. I am at a loss for words here because my mother passed away 4 years ago and her and my husband were the only two people I relied on for support and now I have neither. How in this world do we keep on going when you feel like your world has crumbled right before your eyes. Where do I find the strength to keep going on each day without feeling weakness?



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Ruthie

posted July 10, 2007 at 7:49 am


I am part of a domestic violence group and not only is this article going to help me but it might help alot of other people i know that have this same problem.



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sharon

posted July 10, 2007 at 9:17 am


I’ve read the your article and I’ve read the comments. I’ve been there. I was married to a man that was abusive to me in more was then one. The power and control they hold over you is toxic. It eats away at everything you are until nothing is left. Is it an addiction on our part or theirs? I think they make us feel like it is ours, but in reality it is theirs. They are addicted to control, manipulation, power and dominance over the oppisite sex. What they consider the weaker sex or less of a human being then they are. Here is the real clue, we are better people than they are and they see how wonderful we are and how terrible they are so they have to bring us down to our knees to make us pay for their crimes. They don’t love themselves so they can’t love us. Don’t just walk away from these people run as fast as you can and never look back. Pitty them if you must, love them from a distance if you can’t help it but stay away from them they are dangerous to us in more ways then one. Find peace and happiness and believe that your soulmate is still out there. Keep looking until you find that person that completes you. Don’t rely on that person to make you happy only you can make you happy. If your not happy leave quickly and move on to the next and don’t waist time in a relationship that is going no place.



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Annette

posted July 10, 2007 at 10:44 am


I have just ended a relationship after a year, and I am starting to feel a little relieved. After reading this, I know that I can end this relationship and stay away from that feeling of needing that person, even though I know it was bad for my psyche as well as my health. Thank you for the words to help me understand that I can move on and feel confident about who I am and what is best for me.



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Kristi

posted July 10, 2007 at 11:43 am


I am currently single as my partner broke up with me on May 25th. It would seem as a bad relationship but i don’t see it that way. I met him when my husband was leaving me last year and he is the only one who has ever treated me right. The down side is that he broke up with me because he thinks he wants to be alone and not have a girlfriend. I can’t understand how someone would want to live like that.
The story thickens as he is 10 years younger than me. But that never bothered either of us. I love him more than I ever loved anyone. And I never thought it was possible to love this much. He said I should find someone to be with because he knows I don’t like being alone but I only want him. I am so confused as to what to do. I can’t stop loving him because when I even think about doing that it hurts me.



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Suzanne

posted July 10, 2007 at 1:15 pm


This an insightful and helpful article (and follow-up discussion) empowering those of us who play the role of “victim” with helpful tools for recovering from our dependencies. Thank you.



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A

posted July 10, 2007 at 2:34 pm


I REALLY NEED HELP WITH MY CURRANT SITUATION I HAD A BAD BREAK UP AND HE WONT LET GO WHICH IS CAUSIN ME TO HARBOR CERTAIN FEELINGS STILL AFTER I HAD BEEN READY FOR THIS RELATIONSHIP TO END FOR MORE THAN A YEAR WHAT SHOULD I DO



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awil

posted July 10, 2007 at 2:54 pm


It’s so hard to allow yourself to get over some on that you truly do care about. I have been in a relationship for the last year with an emotionally unstable, insecure female and even thou we have pretty much been seperated for the last month and i know its best to leave her alone and focus on what i’m doing in my life, i still find myself constantley wondering what she is doin, if she is thinkin about me, ect. True story, i love this girl, but things haven’t been going in the right direction, so i know i have to let her go. thing is, how long does it take to get past this.???



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Carol

posted July 10, 2007 at 3:38 pm


Wow, what an interesting and worth-while article to read. Thanks, I needed that today. I’m a step-mother and I’ve finally realized that it’s for the best to literally “step-aside” from an unhealthy relationship with my step-daughter. I’ll continue to pray for her and for her dreams to come true, yet, I feel that I need to literally let God help me to “Let Go”. So, do keep me–chatty carol in your prayers. If it is meant to be once I set her free, then she will come back to me with the respect I deserve from her. Ah yes, I could continue on . . . but I have a lot of living to do today. Thank goodness for my loving husband and my own loving daughter. Most importantly, thank goodness for a loving and caring support group, too. God Bless. “Care”



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kaejay

posted July 10, 2007 at 4:50 pm


Thanks for the article, I needed to hear those words at just this moment. I have just broke up with my girlfriend of six years and I am devastated. We have been breaking up and getting back together for the past 2 or 3 years. Although, it is best for the both of us because we tried to force something that wasn’t right. She has moved on and in less than 1 month is sleeping with another woman. She is a woman that will listen to your every word just to use against you later. She will not return call or emails. I want some closure and she keeps haveing so many other engagements, even after telling me I will meet you no matter how early or late. Then I pick a time and it’s not good for her. I will incorporate a couple of these steps as I need to . I am having such a hard time dealing with the rejection from her and the fact that she is so dishonest and deceitful. But if I think back this is not the first time I have felt that I couldn’t trust her. And I believe that she was so insecure not because she didn’t trust me but because she could not trust her self.



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William

posted July 10, 2007 at 6:57 pm


I’m just getting myself back on track after being separated from my ex-wife since 21 May 2002, and finally getting the Divorce this year!
But I’ve decided to let my higher power to put the person into my life that was supposed to be here in the first place. Not trying to make this into a religious thing, but this is how I feel is the best way to describe how my world is going to be from now on.



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Susan Anderson

posted July 10, 2007 at 10:17 pm


My husband filed for a divorce in Oct.’03 (after 25 years of being together and 2 kids)and left me to continue his affair with a so-called friend of mine. The betrayal on both of their parts was unbearable and even now writing about it causes me pain. I truly didn’t think I could live without him. My whole world was turned upside down when he left. I had depended on him for everything, and had built my life around him and our children, with so many dreams for our future. Since then he and his “girlfriend” fight and break up every other week sometimes for months at a time(which I like to think is associated to their karma),and our divorce has been off and on. I could never really admit to myself that he loved her and was so easily controlled by her. (She’s been married 3 times and is very calculating and manipulating, while he is more passive–but this is a whole other story..)He would be so wonderful for a few months until she came around and gave him ultimatums to get the divorce over with. I was on an emotional rollercoaster for over 3 years, hoping he would come back home, and sacrficing my dignity and self-respect over and over for someone that’s cheated on me and lied more than telling the truth. I can’t even begin to list all the deceitful things he’s done.
Somehow I just couldn’t let go of him or this toxic triangle. Deep down I knew I’d never be able to trust him again and that my friends and family thought I was nuts to even want him back after all he’d put me through and done to me. I wondered how I could still love someone like this? He obviously didn’t want me and said so many hurtful things to me that made it clear he was not happy with me and would never come back. (JERK!!) I couldn’t understand what was wrong with me or why I would want to hang on or continue any kind of relationship….until I FINALLY REALIZED (through years of counseling)that not only was I addicted to him, but, as my psychiatrist insists, I was also addicted to the drama of the situation!! I now HAVE LET GO and the divorce is moving forward to be finalized within the next couple of months. I have a new outlook on life and have faith in God that I will make it through this, be fine taking care of myself, and hopefully He will lead me to (as another writer said) the person out there that I am supposed to be with. I haven’t dated for 28 years so it’s a little scary, but hopefully when I’m ready I will meet the man of my dreams. And, if I don’t at least I know who I am now, how strong I can actually be, and that I am perfectly content and happy with myself!



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y.m

posted July 11, 2007 at 12:21 am


i’m trying to get out of this miss i’m in well he’s on drugs and the only time he wants to be bother is when he wants a loan



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casey

posted July 11, 2007 at 6:51 am


I had a bad relationship. its over. but not by my doings. and if i could be back in it… i would be. So what do I do to fix myself now that it is over?



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a.d

posted July 11, 2007 at 5:46 pm


Thank you so much for this article. I know that I am in a very addictive relationship and just like one of the other people who commented. I am trying to get my finances together. He is the type that trys to keep track of every penny. He knows that it is a possibility that that is what I am doing. My kids who are grown now one living on his own and the other my daughter is in college. She does not like coming home nor I suspect my son has the same feeling. She is the youngest and witnessed his disrespect and seems it has hurt her seeing all of this. I feel that at times I look weak to her and my son, but I am going to share this article with him and her. I just never knew how to explain to her why I was still in this realtionship for as long as I have. But now I know how addicted I am to this person. Now I have a better understanding of what I have been going through. I want to get stronger break this bond that I have with him. It has affected my daughter in her relationships with young men. If they act anything like him she runs the other way. I believe that is a good thing but I fear that she sees his behavior in every young man she meets. She just does not want to make the same mistakes that I have made and I can understand that. I am setting a goal that before the end of this year that I will break free. I will use the tools given in this article. Please pray for me and my family that we may heal…



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tisa

posted July 12, 2007 at 1:50 am


I am so blessed to have a good handle on who I am and what I want in life, but my draw back is my relatonships. I feel as if I short change byself by getting involved in relationships that seem to start with the usual dream setting, until the comfortability sets in and my partner becomes this emotionally detached individual. The next step is always the most difficult becasue it leaves me feeling like a failure==though i am learning that the relationship failed and i am not a failure–my mistake seems to be investing all of me too soon, and expecting the same–in the same way, and it never yet to happen–the reciprication of my feelings time and attention . My not standing up for who i am is another drawback,I comprimise until i am lost and wonder what happened to the real tisa. Iam worth loving and being loved–equally at least this is my hope one day.



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GOD'S ANOINTED

posted July 14, 2007 at 5:41 pm


HELLO ALL,
I WAS ABLE TO READ THE ARTICLE AND ALL OF THE COMMENTS. I TOO CAN RELATE TO THE ARTICLE AND MOST OF THE COMMENTS. IT HAS TAKEN ME AWHILE TO GET TO THE PLACE IN LIFE WHERE I AM AT AND EVERYDAY I AM STILL GROWING AND LEARNING AND GOING THROUGH A PROCESS TO BECOMING A BETTER PERSON FOR MYSELF AND TO THE PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD I COME INTO CONTACT WITH. I WANT TO SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE AND THE BLESSING OF HAVING BEEN GIFTED WITH WISDOM AND OBSERVATION. I WANT TO ENCOURAGE EVERYONE WHO WAS BRAVE ENOUGH TO EXPOSE THEIR VULNERABILITIES TO SOMEONE YOU MAY NEVER MEET. I AM NOT HERE TO PASS JUDGMENTS ON ANYONE OR POINT THE FINGER AND PLACE BLAME. THIS IS GOOD EXPERIENCE FOR ME, FOR I ANTICIPATE BECOMING A COUNSELOR/THERAPIST IN THE FUTURE. I HAVE SOME MORE LEARNING, GROWING AND EDUCATION TO OBTAIN. BESIDES, I FIRMLY BELIEVE THAT ANYONE WHO WANTS TO DISH OUT ADVICE AND/OR ENCOURAGEMENT NEEDS TO HAVE BEEN THROUGH WHAT THE PEOPLE ARE GOING THROUGH OR WILL GO THROUGH. I ONLY HAVE 29 ALMOST 30 YEARS OF LIVING BEHIND MY BELT, BUT IT HAS BEEN A TOUGH ROAD TO TRAVEL, BUT GOD HAS BEEN REALLY GOOD IN EQUIPPING ME FOR THE TASK AT HAND. SO I STAND BEFORE YOU TO SAY THAT WE ALL FACE CHALLENGES IN LIFE, WHETHER IT BE RELATIONSHIPS, JOB LOSS, REJECTION ETC… NOONE IS EXEMPT. THE WISDOM COMES FROM FOREKNOWING THAT THINGS ARE GOING TO HAPPEN AND I PUT A MINDSET ON THAT SAYS WHAT AM I SUPPOSE TO LEARN FROM THIS EXPERIENCE AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, HOW DO I IN TURN USE THIS EXPERIENCE TO HELP OTHERS AND/OR ENCOURAGE OTHERS. WE MUST LOVE GOD FIRST WHO IS THE CREATOR OF LOVE AND WHO IS LOVE. AND LET ME TELL, IT’S NOT AN EASY ROAD TO LOVE SOMEONE YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN, BUT YOU LEARN TO LOVE GOD IN YOUR HEART AND THAT’S THE SAME PLACE YOU LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF, WHICH IS SECOND. WHEN YOU HAVE THOSE TWO PRINCIPLES DOWN BACK, YOU ARE MORE PRONE TO RECOGNIZE WHEN SOMEONE IS NOT SUITED FOR YOUR LIFE, BECAUSE THERE ACTIONS, ATTITUDES OR WORDS DON’T AGREE WITH WHAT YOU BELIEVE ABOUT YOURSELF. THAT’S WHEN YOU KNOW TO WALK AWAY FROM THAT PERSON AND TRUST GOD TO KEEP YOU STRONG AND NOT ALLOW YOU TO TURN BACK. YES, YOU MAY FALL AND GO BACK REPEATEDLY, BUT IT’S NOT IN FALLING THAT YOU ARE A FAILURE, IT’S WHEN YOU GET BACK UP AND DECEIDE TO KEEP GOING. THEN THE DAY COMES WHEN YOU HAVE SO MUCH STRENGTH TO KEEP GOING AND NOT LOOK BACK BECAUSE YOU HAVE REACHED THAT PLACE OF BEING SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED OF BEING SICK AND TIRED AND SO ON…. I’M SURE YOU LADIES AND GENTLEMEN GET THE POINT. IT’S VERY LIBERATING TO KNOW THAT SOMEONE IS LOOKING OUT FOR YOUR WELFARE AND BENEFIT AND WILL NOT ALLOW CERTAIN PEOPLE TO WALK INTO YOUR LIFE THAT CAN BE POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS TO YOU IN ANY KIND OF WAY. GOD WILL DO JUST THAT. I AM TELLING YOU IT WORKS. I HAVE PROOF IN MY OWN LIFE. I ASKED GOD TO REMOVE PEOPLE FROM MY LIFE THAT ARE NOT GOOD FOR ME AND WHO ARE NOT ADDING TO MY LIFE, BUT ARE SUBTRACTING FROM IT AND HE DID IT. THESE PEOPLE STOPPED CONTACTING ME JUST AS I HAVE PRAYED AND YES THE TEMPTATION IS THERE TO REACH OUT TO THEM AND YES I HAVE DONE SO, BUT THEN THAT OLD PATTERN COMES RESURFACING AND THAT’S WHEN YOU KNOW, FORGET IT, I AM NOT RELIVING THIS AGAIN. YOU GET TO A POINT IN LIFE WHERE YOU HAVE TO SAY, IF I HAVE TO BE ALONE FOR AWHILE, THEN THAT’S FINE. IT’S AN OPPORTUNITY TO GET TO KNOW THY SELF IN A BETTER WAY. SOMETIMES WE ARE FACED WITH TIMES WHERE WE MUST BE ALONE, BECAUSE FOR SOME REASON, WE AS HUMANS, CAN’T STAND THE IDEA OF BEING ALONE, SO WE CLING TO PEOPLE OR THINGS THAT WE KNOW ARE BAD FOR US, BUT WE DON’T WANT TO BE ALONE, SO WE REMAIN WITH THAT PERSON OR KEEP ENGAGING IN THAT THING. ONE LAST WORD OF ENCOURAGEMENT, LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO KNOW THAT YOU DESERVE BETTER, TELL YOURSELF THAT YOU ARE A PRINCESS OR PRINCE AND WATCH YOUR MIND BEGAN TO BELIEVE IT AND THEN YOU REALLY WILL BELIEVE THAT YOU DESERVE THE BEST!!! GOD BLESS!!!



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Anonymous

posted July 15, 2007 at 10:40 pm


I BEEN MARRIED TWICE AND WAS TREATED BAD BY BOTH WOMAN.I THEN WAS ALONE FOR SEVERAL YEARS, I MET A WOMAN WHO I SOON FELL IN LOVE WITH. SHE SAID SHE LOVED ME WE LATER LIVED TOGETHER AND HER TWO CHILDREN. I WAS VERY HAPPY THEN IN THE FIRST YEAR SHE ALWAYS TALKED ABOUT HER DAUGHTERS DAD AND WHATEVER HE DID WAS SO GREAT. I TOLD HER SHE WAS STILL IN LOVE WITH HIM AND SHE DENIED IT. WE STARTED HAVING PROBLEMS AND I KNEW IT WAS BECAUSE OF HIM. THEN SHE BROKE UP WITH ME AND WENT BACK TO HIM I NOW WILL NEVER TRUST A WOMAN AGAIN AS THE HURT IS MORE THAN I CAN EVER TAKE AGAIN I WILL REMAIN ALONE AS I FEEL THIS IS WHAT GOD WANTS ME TO DO.



