Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue


When One Door Closes…

posted by Beyond Blue

Thanks to reader, Jean, who wrote the following message on my “The ‘We’ Pronoun” post:

My husband died suddenly, 3 days shy of our 15th wedding anniversary. I was 36, with children aged 9 and 13. Someone at the funeral told me it just gets longer in-between cries. I have passed this sentiment on to many in the passing 12 years. In the same breath, I normally add the quote “When God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window.” For me, that “window” is a wonderful man who has taught me that I can move on without forgetting the joy of that first true love. The most affirming part of this tale, is that I met this wonderful man at church. God has blessed me with a new beginning, and is there to rejoice in it with me, as He was when I was in mourning.

The maxim, “Where one door shuts, another opens,” is quoted, most famously, in the 21st chapter of Spanish novelist Miguel de Cervantes’s classic, “Don Quixote.”

And I pondered it today as I opened my mail.

There, on our kitchen counter (buried underneath the old apple cores, brown bananas and three days worth of mail), lay a letter from Boston College–thin, like the one I received 18 years ago that said something like this: “Your grades are good enough, and you’ve got the whole president-of-your-freshman-class thing going for you. But man, girlfriend, you forgot to eat your Wheaties the morning you took the SATs, because your scores truly suck. So, until some smarties decline our invitation to study amidst the academic stars, you get to sit your butt on the bench and wait.”

The thin envelope slightly crushed my 17-year-old heart because my (detailed) plan was to major in international business at BC. My dad and I visited the school in the fall of my junior year in high school, and I fell in love with its campus and its city.

Instead I landed at a college in the ugly city of South Bend, Indiana. And thank God I did.

Because within one week at Saint Mary’s College, my alma mater and spiritual mother ship, I was in therapy and had begun a deep search into my soul, trying to figure out who exactly I wanted to be, and what I needed to do to get there.

The exceptionally nurturing environment of this all-women’s college made it possible for me to begin my recovery from depression and addiction. There, in a setting where teachers and counselors cared enough to get involved in a student’s life–probing her with important questions, and listening patiently while she arrived at some answers–I found my true self, and learned bits of wisdom that have guided me to this day.

Much of who I am today was born in my four years there.

I discovered my inner theologian–a person who wasn’t satisfied with the neat and tidy answers printed in the Catechism of the Catholic Church, a curious scholar who was willing to go to great lengths to understand her faith (even if the holy trinity is a mystery, in the end)–and the writer, both of whom may have suffocated had I pursued international business (which fits me about as well as Martha Stewart’s apron) at a large college like BC.

Oprah told the 1997 graduating class of Wellesley college that failure is God’s way of saying “Excuse me, you’re moving in the wrong direction.”

As I reflect on some of my disappointments throughout life, I tend to agree with her. If I had landed the publishing job in New York that I so badly wanted, then I wouldn’t have met Eric (and had David and Katherine). My dad’s death, as hard as that was at the time, has, in a way, healed and united our family. My depression has certainly added a new depth and candor to my writing (and to my life), and has provided me a type of rebirth or new direction in each. And, most recently, my running injury has forced me to rediscover my love of swimming and biking.

In 1978 Oprah was demoted as an on-air anchorwoman in Baltimore because she got too emotional with the people she interviewed. She was given her own talk show as a way to finish out her contract. But there she found her true self.

“And so, I took what had been a mistake, what had been perceived as a failure with my career as an anchor woman in the news business and turned it into a talk show career that’s done OK for me!” she said.

Today’s letter from Boston College was thin. But it wasn’t a rejection. On the contrary, it was an invitation to participate as a panel speaker in a national symposium on marriage, hosted by BC’s The Church in the 21st Century Center.

I don’t think I can do it (my no-more-than-25-hours-of-childcare-a-week rule, plus I have little marriage advice other than to say if you treat your spouse with respect and sleep with him at least twice a week, everything seems to fall into place).

But it sure was nice to be asked, and to get my letter of acceptance–even though it was worded a little differently than I had expected.



  • http://sandyslaga.com Sandy

    Therese, as always, your words brighten my day and remind me that God’s got it covered.

  • http://HASH(0xd15c0b4) Lisa

    I’m still trying to figure out how/if this applies in my own life. Fall in love at 19 — get dumped,lose my virginity to the wrong person, get pregnant, have abortion. Get smarter. Get married at 24 to man who’d been a friend for over a year. He becomes (AFTER the wedding) emotionally and verbally abusive. Stick it out for five years and get divorced. Get MUCH smarter. See therapist, take antidepressants, read, learn, spend time alone, work the mental health program. Meet man four years after divorce. Vet him carefully for power and control issues. Have happy marriage for several years — he relapses and refuses to get help. I become divorced single parent of a one year old. See new therapist … take meds … work program … lose 140 pounds … get healthy … do some dating … set clear boundaries … fall in love with special man … he tells me every day for four months we will spend our lives together … i love his kids and thought he loved mine … he dumps me out of the clear blue for someone who lives in his town, because it’s less hassle than a relationship with me 70 miles away. No one has been able to understand (or help me to understand) the cumulative effect of all these losses … and all i can come up with is 1) despite all the work i have done to make better choices, i brought this on myself with my terrible choices in men and/or 2) i am a terrible person that no one wants to be with. at any rate … doors keep slamming … and the only ones that open manage to smack me in the face and bloody my nose. any thoughts?

  • Anonymous

    Don’t trip GOD ain’t through with you yet!

  • Anonymous

    When you discover why your are attracted to abusive men, you will find answers.
    Keep the Faith. Good Luck,
    Pat

  • BERNIE PROFILI

    DEAR SANDY I KNOW YOU MUST HURT ALOT INSIDE YOU NOT ALONE I ALSO HURT INSIDE. MY MARRIAGE OF 12 YEARS TO AUTISTIC KATHY CAME UNDONE IN VERMONT. THE HUMAN SERVICE SYSTEM IN VT DID WHAT THE ONE IN MARYLAND COULDN’T DO PUT A WEDGE BETWEEN HER & I. AFTER MY DIVORCE I WAS A LAY ABOUT CASE DIDN’T DO MUCH.THEN SUDDENLY MY PSYCHOLOGIST SUGGESTED THAT I GET A PUBLIC CASEWORKER FROM THE LOCAL MENTAL HEALTH CTR THE SAME ONE THAT BROKE KATHY & I UP. THINGS BECAME POSTIVE AT THAT POINT. I YEARNED TO HAVE A WOMAN IN MY LIFE. I TOOK IN JACQUIE WHO WAS ABOUT TO LOSE HER ABODE. THINGS WERE NOT RIGHT IN THE RELATIONSHIP FROM THE START. I BELIEVE MY LADYFRIEND WAS NOT JUST PTSD,& DEPRESSED AS SHE SAID WAS BUT ALSO PERSONALITY DISORDERED AS WELL. MY SOCIAL LIFE HAS BEEN NOTHING BUT NEAR MISSES OF GETTING A GOOD SIGNIFICANT OTHER. NOW I’M OUT TO CHANGE MY SELF SO I DONT WANT HIGH MAINTAINENCE LADIES IN MY LIFE. IM IN DBT THERAPY TO STRAIGHTEN ME OUT. SANDY YOU ARE NOT ALONE BERNIE PROFILI

  • Rachel

    Lisa – girl you sound like you have had it rough! I married my dream man and spent 7 happy years with him – until one Valentine’s Day he told me he was leaving. I begged him to stay – until I found out later he had an affair with a woman he met and slept with on a business trip – said he fell in love with her and wanted to get rid of me and our daughter. I let him come home twice! Now I am forced to share my daughter with him and I see the dissapointment in her and pay the price when he lets her down – I have been down – met a new man – and heard the I will be here right next to you speech only to be left still caring and loving too! Ouch – putting yourself out there really hurts!
    You sound like a very strong woman – my therapist told me to read the book of Mark in the Bible – I don’t know if I got it all – but what I took from it was that those of us who are in last place on earth will be first in heaven. So take comfort in that – focus on your child – and try and make his or her life much better then yours!
    I also need to take the time to look at the saying that God will not give you more then you can handle with him – If you feel lost now – stop and ask yourself where you would be without him?
    I will say a prayer for you tonight! Keep the faith and make sure your child has a relationship with God too!

  • Tasha

    Maybe you are meant to be single for a while. I have gone through many of the same things as you and I have now been single for 8 years and i am happier than ever!! I am just now open to dating again because I think I will make better choices due to the fact that I am definately not in any rush!! Love yourself…don’t even speak those (1 and 2) into existence or they will become real.
    Keep your head up and all will turn out GREAT!!

  • moonmother50

    I really feel that you are being too hard on yourself. All of us make mistakes! I think that you need to take care of your children and yourself first and foremost. The men you have chosen in the past can be used as a learning experience rather than an indication that you are a failure. You are not a failure! You have made some wrong choices, but never bad ones. Take things s-l-o-w and concentrate on the person you want to be. You have many good qualities. Enjoy your precious children. God will be there every step of the way. I know this without a doubt. God bless.
    Oh, and if it sounds too good to be true…..it usually is.