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pamela gutierez

posted July 16, 2007 at 9:11 am


MY CHILDRENS DAD DIE JUST 3 MONTHS AGO. HE WAS MARRIED TO SOME EALSE AND SHE WOULD NOT LET HIM TALK TO ME AND I JUST WISH THAT I COULD HAD TOLD HIM EVERY THING THAT I WANTED BUT I GUESS THATS TO LATE HUH WELL ANY HOW I HAD GOTTEN INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH A 28YEARS OLD AND HERE I’M 38 AND HOW COULD I HAVE THOUGHT THAT I COULD HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH A PERSON THAT OLD WELL HE LOVED IN THE BEGINNING BUT NOW HE DON’T, CAUSE HE SAYS HE LUSTING OVER OTHER WOMEN AND HE DON’T WANT TO CHEAT ON ME OR HURT ME THIS NEVER HAD HAPPEN TO ME IN A RELATIONSHIP I APPERCIATE THAT HE DID BREAK UP WITH ME BEFORE HE DID BUT HOW DOES ONE GET OVER ONE WHEN HE STILL CAN TELL YOU HE WANTS TO SLEEP WITH YOU AND HE STILL MISSING YOU HOW DO YOU GET OVER THEM AND STILL BE THERE FRIEND AND HE JUST CAN’T AND WON’T BE NICE TO ME EVERY TIME I TALK HE ALWAYS HAS TO BE THE ONE TO HANG UP WITH ME FIRST AND NOT CALL OR KEEP INTOUCH BUT YET HE SAID HE WANTS TO BE FRIENDS. AND I DO WANT TO BE HIS FRIEND AND NOT HAVE TO HATE HIM OR BE MAD CAUSE THATS WHAT HE WANTS HOW?



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Debbie

posted July 16, 2007 at 9:22 am


In reading some responses to this article. I am encouraged by the long article on July 15th. Anointed. This person truly got it!!!!!
It has been 20 years since I divorced my husband who was very toxic.
Long ago when the light went on that this person only had control over me if I allowed them, Well that was the light that turned on for me. It was my door to walk throuh and make a choice for me to control my life. I looked 10 years younger right away. Wow carrying that wieght of a bad relationship is great getting off you back.
Being me is great. I never remarried ….. yet!!! And if I do. I will have healthy radar out this tim.e I have been to busy loving my self and loving others in my life in a healthy way. I pray for all of those who are on the fence. You are so worth it. Life gets so much better when you believe in yourself.



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Susan

posted July 16, 2007 at 11:19 am


Guess I dont know how to begin..first, I am an 8 year recovering person, so most things I do tend to be “Addictive”. I met a man in 2005 whom I truly felt I could be with the rest of my life. I am now trying to find “revenge” for how hurt I am. Facts:in 2006 I lost my mother to breast cancer(I stayed with her daily from july-sept.in hospital and nursing home)-I lost my best friend of 38 years/saw her obituary in the local newspaper the first night I moved into my new apt.which I had taken to be near mom)last I lost this man, our business(which I helped him to get off the ground-stood in the rain to stock truck when no one else would help him)-lost two homes,cleared the property and home at the new place, cleaned the old place for real estate agents, etc. He came to visit me twice at hospital. He did not come to the funeral, he talked with me the day she died. When I called to tell she had, he stated he could not come to me. He now owns 2 homes, the business is thriving and called to let me know he is dating a model. Why cant i move past this. My whole world is shattered and all i want is the comfort of his arms. I found he was never honest with me or too many other people about his life-other women, his finances etc. I truly feel as if I have lost touch with what I am supposed to do next. I pray and I talk with the Lord on a regular basis, I have sought professional help and meds. Nothing is working, I truly see no reason , even though I have searched what Christ has put before me, for my being here. Please help me to move on and see why I feel such anger and resentment towards this man.



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Rsexylady

posted July 16, 2007 at 1:21 pm


To All, I feel your pain. I too have been in addictive relationships, I think it goes back to my parents having eleven children and not giving us the attention we needed and my dad being mentally abusive to my mother and her being helpless. So I put up this defense that I am strong and will not tolerate any abuse and end up in them being addicted to me but in the end I feel addictive to them. My doctor says they are weak men and that I need a strong man, but why don’t I attract them is beyond me. When I meet them I think they are strong, but in the end they are the weaker and they see me as strong and not needing them and definitely not tolerating the bull. I seem to wear my feelings on my sleave and fall head over heals in love. I won’t even tell you about my relationships but is alone now and trying to cope. A lot of men think I am attached because I take care of myself, so the outward appearence is deceiving and why I attact the wrong guys, I wish I knew. My advice to all is to pray daily, exercise, eat healthy and take care of yourself and you will be alright. Hang in there.



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Rhona Leary

posted July 16, 2007 at 4:05 pm


Life is ironic!!!you could say I’ve been in an addictive relationship on & off for 2 yrs now…..I tried to end this relationship many times and he came lookimg for me over and over time after time, telling me he loved me and that he missed me, he was very abusived physically and emontially to me but I kept giving him chances after chances, I lost every thing, I had for this man, my life, my friends, my house and the joy of my life my 3 kids because of this man…..I did things I never thought I would do I got into heavy drugs, couldn’t keep a job, and lost my sanity…..I hate myself for all that I thought he really loved me after I left him back in Feb. he kept looking for me so I kept seeing him every week…..It looked that he was afraid of me meeting somebody else or me going back with my ex-husband….I thought he was very different…..but he was just another man, what I think he want it from me was just sex….everytime I would tell him I didn’t want it see him, he would talk sweet me and I would still believe him, I kept doing stupid things for him just because I was afraid of losing him even that I knew what I was doing was very wrong but I didn’t care, I kept on and on, until something very horrible happened to me, I called him told me he want it to talk to me and went over to see him, we went to his house, we started messing around and he raped, I was very afraid of saying anything because of his pass abusive ways with me, but I finally did, I still don’t understand why he did this to me, did only thing I could think is that he didn’t want anyone else to have me only him…..I can’t take him out of my mind, I keep thinking did he really loved me or I was just a game…..I’m trying to fight this horrible incident maybe if I would of say no everytime he called me maybe this would of never happened to me this is only a brief story, if I write every single thing that happened I would never finished, I’m trying to start my life over and forget the misery and hurt in my life. Sometime we do things in our life that we think is best, and we forget about what should be right for us. Because we believe in this abusive addictive relationships……I LEARN MY LESSON THIS TIME DON’T BELIEVE IN SWEET TALK!!!!!



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Marilene

posted July 16, 2007 at 4:26 pm


Hello everyone,
I need some few advice from everyone if possible. I am in a toxic relationship we got married in 1999 till 7-13-07. All the yrs that we were together i was the main provider of the family. We have a 5 year old son. He put me in a very difficult financial setuation. He kick me out of the house. This is just the beginning of my horrible setuations. My husband is not consistent when it comes to responsibility yet he act he knows it all. He wants to provide when he wants too he many times he dont want too. Also at the same time my mother in law was living with us, and everytime i tried to correct my son of wrong doing she would constantly argue and correct me to how to raised my son. Then a few weeks ago my husband allow his friend to stay at our place and then the setuation scalated even more and got worst. Right now my son is staying with him and mother in law including a friend his. His friend was the one who had the idea of getting rid out of me from the house. he even mentioned ( you are a stranger in my country and i dont want you in here). Well i have a permanent residence in the U.S. This friend of his is very cruel he hates foriegners that come to america. What should i do next? I know deep in my heart that i still love my husband and my son. I need everyone comments on this setuation. Thank you much.



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Akila

posted July 16, 2007 at 5:01 pm


This is a word of encouragement to Susan-
Yesterday at church the pastor spoke on forgiveness. The way to get over this person is to forgive him for everything he’s done to you. Its obvious you cannot do it by yourself, but since you’ve talked about the Lord ask Him and He will reveal to you His way in this situation. Read Proverbs 3:5-6; Phillipians 4:13;
As soon as you have forgiven you will experience freedom like you’ve never known. Trust God to deliver you and turn your life around. You have to much to live for and so much that Father God wants you to do…
Do not fret Susan, be encouraged. Excerpts from Psalms 37…
Don’t be upset because of sinful people.
Don’t be jealous of those who do wrong.
2 Like grass, they will soon dry up.
Like green plants, they will soon die.
3 Trust in the Lord and do good.
Then you will live in the land and enjoy its food.
4 Find your delight in the Lord.
Then he will give you everything your heart really wants.
5 Commit your life to the Lord.
Here is what he will do if you trust in him.
6 He will make your godly ways shine like the dawn.
He will make your honest life shine like the sun at noon.
7 Be still. Be patient. Wait for the Lord to act.
Don’t be upset when other people succeed.
Don’t be upset when they carry out their evil plans.
8 Keep from being angry. Turn away from anger.
Don’t be upset. That only leads to evil.



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Anonymous

posted July 16, 2007 at 5:10 pm


Carol,
You mentioned that your husband passed in ’03 and that you had not been in a relationship since ’99. Does that mean you were having an affair while your husband was still alive or that you and your husband had no relationship since ’99? Just curious!!!



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val williams

posted July 16, 2007 at 9:16 pm


Hello to all,
Well I want to say this as truthful as I know how, I have been in a 10yr relationship and it ended about 4months ago. I tend to hear from him time to time and its like a feeling comes over me and I know he has not done right by me. Of couse I have my faults also but I will never hurt him how he has hurt me (mentally). I do feel soo alone till the pit of my stomach is always naucious. I love him soo dearly but breaking away is soo difficult for me when he has been the only man I have ever shared, loved, enjoyed just everything with. But all I want is to be happy in a relationship, honest and upfront, but since time has past it is so hard to trust. I want to leave him then on the other hand I want to stay. Just so confused. Any advice from anyone is very helpful for me, thanks for listening. VW



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Been There Done That

posted July 16, 2007 at 9:22 pm


I have been in additive relationships off and on most of my life. The last one was the worst. Thanks to the man I was involve with I lost my freedom, my family, my good name, and hope of a decent relationship should I meet a man that doesn’t use and abuse women. Eight years of my life was spent behind bars.
I finally was able to break the bonds of addictive relationships. I just hope and pray that those suffering from addictive relationships will find the courage and strenght to leave and build a new life without this type of addiction.



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Jackson8

posted July 16, 2007 at 9:53 pm


I found this article very informative. It has opened up a new door for me. I have never looked at myself this way. I am in a relationship that is not emotionally good for me. It has become a relationship where I am treated like a doormat. I have had relationships similar to this one that were physically and emotionally unsafe. This one is emotionally toxic. Most recently my companion spent two days away from home and thinks nothing of it. I have argued about this many a time and I have set up an ultimatum; if he decides that what he is doing in the streets takes precidence over me, then he will have to go. I’ve said it before but I mean it this time. I have lost respect and trust and love for him. All I can give him is nothing because he has taken what I had for him and walked all over me. This is it.



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Nick

posted July 17, 2007 at 1:07 am


I thought I signed up for this for its spiritual merit, but it seems like all the posts are addressed to women. I really don’t feel included in the majority of the discussions sent to my email. It is unfortunate – although a majority of the audience for this service may be female, it is likely men who need spirituality more in their daily lives.



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Anonymous

posted July 17, 2007 at 1:19 am


You know it’s really by the Grace of God that I found this blog…
I was just sitting here with all these same thoughts and feelings all of you have, and really I have no one to talk to them about. I have plenty friends, but no one wants to hear a WOLF CRY…
I’ve been in a very mentally/emotionally abusive relationship for almost 3 yrs now. It is so amazing to have read the 12 Steps to Break the pattern and really form an identity to what these patterns are.
I’ve loved this man more than myself at times, and I have never been with anyone like him. He has never had anyone to love him but his mom that died when he was 16. He’s never knew his dad. I’ve held on to that excuse for still loving him after all he’s done to me too long.
During our time together we’ve broken up like we were in High School. He runs away from situations that he can’t understand. He feels he’s right and that is the way it should be.
Now I’m not perfect by far and have had my share of placing him in uncomfortable situations, however, I honestly LOVE`D this man or I felt heavy Lust that I’ve never known. I care about him in my heart so I know it’s LOVE.
Things were good but he has a habit of calling me out of my name when he gets mad and that turned into calling me all kind of other names also, and telling me cruel things that he thinks of me. Each time we’ve broken up this way, I take him back.
I know I am worth more than to have to take this from man and I have had better, but I’ve grown so accustom to him and the Sex, to now it’s so hard to break away.
It’makes me feel like I am a child and my mother won’t allow me to have a toy or a pet. I know the analogy is very immature, but I honestly have withdrawals from not being with or around this man.
This is when I identified it is in fact an Addiction, and I felt the same way with the last man I committed to and ended the relationship with.
Is it him or me?
I want to give myself a little credit because I have been dealing with this situation more calm this time around. I haven’t seen him in almost 3 weeks and although we’ve talked, it has been me calling, so I haven’t called in almost a week. To write this down and read it back sounds so addictive.
I want to say to you ladies; ‘Please Stay Strong’… God would never give you more on than you can handle.
BG`
PS: Akila, can u please tell me where or what site I can find Scriptures like the one you’ve posted in Laments Terms. I would greatly appreciate it. I really need to know what GOD is trying to tell me.



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Bette

posted July 17, 2007 at 8:15 am


Never trust your heart to a uncaring man,whose only wish in the relationship is his gratification..If you find you are giving more of yourself say 75% and he’s giving only 25%..thats telling you something.When you feel in the pit of your stomach, something isn’t truely right..leave the relationship.



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ileana

posted July 17, 2007 at 9:19 am


I have been in this relationship since 1999 and since he was sent to prison but he was a good man, but every since I got cancer he has tried to make my life miserable and to the extreme that I CAN NOT take it anymore….I am getting a divorce because of his verbal and mental abuse and I think that it is better to get out of the relationship now that is with no physical abuse that when he becomes physically abusive…ileana, miami, florida



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kathleen

posted July 17, 2007 at 9:27 am


I am happy to say, I LEFT HIM!! ….however, the indecision of wanting him back changes every 5 minutes…literally! It’s getting better because the longer I don’t speak to him, the more of myself I get back! I met this man online and we spoke for hours and hours on the telephone for 9 months before I moved my life out of state to be with him. The first day I was there I was in trouble and I knew it… he was physically and verbally abusive and EXTREMELY controlling! I won’t bore you with the details of how ugly this relationship became, but I was independant all my life and wasn’t used to having relationships. So I would make excuses because I didn’t know better or I wasn’t experienced enough in the relationship dept. My God! As strong as I am, I became a statistic! Fortuneately a living one! I tried to hold on to what I thought were tender moments inbetween the insults and choking/punching sessions, but girls listen closely……ANYONE WHO STEALS YOUR JOY COMES FROM THE DEVIL HIMSELF!!!! YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR FIXING HIM EMOTIONALLY!! You know the drill….he’s sooooo sorry after he scares the crap out of you or hurts you and plays the self pity party because ‘he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him’! If his behavior seems familiar to what you’ve heard about or read about….. it’s true! It’s textbook behavior! GET OUT! You are beautiful, strong and have a lot to offer in this world! Go out and get it! Time will heal you! He will hopefully figure it out someday….maybe he won’t…we all have to answer to our maker including how much you loved yourself! Good luck and God Bless you!



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Denise

posted July 17, 2007 at 9:54 am


I am 35 and have spent much of my adult life trapped in one abusive relationship after another. I am currently married and have been for three years. I tried to leave my husband the last time he was violent. However God had a sense of humor and i discovered i was pregnant. I moved out on my own,but my conscious started bothering me so I told him i was pregnant and allowed him to come back into my life. I don’t regret my beautiful daughter. I regret i was unable to be strong enough to end my marriage to her dad. I am so afraid of being alone. I have four kids now . I fear if i leave him who would want me. I appreciate this chance to vent my feelings. God bless you and keep you all safe.