  • Dan Moore, Jr.

    I just came in from my second job as a minister of music, when I felt the urge to check my email to seeif a job I really want had sent me a notice or message. Needless to say, I was taken by surprise by the message in this document “When one door closes another opens”. I haad just recently spoke to a group of women at a shelter about how Gid direts us through this life by closing and opening doors, ultimately leading us to where He wants us to be. Wow! I suddenly realized that I may never get that “dream job” because it may not bring me to my full calling.
    With that being said, I can now accept it if they don’t call. I will just wait for on God while I in this “holding pattern”.

  • DSK

    From your brief story, it seems clear you have lots of inner strength. You know how to take care of yourself, and how to seek the help of others to assist you when you need it. Marriage, or a traditional relationship with a man may not be what your life is meant to be. Live your life for yourself, follow your strengths. It seems that we sometimes fail to see where the window is opened, that doesn’t mean it isn’t open somewhere. Keep looking, keep believing in the beautiful person you are. Your inner strength and life energy speaks clearly above the adversity you have come through. Peace be with you in your path.

  • Kathy

    “When Bad Things, Happen to Good People” by Harold S Kushner.
    That and some times life just sucks. Fity two and have a trio of marriages, a quartet of children. Sometimes it isn’t you that has the problem. Sometimes you are someone else’s lesson. Keep your chin up. Men aren’t everything.
    And you aren’t alone. One of your sisters~

  • Dalya

    I read your story Lisa and I must say, you almost sounded like me for a moment. My name is Dalya and I am 30 years old and would like to share my story with you and to let you know that there is hope for you. You must believe and have faith that God loves you and does not want to see you hurt, but you have to look within yourself to find what the problem may be. It took me along time to discover what was wrong with me and why did I keep making all the wrong choices in life when it came to men. Let me begin from the beginning so that you can see where I had to start from to see where I was going wrong. I was raised in a good home, the only thing was that my father was an alcoholic that when he drank he became abusive. He never beat me only because my mother would not allow him, but he would verbally abuse me and made me feel so bad. Also he would always give me broken promises which also would make me feel bad. I was in elementary school which happened to be a Christian school so they would instill in us that a lie is a sin and is bad. But I had a major problem with lying, I couldn’t control and always thought that something was majorly wrong with me. Well, by the time I hit middle school, my parents began to split. By the time I got to high school, my mom and dad where no longer together. I was with my dad in the beginning but he did so much that I guess he thought that I didn’t understand what was going on. He was so abusive towards my mom, not physically, but emotionally that he broke her down and had to go get help. He didn’t realize that I knew what was going on and he tried to tell me how my mom left us. I was 15 and I have 3 other siblings that were 6,4, and 3. When my mom left it devasted all of us because my dad began to beat us and I knew I could go live with my grandparents. My mom was there and so I was with her in my dad’s mind and he disowned me for leaving. This hurt me ways I never knew until now. I got pregnant at 15 and had my 1st daughter at 16, by 17 I had had another daughter. The man who I had the babies by reminded me so much of my father it scares me know how I didn’t see then. He was physically and emotionally abusive, but he was also young. His parents end up raising our daughters and I moved on at 19. By then my mom was on her own and allowed me to live with her and there is where I meet my 1st husband and he was physically and verbally abusive. He did not drink or do drugs. He was raised in a abusive home and his parents are together to this day. I think because of that he thought that it was ok for him to beat me. I was 20 when we got married and he was 19. We had a daughter and a son. I made up in my mind to leave him when he broke our son’s arm and he was only 4 months old. He wouldn’t get help thinking that nothing was wrong with him. When I left him, I end up back at my mom’s. My 1st husband really wasn’t trying to help me when it came to the kids and I was going to see my girl friend every weekend and attending church with her. Meet my 2nd husband and he was a trip! He was physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive and a cheater. He caught me because he was into my kids and I liked that a lot. My kids looked at him as their 2nd dad. I didn’t see what kind of man he was until we where pregnant with our daughter. In the end of our relationship, we had 2 sons, our daughter had passed of SIDS. He end up leaving me for someone else and totally replaced as mom to our kids and wife to him. I was so down and out and about to loose it. I couldn’t understand how I ended where I was. I was left stranded on my ex-husband’s wife doorstep asking her could she take me and her husband’s and I’s kids. She let us in and I’m not really going to get into what happened there, but it was life changing for me. I was able to see why everyone was the was they were because I was able to see myself and why I was the I was. I fell in love with these men because they reminded me of my father. I missed my father’s love. I had not talked to my father in over 6 years, but in the course of what was all going on with me, I ended up at his family’s house. He came to asking to have an relationship with me. At the time of this I meet my now husband. He is 6 years younger than me, but has more wisdom than men my age. He is very mature and when I meet him, I was going thru with ex-husband’s wife and my 2nd husband. I had no intentions of being with another man because of all my heartbreak and hoping that my 2nd husband would come back to his senses. But my husband asked me if I had a valentines and I said no, he was like maybe next year he could be my valentines. His smile was so bright and beautiful and the next day he gave a little box of chocolates. I get his number and for a long time it was just phone conversation because like I said I wasn’t looking for someone and he was young. But I truly did enjoy our conversations. Then one weekend I ask him to spend the weekend with me, with one stipulation, no sex. That weekend we talked and talked and felt like we knew each other for years. We did this for awhile and a month after we finally had sex. I got pregnant and just did not know what to do. He help me thru, he helped me see me and begin to love me. When my father wanted to come back in my life I was so against it, but he was like you need to let that go. And I did and it changed my life and how I viewed it. Everyone deserves a 2nd chance and even sometimes 3rd and 4th chances. We have learn to love unconditionally and forgive. That is what God does for us. I began to see why I lied so much. To this day my dad lies, he is pretty much like he was when I was younger, but I realize now that he is old and set in his ways and I have to love him regardless. God says love thine enemies and we should. I keep my distance from my dad because I know what kind of person he is, but I still love him. As I began to accept, I began to accept myself. I knew that I needed to pray to get out the lying. Talking to my paternal grandmother made me realize that it was genetic, the lying. My grandfather and his family were liars. It allowed me to see my flaws and in return see others and understand that maybe it’s more than just them. My 1st husband was the way he was because he was a product of his enviroment and this is why he could not see the error in his ways. He is no longer like, Thank God, Hallelujah! But this why then he thought he was ok. My 2nd husband basically was or still maybe a womanizer and this is because he is a only child and his mother spoiled him. In so doing made him think that no matter what he did, whoever was going to love him regardless, like his mom’s love for him. He treated his mom the same way he treated me and I don’t why I thought that he would change. Especially being in my 1st marriage and how I couldn’t change him. He changed when he changed because he wanted to. But I thought I could do it and maybe he has changed for the woman he is with now. I know the last time I spoke to him he said that he hasn’t cheated on her, so I take that as a good sign. I always pray over my exes because all in all we are who we are. It is up to us to look with in ourselves to change. My 1st husband did, I did, and hopefully so did my 2nd. I don’t put all the blame on my bad relationships on me or my mate at the time. It was just bad chemistry. We jumped in a relationship not knowing each other. This is very important because with my relationship with my husband now, it is unbelievable. When I found out that he was raised similar to me, it clicked for me. Everyone is raised differently, being so that means that we felt love in different ways. We are a product of our parents. Being the fact that he was raised similar made us compatable because we felt love the same way. The only diffence is that his parents are still together and his father was not abusive like mine. But all in all the morals and values that our families had instilled in us allowed us to be compatable. We love each other the same kind of way. In my past relationships, everyone lov
    ed me how they knew to love, I don’t question whether they loved me or not, but it wasn’t the love I wanted. I wanted them to love me like I loved them, but they couldn’t because of they way they knew love. So my advice to you is to get to know someone from their past to present, it will tell you lot. Look with in yourself and find you and it will make it easier to find someone who you will be compatable with. Much love and hope to you and may God be with you always.

  • Elena

    Oh Dear, some of us just meant to be bachelors for the life… It is nothing wrong with all you describe, and you are still learning on your own mistakes…. Believe, there will be light in the and of the tunnel… And, if you can’t meet one, who you would like to be with for the rest of your life, enjoy being yourself and do not settle for less…. Be appreciated, loved, cared for, wanted and the last thing – needed… Good luck!>

  • Melanie

    What a sweet story!>

  • KiKi

    Life, I find is a series of doors, some seem to be open at the right time and some seem to be all closed at the wrong time. I think the lesson might be in how well you endure the hard times, and the good times. And to remember don’t dwell on the sore spots on your life, the one’s that really bruised your soul, nor brag about the the good ones, find the middle ground..and happiness within and sometimes, somehow, you can find hope, faith, and a reason to keep on keeping on…So for those of you who feel like the doors dont open, or their all the wrong doors, be patient, for I too am still waiting for the right one to open.
    kd

  • Phyllis

    Girl, just chalk it up to their loss! Believe me, once you experience a love affair with Jesus, know other will come close to satisfying you! I am a witness! Then when he thinks you’re ready, he will put you in the right place at the right time!!!! TRUST ME!!>

  • Gene

    Lisa, it’s been my experience that we get to keep learning those life lessons until we finally get it, whatever it is. I’ve been reading an interesting book called “How to stop the pain” written by Dr. James B. Richards. Very insightful book, worth the time.

  • Maggie

    Hi Lisa,
    Good things will happen when you least expect them to. I know, I’ve had my share of bad things too. Not like yours, but I was married for 22 years, my husband left me for a woman he worked with, divorced me and then.
    I got together with a childhood sweetheart, for 5 years who I didn’t know was an alcoholic until a while later…tried to get him to change…finally gave up after 5 years…sent him back to our home town to his family.
    Out of one in a million chance of finding the man in my life now who I met on Craigslist…I am out of my depression, thanks to him and having someone for me to care for and help so he can get back on his feet literally! He broke his heel last August…lost his car, his job and his apt. He is a homeless Veteran, and a recovering alcoholic who hasn’t had a drink in 11 years! He’s in a program the Salvation Army runs and helps people get their lives back and gives them a dormatory style place to live. They have to be clean and sober to be in the program. Anyway one door certainly closed for me and now this one has opened, and my dear Lisa, I believe that it will happen for you too. It was God who sent me this man, cause he knew I needed someone to care for. That is the gift God has given me…caregiver. I never expected our relationship to be anything but friends…but we’ve fallen in love and almost 9 months later, we’re still together!! We have so much in common it’s scary and great all at the same time. He needed me and I needed him at a time in my life I couldn’t see the light at the end of the tunnel and didn’t care to be on earth any more. We are both very happy that we’ve found each other. The weird thing is…he worked for a cleaning service along with a gal pal of his and they used to clean my ex’s house and my ex mother in laws house! Now…aint it a small world?!!!! For me to find him on Craigslist out of all those hundreds of posts is just a miracle I think! That is a God thing for sure. So, Lisa…when you least expect it…watch out woman, life will get better and you will be happy again with a man who adores you and treats you like a woman should be treated!!! It is all in God’s timing!! I hope to hear back from you…thanks for sharing your story! Take care and God bless you! Sincerely, Maggie

  • Donna

    Even when you spend all this time working on yourself nobody can control the actions of others. Please don’t take thier mistakes as somehow making you less of a great person! Life holds no guarantees, the secret for me is to be grateful for all experiences good and awful. Love yourself, your child and God. If you are lucky to have one good friend then cherish this forever. Don’t give up or give in, you are a good and loving person…cherish this.>

  • Kimberly Lovette

    In all the pain and agony of wanting things and people that God obviously does NOT want for me and learning to embrace God’s will for my life despite anything (or anyone) that I may think I want…I just have to trust God. I have to trust that God knows the outcome and he’s protecting me not only from myself, but from some bigger hurt in the future or from possibly going on a life tangent that will ultimately keep me off track from my divinely appointed course for many more years. I just suck it up and accept the pain and the lonliness of the present, knowing that I must suffer as Christ has suffered to gain my spiritual reward. If I can just help someone else deal and move on without giving up, that always helps me keep going. In helping others, I shift my focus from myself, thereby maintaining functionality and usefulness while God simultaneously sorts through the mess I’ve made of my own existence in an effort to steer me back in the right direction…that is if I actually use my free will to choose to listen to the still small voice that cries out in the depths of my soul. It seems that everything I choose to want goes against what’s best for me. Why is that? If we can discover the answer to that, it would indeed unlock to bolted door to true happiness that seems to elude many of us on our journies of self discovery and fulfillment. Can we merely choose happiness in the midst of a life in which we really have no real control of the outcome. We only have control of our choices…the outcome is up to the Creator. Do we love him and trust him enough to be happy with what he has for us? I think that this is where the answer lies…the key of continuance on a chartered course of appreciating the journey and helping others along the way…have a great week everyone…
    Love and Peace
    Kim Lovette

  • Scott

    Lisa,
    First of all, you are definitely not a terrible person that no one wants to be with. God made you and He definitely loves you. We are all sinners and make wrong and selfish decisions, but God still loves us. I do not know if God has plans for you to marry, but you need to accept His will for your life and not what you want, then you will be truly happy. Be happy in the fact that you are a special creation of God and he made only one of you in the entire universe…..you are unique.
    Also remember that God always opens another door when he closes one, but a lot of the time we choose to go thru a door he did not open in the first place. Marriage was never intended by God to be a “let’s try it and see what happens” experience. (Not that that describes your situation, but that is the attitude of so many people today and perhaps was the attitude of those you married). Marriage is a life-long commitment to another human being who, just like us, is full of flaws. Too many people enter into Marriage thinking that if they don’t like it they can just quit, but that is the wrong attitude from the very start. You say you “Fell in Love”, well true love is not something that you fall into or out of. It is a choice one has to make every day of their marriage, and some days it is easier to make that decision than others, but that is why both spouses have to be responsible enough to accept that commitment for life. We do things every day that God hates and he still Loves us, not because we deserve it, but because he made us and by doing so made a commitment to Love us. Our love in marriage is to emmulate the Love that God has for us.
    Whether you get married again or not, be content in knowing that you are special in God’s eyes and he loves you just the way you are.

  • KIKI

    I believe in most cases one door will open when another closes, however, there are many times when it feels like all that is happening is door are slamming shut and no doors or windows are opening, and I believe it is at this point we need to learn two things, patience and endurance.
    Sometimes it may seem forever for the door or, window if you will, to open for us after many a doors have closed, but in retrospect I think we can all look back and maybe see a time in our lives when it was harder, or we had less, or maybe this is the time it is harder and we have less now. Then this is the time we need to tap into our endurance. We need to know that the bad stuff, the things we dont want that seem to keep happing will stop, sooner or later, but we are not patient, and its hard to be patient in this day and age. And beleive me, Im not speaking from an 82 year olds experience, Im speaking from someone who has learned hard lessons young. Like the story above, and the commets above. I lived it too. And what I found may find too silly, or too simple to even work, but what dosnt kill us WILL make us stronger, we need to learn to endure. We need to stop looking at others and see what they have and what we do not have, we should rather look at those that have less than us, and try to help them. And when finally the good comes back to us, that is not the time to gloat about it, just take it as it were. Life is a journey, sometimes you stub your toe, sometimes you break a leg, but in the end, you will be able to count some blessings even if you cant even think of a single one right now. Hang in there.

  • shenova

    “and the only ones that open manage to smack me in the face and bloody my nose…”
    You are not alone. Handing one’s life to a higher power does not mean that you don’t keep walking into closed doors.
    I wish I had brilliant, soothing, words-of-wisdom at this time, but I don’t. About as much as I have figured out is that accepting your own weaknesses are part of the journey. Even though I was raised and profess Christianity, I have found some of the Buddahist articles and references here on Beliefnet to be very enlightening. Buddahism seems to embrace suffering as an integral part of life better than other monotheistic religions.

  • BJ

    Failure means you are heading in the wrong direction…… it also doesn’t tell what path to take there are many choices. The lord I believe gives many options we should pray and pray and be patience and wait on his words not our own. Sometimes it may mean spending more time with him before spending time with an significant other he will direct us if we are patient and willing to be alone with him and wait….we tend to grow stronger and be at peace. You seem to know in all your obstacles their is seems a rebound strength about you you seem to perserve you you seek help of others the lord has given you the knowledge when to seek help when you need it just listen to him more and be patient we often want to rush him because we don’t want to be alone

  • Kathy

    Start living your life for you and your child, you are blessings to each other. You don’t need a special someone in your life in order to be complete or happy. Enjoy what you have, what you are. Single, happy, and well adjusted is far better than not single and unhappy. You’re child will benefit (and so will you) from having Mommy be happy and single more than miserable to have her be in a relationship… abused in one way or another. What message does that teach anyway? Stop looking for someone to make you whole, stop settling to avoid being alone, relish in being you. Everything that’s supposed to be will fall into place….in God’s time.