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Annie

posted July 17, 2007 at 1:12 pm


Denise,
I did it. I left my abusive husband of 10 years. I am out on my own for 5 years now. I have 4 kids and felt the same feelings you are feeling “who will want a lady with four children”. HA HA but I packed up and left. It was hard at first and took some time but on July 4 I became engaged again to a wonderful man who accepts me and my kids. My secret Denise: I loved my kids first–then myself… I got over that abusive exhusband of mine. Denise please do not stay in an abusive relationship because of a child. You owe it to your God sent Angels to be happy! Be strong… step out on faith.. and enjoy happiness. Trust me you will find happiness in your kids and they will love you unconditionally. You are not alone.



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Isabel Torres

posted July 17, 2007 at 1:16 pm


Thank God I found this blog. I have been trying to break up with a guy I have been dating for 5 years. He is like an addiction. He lies to me all the time, we hardly go anywere. He only wants to come and spend the night with me and I stopped that because that would be the only time I would see him. When he has a problem he always calls me for encouragement and prayer. I know in my heart that all he is doing is using me. I am trying very hard not to call him. The last time I talked with him was Sunday when he hung up on me. At that point I decided (one more time) that I wasn’t going to talk to him anymore and not answer when he called. He called three times on Sunday but I didn’t answer (thank God!) I always pray that the Lord will break this stronghold so that I can go on with my life. I pray that I can be strong in this decision because I really want the person the Lord has for me.



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ESMY

posted July 17, 2007 at 4:41 pm


i have been in a relationship with this guy for 5 yrs and about 6 months ago i found out that he has cheated on me several times and so i left him. i always knew that i had these gut feelings for a reason but was never really sure. after i broke up with him of course he begged for me to go back with him, that he now knew what he had done wrong and could not lose me….he even said that he would get married with me but i’ll have you know till this day i still do not have a ring!!!! (lol…. but not) So i forgave him and once again found myself in the same place i swore that i would never allow myself to fall into again but i’ll have you know that things have not changed it’s even gotten worst. that’s it I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!! I’ve now realized that he does not love me because if he did he would not have continued the same path he swore on his brother’s grave that he had been on!!! (oh yeah they will do that and they’ll also swear on their mothers trust me !) but now i know that i have spent too much time in this realtionship and have gotten my heart broken so many times by the same guy over and over. So now i have finally left him and hope that it will remain this way because i owe it to myself, my friends, my family! now it ‘s time to invest on me and no longer on someone that does love me the way i should be loved. WHEN LIFE KICKS YOU, LET IT KICK YOU FOWARD!!!!



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Nancy

posted July 17, 2007 at 8:11 pm


I am a fairly nice looking educated, female, who was a single mother, loved my job, had great friends, had great credit, nice apartment, and was doing well. Life was good, I loved, laughed, and worked hard. I did not want to accept that I was in an abusive relationship. It was subtle and slow at first. He did not hit me, call me names, so I did not recognize the abuse, and it took me a long time to name it and accept that like the one person said I became a statistic. He told me that he loved me, and he wanted a family. What he said and what he did were very different. I thought that if I could make a bad decision good I poured enough love, money, time, energy, whatever I could to make it work. I did this because I did not want to accept what it was. My family and friends got tired of me crying, they saw me change. I tried to convince myself that “it was not that bad”. It was because I lost myself in that relationship. It took awhile but he became the focus in my world. It was not his problem it was mine. He did not have the problem, he got what he wanted, did what he wanted,no matter what I did it was never enough.During one of our break ups a friend said to me that it could not get any worst. One week later I was in a comma and almost died. So for those of you who think it could not get worst, it can. I was on and off for 16 years. I stayed because I did not want to accept the hopelessness. He always did something just enough to give me a little hope that all was not lost. In reality he did not think that I would leave him, he figured that he could just keep doing what he wanted and he did not bother to pretend or do anything to give me a little hope after a while. I knew that he was narcissistic, self centered, irresponsible,(I could fix him )and I became isolated and angry, he needed to control everything. I saw the red flags early but I thought that I was strong enough until all I saw was red because of the flags and was I angry at him but mostly myself (anti depressants are not the answer). I kept trying to understand why I got into this type of relationship. The truth is it does not matter why I got there, how I got there. Even when I walked out the door, I left because I thought about me for the first time in a long time. I thought that we could be friends. Oh and he made sure that he made me feel guilty for doing something for myself. For those struggling to get out, it is difficult there is not way around it. Until you are honest with yourself about where you are at, label it what it is, and believe that you deserve better, and make a commitment to yourself then you will stay stuck. I like the saying that life is God’s gift to you, being your best is your gift to God.
I have been out of that relationship for 4 years now and I tried to be a friend to him. I continued to help him pay for an apartment, utilities, etc for over a year after I left because he cried threaten to harm himself. Six or 7 months after I left him I found pictures where he went to Las Vegas with woman (although he said she paid her own way) The point is that I was struggling myself because I was helping him, and he was going on vacation. Of course I was not suppose to find the pictures and he rationalized his behavior, he did not go on MY dime. No he took my dime and exchanged it for two nickels :) It was not until 7 months after the vacation that I learned that the friend he was seeing, he meant 9 months before I walked out the door. And she ladies is a doctor (psychiatrist)that he meant on his ward where he is a nurse.
Many of you said that you just wanted a honest relationship, but the truth is you deserve more than just honesty. Everyone deserves the type of relationship that allows you to build something together. If they have lied once they will again. You judge someone’s behavior by past behavior. One person said that when life kicks you let it kick you forward. Amen Girlfriend. Do yourself a favor for those that are confused and keep that journal daily. I am now married to a wonderful man, who loves me accepts me for me. He has only asked me one thing and that was to take care of myself because he wants me around for a long time.:) To all who wrote, please take CARE and be well.



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BRENDA

posted July 18, 2007 at 10:10 am


I’m not 25 yet and I feel like i’m a 60 year old women. I have being in and out of relationships with different types of men, from the best-friend type to the ex-marine. All this guys are very different in their looks as wells as their personality, however, they all end up the same. I got marry to the father of my 1st baby very young, but very much in love with hime. I tought it was going to work until I foud out that he was cheating while I was pregnant.I left him and got a divorce, it took 3 years for me to take any other man seriously and when I did he end cheating on me, stalking me, and begging to take him back everytime. I decided after the 2nd time of taking back that I had enough so I left him. 2 years later I found what I tought was a great man, I still think he is, but not to me. He was ok for a couple of months, but then it started. I almost lost my baby because I felt in the tub while I was pregnant, all I hear from him was “Get up”. I drove myself to the hospital and stay overnight. He told everybody that it was a accident, but to me he had some fault in it. From there the abuse is both mental and physical, I have already told his family and they have all mange to turn it around on me. I feel like I’m going crazy because I feel that is wrong, but everybody manged to turn it around to where I’m the one that “takes everything to serious/personal”. I don’t know what to do because everytime we get into a argument he takes away the keys to the car and doesn’t let me leave. His family won’t help and my family won’t either, I’m alone in this. Everybody points out that I have 2 adorable children from 2 different guys and that nobody will take me if I leave him. So my question to them is always: I suppost to stay with the 1st one that cheated on me or the 2nd one that abuses me? I can help but laugh because I don’t believe nobody deserve either. However, I’m praying to God that I can take this because I feel so lost and tired. Thank you, for giving me the chance to vent my feelings. God bless us all.



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Steven McBeven

posted July 18, 2007 at 4:31 pm


Relationships are lessons for us to learn how to grow spiritually. Relationships are exquisite adventures into pain, love, hate and joy. Relationships can give you great intimacy and love or rock your foundation and turn everything upside down leaving you in despair or worse.
The power that relationships have over us is unyielding and profound. Ever had those feelings come up when you go to a place where you and your ex used to go and have fun? When you love someone deeply and there not a part of your life anymore those feelings can knock you to the floor. If you find your self resisting these feeling stop that only gives them more power. Wherever you find your self on this roller coaster you’ll find a journey inward to your true self because that is the only place you will find the real answers as to why. Learn to aspect where you are in any given moment…to forgive….to let go…..to love. These things can set you free. Well I’m still working on it and I’m not free yet. I think I’ll take a break from it all and not give into “I need someone in my life to make me happy.” Bottem line is I am really sad about my break up. All I can do is take things day by day or hour by hour and find the positive for this to shall pass. If you’re feeling really down do something healthy that supports you in feeling good. For me thats going for a ride on my mountain bike.



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Sizzol Pop Ali

posted July 18, 2007 at 10:47 pm


I just wanted to say as a man reading the testomonies
in these blogs, i have been enlighten…..
The only thing i can say is sister’s be strong..
And remember how you like to be treated after the relationship
starts rolling…
You can’t lose yourself. Thats what attracted us to you.
Confidents is everything. And its sexy
So get tough.
Thanks again for reading
Sizzol Pop Ali



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Kara

posted July 19, 2007 at 9:07 am


I want to let everyone know that if you read this book and really stay true to it and yourself you will get out of the addictive relationship! Im a living proof that there is a chance of recovery. It takes time and trust me the feeling of recovery is wonderful. Remember the feelings you have are only feelings…feelings eventually pass. This will make you stonger in the end and you will never want to be in a harmful relationship again!



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wanda

posted July 19, 2007 at 12:49 pm


I’m in the process of ending yet another unhealthy relationship right now he is out of my house but not my life.He is a alcoholic who says he is sober but more often than not I smell beer on his breath oh he is also a compulsive liar.I know it’s not healthy for me or my son b/c he is 5 and has started lying too.I know it will be a minute by minute then hours,days weeks,month process.But thanks for this blog that let me express myself.Because of him I no longer have any friends left they all didn’t like him so i don’t have anywhere else to turn for support.My e-mail address is posted if someone who is going through the same would like to talk.



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Rose

posted July 19, 2007 at 1:19 pm


What a great article to share !! So many times I wonder how and why I keep getting myself into these relationships and situations. Maybe this time, after following your steps, I’ll be able to keep away from the unhealthy relationships and surround myself with healthy people. I know I deserve it as do my children. I am currently trying to set healthy boundaries from a very unhealthy and addictive relationship. He is the father of my youngest child, we’ve been together on and off for 10 years and he is very much the manipulator and liar. He is out of my house and living in his home town of Nebraska but because I won’t put up the money to get our daughter up there to see him for summer break, he is now saying that he will be back in Texas by the end of July. I hope not. It’s much easier to deal with him via phone than in person. Keep me in your prayers that I may be able to stand my ground while being diplomatic and fair to our child. Thanks for this great article at such a pivotal time of my life. And thanks for tis blog where I get to see that I’m not alone.



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violeta

posted July 19, 2007 at 5:37 pm


I am in a situation that I have been divorced for 5 years without any search for a relationship, until last summer that I’ve met a man who is eight yrs. younger than me. He was the one who sparks my heart beating like a love bug, which made our dating interesting and odd because when it comes to the matters of intimacy I cannot fully give because of my teenage children and my moral values of being raised in a convent living with the nuns for four years with a different view on,”sex”.
I’ve read and experienced that dating is entirely different from the time I started dating 26 years ago with the first man of my life. The man that I got married with who 10 yrs. older and later became an abusive man who is now my x after 17 years of marriage.
I think this young man is a lot older when it comes to maturity, since he is a business man but he is not true to himself because he still shops for more women and I felt good at the moment, since he fills the empty space in my life. I am an honest and sincere person when it comes to relationship and it will be difficult to move on; unless I find another person to be with. I just have to be more bold when it comes to intimacy. That matter is something that is hard since its the new age of dating and relationship! I don’t think I am alone with this view, because women are more emotional when it comes to intimacy, unlike, men who consider, “being sexual,” is not necessary being true to emotions or being in love or committed. They can do it to tons of women and still want to look for something better until they get tired searching and settle on their own time and will.
Nowadays, women are more of the disadvantage career, family and relationships, we just have to be on guard not to get addictive to any negative situations, that’s why we stick to our true girlfriends and forget about platonic guy friends; maybe one or two for moral support without fringe benefits ha! I am going through that with a platonic friendship with a guy who’s waiting for me to say “yes” give me a break I’ll end up in a convent!



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Sonia

posted July 20, 2007 at 1:55 pm


I am so happy I eventually read this article. I saw it, and just sent it to a friend, and it was she that eventually encouraged me to read those 12 steps to recovery. Even though I am a spiritual person, I needed something to guide me through my reactive behavior to a breakup, from which I was devastated. Also, I kept on thinking, talking, and sending emails to the man, even against the advice of my friends. I just could not get him from my mind. I think it was because it was my first serious relationship, even though it was a controlling and abusive one. I really wasn’t happy, but I had so grown accustomed to being with and around him. He was not really worthy of me, being a liar, a juggalow, a user, a drug user (I eventually found that out), could not make ends meet for himself, and was eventually taking money off me after manipulating me to believe his lies. So it was good when he walked away…God made him do it, as his heart was not pure towards me. But when I remembered how deep I went with him in the relationship, and how hard it would be for me to move on or even date again, I was indeed devastated. I just couldn’t pull myself away, even when he eventually rejected me. The once confident and upright person I was once, which was eroded overtime by his invalidations and negative utterings to me, just shattered. This article actually gives a method of how to end this no good and addictive relationships. Thanks for putting this information online.



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GOD'S ANOINTED

posted July 20, 2007 at 7:06 pm


HELLO ALL AGAIN,
IT’S GOOD TO BE BACK AND SEE THAT MANY PEOPLE ARE BEING LIBERATED FROM THESE ADDICTIVE RELATIONSHIPS. I AM NOT A PASTOR OR TEACHER, BUT IF ANYONE NEEDS SOMEONE TO LISTEN TO THEM FROM TIME TO TIME VIA EMAIL OR JUST NEEDS ENCOURAGEMENT, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO EMAIL ME AT SPCP24@HOTMAIL.COM. I USUALLY GET ONLINE ON SATURDAY’S OR SUNDAY. I AM TIED UP DURING THE WEEK WITH WORK AND OTHER THINGS, SO I RARELY GET ONLINE DURING THE WEEK. STAY ENCOURAGED EVERYONE, IT GETS EASIER AS TIME GOES ON, IT’S A PROCESS OF TRIAL AND ERROR UNTIL YOU MASTER IT. BLESSINGS!!!



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Ladybug

posted July 21, 2007 at 5:27 am


A word to Sonia. It’s unfortunate that you had to end up with someone like that. I did too. There are so many men out there who are on drugs and drinking. Just do like I’m doing. If they smoke and drink, either/or, you’re not interested. Maybe that might work. But you still have to be careful. I had one that did not smoke or drink, and he was still abusive, verbally. He had a problem. He was not happy. If they are not happy with themselves, they are not going to make any one else happy. It’s probably best to stay by yourself. I’m not saying it will be like that forever, but set your standards and stick with them and maybe you will find your true love. I hope so. I’m still trying. It’s only human to keep trying. Good luck and God bless.



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forever confused

posted July 22, 2007 at 2:42 am


I actually started my very very complicated Soap Opera life! It was the longest blog i have ever seen! BUT I have never gotten to tell someone everything that happened without being judged or told how bad I am!! SO If you all could read it I would love it!! It is under forever confused! I started it on the addictive relationship page! I need advice! I just told how the whole story started so you can get an idea of what I was going through! Then the story actually ends up getting a lot worse! Why oh Why can’t I let go of my first love! It is like I am carrying around these heavy weights all the time for the last 5 years!! I am tired of missing him! REad my story and Then I will write the rest after I got married drama!