  • Jan

    You know Sandy my life has always been a soap-opera script. Just when I’ve thought I finally was “there” and had it together, it all hit the fan and you can so easily say “why me?”. I have been really disappointed by three men, one of whom was my father. But you have to start to like yourself and see the good in you and please you, but it’s really hard. Sounds like you suffer from low self-esteem just like me. Time to do some soul searching, I have and I have to work of things for myself and I know that maybe your life just shouldn’t involve a man till you do the soul searching. That’s what I should have done. And most of all remember life is an adventure and there is so much adventure out there. Good luck and best wishes to you………Jan

  • Carmen

    I have heard that quote at least over a hundred times now I never knew were it from NOW I KNOW! But important-that the quote is true. I am a incest survior (9-14 yrs of age) and I thought that was enough to close ALL the doors to my life. But it wasn’t, from the incest my son born, and although, he did not that I was his mom and not his sister when he died at the age of 22, the door still didn’t close.I could go and on of examples of Why didn’t close his door on me;but I won’t becase just by me writing this for all to see is testment enough. Right now I am an unemployed African American woman who received my Bachelor of Social Degree in 06. I try to live one day at a time, because God still has not closed his door on me. I know that he has plans to open a BIGGER Door for me to walk through. I just have to be patient. Thank you for sharing your story. I was another door that opened for me. Carmen>

  • Linda

    I am 45 years old and have had the same doors slam in my face again and again. I was sexually abused for the 1st 15 years of my life by my father while all along my mother knew. I have 4 brothers and you would think that they and I would be close but to this day they try to upset my life anyway possible. I testified against my father when I was 15. My mother “dislikes” me because I took her husband from her, my brothers “dislike” me because I took there father from them. There is alot more detail but I think you get the Idea. I was pregnant at 16, married at 17, divorced at 24 because of an abusive relationship. I lost custody of my daughter, the only person that ever meant everything to me. I married again at 26, he as my 1st husband started using drugs. Not long before I decided to divorce a 2nd time I went to see my 1st husband because I missed my daughter so much. A fight broke out and both me and my 2nd husband went to prison. I divorced while in prison. From the time I had married I had always lived away from my family. When I got out of prison I had no choice but to move in with my mother which proved to be a very bad choice as she threw me out after only a month because I didn’t have money to give her for rent.
    I ended up with another man that was a drug user. By this time I am in my 30s. After 11 years he left me. During that time I ended up on tons of antidepressants which only zombie me out. I could go on and right a book here but to get to my point, I never really believed that God was a part of my life. I always felt alone. It wasn’t until just recently after an attempted suicide, one of many, that while in the hospital I had to speak to a therapist before I could be released.
    I walked in the freezing cold from the hospital to a nearby church to look for a ride. A very wonderful woman gave me a ride home. I decided to go see this therapist, after all I had seen dozens that didn’t help me. Between the church and my therapist it was then that I discovered that for some reason which I don’t question, God let me know that the night in which I tried to take my life, he had always been with me but I wouldn’t let him into my heart. You see I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder,depression, panic attacks, anxiety..the works and all these years that the doors where slamming in my face I was getting beat up because I simply would not open my heart to the Lord Jesus Christ. My life now is far from perfect but now I know that I am not alone, that I have God in my corner no matter what and when those doors slam in my face..I no longer get a bloody nose, I simply accept what life holds for me knowing that I won’t ever get knocked down again because I live my life for God and it is the next life that matters. Sometimes I think that because some of us seem to have it really bad in this life that we must really have a great special place and purpose in the next because after all look how strong we have become. Remember, you are special, you are never alone and God loves you. Hope this helped a bit. God Bless you my friend.

  • angie

    Lisa,
    First of all, you are NOT a terrible person. You are a fantastic individual. If you treat others with gentle and kindness, do the same for yourself. It’s a wonderful thing that you are seeking help, taking meds, becoming healthier, and have a clear vision of what you want.
    Sometimes our choices lead us in a different direction than what we hoped but our choices are sometimes a mistake only if we do not learn from it. There are no right or wrong answers. Do NOT punish yourself for past decisions. To be honest, noone will be able to give you any answers no matter how many people you ask.
    In time, you will find your own answers or understand a situation from a different perspective. Always have HOPE & FAITH despite the circumstances. Who knows, God probably has a different plan for you than you thought since God always has a plan mapped out for all of us?
    Trust in God with innocence and confidence in the anticipation that something good is about to come your way.
    Good luck on your journey!!

  • Marianne J Walsh

    All my life, I lived by saying to myself when somehting didn’t go right or it didn’t turn out the way I wanted it. ” It’s ment to be, as God knows what is best for you” and I accepted whatever it was that came toward me.

  • Shanna Jenkins

    All I can say is JESUS…. My personal relationship with Jesus has been the only constant and consistent thing in my life. I too feel your pain. I have had doors open and close… but I choose to look at it differently. No need to be down.. I see so many beautiful things that have happened in your life. You are what I call “PROCESS”. Sure we make mistakes in our process out of need to be loved…but in your process I see “glory”. I see weight loss, getting to know your likes and dislikes, ending of relationships that meant you no good. and children that love you…. KEep your head up sister and be prayerful about all of your next moves and trust that in your choices. Jesus will never leave you nor will he forsake you. Thanks for sharing… You overcome by your willingness to testify and share your story…..

  • Beth

    Terese,
    I love this post. This is subject so many of us have SO MUCH trouble with! Especially me! Sometimes we need to understand that when our plans abruptly come to a crashing halt, when we don’t see our dreams realized, that God is still working. There IS a plan. His Plan. I don’t think it could have been summed up better than the way Oprah put it.
    Lisa,
    Please forgive me, but may I offer some advice? It’s only because I read your post and I see a slightly different version of my own sordid past and that makes me yearn to help you because it can be so very different for you.
    I don’t think the doors are necessarily slamming on you. I think they are already shut and you run into them headfirst. I promise I’m not trying to be harsh, I’m just trying to draw a mental picture for you. You sound like a very patient and giving woman, one who puts her heart and soul into every effort she gives. That is one of the most beautiful qualities that God can bless a person with, in my opinion.
    But think about it this way: are you so focused on trying to put your heart and soul into making something work that you forget to listen? God will tell us His Will. Softly at first and then more and more strongly until we listen to what He has to say.
    Myself, I am so stubborn and hardheaded that sometimes God has let me take some good knocks running into those doors. They hurt like the dickens, don’t they? However, had I stopped and really LISTENED to my Father, I would have seen that those particular doors had been closed the whole time, I was just so sure of my own choices that I never even looked up to make sure.
    Please don’t be discouraged. Open yourself to God’s perfect Will, including his timing and discretion, and remember that you can always find your answers if you look in the right place:
    Jeremiah 29:11
    “For I know the plans I have for you,” declared the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope.”
    He is going to prosper you, Lisa. Just trust.
    I love you and will keep you in my prayers.
    Your sister in Faith,
    Beth

  • Ms “P”

    This reminded me to let go and let God and remember God can see farther down the road than I can. I often tell people that God takes nothing that he cannot multiply back but the times he doesn’t is the times he uses to strengthen our faith.

  • Michelle

    In response to Sandy’s comment. In my life’s journey, I have found out that until I can be happy with myself and love myself, a relationship with another person was never going to work for me. Once I was happy and content alone, only then did things happen in my life relationship wise. I’m 51 years old and still in this journey of life. I look at it as and adventure, never knowing what the next day will bring and waiting with anticipation for it. Enjoy your own company. Love yourself, you are a good person. God doesn’t mess up.

  • Malcolm

    The first thing I noticed is you’re picking on yourself saying you are a bad person and no one wants you. Unless you are a twin, then you were created by God to be by yourself. What I mean is, only twin or triplets etc have someone else to confide in at all times of their lives. The rest of us are unique creatures of nature and we must learn to live alone even if there is someone else sharing our homes. If you’d put God, your Faith or whatever you decide to call it first, then you’ll begin to realize that nothing else or no one else really matters. If you want to attract a good man to love you and only you. You must first love yourself and only yourself. Loving everything about one’s self is the best love you will ever experience. Once any man sees how much you love yourself and how you show that to everyone else. He can’t help but fall deeply in love with you. That’s the sugar to which all are attracted. I fell in love with my wife over 20 years ago, because I saw how much she loved herself and others around her saw that very same thing. Second, if a man is telling you he loves you everyday then, he must feel you need that reassurance everyday. Make him show you everyday how much he really loves. If i don’t tell her I love her everyday, does that mean I love her any less? What if I decide to not say it, but then I clean the house spic and span? I wash and wax her car. I go out and buy fresh flowers for her. I put on her favorite music or video and sit with her and cuddle. One would think I said I LOVE YOU several different ways. I sincerely hope my words have inspired you to look for better qualities.

  • Carolyn

    This seems all too familiar because my life is so similiar. To sum it up, I’ve been in my share of bad relationships, five to be exact and neither one of them worked out and to three of them children were borned. Now I’m involved with a wonderful man, except for one thing–he’s married.

  • Edmond Hodge

    This was a powerful article. Many times the problem is that we see through jaded lenses because when we have shortcomings or perceived failures we over think things instead of recognizing that God has a perfect plan for our lives and as Oprah said is just letting us know that we made a wrong turn somewhere. So in turn he’s going to get us back on the right track.
    Also, we must learn to take the positive out of every situation! Learning is a life long learning process, we must not lose sight us this and our experiences are a constant reminder of this as they say “experience is the best teacher, she gives you the lesson first”. Ideally the more we learn the more wiser we should become so we need to embrace All of our experiences Positive and Negative as their is omething to be learned from All of them. All you have to do is wipe off those jaded lenses!

  • R.C.Lawson

    This is very good I enjoyed reading it.
    I also think very highly of Miss Oprah.
    R.C.