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angel

posted July 22, 2007 at 2:31 pm


we land up in wrong relationships becos of our poor choices in life. We cant be blamed when we get trapped into such abusive relationships as when we feel empty we start to hunt and look out for someone to fill us up and then we land up with guys/girls who are dominating and abusive. We open ourselves to ssituation at a time in our life wher we feel very vulnerable. If it had not been at such an emotional low, then such affairs would have never happned. These type of man/woman would never cath our attention. we feel a void in his/her world too. There is no future with such people. We have to handle it with our head and not our heart.I hope this helps you…and lots more i have to share my personal story if anyone wants to give an ear…take care…my email address; hisnher@dataone.in



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Terri

posted July 24, 2007 at 3:26 pm


I READ THE ARTICLE AND COMMENTS AND CAN SAY
THAT I JUST ENDED A RELATIONSHIP WITH A MAN THAT
DRINKS AND WAS VERY VERBALLY ABUSIVE. I CAN NOT
TELL YOU JUST HOW MUCH THAT RUINS YOUR CONFIDENCE
AND SELF-ESTEEM. EVEN WHEN HE WAS DEGRADING ME AND RUNNING ME DOWN VERBALLY, I DID NOT TAKE
UP FOR MYSELF BECAUSE I WAS SCARED OF LOSING SOMEONE THAT I LOVED, BUT HE ENDED UP LOSING ALL RESPECT FOR ME. I KNOW ALOT OF IT IS MY OWN FAULT AND NOW I HAVE A LOT OF BITTERNESS AND ANGER, BUT MY MAIN PROBLEM IS THAT I STILL WANT HIM BACK DESPERATELY. I WISH THAT THESE FEELINGS WOULD JUST GO AWAY, BUT THEY DONOT, AND WHAT MAKES IT WORSE IS THAT HE STILL CALLS ME AND TELLS ME HE MISSES ME. I KNOW THAT I AM ADDICTED TO THIS RELATIONSHIP AND I NO LONGER ALLOW HIM TO ABUSE ME VERBALLY, BUT I STILL WANT TO SEE HIM. IF YOU HAVE ADVICE OR HELP PLEASE EMAIL ME……..THANKS



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christy

posted July 28, 2007 at 1:41 pm


I havn’t been with a man for four years the last one I was with my broke heart ripped it out chewed it and spit it back at me I finally met a wonderful man that truly loves me and my daughter the only thing is he has a past history of mistakes and bad choices hes made but wants a lif e and family my parents arn’t ghappy at all but its not about my parents its my life I have one year of college and I will be a DENTAL HYGENIST WHICH IS AWESOME AND ME AND MY DAUGHTER CAN ACTUALLY HAVE A DESCENT LIFE BUT i AM TORN AND CONFUSED AND DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO



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DEE

posted August 22, 2007 at 4:42 pm


I really don’t know why I*’m in this relationship accept the man I’ve shared my life with for 6 years is very charming with women. I fell for it! He also has an 11 year old daughter that I’ve had to always deal with her emotions and her anger.
She was only 5 years old when I met him. She has been very rude to me and most of the time her father ends up right there along with her being rude to me too!
He corrects me in front of her, always has! He says since I’m 56 years old I shouldn’t try to defend myself. That I should act 56.I’ve raised 4 kids and even taught elementary school kids in school and have never had kids be so rude to me before! I really don’t know how to talk to her, I always end up trying to defend my words and then her father corrects me!
I even made up a rule in my house that her large dog can’t be on our furniture because he tends to tear up things with his large feet.
Well, I’m taking care of my daughter’s small dog and she has always allowed her dog on her furniture so I’ve let him on so he feels at home. Still won’t let our large dog on the furniture.
Her father had gone to work and I’ve been taking care of her for the summer and the small dog I’m taking care of was playing with the large dog. The small dog ended up on the furniture and the 11 year old stood up, looked directly at me and said out loud,”No dogs on the furniture!”
I said you know it’s ok for the little dog. She said to that,” It’s your Rule!
I wasn’t expecting her to talk to me like that and everything I said she always came back with something smart mouthed! I ended up saying thingas to her like you’re being rude.Your going to be the cause of your dad and me to break up! I know I shouldn’t have said those things but she is no angel. Her dad too can say very mean things to me and I’m just wanting out of this relationship.
That night I went ahead and made a lovely pot roast dinner and her dad finally came home. I had called him earlier to let him know what had happened between his daughter and me.He even spoke with her in the other room about it I don’t know what he said.
My 22 year old son came home from work and he had a scary movie to watch and I went in and watched a movie with him in his room. When I opened the door, low and behold ther was The 11 year old on the couch with the big dog next her while she read a book.
I was shocked at the sight and went over to the dog and gently grabbed his collar and said his name you’re not suppose to be on the couch with a surprised quiet voice. She abruptly jumped up and stormed into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her.
Her dad had already gone to bed but heard what had happened and he said that he allowed the dog to sit on the couch with her.
With dogs that live in your house , everyone needs to go by the same rules with the dog, and if not the dog becomes confused.
I’m looking for an 2 bedroom apt and looking for a job! My son will move in with me but for now I am keeping everything under wraps because I’m not ready to move out yet.
Does anybody know from my story what is going on with the man I’m with, why is he this way!
I need his support but he’s not willing to give me any!
Do you think he is just using me?



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Brandi

posted September 10, 2007 at 11:56 pm


Go talk to a therapist! They work wonders! Good Luck!



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Larry Parker

posted September 20, 2007 at 1:54 am


I think I’ve told the story here before, but it bears repeating in this combox.
I dated a sex addict for two years. Or should I say, as an STD clinician would put it, I dated her and her many other paramours. (And I did have a scare just as we finally broke up — maybe a message from above, though fortunately I was OK.)
I’m not going to lie — in bed, it was great. And, having divorced an Arctically frigid wife not too long before, it was like finding a sweet oasis in the desert with dates (so to speak) galore.
Of course, what was actually happening was that the usual stereotype of men and women was being reversed — I was falling in love with her, but she couldn’t realize/accept that and just wanted me to be one of her Chippendales/boytoys.
Far worse, as I realized I was being emotionally starved even while being sexually nourished, was finding out to my horror why she was the way she was — because she had been hideously abused as a girl in her childhood home in rural South Carolina. (Think Jenny Curran from Forrest Gump throwing rocks at her decrepit homestead … ugh.)
Eventually I had to look out for myself. When I gently suggested she might need therapy, her brutal response was, “Hey, I’m not the one who’s crazy in this relationship.” OUCH! (But at least making it a bit easier to end an addictive relationship …)
Yet I still wish (yes) I could have somehow “rescued” her — or, at least, that the self-esteem boundary of someone who (despite her hurting me) is a wonderfully warm, gifted, and indeed inspiring woman — and SURVIVOR — could expand far and wide past her boudoir.
(As I finished writing this, Dolly Parton’s version of “I Will Always Love You” was playing on my CD player — while I was describing a woman whose “Suthun gal” charm and looks are as outsized as, well, Dolly’s. Like I’ve said before here on BB, there’s something to Jungian synchronicity …)



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Suzan

posted November 5, 2007 at 4:09 am


I have been with a stranger for the past four years, at least it feels that way anyway.I’m not sure if i’m more angry with him or myself ? I’m just really put-off with me !!! What did I think I deserved to be treated with no respect? Or maybe i’m embarrassed that I could be that bad a judge of character?? At first I really did love him, and loveed making love to him. Then, it became like a job that I really hated. It makes me sick !!!!!! Then he’d act like he was Mr.Good-Bar, and had everyone beleiving I was all the bad.. I just pray for my strength, and my safety,in getting away from him. I am scareed of him and I have nowhere to go to hide from him. If you are reading this and any of it sounds familiar to your situation?? Let me sat this to you, “love doesn’t hurt”. Be smart ,you are worthy of more in life.. Thanks, God-Bless



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JC

posted February 5, 2008 at 10:35 am


You should have the same rules for all dogs in the house. IF you taught school….did you allow one child to play while the rest of them did studies. Rules should apply to all…no special treatment.
Now this does not excuse all of the adults behavior in the house..you all act like children. The girl sounds like she is acting as the adult yelling…as she was taught to …argueing… as she was taught to do…and rude conduct…as she was taught to do. I feel so badly for this young lady.
JC



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Iniobong Festus

posted February 5, 2008 at 1:13 pm


Ending an additive relationship may sometimes be painful. But with the grace of God it is easy. I was involved in a relationship with a lady which I so much love and cherish, but unknown to me , She was playing prangs on me. When she was no longer hide to play her games, she openly end our relationship. To me, IT WAS A SHOCK And I was devastated,but with time, I was able to forget about the relationship,and forge ahead with life.



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Jayne

posted February 5, 2008 at 2:06 pm


I married a man after drinking in a bar to excess,and broke up his
marriage! I just needed someone to take care of me, finaially and
healthcare!Wanted to break up his marriage,made me feel good, thinking
I could do this! Made me feel better than her! Even lied about her in
court system, got her for harassment,she did not do this,but I felt
the power over her! He went along with it!I now find myself making
excuses to not have sex with him! I pretend to not be feeling well
to get away with it! I think he too short and really not good looking,
and I really only want his money,and healthcare,otherwise I would
leave.He has no clue,really thinks I care about him,cover good.
I have been and continue to be a con artist at it! Stuck last
man with tons of bills. Do you think I am bad for this?
I probably will continue my actions that is all I know!



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Charles Herdner

posted February 5, 2008 at 2:46 pm


Addiction is a vortex, like a black hole, that has a mind unto itself-regardless of will power and support from family and friends. The dimensionof not knowing what is addictive and healthy is an art, that usually can only be learned over time with somne scars along the path to a healthy and independent relationship. Today so many things can become addictive-computering, cell phoning, the list seems to expany exponetially. Currently I am attempting (best description) to write 3 pages as part of the rtist’s Way and I find it very revealing-I have tried Journaling, but the Morning pages is not read or judged by anybody but ME.
It is self-revealing as I write it crystalizes my thoughts-both unhealthy and empowering.
Then I can live my day hopefully doing what is good for me.
I am also reading and evangelizing The Road Less Traveled by Scott Peck and find its simple, yet profound words, self-enlightening. I have those same thought, but not able tyo p[ut them to paper.
May Peace be the goal of all who read this comment on living!!!



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CLeo

posted February 5, 2008 at 3:59 pm


So what do you do when you finally break up the dependency and find out you can’t make the break to freedom ’cause it will force you into a life of poverty and even misery? What do you do when you’ve been putting up with this person for ever and a day and finally you realize you’ll be better off by yourself, but at what cost? Get a job? what if you haven’t worked for years and your productive years are over, or the ageism and sexism at the work place bans you from getting a job?
What’s left for a person in that situation? misery, constant unhappiness, suicide? Some women said that they’d leave depending on how desperate they are…still the prospect of going to live in a rented room after living in a house with a swiming poool and a view of the mountains it’s difficult to accept.
What about the thought of dying totally alone? While the person you’ve left is living it up because he made sure to get the best for himself out of the divorce? Can anyone live with the thought that this latest cheappie is now deriving the benefits that belong to you?
It’s easy to give pointers to people but every situation is different.



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isa

posted February 5, 2008 at 6:42 pm


I was in a wonderful relationship with a wonderful man and now it is nearly broken. I don’t want to admit that it is over, or that I have to move on. I’m not there yet. YOu see, the person I was (still am) involved with was my psychiatrist for six years. His son died in a car accident, then his wife of 28 years (from cancer). For a while I was helping him get through the tragedy because of my strong spiritual beliefs. It was pure and innocent. When he was left alone after both tragedies, he called me for advice on something unrelated (italian courses in italy). I came to his aid and we hooked up shortly after that. And we planned our trip. I fell in love. He fell in love. Then my symptoms began to resurface whenever something stressful came up. Needless to say, after a year of living together, even a doctor has a hard time understanding the subtle annoyances and pain of living with bipolar (not just me). We fought it: he would say “LOVE can conquer this thing…” And I promised I would not have episodes that would alienate him. THe last episode that alienated him was the last straw. I was left to grieve not only the man I grew to love, but the hated the fact that I was punished for having the illness I had. Although I have unforgettable memories of the trips we took, I am inconsolable. My heart is broken twice. I was injured twice. I am living with unbearable the pain in my soul. It doesn’t go away.



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Christina

posted February 5, 2008 at 7:32 pm


Life has many dips and curves in the road. In my life I have seen things that most dont at double my age. We all feel our emotions and have a similar experience but not always to the same degree. My wounds and pains that I carry on most days I dismiss in the fight to make others think of the positives in life, and in the hopes to make others smile. When it is all said and done, it truly is not about me anyways. Yet in still inside I have wounds that can only be seen by me. In a short period of time I lost 8 people that were dear to me to death. The 8th one being my mother. In 2002 at the same time I met a man that was calming, in control, and very successful. His kind gentle nature carried me through this time. I latched on to him, in a very unhealthy way. I felt like with him I could conquer anything. We did everything from finish each others sentences to simply being able to be around each other without a spoken word. It was like we knew each other before we ever spoke a word to each other. IF there is such a thing as a soulmate, I truly believe that it was him. I fell hard, and he did as well. We then grew apart not from any issues, but life. His military career. My career and me raising my kids. He married his ex, and did not have the heart to tell me. He is in an unhappy marriage with no kids. They are both just gliding along, and he lives in regret. I wish this women no harm, and nothing but happiness. It is very painful since I never had closer. It has now been 7 years…and counting. He has never stayed out of touch. He sends emails and short voicemails checking on my kids and me. I am at a loss. I desire to be happy, and I deserve so much. I’m a simple hard working, motivated, spiritual, person. A good mother, and a good friend. I have been down lately because I have tried to mingle and meet other men, but yet I am not able to take anyone seriously, because of this door that is not closed. I am very honest and upfront to anyone that I meet, and I am not into playing games. However, I feel as IF I am playing myself. I know that you can not help who you fall in love with, but it is truly what you do with that love. There is a time and place for all things. This situation and experience has inspired me to continue in my writings, and I am almost done with my first book. In being able to write my inner feelings and express them. To be able to validate the time that I see as lost some days. Has given me some healing, and some peace. This wound I carry is very deep. I am not sure what it means when you love someone so much that you feel as if you can not breath without them. However, I am choosing to push towards focusing more on me, and loving me more. I truly should not give anyone that much power, when we are all just humans. With our flaws and imperfections. We are bound to hurt each other even when at times when we did not purpose to do so. Life is so short, I know this from the ones I have lost to death. We only have today, and once it is gone, we will never see it again. I think that we must cheerish all moments in life even when we are afraid to be alone, and at times lonely. We must see life through new eyes, and continue to hope. Hope in itself is something that is an expectation and confidence of something that has not yet taken place. If I am honest with myself I am in love with the thought of being in love, and perhaps the charecteristics of this man would be something I desire in a man. A man perhaps I have not yet met. This is just a season. Life is full of them, and just like situations, circumstance, and people. All things are situational and seasonal. It is in the “going through” that I have learned more of who I am and what I like and dislike. It has purpose, and it causes balance. May I continue to have peace and understanding. May I be free to love again and be free to continue to love myself more. In a healthy, unselfish way. In 7 years I have truly not been kind to myself. Being a prisoner to my own thoughts. When we look at situations and we are honest, everything that shines is not always gold. When a storm comes in may we not look at it as a set back, but with purpose for the flowers to grow. For our minds and souls to be refreshed again.



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cynthia

posted February 5, 2008 at 8:46 pm


I was in love with a fantacy.He told me what I wanted to hear than never followed through with any actions.I have never given myself to anyone like I did with him.I chose to walk away when pieces of a bad puzzle where coming together.I still think about the person I fell in love with and Its so painful.He is out on the town with whatever he can find.I dont know how to let go…………



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becki

posted February 5, 2008 at 11:17 pm


It is impossible to let someone go and move on as long as they continue to be present in your life. Once you have given them your heart and your soul, it doesn’t matter what devastations they’ve caused or what they’ve done or how many healing, male-basher books you read, you melt the minute they do anything remotely caring. Or better yet, you make excuses for them. The truth is deep down, you are hoping the relationship will re-develop and you are so afraid that he will want to hook back up therefore,you keep yourself on stand-by and must stay available. Stop keeping yourself emotionally ready for something that is not going to happen. If at all possible it is best to break all contact, change your phone numbers, e-mails, etc. And you don’t owe him any an explanation. It is a shame to spend years of your life, hoping he’ll come back and yes, whether you want to believe it or not, that’s what you’re doing. Be kind to yourself. Don’t allow him to continue to carry out his torture. You are his back-up plan and he’s keeping you on hold because insecure men always do that. He’s not that unhappy or miserable or “gliding through life”. Men that are selfish enough to keep a woman on stand-by for 7 years would never stay in a relationship without children. They are too self-absorbed and would create their own happiness by exiting the relationship. Lose the contact. Find your will, determination, and inner strength. Stand up for yourself. You are worth it!



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cynthia

posted February 6, 2008 at 8:10 am


Becki, Thank you



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isa

posted February 6, 2008 at 9:22 am


TO CYNTHIA, the very person who gave me the incentive and desire to get better for years is not there for me anymore. i feel in danger because 1) i have an illness and 2) because of the depression i dont feel strong enough to get through this. This really hurt … your words were coming from strength and wisdom, but nothing is working for me. i miss him too much. talking to him helps, but then i feel badly when i see what’s missing. for the last 21/2 months the pain has gotten greater not smaller. i just dont want to live and i feel stupid for giving someone that much power but my heart does not understand that. it just wants rest. snd i want to grant it that so i dont have to bear his moving on. i eed treatment and his friend is the only one who will offer it free of charge. BUT NOTHiNG is bringing him back!



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isa

posted February 6, 2008 at 9:41 am


last comment was for cynthia and christina



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Kelly

posted February 7, 2008 at 1:55 pm


I’ve been consumed by my this man for 3 years. I have constantly made sacrifices just to be involved with him. I even went so far as to get rid of our family cat because he’s severely allergic and could not spend time at my house. Even after the cat was gone and the house good enough for him to spend any length of time in, I saw him on average once a week, and it was at bed time/weekday.
We are both parents. He was still living with his ex when we first met out of “convenience and financial obligation.” We were seeing each other for 3 months and he disappeared. 3 months after that, he’s back on my doorstep. We start seeing each other and I begin to feel he’s being dishonest with me and possibly seeing other woman. When confronted with this he only became angry and questioned why I would even think that way. Everything was always in MY MIND. I was always “reading into everything too much.” It was always me. He was always innocent.
He spends a great deal of time with his daughter and her mother (4-5 days a week), which I always supported. However, he would constantly cancel plans me for whatever reason and the only way I could ever hold his attention was through our “intimate” relationship. We’d been “dating” for 9 months. He told me he loved me but never wanted to involve our children, or at least not HIS. I was even ok with waiting even longer for that, but he refused to tell his family or ex about me. We never go out. We never spend holidays together. He doesn’t spend time with my friends, or vice versa. I was feeling like the other woman when he was telling me I was the only one. When I confronted him for the last time in regards to this and said I was really uncomfortable about him not wanting to integrate me into his life and it was leading me to distrust his intentions towards me, he told me that “it wouldn’t change any time soon and that I should fine someone else.”
Without getting too personal (like this wasn’t already), in retrospect I really feel like he was using me. A majority of our time spent together involved sex or talk about sex. He didn’t like listening to me. He wasn’t there for me during the anniversary of my fathers suicide because having to drive in Chicago traffic made his stress levels sky rocket and he needed “alone time.” He said I talked to much and complained too much. He wasn’t “big” on snuggling or being emotionally intimate at all really. He stated that he just wanted a “normal” relationship and that I was always asking for more, more, more and he was unhappy because I was insatiable. I don’t feel it’s unhealthy for me to know that my needs aren’t being met and want to discuss that with my significant other. He just wanted me to accept that he was unhealthy and unable to provide these things for me “at this time.” He always said things that would keep me hoping for this fictional future.
I desperately feel like the other woman now. I think he was still seeing his daughter’s mother or at least trying to and keeping me hanging in the balance. He always used his mental illnesses as a crutch, as long as playing the child card whenever he could because he knew I couldn’t and wouldn’t argue. We’ve been broken up for a week now and I can’t seem to NOT make contact with him. I practically have to sit on my hands to keep from talking to him, even when his responses are inappropriate or callous. I feel so stupid for having made excuses for him for so long and always talking myself into having faith in someone/something that was a lie. Now I just want the truth. I feel like I’ll never move on if I don’t know. I have enough information about his ex to make contact with her but don’t know if it’s my place. I don’t know what to do. All I know is this person has stung me a long for way too long and I need to know how to detach myself from someone who is constantly abusing me.



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cynthia

posted February 8, 2008 at 9:50 am


My fantacy person was someone i knew for 13 years.He always called anytime a relationship ended with me wanting to be a friend to help me through.Last year I gave it a go with him.I was seeing him for a month when he asked me to move in.As knowing him for so long on a friend level,I agreed to after 5 months into the relationship.Biggist mistake I ever made.Within 2 months his true colors were showing.He wasnt there on any level.I gave up my house,half my bussiness,my dog and most of all myself.I finally got my strengh back and left him within 6 months of living with him.I had health issues,money issues and as he thought no where to go.Im really having a tough time trying to make it back to where I was before him,but will get there with the help of very good people in my life.The shallowness of this person I cant belive.He is still out the playing the great man on the outside and people fall for it.I dont know how beings can distroy people and act like they are the greatest thing going.We live in the same town and that makes it very hard.



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cynthia

posted February 9, 2008 at 4:33 pm


To Kelly, Im sorry for your pain.My ex kept in contact with his past women and always said”were just friends” Its not the truth.If you arent priority why stay……….All his time and energy was outside the house.That isnt a relationship or partnership.It starts at home, then what you can do to help outside.It isnt fare to contact his ex.its not her fault.I wish you the best in letting go,you really need to do that for yourself.If the defence mode comes in when you try to talk they are hiding something.You are worth more than being on stand-by.Take care



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Larry Parker

posted February 12, 2008 at 11:45 am


I’d say the pattern in my most recent, disastrous semi-relationship (more like mutual infatuation) was that there WAS no pattern with her. Or should I say, talking to her was like hitting an iPod shuffle with her alternately sexy, pouty, religious and hectoring, silly, charming, deeply depressed (even suicidal), etc., etc. And you never knew which “her” who would be greeting you at any given time.
(She has bipolar disorder, and I now believe it is more or less untreated.)
As far as being aware of my own body, it did come to the point where I was getting heart palpitations/hyperventilating when I spoke to her. (Out of fear, not love.)
Of course, given that she was and is an extraordinarily sexy woman (and worse, knows it), I think being aware of my body in other ways and “nurturing core fantasies” may have been my downfall … sigh.



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becki

posted February 12, 2008 at 7:57 pm


Help! I was having an affair with a married man,until I found out he was having numerous affairs with other women, not including the relationship he has with his wife. He always told me I was his best friend and that he loved me. I entered in willingly, but once I found out there were many women at the same time, I felt stupid and knew I had just been used for sex or ego. Who knows? The problem is I have to continue to maintain contact with him. He still wants to play around and most of me wants out, but I have a hard time saying no bceause I feel like I’m letting him down. Help!



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Anonymous

posted February 23, 2008 at 1:05 pm


Becki, it sounds to me that, somehow, such man told you HE LOVES YOU + you are his BEST-FRIEND, because he found the (2) most successful-words to get you to fulfill his own needs: SEX. What about your own needs? perhaps, he’s also fulfilling your own needs, but for what price? if you felt STUPID, once you found out about his relationship with his wife + other women, besides carrying on with you, than, what can you do to STOP yourself feeling STUPID, again, over + over again…and…again…
and, creating a vicious cycle, which becomes more+more difficult to dissolve, as time goes on. Since you ask for help, I advise you to leave this un-faithful-man to women, as quick as possible, for he is one who is only faithful to his own needs. Man are generally selfish, some more than others. I do not understand why you are putting yourself in such a position, that makes you feel that you are ‘letting him down’. This man is probably turning your head up-side-down already. He is the one who is ‘letting you down’, and makes you feel so tiny in your own body. Most likely, his own wife has been feeling very tiny for a long while. So, he decided to go around + find other women; to the next source-of-energy to get energy from. Please do not let yourself get sucked on this type of so called relationship. Besides being a woman, you are above of it all, a human-being, you deserve respect from others + opportunity to create a healthful relationship with another respectful human-being + live in a respectful environment. Learn how to get that in your life. Look for positive sources. Do not let such a man guide you through life. Such man does not know how to be/feel/act as a human-being towards himself, or others much less towards women. If he doesn’t know how to, then he needs someone, that someone is his own wife, he has chosen to be with + create a life-style of their own. If he + his wife has lost track of such, it is not your responsibility to do so.
When so many other women are independently involved with such a man, that man becomes the center-of-attention within that invisible friendship-circle(?) That is what he deeply wishes to have at his own demand. You will never be able to build a positive-relationship with such man. Eventually, one of you, most likely yourself, or both will get negative results, out of such a multi-relationship circle, where SEX seems to be is the main-magical-tool to feed this type of
BEST-FRIEND + LOVE relationship. Just remember that these words came from him, not from you. So, what kind of relationship would you like to have/build in your life, presently? Think for yourself. Do not let others build it for you. You are putting yourself in a very difficult position. Just move on…move onto another track. You are your own power-train. No one else will direct your power-train to go on the track, you wish not to take on, unless you allow that to happen. Unless it’s fun for you for now, but what about the day after tomorrow…and ever-after…but, you did say: ‘I felt stupid and knew I had just been used for sex or ego. Who knows?’. Who knows? You know IT. You got the answer within yourself. Your intuitive ‘I’ knew It right away…therefore…You know IT. Don’t let anything else come to disrupt your intuitive higher-SELF. You, yourself must respect your own higher-SELF, because your higher-SELF came to rescue.
The Universe is your BEST-FRIEND, and IT connected directly with your higher-SELF, just because you did ask for HELP, did you not?
Trust yourself. Value yourself. Give THANKS to yourself.
Give THANKS to the Universe for opening the path to the TRUTH you needed to have in a time of self-clearance.
You are a beautiful shinny particle-of-light, let that little-sparkle
of yours amplify more + more, not diminish for less + less…until you feel like nothing in this world.
One must feel like the sun-shine in it’s full PRESENCE, not the reflective dark-shades of somebody else’s frustrations.
Be yourself like SUN-SHINE.



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isabel

posted April 26, 2008 at 12:10 pm


im really greatful for this 12 steps!
omg it has been so hard for me to break, that most of these steps fit me perfectly!
thanks ALOT!



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Margaret Balyeat

posted May 30, 2008 at 5:23 am


What WONDERFUL ideas; many can be adapted to other crises than losing or ending a bad relationship(loss of a job orother significant part of our lives for example. Thanks, Therese! I especially liked getting in touch with the inner child’s child events/ emotions that are feeding our present pain.That can so easily become so automatic that we forget to understand why we react to certain events as forcwfullty as we do. Reacquainting ourselves with our childhood fears and hurts,IMO can be invaluable in terms of accepting and understanding our adult reactions and emotions. I also appreciated the idea of communicating with ourselves through the mail in anticipation of our needs.



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Anonymous

posted May 30, 2008 at 11:04 pm


i ENJOYED READING THESE 12 STEPS, I AM IN THAT BOAT AS WELL….IN 2 RELATIONSHIPS AND FIND IT HARD TO BREAK WITH EITHER ONE. THIS SURE SHINES A LIGHT ON THINGS FOR ME… GREAT HELP… THANKS AND I WILL BE LOOKING FWD TO READ MORE OF THIS.



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ANGELLADY

posted June 1, 2008 at 11:01 am


YOUR ARTICLES ARE ALL VERY BEAUTIFUL AND DOWN TO THE POINT. I WAS ALSO IN A SIMILAR SITUATION, INVOLVED WITH A VERY MARRIED MAN, AND HE HAS 3 DAUGHTERS WHO HE LOVES VERY MUCH. I REALLY WAS NEVER AWARE OF HIS FEELINGS FOR HIS WIFE, BECAUSE HE CONTINUALLY WAS COMPLAINING ABOUT HER AND HER HABITS, AND THE FACT THAT SHE HAD AN ILLNESS, WHICH SOMEDAYS SLOWED HER DOWN SOMEWHAT AND SHE HAD TO REST. HE TRAVELED ALOT, BECAUSE HE IS IN THE CONSTRUCTION BUSINESS, AND A BIG WIG WITHIN HIS CORPORATION. I WILL NEVER KNOW WHY GOD PUT US TOGETHER, BUT I DO KNOW THAT HE WAS THE ONE, AND I TOTALLY FEEL IN LOVE WITH HIM, AND IT IS STILL TAKING TIME, BUT FOR THE MOST PART, I AM THROUGH THE WORST OF IT. LIKE ALL MEN, HE WAS TOTALLY HAPPY, IN LOVE WITH ME, TOLD ME EACH AND EVERYDAY THAT HE LOVED ME, AND SAID THAT HE COULD NOT STOP THINKING ABOUT ME. WELL,IT HAS BEEN SEVERAL YRS NOW, AND I THINK ABOUT HIM,DREAM ABOUT HIM, AND HE IS ALWAYS IN THE BACK OF MY MIND. I DON’T KNOW WHY HAPPILY MARRIED MEN DO THESE THINGS, TO POOR INNOCENT WOMEN LIKE MYSELF, AND SOME OF YOUR READERS, BUT IT REALLY HURTS AND KILLS YOU FROM THE INSIDE OUT. I JUST WANTED TO BE IS FRIEND, BUT HE ALWAYS BACKS AWAY, AND WRITES ME 1 LINE NOTES, OR SENDS DEAR JOHN LETTERS. THEY ARE LUDICRIS, BUT THAT IS WHO HE IS…… I DO THINK THAT HE STILL HAS ALOT OF FEELINGS FOR ME, BUT I CAN’T DO MUCH ABOUT IT, EXCEPT HOPE THAT HE DOES KNOW HOW I FEEL. HE WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART AND MY SOUL, AND I WILL ALWAYS BE GRATEFUL THAT I GOT THE OPPORTUNITY TO HAVE MET HIM AND GOT TO KNOW HIM. FOR ALL THE LADIES OUT THERE ….. BE STRONG AND HOLD TO YOUR CONVICTIONS……



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ANGELLADY

posted June 1, 2008 at 11:04 am


ENJOY THE POST ……………………



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Lazura

posted June 2, 2008 at 3:55 pm


Hello Everyone,
First of all, I want to talk you for all of your stories and insight. Oh my gosh!! Talk about NOT being alone!!! I am myself in an addictive relationship. I am addicted to him. We have been together for 9 years and we are supposed to build a house and get married. Well, guess what – I am still waiting!! I don’t even have a ring. He told me a Xmas (2007) that is was coming and well, its been almost 6 months now and well no ring. Anyways, the problem I have is that I am a “convenience” for him. I am there when he comes home from work, out from the bar, done working with him family, etc. I was trying to end a bad relationship when he came along. He is also 10 years older than me and for awhile, he was the best relationship I had ever had. He was there for me in ways that my ex wasn’t – supportive, giving, caring, sex, etc. We also live in his parents basement. His dad, sister and her boyfriend live upstairs. I don’t mind living with them, except (The biggest problem) is that they come first. Even if we have plans, he has to help them first. I am not a priority in his life and I am tired of being “last”. I am working on getting my finances together (just like some of you) and looking into renting my own house and being free. I am very excited, but scared at the same time. I don’t have any problems being alone, I just feel like I am going to break his heart and that kills me. He is also verbally abusive to me and everything is my fault regardless of the situation. He is not there for me anymore. He is not supportive of anything I try and do for myself. Whether is be a new bicycle which I just bought or going back to school. I don’t tell him these things because I will get some smart remark and something said to belittle me. We don’t do anything together anymore. If so, I am always the one asking him, he doesn’t ask me. The other bad part is I owe him about 10K dollars for help with my debts from when we first got together. What do I do, work on getting out of my own or looking to get a loan to pay him off first?? Any insight or suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks for listening. Take care.