  • Robin

    Wow…
    There is definately a purpose for your life. I had been married for 15 years when my husband told me he felt like a woman inside and wanted a sex change operation. At 41, after 19 years of marriage and three sons, I find myself a single parent. I meet a nice guy with three kids of his own, we decide to marry and blend our families. He “chickened out” and after a year of being with him I find myself alone again. I don’t want to be alone, but GOD has made it that way for a reason. I am a new real estate agent and just finding my way in life. Everyone has told me that I need to be happy on my own before I can be happy with someone else. OK OK OK – I’ll try it. I have some good friends that tell me that I’m an awesome woman and GOD will put the right man in my life when I am ready for him. “When the student is ready – the teacher will appear”. I keep telling myself that I am a child of GOD and he wants nothing but the best for me. I don’t have to settle for what is in front of me. I don’t have to step through every door that opens; I will wait for the right door to open before I step through it.

  • Kafi K. Quashie

    It is not that no one wants you because God loves you and that is all the love you need. My Husband of 7 years just told me last night that he is no longer in love with me and wants a divorce. I may lose my job today due to events out of my control that have transpired.I also forgot to mention that we have a 6 year old daughter together who loves the mere idea of our family.Although I am angry I know that that is merely my flesh because deep down in my heart i know that there is no such thing as chance and God does everything for a reason and in knowing that I have peace despite not having understanding and am looking forward to bigger better and brighter things in my future as long as i keep my heart stayed on God.

  • Laurie

    Lisa: Your life experience sounds similar to mine. I am convinced men are the evil equation in both our lives. They all change once they think they “have” you. Stay away from all of them. That’s my advice. You have to wonder, at our age, why a guy is either single/never married, or divorced, anyways. There is usually a very good reason why some other woman doesn’t want him.

  • Mary

    Lisa,
    I think the question may be. . . why do you consistantly feel as though you need a man in your life? And why do you place all your trust in one in such short periods of time? Are you merely going through the motions each time you seek therapy or are you truly looking/learning to change yourself or in hopes of looking to change someone else when you find them?
    I, personally, would look at it this way; take a peek at what effect your decisions are having on your children. Look at your decisions from a third point of view. If you were your children or someone else, what you would you think of yourself or the decisions you are making and more importantly. . . WHY? Your outward appearance has far less to do than how you feel about yourself on the inside.
    Pray that the Lord give you guidance, strength and wisdom to figure out not only your true path in life but how to get there. . . with a healthy mind, attitude, and decision making skills. Place those troubled areas in HIS hands. I guarantee. . . if you let go and LET GOD, you will fare far better than if you try to do it yourself!
    Good Luck and God Bless, Mary

  • Anonymous

    Dear Sandy,
    I know exactly how you feel. I’ve been married not once but four times and they all have painted a pretty picture at first and ended up hurting me. I married my first husband because I got pregnant with our son Antonio, well he took us away to his home town in Missouri and left us after one day saying he was going out to buy cigarettes. That’s been 15 yrs ago. My second husband I married because he sexually abusive me after my first husband left and I had one child by him and thought getting married was the right thing to do to raise our child, silly me got abusive numerous times to his likely and I got pregnant the third time with daughter number two. I eventually moved away from him and met husband number three. He was a Minister and I thought God was trying to tell me something when I met him because I did not want to be married to a Minister, that’s walking on sacred ground, holy ground at that. We remained married for five years and let’s just say I got tired and bored with the “christian life” and I stepped out of the marriage and had an affair, with a man I worked with. A man I could not stand at first but found something interesting about him, we both had been hurt and alcoholics! He was a recovering alcoholic and addict for five years. After seeing a different side of him I thought maybe he was the one. A one night stand turned into a nightmare. I divorced the Minister and married the one night stand and ever day my life was “hell.” He verbal abusive me and my girls, he would physically abusive my son when I wasn’t home and pretend everything was okay when we were out in public. Everybody who knew us and saw us thought we were the perfect couple. When his friends and co-workers would see us together they would always ask the question how did he get so lucky to have such a beautiful wife like me? I went thru two surgeries, committed sucide when the state took my son away from me.Receive anti-depressants and started back drinking daily. Before I decided to leave this man I was threatening a stroke and a heartattack. I went to the doctor and she checked my blood pressure and she told me I should be dead because my pressure was 164/110 and thing about it was I felt fine I thought. And that’s when it hit me…I needed to break the cycle of finding the wrong men and let them find me. I’ve moved 3,000 miles from my home and I have my own place, I worked at a Dept Store and I met a man, (he found me) and we enjoy each others company and he’s taking me to Las Vegas next weekend (because I’ve never been) and the thought of getting married has not crossed my mind! I’m telling you this because I know what it feels like to want to be loved and want to love someone back. Now I don’t know what true love feels like but I do know that if you want something bad enough you will give it a try as many times as you can until one day you get it right. Remember this…Life is like being on a wild horse…it can throw you off sometimes but you get yourself back up everytime and you try it again. I hope you find my life story helpful and we shall keep in touch. Kathy Hutton in Olympia WA

  • Cully

    Lisa wrote:”No one has been able to understand (or help me to understand) the cumulative effect of all these losses … and all i can come up with is 1) despite all the work i have done to make better choices, i brought this on myself with my terrible choices in men and/or 2) i am a terrible person that no one wants to be with. at any rate … doors keep slamming … and the only ones that open manage to smack me in the face and bloody my nose. any thoughts?”
    Lisa, there is nothing wrong with you (at least not that I can see from what you told us), your are NOT a terrible person! We all fall into this trap of thinking that we need a partner… that all the love in the world is not as important as the love of *that special someone*, and that if we don’t have a special someone then we are deficient in some way and we better go out and find one (any old “one”) as fast as we can. Take time to get to know yourself – you’re going to find out that you are pretty dang special. Being a single is not 1/100th as bad as being with someone who does not appreciate you… There are millions of males out there but there is only one you and only one child like yours. Take all the time you want to be you and your child’s Mom and one day out of all those males you will meet a Man.

  • Anonymous

    I know how you feel. I am going through the same thing. I met my husband of six years, and thought the world was great, until my daughter commited suicide, then my world started to fall apart. My husband has gotten verbally abusive and don’t want me to go to church or sing with my two gospel groups. His excuse is that he needs me at home. But all I do at home is watch him find his way to the bottom of a brandy bottle and then find another one, but blaming me for it. I am at the point of leaving him because I can’t endure this any more. My only problem is I only work three days a week and it takes both our checks to pay the bills. I’m afraid to go to a shelter so I stay in prayer and continue to go to church. I know that God will protect me from harm, But I have no peace. Yet I trust in god to direct my path, and that he will deliver me from this angry man. Carolyn.

  • Denise

    Lisa: This seems all too familiar because my life is so similiar. word of wisdom that I told my self when I was going through it is, “To dream is to realize your purpos.” tell your self.
    The grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, something to love, and something to hope for.
    God bless everyone.
    Denise

  • joe

    Now from a male’s view point I find that these females have all the problems; they love you today and tomorrow they are playing after John. I find that it is not the man nor the woman but it is this society that we live in. I find that we give of our selves before it is time.The problem with society is not just man and woman.
    God gave man woman not to be use and abused, woman is an important part of life, she is the hand that provides us with the next president, the next governor, the next world leader, but there can not be any fooling around before marriage, the laws of God must be met.A boy meet girl courtship,marriage, childern and peace all around.
    Before I became of the world there was childern born out of wedlock but they were few, but in most cases, there was a marriage before the child was born, and the world was at peace until about the mid 1940′s by that time you begin to see a gap in dates of the childern and the date of marriage.
    So I have been married three times and neither wives were honorable wives, when I was away during my job they would leave the babies with other childern to watch that was not as old as our childern.
    I have come home and found them out in some night club and when I was home I could not walk out door’s without them saying I was speaking to some woman that was not even at their level of life. I can turly say that while married or even in a relationship I never went out to some extra martial affair, not once.
    My father use to tell the boy’s that if we were dating one girl another girl could not come around the house and since we lived in a small town, everybody knew everybody within 70th miles of each other plus most of the time if you had a middle side family you had relatives in all the towns round about.
    I find that women wants to make you over or take the things that you do as rules to think that this is an easy mark or he is some kind of push over. Yes at My age I am a single bird and glad about it, but I atill have deires to have a chicken of my own, but at this age I do not care to be hurt any more so I do Not even date, I do have friends that I invited out to have dinner once and awhiole and that is all to that tune.

  • Ann

    As with many women, I have certainly made, some bad choices, in my life. And, made many mistakes.For whatever reason, good or bad, I have attracted both the right and the wrong fella. The problem has been the good fellas,sooner, I let go of. And, tried to hang onto the wrong fella, with all of my might. About four years ago, I had asked God, to please send me a good man, that had a good job, his own vehicle, a good sense of humor, was loving, cared about me, and my family. He did exactly what I had asked for. The problem was, I should have asked for a single man. This man was married. And, at the time, still living with his wife. And,That really bothered me alot. I don’t believe in being with someone who is married. I let my guard down, and fell for him like a ton of bricks. Well, after about five months, he moved out of the place he and his wife shared, and, he moved in with one of his brothers, his brothers wife, and family. They had gone to court, and obtained a legal separation.They were going to get a divorce, because both of them had been asked about it, at different times, by people we all know. They both said, yes, they were divorcing. This all happened from 2003, to this year. Well, they still have not obtained a divorce. Why, I do not have a clue. But, I am not with the man any longer. The relationship was at a dead end. What more could I have done? Nothing it seems. I have not seen him for over a month, and it feels like he and I got a divorce, and I didn’t want want one. I have put it all in God’s hands. A. A.