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Santana Pratt

posted January 7, 2009 at 5:30 pm


Please send this information to my daughter I recieve it at sugarjack@comcast.net. I believe my daughter would befit from this
Thank you
2



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sunnymusicman

posted January 16, 2009 at 12:34 pm


Beyond addictive relationships, there are those that just won’t work, even when love is there. It is important to look at the indications that it is not working, like one party is putting all or most of the effort at keeping it going, or there are other factors in the way, like other relationships, other commitments, etc. When you recognize you are no longer or never were first with the other person, the light comes on. It is time to start letting go, bless the other party, the relationship and move on to new experiences and growth. Letting go can be difficult, quick or long. When it becomes a fact, life changes for the better. I have found that whenever I let go of someone or something, there is always something better coming along. It always works.
John



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sunnymusicman

posted January 16, 2009 at 1:03 pm


A message for Lazura. You have the right solutions in your letter. It seems the first step is to get out on your own, and the second step would be to repay the loans. It seems clear that the relationship has not been working and it is necessary to let it go. It is like pushing a car without gas in it. How long can you push it before you realize it is a waste of time and energy. It just won’t get going when you stop pushing. Since your letter in June 08, probably some things have already changed. If you are still in the unfulfilling relationship, begin now to start letting it go. You can do it step by step or all at once. Once done, you will feel much better about yourself and your new life.
John



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Your Name

posted March 20, 2009 at 10:01 am


I have been with my boyfriend for 4years, and he said he loves me but,
he won’t get me a ring. I really don’t feel like he loves me, I think he just enjoys playing house. I wish that he would do something one way or the other. I need to move in a direction and start my life.



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Your Name

posted March 24, 2009 at 5:40 am


Hi there everyone,
First of all I’d like to say that I am glad that I have read the book these steps were taken from. It has given me a wonderful insight into the problems I am currently experiencing. I have been with my girlfriend for over 8 years now, and I think I have been thinking about ending the relationship for the last 6 years, but I simply couldn’t. She is a fair bit older than me, two kids (one in the twenties the other a teen) and I have always felt a bit excluded from their family life. For example, the oldest daughter went away for a while and sent a card to her sister and mother not to me. THere are more examples like this. My girlfriend’s priority are her children (which can only be admired, I guess) but as I don’t really take part in the upbringing of her childern there is huge part of her life, that I don’t take place. For most people this already would have been enough to say I am going to stop this; not for me. That doesn’t make me feel good about myself, as it feels like I am some kind of pushover etc etc. I other words, I know it is time to get out, but I don’t how to. :) THe danger of staying in a relationship like this for far too long is that you’d might meet some one and develop feelings, which makes it all harder, of course. Luckily that girl was in a relationship as well and she stopped things before it got out of hand. At first I was slightly depressed (I realise that this was Attachment Hunger at work here), I sometimes still feel bad about it as I see her work all the time, but I honestly think I was given an opportunity to do what is right this time. Stop my current relationship and work on myself. Which I am going to have to try. I wondered whether there were people here who have similar experiences. Take care and good luck to all!!



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Your Name

posted May 8, 2009 at 3:15 pm


If you are in a committed relationship and are living with the person you should be included and not made to feel excluded. It sounds like you should be moving on. My brother once said happiness is an inside job. Make yourself happy. Then work on someone else. Be independent.



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Nicole

posted May 31, 2009 at 2:28 pm


Wow! I’m just realizing that the man I’ve been dating for 2+ years in purely addictive. Things have been off and on the entire 2 years and there are many times that I honestly can’t figure out what I’m holding on for. I can go for a few days and sort of be okay and then I go to him and try and make it work. He usually breaks my heart by turning things around on me. This has been the cycle. This man has drug issues, an arrest record a mile long, and most recently I found him posting x pics of himself on the internet, with a profile that said he was looking for discreet encounters. You’d think after all of this that I would run, not walk away, but still I tried to go back. After talking to my dad this morning and realizing that what I’m truly getting from this relationship when it’s good, is a high. I’ve never been an addict per se, but am identifying this relationship as being an addiction. So now I go on my journey to healing. I will certainly be checking back in here to get all the help I can.
Nicole



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Your Name

posted October 27, 2009 at 9:03 am


Thanks.
I am currently separated from my partner of 5 years. We both realized we have developed addictive qualities to our relationship. However, does that mean we should end the relationship or work on the addiction? It seems we went from WANTING to be together to we NEED each other. Let me explain. She suffers from clinical depression which brings another set of issues into the relationship.
She doesn’t want to live together because she’s hard to live with and doesn’t like so much “closeness.” She doesn’t seem to really want a relationship. I walked away and moved out but she still seems to want to make it work. It’s become addictive. I question if she wants to make it work because she feels she NEEDS me (as her nurse) or if this is even worth all the fuss.
I’m 35 years old. I’ve invested 5 years of my life into this. But I don’t want to spend any more time on a relationship not really going anywhere.
Work on the addiction? End the relationship? What is best here?



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cynthia

posted November 1, 2009 at 4:56 pm


i really like this guy whom my friend hooked me uo with he is all the was in Texas and im in minnesota at first i thought he just wanted to satisfy his sexual desires .So he gave me an option if i wanted to be friends or if not what did i want and i told him just friends.Now theree is not a week that would pass that i dont call him but he is always too busy with school that i become jealous and start to think he has a new girl friend.A part of me wants him in my life but then another part just wants to let him go because he is not as tall and muscular as i like my guys to be.What should i do?



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Your Name

posted January 19, 2010 at 7:30 am


The last time I felt love for someone else was a year and a half ago, when my girlfriend broke up with me. I have been in four relationships since, but I was not able to develop any strong feelings, so those relationships also fell apart. I still feel the need to be with my ex. She is now engaged to someone who treats her better than I ever did. I know that I can never have her back. I’m just looking for a way to heal.



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Your Name

posted January 21, 2010 at 12:41 pm


I’m a 27 year old girl, been in a long distance relationship w tis 37 year old guy for almost a year.
Ldr is tiring by nature, we cn only c each other once every few months for one weekend. thn I found out tat he cheated on me. Up until nw he’s still insistin tat its nt cheatin, n won’t open d true story n didn’t even ask for my forgiveness.
After a series of horrible fights I decided to giv him another chance. Things were slowly gettin bk on track since.
Bt as said, ldr is tirin by nature. N problems keep gettin in, w my family doesn’t like d guy, with our cultural n lifestyle differences, n worst of all, I’ve been insecure n suspicious n clingy after found out his alleged affair. N he often get pissed off by my attitudes. All of these make us nt just physically bt also emotionally apart.
If I look bck to our gd times, I knw I love him. Bt y everyday feels like hell?
I’ve lost significant weight n havin serious insomnia n everyone who close to me can tell tat I’m in great pain. stressed.
Bt I just can’t end tis, stil hopin for happy ending. I’m spending my days waiting for him to contact me. Whn I dun hear frm him for hours, I’ll start panicking n buildin horrible thoughts n whn finally he contact me I’ll jump a couch n b happy for tat moment.
Pls help me to identify if tis is addiction n hw to get out frm tis misery n get my old confident n vibrant self back?



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Tanya

posted March 14, 2010 at 12:54 am


Hello friend…
i have gone through a very similar phase in my life.
this is for sure an addictive relation..i know its very tough to get out of it but its not impossible…i have experienced it in my life.in this situation u feel ur life will have no meaning if you are not wid him.u are a gods blessed child and so u he gave u that opportunity where u cud find him red handed wen he was cheating on you..
my advice to you is to dissociate urself from all this..remember ur childhood days which used to free from all this…just study and play..any tension u wud seek ur parents and siblings support.get back to that time.engross urself in fun filled activities.pusue ur passion ur hobbies in free time.those things which used to gv u maximum happiness before getting in this relation.think positive.help others.do something for needy people.help someone in the same situation.u will find immense happiness..



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Anonymous

posted April 22, 2010 at 12:36 am


bunch of crap



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Mutuelle santé

posted September 30, 2010 at 9:12 am


Very good articles on relationship , as millions of divorce is evolving in our society. To choose the right mate and having a balance in our social and professional life is vital. To build a healthy relationship mean having a healthy society.
mutuelle santé



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Eva BreakUp

posted November 27, 2010 at 11:12 am


My friend is now at some kind of addictive marriage, I am trying to help her, but she doesn’t want the help. She just say she is happy, but obviously it is not so. I just want her back, I don’t want her to divorce, but just to be a little bit more independent… Hope this book will help somehow.



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saul luna

posted November 28, 2010 at 2:09 am


Hi everyone reading this article. I just separated from my wife of seven years. Needless to say it was her decision. It was a very destructive relationship but my insanity keeps me hoping that soon we get back together. I know she doesn’t love me, she treats me like shit, but I just cannot let her go. I am writing this because my best thinking tells me that its time to move on but I know I cannot do it on my own. I need help and this is a good start. Hope everyone reading this find the answer you are looking for and when you do help me out. God bless you



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Brad

posted November 28, 2010 at 3:11 am


God bless you to! There are many many people in the world with similar situation. I just want to be stronger, to let go the things easy when it is the time…



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Laren Galloway

posted December 11, 2010 at 7:59 am


It is not easy at all to let somebody if you love her. I experienced that, and after 2 years I still have in mind this words.. “What If”.. there is still a hope!



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non prescription contacts

posted December 20, 2010 at 5:27 pm


I’m no expert, but I believe you just crafted an excellent point. You obviously understand what youre talking about, and I can seriously get behind that, basically have to point out you come up with several fantastic points and definitely will write-up a variety of options to add in just after a day or two Thanks for staying so upfront and so truthful.
discount contact lens



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Alissa K

posted April 28, 2011 at 3:11 pm


6 months into my second divorce (I am 26), my new neighbor and I began dating. We clicked from day one, but I always felt somewhat guarded despite some very deep bonding moments. I had dreams about him. I knew when I would run into him. Anyway, a month into our time together, he was sleeping over (we had not yet had sex but were physical and slept at each other’s apartments frequently) and penetrated me without a condom and without any effort I could recall to wake me up. No discussion of doing this, nothing. Since that time, I have tried over and over to stop seeing him, but I felt compelled based on our otherwise amazing connection and chemistry. However, as if things weren’t complicated enough, I found out that around the time we started seeing each other, he spent the night with a friend and she is giving birth to his child in June. We have shared some wonderful, intimate, and loving times together, but my body memory of that first violation causes me to have the shakes and nausea every morning that I awake beside him. He is now moving in with the mother of his future child but is adamant that they are not together, but only helping each other out at this time. I do love him but I see how this situation is bad for me in many, many ways. Nevertheless I have a very hard time letting him go. If it weren’t for his major boundary issues would might be a solid couple. Still, I know I deserve better. We were apart for 1 month and then I saw him again two nights ago and we talked and were together and I woke up so upset, like I had undone all my hard work trying to get over him. I feel right now that he is all I want, and yet it can never be. He is very romantic and affectionate and that lures me back in. I have a hard time grasping that someone can be a good person in some ways and yet still not right for me. I want desperately to break the cycle of dating 9and marrying) men I adore who bring so much complication and hurt to the table. I don’t know how to do this. I find it nearly impossible to say no to love, even if it is a love that turns toxic at times. Help!



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Kelvin

posted May 13, 2011 at 2:57 pm


I need to let go of my ex-girlfriend. I met her when I was new in town and she is the first person who ever showed me around.one thing led to the next, I created an attachment to her that i find hard break off. It is now over a year since she broke off with me, but each time she is town I just let her in my life and house. I know she dates other men, including my boss but i still want her. It pains me so much.
She treats me so terrible sometimes but I just keep hoping. She is nice to me when she needs something then goes back to being nasty and rude. She always asks me out for a date, then makes other plans concurrently without informing me ,she does not appear , when I ask what happened she gets so rude to me.
I need help, I don’t mind her being my friend but at this point , i need to break this attachment. I need to see her as a woman I cannot date anymore . I simply need help.



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jason

posted August 18, 2011 at 7:29 pm


Great help is available at loveaddictionhelp.com if you want
tools, support and counseling for
love relationship addiction



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Margaret Horn

posted September 8, 2011 at 11:36 pm


Very good points. I assume you recommend his book? What about applying the other principles that go with breaking an addiction, ie AA? I doubt there is an AA group for that, unless it has to do with codependency. No such groups in my neck of the woods!



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Avelse

posted August 8, 2012 at 4:00 am


My Name is Avelse..I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster once when i went to Africa to Execute some business..He is really powerful.The woman i wanted to marry left me 2 weeks to our weeding ceremony and my life was upside down.she was with me for 3 years and i really love her so much..she left me for another man with no reason..when i called her she never picked up my calls and she don’t want to see me around her…so,when i told the man what happened.he helped me to do some readings,and after the readings he made me to realize that the other man has done some spells over my wife and that is the reason why she left me..he told me he will help me to cast a spell that bring her back.At first i was skeptical but i just gave it a try…In 5 days,she called me herself and came to me apologizing..I cant believe she can ever come back to me again but now i am happy she’s back and we are married now with lovely kid and we live as a happy family..Am posting this to the forum incise anyone needs the man.His email address is reunitingexspell@gmail.com



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Ivoney

posted August 19, 2012 at 4:07 am


My name is Ivoney from Norway, I’m very happy with a spell caster service i met online. The man really helped me to find inner peace. I’m not sure I understood everything about his powerful concepts but one thing is certain: that awful curse is now gone and I can live my life normally.
The vudoo spell master has Bless me, and he will bless vudoo spell master too if you are in need, you can reach him on his email vudoospell@gmail.com, meet him for help..



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JULIAN

posted September 6, 2012 at 11:25 am


After being in relationship with him for 4 years,he broke up with me,
I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted
him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with
everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to
someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell
caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type
that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the
spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be
okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he
cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex
called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that
he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return
to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was
how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made
promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of
help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful
spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from
all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell
caster, his email is (blacktempleforsolution@gmail.com) you can email him if you need
his assistance in your relationship or anything.



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ADAMA

posted September 6, 2012 at 11:34 am


My Name is ADAMS.I never believed in Love Spells or Magics until I met this special spell caster when i went to Africa to Execute some business..He is really powerful..My wife divorce me with no reason for almost 5 years and i tried all i could to have her back cos i really love her so much but all my effort did not work out.. we met at our early age at the college and we both have feelings for each other and we got married happily for 5 years with no kid and she woke up one morning and she told me she’s going on a divorce..i thought it was a joke and when she came back from work she tender to me a divorce letter and she packed all her loads from my house..i ran mad and i tried all i could to have her back but all did not work out..i was lonely for almost 4 years…So when i told the spell caster what happened he said he will help me and he asked for her full name and her picture..i gave him that..At first i was skeptical but i gave it a try cos have tried so many spell casters and there is no solution…so when he finished with the readings,he got back to me that she’s with a man and that man is the reason why she left me…The spell caster said he will help me with a spell that will surely bring her back.but i never believe all this…he told me i will see a positive result within 3 days..3 days later,she called me herself and came to me apologizing and she told me she will come back to me..I cant believe this,it was like a dream cos i never believe this will work out after trying many spell casters and there is no solution..The spell caster is so powerful and after that he helped me with a pregnancy spell and my wife got pregnant a month later..we are now happy been together again and with lovely kid..This spell caster has really changed my life and i will forever thankful to him..he has helped many friends too with similar problem too and they are happy and thankful to him..This man is indeed the most powerful spell caster have ever experienced in life..Am Posting this to the Forum in case there is anyone who has similar problem and still looking for a way out..you can reach him here blacktempleforsolution@gmail.com



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serah

posted September 7, 2012 at 10:49 pm


HELLO to my friends out there i am testifying about the good work of a man who help me it has been hell from the day my husband left me i am a woman with two kids my problem stated when the father of my kids travel i never help he was living but as at two weeks i did not set my eye on my husband i try calling but he was not taken my call some week he call me telling me that he has found love some where easy at first i never take to be serous but day after he came to the house to pick his things that was the time i notice that things is going bad i help he will come back but things was going bad day by day i needed to talk to someone about it so i went to his friend but there was no help so i give it up on him month later i met on the the internet a spell caster i never believe on this but i needed my men back so i gave the spell caster my problem at first i never trusted him so i was just doing it for doing sake but after three day my hasbond called me telling me that he his coming home i still do not believe but as at the six day the father to my kids came to the house asking me to for give him the spell work to said to my self from that day i was happy with my family thanks to the dr.tubeShrine/Temple he his a great man you need to try him you can as well to tell him your problem so that he can be of help to you his content email is this :goodspelltemple@gmail.com indeed you are a priest thank you for making my home a happy home again. CAN NEVER STOP TALKING ABOUT YOU SIR HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS:goodspelltemple@gmail.com CONTACT HIM NOW FOR SOLUTION TO ALL YOUR PROBLEMS



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Roseline

posted September 12, 2012 at 4:31 am


My ex-boyfriend dumped me 4 months ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me.I was so confuse and don’t know what to do,so I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 3days that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness.I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that,we are about to get married.once again thank you Dr Black spell.you are truly talented and gifted. Email: blacktempleforsolution@gmail.com is the only answer.he can be of great help and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man.



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MAGGY

posted September 12, 2012 at 4:57 am


Thank you for directing me to that email blacktempleforsolution@gmail.com i contacted him and he told me what to do after doing it within 48 hours my ex called me to come back home so that we can continue living and loving our selfs he is real great man of spell



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MILLS

posted September 12, 2012 at 5:00 am


Thank you blacktempleforsolution@gmail.com you.You are a wonderful man



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caslom

posted September 12, 2012 at 1:33 pm


Three weeks ago my boyfriend broke up with me. it all started when i Travel to UK to spend my holiday with my friend,i was trying to contact him but it was not going through. So when i came back from UK i saw him with a lady kissing, i was frustrated and it gives me sleepless night. I called my friend told her what happened and she introduce me to a spell cater who helped her long time ago. Which i contact him and i never believed that the spell will work so easily because i have contacted many spell casters to get him back all they do is to take my money with no result. I am happy to tell you all that my boyfriend is back and committed to me alone and he do whatever i ask him to do with love and care. All thanks to DR.TUBE the great magician who helped me to restore my boy friend to me:goodspelltemple@gmail.com.. Email this powerful and authentic spell caster via email now goodspelltemple@gmail.com



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sonia

posted September 13, 2012 at 10:35 pm


I just want to tell everyone about my situation and what has happened. It was not long after the spell that it all happened. I am now with ex and he is

more loving than you can imagine. The spell that you have done for me could not have worked any quicker or better. We are happier now than we

have ever been. Bless Divinity and you for everything that you have done! Please don’t waist your time with other spell casters as you will get ripped

off. There is only one true one out there that I have found and he is here and it Blacktempleforsolution@gmail.com



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charlie

posted September 14, 2012 at 10:37 pm


Great blacktempleforsolution@gmail.com you are a man wonderful spell caster



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gina

posted September 15, 2012 at 7:05 am


hello friends, when my husband first broke up whith me to fallow another woman,i went all around sicking for solution every were,but know one cloud help me solve my problem.a friend of my told me to go and look for a spell caster,which i did.but all made away with my money,Untill i was told to go and meet the leader of all africa traditional spell caster name DRMARKROBBIN. When i meet him,i told him all my problem. And i need to cast a spell on it,he told me that he is going to casr a spell,that after seven days that my wife we come back to me and everthing about me will turn around.he went ahead and cast the spell,three days later after the spell was being cast. My husband that have left for a long time called me to tell me that she still love me and she we like to come back to me,and that same week i was promoted in my office.you can meet the grate man on this email.drmarkrobbinspellhome@gmail.com



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DAN

posted September 21, 2012 at 2:16 am


Am from New York. why i am writing this testimony is because i made a promised that who so ever help me out of my shit and predicament deserves to be known by the world. Am 26 years of age my girlfriend left me some years ago that am a piece of old cargo that there is nothing on earth that can bring our paths together as long as she breaths. I felt really bad because i loved her so dearly’ one day i came across some testimonies of this priest called DR BLACK, So i decided to give him a chance, i lost hope because i heard there are lots of scarmmers down there. but when he told me things so personal which i knew was so secret that was only known to me then i gave him a chance out of my doubting spirit but to my greatest surprise my girlfriend called me that same day,that she is so sorry for all the pains she has made me pass through. presently our love is more than that of romeo and Juliet , she takes good care of me now 100% than before.And he’s also specialized in solving all kinds of problems.So just give him a trial,and you will understand what i am talking about.
Thank you so much DR BLACK, here is the email address that turn my pains, sadness and sorrow into joy: blacktempleforsolution@gmail.com
from New york.



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miss courage

posted September 21, 2012 at 3:05 am


Thank you DR BLACK for helping me to bring my ex back to me i love you DR BLACK his email is blacktempleforsolution@gmail.com just contact him to solve your relationship problems



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josephine

posted September 21, 2012 at 3:16 am


sonia a great friend you are for making to understand that my problems can be solve with the power of spell and the person of DR BLACK thank you sonia i has contactet him and he told me what to do after doing it my ex called me back to the house so that we can start living together again thank sonia.



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GING

posted September 22, 2012 at 4:42 am


My ex-boyfriend dumped me 8 months ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him.I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me.I was so confuse and don’t know what to do,so I reach to the internet for help and I saw a testimony of how a spell caster help them to get their ex back so I contact the spell caster and explain my problem to him and he cast a spell for me and assure me of 3days that my ex will return to me and to my greatest surprise the third day my ex came knocking on my door and beg for forgiveness.I am so happy that my love is back again and not only that,we are about to get married.once again thank you Dr Black spell.you are truly talented and gifted. Email: blacktempleforsolution@gmail.com is the only answer.he can be of great help and I will not stop publishing him because he is a wonderful man.



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Joshua safi

posted September 26, 2012 at 10:50 am


My name is Joshua safi, I’m 36years old from Johannesburg, I’m a banker
I want to testify of what prince olokun did for me last month, my wife was addicted to alcohol and smoking tobacco, she drink always, everyday. It was a big shame to me in present of my co workers, my friends and whenever I ask her to stop drinking the whole thing turns to fighting,
That period I pass through pain and humiliations, my wife took my kids Larry and Sandra with her after our divorce last year. Since than I met a friend who introduced me to prince olokun a spell caster so I told him everything that happened between us he ask some questions which I answered him. It was a phone call conversations so after three day my wife and the two kids came back to the house
And today we are very as family again and she is nolonger smoke or drink.
Thanks to prince olokun the spell caster, you can meet him for anything he can help you for any problems
Contact prince olokun today. olokuntemple01@gmail.com



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Betty

posted September 28, 2012 at 1:57 am


my mouth is filled with laughter because of the help Dr.Okaka place on me my ex boyfriend just come back to me after dumping me for my close friend,his spell opened his eyes to see how much i loved him,thanks for your spell that you did for me.if you are in my same situation you can reach him at edenokunspelltemple@gmail.com thank you i will never forget
you. Betty



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Lizy

posted September 28, 2012 at 7:19 am


The temple of possibilities my relationship was in good heath untill last month when my boy friend broke up with me and saying he is tired of me what will i do i started searching for solutions until i came across a wonderful spell caster earlierthebetterspelltemple@gmail.com who cast a marvelouse spell that brought him back to me right now am so happy for the help he render to me am greatful



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vanessia, usa

posted September 29, 2012 at 4:51 pm


I am from Mexico, I was in a relationship with john and we loved and cherished ourselves for 3 good years and every thing was going on smoothly but August 12, 2011 a day I can call a lovers day we both had misunderstanding because I answered a call from a guy that is asking me out for a date but I refused, and he told me that the relationship is over and that he is fed up with me and I begged him because I love him so much but he refused me I was so down cast and I felt the world has come to an end for me but my friend told me about a spell caster that helped her sister out in getting her relationship back, a good job and favor in any of her endeavor but at first I was scared but I have to give this man a trial because I love john very much and I am not willing to loose him to any
woman, so I ordered returning my love spell from this great spell caster that make me a happy woman again to say it all my ex came back to me with much love and a caring heart…i am testifying to this great spell caster Dr sambol spell temple. if you need his help you can contact him on drsambolspelltemple@gmail.com



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shakya

posted October 8, 2012 at 11:12 am


I find it difficult to sleep because my boyfriend has not been treating me the way he all to to treating me.He will not call nor come and visit me,and when i see him i will continue to complain and don’t have my time and when i ask him if i offend him,he will say no and i don’t know why he keep on doing the wrong thing to me.I love him with all my life to the extent that i can ever die for him and still he still embarrass me out side when i see him.
I always cry both day and night and ever when he be the one who wrong me,i will still go to him and apologize,the problem i was having with him over some month ago is that he don’t pick my calls and don’t want to see me,he will go around telling people that i am pestling his life,and also tell them to tell me that he don’t love me again.And this is a man that we have have been dating for over three years and down he thorn me down,but i give glory to ogogospelloraclee@gmail.com who find in this forum and he was faithful and able to solve my problem for me.Now i am happy he his back to me.



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Antonia

posted October 9, 2012 at 12:07 pm


Wanted to thank you for helping with your love spell. Glad to tell you that Ronald and I are not only back together but buying a house together. I must thank you, your spell worked like a charm! I will be ordering another spell from you about money, in a few more days. Thank to Dr. Atu if you need help in getting your ex back Dr. Atu is there to help Contact via Email: Atulewaspelltemple@gmail.com



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mrs Adams vivian

posted October 12, 2012 at 12:29 am


A POWERFUL SPELL CASTER WHO WIPE A WAY MY SORROW

Amazing?? i do not know how to thinks prophet walter who did a spell that make my husband to come back to me.he left me for the past five years,and for the past five years i have been in pains,sorrow,bitterness and wiping.until i read a magazine about this man called prophet walter,who help people to unite their relationship within two days.i never believe in spell or magic,so i decided to give him a try.i contacted him.he told me that he shall come back to me according to my believe.he also promise me that he shall return to me within two days,i was still doubting,if he can really do according to what he says,unfortunately on the third day he call me on phone saying that i should forget and forgive him.that he is now ready to love and cherish me,on the forth day he but a car for me to say he is very,very ,very,sorry,big thanks to prophet walter you help me to bring back my lovely husband,any body act their,having similar problem like this,thinking on what to do,Email him @ojuguntempleground@gmail.com,he will surely but a smile on your face.not only that he can help .

1) Have promotion in anything you do
2 )Earn a good money
3)Success in business
4)spiritual problems
5) win court case

Mrs Adams Vivian
Regards



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MY EX IS BACK......AM SO HAPPY

posted October 26, 2012 at 6:46 am


I want to use this medium to appreciate and testify for what this powerful spell caster has changed my life into. I love my boyfriend so much and he loved me too, we were about getting married, but his family disapprove our marriage, the parents fought our relationship to the extent of using spells to separate us. I knew this is not what my boyfriend wanted because he love me. We begged the parents to let us live our life, but they refuse to see what we feel for each other, finally my ex left me without a calling or find out how am coping. I decided to look for solution my self. One day as I was navigating the internet, I saw a post about this man called kabaka, how he helped many people with his spell, I decided to contact him, behold, after 4days of his spell, everything changed, my ex came back and his parents changed their mind about us. Just last week, we got married and we are together happily. If you need any help, you can contact him too via KABAKASPELL@GMAIL.COM or his phone number +2348169750752.



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Wilfred

posted November 21, 2012 at 6:26 am


I and my girlfriend brokeup just because i could not tolerate seeing her hanging out with guys that she claims to have nothing with but call them just mere friends.
I could not take it anymore because i love her so much and though am jealous seeing other guys around her, i need her to understand that and respect that as well. But reverse was the case. she told me she was tired and could not continue, she complains that i dont trust her so how sure our relationship would lead to marriage.
I was so devastated and could not lose my love just for my selfish reasons. so i found this spell lady online who then did a love spell to bring her back and made our relationship more closer than ever and even more happier. The spell lady did help my life, my job because i could not focus on anything, and even brought my lover back in to my life.
The spell lady email is priestessifaa@yahoo.com, her spell is more powerful than i can ever imagine.



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kasha

posted November 27, 2012 at 1:04 am


- I am kasha i lives in uk and i was in a serious relationship with my ex guy for three good years.. One day we were in a dinner party, we had a little misunderstanding which lead to a Quarrel and he stood up and left me at the dinner party. i try to call him but he was not picking my calls so after than i contacted my brother and told him about it,my brother so much love me that he had to see him on my behalf,he told my brother that it is over between us.. Then i contacted a friend of mine that had this similar experience and she directed me to one of the spiritual diviner (maduraitemple@yahoo.com).at first i thought it was not going to be possible and i contacted him i was ask to come up with a little requirement,so i did what i was ask to do, after 3 days i was in my office when my ex guy called me and was asking me to forgive him and come back to him. i was very surprise it was like a dream to me,so ever since we have been happily married with one kid my lovely baby(Ceslav)…i wish you the best of luck…



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Manyalido

posted December 4, 2012 at 4:23 am


I have a fantastic news about the spell cast in wiseindividualspell@gmail.com: it is working, only 3dayss after he started it all. Never in my life have I thought magic would work so fast. My man is acting completely different now and we are making love everyday (last weekend, we did it 8 times in total!). Now I can say that your spells work! Thank you a million times!



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joan

posted December 10, 2012 at 1:39 am


Hello my name is Miss joan, I’m from uk. I want to inform you all that there is a spell caster that is genuine and real. I never really believed in any of these things but when I was losing oscar, I needed help and somewhere to turn badly. I found consultant. Dr Ishvara and i ordered a LOVE SPELL. Several days later, my phone rang. oscar was his old self again and wanted to come back to me! Not only come back, the spell caster opened him up to how much I loved and needed him. Spell Casting isn’t brainwashing, but they opened his eyes to how much we have to share together. I recommend anyone who is in my old situation to try it. It will bring you a wonderful surprises as well as your lover back to you. The way things were meant to be.” you can contact the spell caster on– ishvaratemple@yahoo.com he’s very nice and great.



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Amelia

posted December 10, 2012 at 4:32 am


There was this spell caster that i contacted last month his name is UBIATO after i had a misunderstanding with my mother in law and she want me out of my husband house and my husband was not saying anything to stop her because there was a lady they want him to get married to But one day Sandra my co-worker told me about this man UBIATO ubiatowhitemagicspell@yahoo.com so i contacted him for help and he told me all that was going on in my family and after 1day of casting the spell i was getting set for work when my mother in law call me and was asking me to forgive her for what she has done and ask me to get her something sweet to eat it was like a dream to me i really thank him for everything.



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KELVIN

posted December 10, 2012 at 5:13 am


My wife and I separated Last year September, I will agree I wasn’t true to myself and her. But i did all I could let her have a good life I did put all my energy into our little family as we have 2 beautiful kids.because I worked As a waiter she didn’t really like that for a career, she thought i didn’t want to do well in my life. last year as the harsh finance situation hit as we’ve been suffering with our finance for a while she decided to end our marriage. which i was very devastated!! to lose the love of my life, but a month after separation i went to France for 10days to clear my head. when i got back she wanted me back but she didn’t want romantic side of it a month after xmas she told me again that she cant do it anymore as our finance was at lowest. then we made a decision to end it to sort our lives out…but my prayer everyday for her to realize that i am not a loser all i wanted is to do what i could to put food on the table and roof over their head. since the second separation i am qualified football coach and fitness instructor and doing more toward my career but I don’t want to get into a relationship with another woman when my wife and I suffered all of this years when my career takes of shes not there to enjoy it with me..I really want her back in my life so i contacted this spell caster Dr okogbo who now help me to bring her back, we now have a happy family together with my wife. If you want his help you reach him via email at okogbotemple@yahoo.com



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mary

posted December 10, 2012 at 7:21 am


To okodu Thank you for always being there for me okodu I had spells cast for me before without success and successful ones, but I never felt so taken care of before. You really care about your client’s. All problems are solved now thanks to you. email address dr.okoduspellcaster@gmail.com



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charles

posted December 11, 2012 at 7:45 am


charles

Dear priestdragmans@gmail.com, I want to tell the world (yet again) for how you brought Emily back to me. We had known each other for what seemed a lifetime and dated on and off during that lifetime. A couple years ago some rich beau moved to town and swept her away from me. They got married after 2 months of dating and moved away, I had no idea where she was or how to get a hold of her! I requested that the split them up and reunite us love spell be cast for me. A week later, out of nowhere, Emily showed up on my doorstep. Said she had been miserable in her short marriage, the guy was great but not for her. I helped her file for divorce and we got married at a justice of the peace two days after her divorce was final. We have been happy every since. You have done more for me that I could possibly ever repay you for.