  • Kaye

    Sandy,
    I have the same issues happen to me, I was married for 18 years with a person having mutiple affairs. Then I met someone I thought is great and he is a great guy, but had a lot of issues. We dated for 6 month then taking one day alone with God talking to him about all of this. I know I was tired of walking in other people shadow and wanted to start living my life I have always dreamed. Well, God closed one door and He is opening another….I’m just thankful I had a date with God…..

  • Anonymous

    Lately I have been wondering what is God doing in terms of me and a relationship. It was quite reassuring to read in one of my devotionals that God is the only source of true and ultimate love. With Him we are accepted and appreciated. No need to be in fear of condementation or rejection. And talking about rejection only today I was reminding that the greatest direction comes from the deepest rejection. Wait on the Lord and He will grant you the desires of your heart. Blessings

  • Shelly

    Lately I have been wondering what is God doing in terms of me and a relationship. It was quite reassuring to read in one of my devotionals that God is the only source of true and ultimate love. With Him we are accepted and appreciated. No need to be in fear of condementation or rejection. And talking about rejection only today I was reminding that the greatest direction comes from the deepest rejection. Wait on the Lord and He will grant you the desires of your heart. Blessings

  • vanessa

    Sounds like we are all in the same situation. We all lean on God for guidance . I just ask him every morning to handle what I can’t and lead me down the right path. You see I to have had bad relationships and to this day they continue. Strange thing is my first true love has contacted me out of the blue. So I know that there is a light at the end of this tunnel of trial, and tribulation. Thank you Lord for always holding my hand.

  • olga

    I often wonder even though i m a believer . Though I pray and give my petions to him. I was hurt so badly a broken heart some months ago. Ask him to trully and faithfuly to answer my prayer. Though is so true that once one door closes another opens. I know and then think that he has forgoten me, I am just waiting for the next door to open in my life, do not know and i guess it be when he is good and ready.

  • Marie

    It sounds so familiar…I’ve been married 16 years,together for18 years since I was 22,had 3 daughters…my husband went alone on a trip in Thailand,fell in “love” with a bar girl,he divorced me,married her(adopted her 2 kids),lost his job,moved in CA,my kids are teenagers,one of my daughters …I found her at 11pm crying behind the aptm he used to rent…I’ve been in hell for 2 years,wondering what’s wrong with me,didn’t have an explanation,appologie,of any sort…finally,started dating,meet a guy with 3 kids,living next door to his ex,after our first night told me he’s not ready for a monogamous relationship,told him this is not what I want,an unavailable,poligamist…it felt like pulling teeth…finally I totally broke up with him 3 weeks ago,telling him I don’t want to have anything to do with him ever again…I feel free…and lonely…love is a complicated game…as long as I chase it ,is running from me so,I’ll just stop,appreciate my own company,it is healing being alone…I still miss having someone to laugh with,share B-fast and sunsets…Started in Real Estate and waiting for the miracle to happen.I BELIEVE GOD HAS A MASTER PLAN!!!I surrender all my troubles,and ask for Love,Peace and Joy. O, I had several married man ready to step at the plate,I wish unmarried ones would be so ..funny…I sent them all right back to their families…we are all sisters,can’t do this to each other…most men don’t have a back bone…and they were raised by women (deepest appologies to those men with an open heart and back bone,who know how to respect a woman)
    wow,it sound like I got a little to wraped up…so I’ll just close by saying that God never closes a door without opening a Girl Scouts Cookie box.
    Let’s stay connected,sisters and brothers
    Marie

  • angie

    I cannot believe how weird my life has been…but it seems that the ones we love most can get such a swelled ego. My first relationship should never have happened:at 19 yrs I fell in love with a creep egomaniac married man who promised me the world and gave me obsessive love instead and 2 little girls. After 11 yrs, I took him to court for minimal child support and he stopped payments 4 yrs ago and the lawyer’s fees cost me the price of a car. I “thought” I had gained my girls’ respect. After all I raised them both singlehandedly and have a respected paramedical career, moved with them from one country to another and live here for 15 yrs now. I came here to support my aging parents emotionally by being close to them and having them know my girls growing up. Well, I fought all the way for my rights and respect. I met many men who didn’t fit the “rules” of what I expected was suitable for me. During the period of lawyer debts, I completed my academic degree to advance my knowledge and self respect. It was the worst time for me:debts and car repairs and one rebellious daughter. I had hoped that the court issue would teach her to respect me. She did at the time and 9 months after getting my degree I made up my mind. I was going to meet the man who I felt was right for me and have my girls respect me, by picking someone who was similar to this special person for themselves as well. You see, I was trying to FIX my past and set a better example for my girls. I found the guy:he adores me. He knows everything about me and knows that I am true blue. My rebellious daughter hated my guy and moved out with her boyfriend. The other girl at first took her sis’s side and then returned home, and has been used to me and my guy for over 2 yrs now. I had hoped all would be fine. She loved him as well as me and they have alot in common. I helped her stay in a good job and save lots of money staying home.But she had rules to follow at home and now that she fears my guy and I may plan a future, she has been slowly rebelling by acting like a child for attention or joining her sister against me. We fought because one of the rules she doesn’t follow now is to help clean home on Fridays. I have been doing it all and lately she tries to sabotage what I do by acting like she knows everything better, etc. Basically she is nearly 24 yrs old and since her longterm boyfriend dumped her and she may be jealous of my relationship or how my guy’s kids are at home here, or she has not found her destination, she puts blames on me. She may have moved out of the home this weekend. I am not crying or depressed, just a bit worried for her. It may look like I chose my guy over the girls BUT he was the one who supported me when I needed someone…helped me fix up my home and change car and loved me and acted like the perfect gentleman, took me into his family for them to love me as well. He even took me back to Canada after 14 yrs. I love him with my life and he is my anchor. He helped me gain strength and dignity and all the while he has started to have serious problems with his ex’s treatment of his son, so much so that he is going through help with social services. He thought I betrayed him when my rebellious daughter came home 3 months ago, but that lasted one month…most I could take. She tried to manipulate in her favor coming home with no respect for me or my needs or my partner or show real love for me. My poor guy:he really suffered and left heartbroken and angry with me. We made up because we really love one another and I couldn’t figure out what next to do until the other girl started to disregard my partner’s support of me and her…and my support of her. It was taken forgranted. When kids grow up they need to go off on their own and I cannot figure out why they need to blame parents instead of learning on their own to grow up. So when one door closes, the window opens. I believe this is God’s test on my sweet ignorant daughter because if she disregards all the good in this home for fear of moving to a neutral home in future, she will be at loss in life. My partner has underage kids and social services may grant him the kids and we are a “family” and she was blending in for 2 years now and even liked it. We have not yet “married” but he spoke of me to professionals and I cannot let him down as he has shown his love for me. This has been a weekend of both trauma with my girl and exhaltation for finally telling my partner about why my daughter isn’t here and now he sees that I am trying to “educate” my daughter about respect for home and mom’s life. It was crucial if he wanted me to be part of his life with his kids. So I know I am ok now. We are becoming a team again after so many wars.Hopefully my girl will come back and by then we will settle our problems over the summer. A trip is waiting fall time for us. Thankyou for letting me share my story.

  • Vicky

    Okay..I gotta ask..as far as the door shuts ..another opens..I know its true..But I wonder..after 4 months of someone passing away..leaving them as a widow and children.is it wrong for that widow to date again? .my opinion not right

  • ada

    refreshing to read these true life stories especially in toady’s world where everything right is so damn hard and it is easier to keep staring a closed door than to start looking for any open windows-to my mind you must have divine intervention and a strong support system for you to refocus.

  • Dee

    AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!
    You said it ALL. Open your EYES, your HEART, and your MIND. GOD will take care of the rest. I promise!!!!!!!!
    GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS.

  • Joni

    You are right, when one door opens, another has closed. The journey of life will move forward, by the choices made. If taken by this experience, indeed could ehnace life further.

  • mike

    When one door closes another door always opens,but sometimes we have to wait in the hall.