Thank you so much! ~ Charles, Sydney, Australia



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Poton

posted December 22, 2012 at 3:38 pm


My name is Paton
My ex-husband and I had always manged to stay friendly after our divorce, but I always wanted to get back together with him, and he was never sure. So, I

thought it was about time I MADE him sure! All it took was a visit to website and a request for a specific love spell, and Odumdu spell’s powers began to

work his spell is working because guess what: My “ex” is soon to be my husband again! This is nothing short of a miracle. Thank you, Odumdu spell. Words

are not enough. contact him landofsolution@gmail.com he can be a great help



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miss jennifer george

posted December 23, 2012 at 11:24 pm


Hello, my name is Miss Jennifer George , I’m from USA. I want to testify that there is a spell caster that is genuine and real. I never really believed in any of these things but when I was loosing my boy friend sam, I needed some one to help me when I found prophet okoro ahebhamhen spells and i ordered a LOVE SPELL. After some days later, my phone rang when sam call me to apologize. sam was his old self again and wanted to come back to me! Not only come back, the spell caster opened his eyes to know how much I loved and needed him. Spell Casting is not brainwashing but they opened his eyes to how much we have to share together. Anyone who is in my old situation or have some other problem should consult prophet okoro. He will bring you wonderful surprises as well as your lover back to you. The way things were meant to be.” You can contact the great spell caster at ahebhamhenspell@gmail.com. He is very nice and great.



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.hardee smith

posted January 2, 2013 at 6:15 am


he bring my boyfriend back

i am hardee smith and i want to thank Dr.okudu for bringing back my ex boyfriend, we broke up for more than 4 month and he told me that he will never want to see me in his life again. i love him so much to the extend that i could not think of deating any man again, i was confused and depress due to the love i had for him.i did everything i could do to have him come back to me but all went in vain. so i decided to contact a spell caster, i did not believe in spell casting i just want to try it may be it would work out for me. i contacted Dr okudu for help,and he told me that he have to cast a love spell on him, i told him to do it. after 3 days my boyfriend called me and started to apologize for leaving me and also he told me that he still love me. i was very happy and i thank Dr okudu for helping me get back my ex back to my hands. his spell is the greatest of all over the world, it was the love spell he cast on my ex that make him come back to me. all you ladies who want back their ex back i want you to contact Dr.okudu for the return of your ex boyfriend and also your ex girlfriend he can also cast any kind of spell you want him to cast for you. his contact email is (okudutemple@yahoo.com) just try him and their will be a solution to your case.hardee smith from finland



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Greg

posted January 14, 2013 at 10:56 pm


NEVER BELIEVED IN LOVE SPELLS UNTIL I MET THIS WORLD’S TOP SPELL CAS
TER.
HE IS REALLY POWERFUL AND COULD HELP CAST SPELLS TO BRING BACK ONE’S
GONE,LOST,MISBEHAV ING LOVER AND MAGIC MONEY SPELL OR SPELL FOR A GOOD
JOB.I’M NOW HAPPY & A LIVING TESTIMONY COS THE WOMAN I HAD WANTED TO MARRY
LEFT ME 2 WEEKS BEFORE OUR WEDDING AND MY LIFE WAS UPSIDE DOWN COS OUR
RELATIONSHIP HAS BEEN ON FOR 2YEARS… I REALLY LOVED HIM, BUT HIS MOTHER
WAS AGAINST US AND HE HAD NO GOOD PAYING JOB. SO WHEN I MET THIS SPELL
CASTER, I TOLD HIM WHAT HAPPENED AND EXPLAINED THE SITUATION OF THINGS TO
HIM..AT FIRST I WAS UNDECIDED,SKEPTICA L AND DOUBTFUL, BUT I JUST GAVE IT A
TRY. AND IN 7 DAYS WHEN I RETURNED TO USA, MY GIRLFRIEND(NOW WIFE) CALLED
ME BY HERSELF AND CAME TO ME APOLOGIZING THAT EVERYTHING HAD BEEN SETTLED
WITH HIS MOM AND FAMILY AND SHE GOT A NEW JOB INTERVIEW SO WE SHOULD GET
MARRIED..I DIDN’T BELIEVE IT COS THE SPELL CASTER ONLY ASKED FOR MY NAME
AND MY GIRLFRIENDS NAME AND ALL I WANTED HIM TO DO… WELL WE ARE HAPPILY
MARRIED NOW AND WE ARE EXPECTING OUR LITTLE KID,AND MY WIFE ALSO GOT THE
NEW JOB AND OUR LIVES BECAME MUCH BETTER. IN CASE ANYONE NEEDS THE SPELL
CASTER FOR SOME HELP, HIS EMAIL ADDRESS IS; Dr.jartospellcaster@gmail.com……HOPE HE HELPS YOU OUT DONT MISS OUT YOUR OPPORTUNITY …



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John

posted January 14, 2013 at 10:58 pm


My marriage has been a blessing till 4months ago when my whole life almost got sucked. My ex-wife and wanted me back by all means and wanted to break my marriage. she set me up in many occasions showing the pictures to my wife that am back to her this made my wife file for an instant divorce and wanted to leave my life in total. and even my 4kids wanted were disappointed in me. but i never have any intentions of going back. The i went to many spell casters but they all failed taking my money away.
I lived in grief for 3 good months without any plan of getting out of this mess. till i met an old skul friend who show me to Dr.jartospellcaster@gmail.com a spell witch who then restore the happiness to my family and my life. He spell worked so fast that i could not even believe it. he’s great for as much i can tell. Am still grateful to he till tomorrow for he spell works.
My wife canceled the divorce and came back with apologies all for this spell powers.



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jacobs

posted January 17, 2013 at 2:49 pm


i am Mrs. jacobs from switzerland. i want to use this medium to congratulate DR.olugbo for the great help of spell he has render to my relationship
outbreak. since past 3 years i was in a relationship problem with my ex, he
always get me beating, i never knew he has another girl outside the town, her
name is michel, until i get his email address from the internet, so i email
him and i laid all my complain to him, he promise me that i am to keep off away from him, and i really agreed on it, but on a condition that my lost
ex will be back,,,, he really but some few items he uses to consulting his
great oracle, his plan for my relationship was fullfil and my lost ex was
back again within 48hrs… please if you are in such mess today please
contact him at (olugbotemple@hotmail.com)



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testimony

posted February 10, 2013 at 10:39 pm


A couple of years ago I was in a dark period in my life, the man I love to be with had gone off with someone else, that was when I was told about this Dr Red.
After been scam by lot of spell caster’s promising me false hope not knowing all they really wanted was my money.. He gave me hope and he was right, within 48 hours my man is back to me because this week we have moved in with each other and we will be spending this Valentine together. A big thank you toDr Red.
I will use Dr Red. again for further work in the future. You can contact him on redtemple@live.com



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joanna

posted March 3, 2013 at 11:15 am


I met this spell through a friends description and he told me that he help him to get his wife back when another man took her from him and then i decided to try him out and i discover that he is the best and he is very powerful and just yesterday my husband whom i thought will never come back to me came and said to me that he was sorry for leaving me. i now so happy that my desire have been fulfilled. thank to the Dr.Wala of the wildernessofspirit@gmail.com he is so powerful.



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julie

posted May 1, 2013 at 11:02 pm


I am Julie From Canada, Now I strongly believe in the saying that what a man can do a woman can do better, I was looking for love spell to bring back my EX for the past 11 month’s and I tried over 4 spell caster from Africa and non was able to get my Ex back until l I get in-contact with MAMA ANITA who did what I called Black magic.and now my EX has fully return back to me and there is more romance in my relationship please if any one have suffer from the hand of spell caster’s and he or she is looking for love spell then MAMA ANITA is the solution to your problem you can reach her at this EmailID….. mama.anitatruelovespell@gmail.com



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Sophia

posted May 4, 2013 at 4:28 pm


He told me to stay calm and let the spell do it’s work, which indeed it did. Not even 3-4 days later, Anthony called me and asked me out for a drink. He apologized to me and sincerely begged me for forgiveness and to give him another chance. I loved this man so much, I could not say no. He now treats me like a princess better than before if I may add. Dr. Abu made a believer out of me. I wrote to him and apologized for my rudeness and lack of trust and patience. He also explained to me that magic is not like a push-button kind of thing. It sometimes takes longer than anticipated but it always works and he was right. You may also need help in your love life and i recommend him as he is a great spell caster. Contact him via: Ominighospelltemple@gmail.com



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Whitney

posted May 17, 2013 at 12:44 pm


Hello every one here, I found a great spell caster on line who helped me to get back my husband who has left me for pass 6months. we where married for 5 years without a child and my friend introduce me to a real spell caster named Dr. Abu which I never believe it exist but after the meeting of this spell caster my problem where solved and now I am with my husband who left me for the past three months, my life and my entire family are now happy, now I’m pregnant with the help of this great spell caster. Thanks to Dr. Abu, I will advice anyone in need of help to contact him with this Ominighospelltemple@gmail.com



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Henry

posted May 24, 2013 at 4:25 am


I want to testify the world, how authentic alayetemple@yahoo.com . I can say from the 1st time i got your email address, I felt much more confident with you than with any other caster. It’s obvious that you are not here only for money but truly to help people. I thank God I choose you to cast a love spell for me. When I read all the bad reports about so many casters I was freaking out to send you so much money but now I don’t regret it a second. Valeria gave me a phone call only 3 days after you told me you finished the love spell. Honestly, I wasn’t thinking it would have been so fast. Only 3days after the end of the spell we met up on the 4th day and we made love all night. It was fantastic and emotionally it was even better than our very first date! Everything happened as you promised and I thank you for your sincerity. Much love



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nadine

posted September 17, 2013 at 12:15 am


I want to use this opportunity to thank Dr. Olokum for helping me get my lover back after he left me few months ago. I have sent friends and my brothers to beg him for me but he refused that it is all over between both of us but when I met this Dr. Olokum he told me to relaxed that every thing will be fine and really after just a week I got my man back. so thank you so much Olokum. here is the email and phone number of Dr. Olokum LAVEDERLOVESPELL@gmail.com



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Lopez Mara

posted October 18, 2013 at 11:19 pm


I am really happy that dr.OLOKUM reunited i and my lover back.Dr Olokum is a real spell caster to find and I’m glad that I met him on time to help me bring back my lover. I’ll be forever thankful.” if you need his help too you can call him +2347053977842 OR EMAIL HIM ON LAVEDERLOVESPELL@GMAIL.COM



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Hannah

posted October 29, 2013 at 7:34 pm


when my husband leave me to fallow another girl, i want to meany spell caster to help cast a spell so that my husband we come back to me,they all rain away with my money.until i meant a grate spell caster name Dr.IDISI.when i meant him i told me all my problems and he told me that he will cast a spell for me,that after three(3)days that my husband will be back to me.I did not beloved him because of what other spell caster have done to me, after three days the spell was being cast,my husband that have left me for so long call me to tell me that he still love me,that he love to come back to me.if you need help Email him. Email:idisispellcaster@gmail.com



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Sharon

posted November 2, 2013 at 7:53 am


Loved this thread right up until the spell casters started touting for business.



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sarah

posted December 2, 2013 at 1:25 am


HOW I ALL MOST LOST $400.00USD

Hello friends.My name is Sarah. I’m from from kenxas, but am in Australia.Been living in Australia for years now.I never believed in all spell caster.i Have been scammed by many different people.I lost hope in them.My ex left me.I was devastated.I lost my job.My best friend saw my situation.Then he introduced me to Dr samura.i Was told his work is free.Never believed until i got in touch with him.He did a spell for me. i recover all my money and My ex came back in less than 72hrs.I was recalled at my place of work.Was even promoted immediately.I couldn’t believe there is a real DR out there who does free spells.I only paid in appreciation after the spell had worked.He doesn’t charge anybody until the spell has worked.You all shouldn’t be deceived by all these scammed that are there for money.DR Samura doesn’t charge.You can only pay for the items and he will start the spell-casting.Try him and see what am saying.These are the few things he does
*HE BRING BACK LOST LOVERS IN 24hrs.
*REMOTE CONTROL OVER LOVERS.
*ALL TYPES OF VOODOO SPELL CASTING.
* IS YOUR HEALER TO SOLVE YOUR PROBLEMS? THIS IS YOUR CHANCE TO BE HELPED QUICKLY.
*GET RIDE OF ANY WITCHCRAFT, BAD LUCK & CURSES.
* EXPERT IN DISTANCE HEALING
*COURT CASES EVEN IF ONE IS CONVICTED[IF THERE'S A CHANCE OF APPEALING]
*IS SOMEBODY JEALOUS WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP?
*UNFINISHED JOBS BY OTHER DOCTORS-IF NOT SATISFIED-COME TO HIM.
*ARE YOU BEING FORCED INTO A DIVORCE?
*HE PREVENT BAD LUCK AND JEALOUSY.
*TO WIN HORSES AND GAMBLING.
*HE CAN STOP SOME ONE INTERFERING WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
* DO YOU WANT TO HAVE CHILDREN OF YOUR OWN
*DO YOU WANT QUICK MARRIAGE PROPOSAL?
*HE CAN CLEAN PEOPLE HOUSES,BUSINESSES AND PROPERTIES FROM BAD LUCK.
*DO YOU NEED EXCESSIVE SEXUAL POWER AND STRONG ERECTIONS.
* WOMEN, COME FOR THE TAMPON. IT WILL HELP YOU NOT TO LOSE YOUR RELATIONSHIPS BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU SWEET, WARM AND TIGHT.
You can get in touch with him through THIS EMAIL ADRESS{SAMURATELLERSPELL100@LIVE.COM} OR CALL +2348103508204.



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Bradley speck

posted December 11, 2013 at 9:50 pm


After being in relationship with my husband for nine years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the fake ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, his email is (LAVENDERLOVESPELL@YAHOO.COM } tel.+2347053977842) you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or anything



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flora

posted January 17, 2014 at 5:46 am


I just want to take a few moments to personally thank you for helping me bring back my husband to me and his family. About three months ago, I discovered that my husband of 3 years was having an affair outside our relationship. When I found out about this affair, I approached him and he did not confessed that he and She was having an affair and that he loved her and wanted to end our marriage and be with her.I was so devastated that I had to be hospitalized for a nervous breakdown. When I got better, I decided to go online and look for someone very good to help me. for a surprised! Then one day, I saw your comment about the powerful saibaba temple and was impressed by what they said. and i contacted him for the solution of my problem, and my husband attitude began to change and share good feelings towards me and i am so much happy after he apologies for what he had done to me, he now love me and treat so much better than ever before. thanks to the great one. you can contact this great spell caster via his email templesaibaba@yahoo.com



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lina

posted January 18, 2014 at 4:55 pm


Hello,everyone i am from Canada i never ever believed in spell until i meet a man called Dr Osaze who help me cast a spell that bring back my ex-lover who left me for two years before our marriage,His spells works beyond my imaginations and today i am happily married with two kids and me and my [ex-lover] now husband are very happy more than ever before,what more can i say rather than to say thank you dr Osaze for been there for me,contact him today and your life will never ever remain the same his email is spirituallove@hotmail. com, may the lord continue to use you to save people as you did to me, He is the best spell caster that can help you.



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victoria

posted February 5, 2014 at 8:37 pm


My name is Victoria Cole, I almost took my life because of my ex who
left me and stop picking my calls. He said do not trust me anymore, I
tried to convince him, but he will not believe me until we had a fight
and broke up for 8months, after then I realize I can not live without
him because of the love I have for him. I tried everything possible to
get him back, but non worked for me, some fake spell casters scammed
me and went away with my money until I came across this man called The
Great Elisha, he cast a spell for me and behold my ex came back
after three days, begging me for forgiveness, I was so surprised that
spell caster like The Great Elisha still exist. If anyone here
needs some help, with all sincerity, contact The Great Elisha via his email:prophetelisha1@live.com



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Jeanna

posted March 6, 2014 at 12:46 am


Hi, I do believe this is an excellent blog. I stumbledupon it ;) I may come back once again since i have book marked it.

Money and freedom is the best wway to change, may you be rich and continue to help oother
people.



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refrigerator repair

posted March 7, 2014 at 3:15 pm


The other day, while I was at work, my sister stole my iPad and tested to
see if it can survive a thirty foot drop, just sso she can be
a youtube sensation. My iPad is now broken and she has 83 views.
I know this is eentirely off topic but I had to share it with someone!



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