  • Justin

    I got dropped out from my secondary school and was very depressed because i scored a very poor mark in one of the subjects. This was actually a suprise to me coz i use to score better marks and was very confident to continue to universities.
    Anyway, when i saw my friends departed to begin their studies, i use to look down and tears were flowing down uncontrolled. I searched for part time employments but unsuccessful. I was just wondering around for two solid years. I lost faith, lost hope and felt that i was just another useless and felt that no body is interested in me.
    After two years, somehow i won a scholarship to study overseas. I wasn’t eligible but got selected somehow. I thank the ALMIGHTY GOD that there is always a WAY OUT when ONE CLOSES. I know he has a master plan for my life.
    WAIT patiently and TIME is RIGHT for everything….PRAISE GOD.
    Justin

  • Justin

    I was kinda brousin through this page and readin some of the issues that people have had. and must i say that when i think ive got it bad, someone always has it worse!
    Neways my name is Justin Greenwell, im 25 yrs old and live in Bardstown, KY. i have been in technical college since jan. 06′. im studying machine tool technology.its a type of tool and die!what made want to go back to school after bein out for 6yrs?i had an automobile accident in oct.04′.i sustained some head trama and was unconcious for about a week and a half!now if that dont make u look at life from a different perspective, then i dont know what will!so me at the age of 23, with my life and second chance at it, that the good Lord give me, i enrolled in to a local technical college seeking a future career in somethin that seemed to interest me!with the benefit of long term benefits, like retirement, health insurance and etc. which i didnt have during the time of my accident!!workin in construction, what kinda benefits are in that field!so i have now been in school for alittle over a year now!i had just finally got a job about a month ago doing what it is that i do in school!!i was finally getting to apply my schooling!i was at that job for about a month, and my boss come up to me and said that he was going to have to let me go cause business was getting slow and he couldnt work me anymore!just when i thought things were going to go my way?!they come to a hault right when i get started!but like the quote of this page!! “When one door closes, another one opens”!!so i have just got to keep my faith in God and believe in him and that he has more things in store for me and my life!!God Bless!!!

  • Lois Graham

    After reading everyone stories, I am convince that God is a true and loving God! My eyes are flowing with tears of joy because I’ve also have fallen short on life. I had a major surgery that almost took my life. I am a mother and wife. I”ve pursued so many jobs in the medical field as a medical assistant. My dream is to go to college and become a registered nurse. Every time I take the entry exam I don’t pass. God knows that I want to be a nurse so bad because I have the compassion and love for others. I know that I must not give to the enemy snare and continue to trust and believe in God! So I too will hold and keep the faith. Love Lois

  • shyvonne

    HELLO EVERYONE, MAY GOD BLESS YOU ALL ,I PRAY THAT HE KEEP YOU IN HIS ARMS AND COMFORT YOU THROUGH YOUR TROUBLES.AS I READ ON I SEE THAT I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE GOING THROUGH TRIALS ND TRIBULATIONS, THAT WE ALL FALL SHORT TO HIS GLORY,RATHER SOME ONE ELSE OR WHAT WE DO TO OURSELVES. I WAS ASKED TO MOVE FROM MY HOME,WHERE I ALSO RAN MY BUSINESS. ALL BECAUSE OF GREED AND FAST MONEY,I HAD TO MOVE.REMIND YOU THAT I HAVE 2 TEENAGE DAUGHTERS AND A 21 YR OLD SON.WHERE WILL I GO. I WAS STRIPPED OF ALL I HAD SURROUNDED MY SELF WITH ,ALL GOOD THINGS TRYING TO MAKE IT, AND HELP MY CHILDREN GET THROUGH SCHOOL.MY LIFE WAS BASICALLY THROWN OUT IN THE STREETS.I HAD NO WARNING,IF I DID I PAYED THEM ANY ATTENTION,BECAUSE I FELT I HAD NO REASON TO.BUT, MY WARNING WAS MY LANDLORD BRINGING PEOPLE THROUGH MY HOME DAILY,USING MY PROPERTY AS A SHOWCASE.IMAGINE WHAT IM FEELING? WE AS PEOPLE AND GOD FEARING INDIVIDUALS WE TEND TO TRUST,BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT GOD WANT FROM US TO LEARN TO TRUST,TO FEEL LIKE WE ARE NOT IN THIS WORLD ALONE.YOU KNOW WHAT I FOUND OUT? THERE IS ONE THAT YOU CAN FULLY TRUST AND THAT IS GOD.THERE IS NO TRUST LIKE THE ALMIGHTY. SO TO SAY THIS I MAY BE STRIPPED OF MY HOME ,MY BUSINESS,MY STABILITY,I WILL NEVER BE SRIPPED OF MY TRUST OF GOD KNOWING THAT HE TAKES ALL MY BAD AND MAKE IT MY GOOD AND MOST OF THE TIME MY BETTER GOD KNOW BEFORE I KNOW,AND I TRUST HIM TO MAKE MY CROOKED ROADS STRAIGHT. I MAY BE GOING THROUGH,WHAT I FEEL IS A BAD TIME IN MY LIFE. BUT IN GODS EYES IM ON MY WAY TO MY BETTER.I HAVE EVERYHTING TO BE BLESSED FOR.GREAT CHILDREN AND FAVOUR IN HIM. THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR ENCOURAGMENT.

  • teresa

    just wanted to say i feel a kinship to so many of these people here. i have been married 3 times-only 2 men-my first and third were the same man–i divorced him both times over lies and cheating. My second husband left me for someone who looked better. I have had several different relationships in my life time but just always seem to be the one who gets hurt.I don’t understand because I give so much of myself and give my heart so completely and yet, the men just stomp all over it. I am honestly beginning to believe that there will never be anybody for me–i have a big big heart of love that i desperately want to give to someone–but nobody seems to want it.. right now, im just feeling really down. I try to keep faith and believe that someday the right man will come along, but i chased that dream my whole life and im 52 now and im not closer to finding what i have been looking for than when i started. i keep thinking there has got to be some man out there who could love me for what i am and want me…but i keep coming up empty handed and broken hearted. any ideas???

  • SINGLE MOTHER FOR LIFE

    I WAS WITH MY HIGH SCHOOL SWEETHEART FOR 14 YEARS. WE MOVED IN TOGETHER WHEN I WAS ABOUT 8 MONTHS PREGNANT. I THOUGHT WAS GOING TO BE A LIFE TIME OF LOVE AND HAPPINESS.(BOY WAS I IN FOR A BIG SURPRISE!). WELL WE HAD OUR FIRST SON IN 95 EVERYTHING WAS OKAY UNTIL HE HAD TO BE RESPONSIBLE FOR SOMEONE OTHER THAN HIMSELF. STAYING OUT ALL NIGHT,NOT HELPING ME WITH THE BABY, ME WORKING TWO JOBS AND HANDLING EVERYTHING WITH A NEWBORN. OF COURSE I LET HIM SLIDE WITH IT ALL BECAUSE HE STILL WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL AND I WANTED HIM TO GET A EDUCATION. ONCE HE GRADUATED HE DIDN’T WORK ,I HAD 3 JOBS ABOUT THIS TIME,MY MOM WAS BABYSITTING BECAUSE HE WAS NO WHERE TO FOUND FOR DAYS AT A TIME.TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT 2 YEARS LATER WE GET A MOBILE HOME, A NEW TRUCK AND WE GET MARRIED. I WILL REMIND YOU PHYSICAL AND VERBAL ABUSE WAS GOING ON BUT I IGNORED IT BECAUSE I THOUGHT THAT’S HOW I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE TREATED. SO MY SON NOW 5 COMES ALONG AND HE WANTED ME TO HAVE AN ABORTION WELL OF COURSE I DIDN’T SO HE WOULDN’T HELP ME WITH NEITHER ONE OF THEM NOW. WE GOT SEPERATED I MOVED HE DIDN’T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THE KIDS.I MOVED TO CHARLOTTESVILLE ABOUT 184 MILES AWAY FROM MY HUSBAND, I WAS THERER FOR 2 YEARS. WHILE THEY WERE THE WORST 2 YEARS OF MY LIFE ,WHILE I’M RESIDING THERE I MET THIS YOUNG MAN WHO I THOUGHT WAS VERY NICE AND KIND.(YEAH RIGHT FOOLED ME!) WE GOT TO KNOW EACH OTHER AND ABOUT 1 YEAR LATER HE MOVED IN WITH ME AND MY KIDS. WELL EVERYTHING WAS LOVELY UNTIL I FOUND OUT HOW HE REALLY WAS ALCOHOL, DRUGS ,WOMEN, YOU NAME IT HE WAS DOING IT. THEN THE ABUSE PYSHICALLY STARTED GOING ,HE WAS BREAKING THINGS ON ME, LEAVING BRUISES, HOLDING ME HOSTAGE IN MY APARTMENT, RAPING ME AND OTHER THINGS I DON’T CARE TO MENTIONED. HE DIDN’T WORK SO I HAD TO WORK,WHEN I WENT TO WORK HE WAS STALKING ME ON MY JOBN, HARRASSING ME, AND EMBARASSING ME IN FRONT OF MY CO-WORKERS. MY KIDS DIDN’T WITNESS ANYTHING BECAUSE HE WOULD SEND THEM OUTSIDE OR TO THE NEXT DOOR NEIGHBORS HOUSE WHILE HE BEAT NONSTOP. SO FINALLY I GOT OUT OF THAT SITUATION AND MOVED BACK TO MY HOME TOWN WHERE MY HUSBAND LIVED. HE WANTED TO GET BACK TOGETHER BUT I DIDN’T WANT TO BE INVOLVED ANYMORE. 3 MONTHS LATER AFTER I MOVED BACK HE GOT KILLED IN A CAR ACCIDENT. DO YOU I HAVE BEEN STRUGGLING ALL MY LIFE WITH MY KIDS AND THAT WAS MY BREAKTHROUGH, HE LEFT US MONEY THAT I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW ABOUT. AFTER ALL OF THAT I STARTED WALKING TOWARDS GOD AND MY LIFE HAS DID A COMPLETE TURNAROUND. IT TOOK THE LOST OF MY MOTHER AND HUSBAND IN THE SAME YEAR TO GET MY ACT TOGHETHER BUT I COULDN’T DEAL WITH THE PAIN THAT I WAS FEELING AND GOD WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO COULD DO THAT.NOP MATTER HOW BAD IT GET IF YOU JUST BELIEVE AND HAVE FAITH GOD WILL SEE YOU THROUGH. HE IS EVERYTHING AND EVERYTHING IS HIM.JUST PRAY AND THANK GOD FOR WHAT YOU HAVE AND DON’T COMPLAIN ABOUT WHAT YOU DON’T HAVE. I KNOW MY 2 BOYS ARE A BLESSING BECAUSE WHEN THINGS GOT TOUGH THEY WERE MY STRENGTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Vitelle

    Lisa,
    It’s funny how when you hear what’s going on in someone else’s life you realize exactly why you went through all you just went through. I’ve been through a lot of things similar to you situation. (Only I was only married 4months, had two kids, and met the “special man” a month before I was seperated) I know it’s akward.
    I often ask the question of why does all this happen to me, and why so fast. At 21 I’ve been through more things than most 60 year olds. But I thank God for every situation in spit of. When you look back you realize how much you’ve grown and how much wiser you are. And if you think about it you realize you wouldn’t know some of the things you know if not for what you’d been through.
    Sometimes God has such a great plan for you (or such an awesome man for you) that he has to take you through several “bad” situations so that he is sure you will recognize the good one when he gets there and appreciate him so much better. The more “cautious” you are because of the “bad situations” the more sure you’ll be when the good one comes along and you see he is the complete opposite.
    I just want to give you the advice to not carry your past relationships into your new one. If the “perfect” one that God has provided you fails sometimes it’s because we’re expecting it to. You get so used to people letting you down you attempt to put a sheild around your heart and “the one” can’t get in.
    Make sure you take the time to take care of yourself and your child. Know what’s really important and take the time to find yourself. If you know who you are and what you really want it will come to you.
    That’s what I learned. Women grow up being taught to settle for less. They are told that nobody is perfect and you have to accept flaws and all. They read us bedtime stories about prince charming then when we get a little older they remind us that they were only stories. Well,
    I’m done settling for less. I’ve decided that there is no reason for me to think that there is not that perfect someone for me. Just think about it. As BIG as my GOD is??? I know he can do “perfect” things… why should I have any doubt he can’t make my “perfect” man.
    Keep that in mind in the future!
    I hope I’ve helped light a bulb for ya!

  • gwendelyn

    Hi Lisa,
    Love is complicated. When you decide to love someone you become vulnerable. It is difficult when you already are a loving person because we become suckers of kindness and caring notions. In my experience I have come to and still are learning to love and respect myself. In a relationship there has to be give and takes. If you go out of your way to do something for your partner, you must expect him to go out of his way for you some time. If he doesn’t hen speak with hhim and if he sill doesn’t then talk to him again and if he doesn’t again, for the last time talk to him. Give him no more than three chances because obviously he doesn’t understand or appreciate you. He needs to see, hear, feel, smell, and taste the respect you have for yourself. And don’t give in to remorseful kindness too quickly (because you don’t know his true intentions). Ask yourself how much did his action truly hurt you and is it important to you for him to be more attentive to it. Sometimes I truly do believe that men are from mars and women are from venus, really. YOU CAN AND WILL BE HAPPY!!!

  • GOD’S ANOINTED

    Hello All,
    I am encouraged by all of your stories. I too am or have been down the same road. I firmly believe that God closes a door because He is done with whatever that situation or circumstance has taught us and now He is ready to open a door that is so much better than the one that was closed. We have reached a level of maturity in the area we were tested or tried in and now we can be trusted by God to move on to the next thing or level He has in store for us. God is always moving, He is not stagnant,so we must be constantly moving with Him, according to His will and plan for each one of our lives, individually. I have had recent doors being closed where I have had to walk away from some people that were only supposed to have been in my life for a season, but I kept hanging on to them way pass the season’s ending. So I am in the “in between” phase where the door has closed behind me, but I am anticipating the door in front of me to open at the right time and I know in my heart concerning some of those issues, the timing is not yet ready, because I am learning, growing and becoming a whole person before I can give of myself to anyone in a healthy way.
    I wanted to say to Shyvonne, stay encouraged, God is working it all out for your good as long as you trust Him and believe. You didn’t loose anything because God promised his children that he will recompense and give you double for your trouble and remember Job lost everything, but God restored him to a place of abundance where he had more than what he initially started out with. It’s more than likely a test to see where your faith and trust is, and He does that to all of us because He wants to know if we are there for His presence or His presents before He will release all that He has in store for us. I encourage you to read the book of Job for it will bless you and keep you expecting knowing that if God did it for him, then surely He will do it for you. God Bless!!!

  • GOD’S ANOINTED

    Hi Lois,
    You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you, Phil.4:13. God knows your heart and he know your desires. As you delight yourself in Him, trust him that He will give you the desires of your heart. I know sometimes we appear to be failing, but often it’s an avenue to lean on God to guide you thorough the process of passing whatever it is you need assistance with. You’ll pass, keep the faith.

  • sharon

    I am in a similar situation. I lost my job, fell behind on mortgage, went in foreclosure. All friends disappeared with the job. Ask old acquaintance who called a friend who said they would help but instead of helping they helped themself to owning 90% of house. We agreed on things and last minute made changes which gave me 10% share. Now I have to leave in a couple of days. Since no change had occurred after months of praying and ask God for help, I decided to sign over the 10% and go live in my car, as the roof now leaks, a busted pipe and AC don’t work. an hour later read from “God Speaks daily devotion on preservation: “praying and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful to this end with all perseverance and supplication for all the saints” – Ephesians 6:18 NKJV. Perhaps we quit on certain battles without realizing that we’re just days, hours, or minutes away from victory”. Hrs. later found, “Where one door shuts, another opens,” is quoted. I am confused. Do I close the door or don’t quit?

  • Annie Turner

    When 1 door closes another 1 opens; you just have to be senable to recognize the right entrance when it happens. Because being human 1 might pick the wrong door & you’ll have to live with that choice until another opportunity happens along & that might not happen for a long while. To make sure 1 choses the right opportunity 1 has to be in tune with Spiritual World & along with God All Mighty. 1 can’t depend on luck alone because 1 might get the wrong kind of luck.

  • Dana

    When God closes a door,He always opens a window
    Where is this found in the Bible,as scriture

  • julie

    yeah maybe for you but for me, he’s taken my husband at 27 years of age and left me with a daughter to care for and nothing else FOR YEARS! So maybe your philosophy of open windows works for you but its not the case for everyone else. I’m 31 years old, with no hope left but the deteriorating fact that I’m just getting old and am supposed to raise my daughter with morals and responsibility. That’s it, that’s all I have to look forward too. WORK WORK WORK and More Work. DAy in and Day out, no relief, no friends, no babysitters ever! Its just her and me and all the other neighborhood kids …gotta go feed her some dinner now….if I can find her anything she likes.

  • Your Name

    Dear Julie, You obviously are in so, so much pain. Recently, my husband left me after a 20yr relationship. i am 41 and have spent half of my life with someone i thought was my best friend. he decided it was too much to continue to take care of me since i recently have become disabled due to numerous neck surgeries from being hit from behind in a car, TWICE. find comfort in that your husband didn’t have a choice to go. i have a limited income, have limited abilities, and live far, far away from family or closest friends for support. what i have found and discovered through my grief is that God gives us problems to see how we will react. the longer we do not trust him, the longer we stay in the problem and do not receive the provisions that await us. the longer we blame, complain, and are angry~ the longer we are not trusting God. we are children of God- and just as you want the best for your daughter, God wants this for us. he gave us his most precious gift- his Son, Jesus Christ, and through him we have eternal life- something none of us are worthy to have. look to God, stay in His Word, and trust that Jesus is your strength- ‘You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you’Phil 4:13. i now look at this as a blessing. God is working on me to work through me for something great! i most recently met someone that is fantastic and i have not felt as prized in years. Stay faithful- there is support for you. once you lay this at the alter, God will provide. trust Him!! xoxo

  • http://AddaURLtothiscomment Judith Waite Allee, author/speaker

    I can reverse-justify the time I spent (OK, frittered when I should have been doing my taxes) on Facebook tonight because it somehow led me to your article. It is especially meaningful to me tonight and FYI, I shared the link on Facebook.

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