Today I recognize how distorted my thinking was back then, and I cringe when I read it.

But like an anorexic who thinks more weight loss will make her beautiful, suicidal folks are locked on death as the solution.

It’s difficult for people who have never wanted to die to appreciate the powerful manipulation of suicidal thoughts. It’s a little bit like being drunk and lonely, and holding a cell phone. You think that calling your ex-boyfriend is absolutely the right thing to do–until you wake up the next morning and thank the Lord in heaven you didn’t do it.

Now I know when I have that thought–if only I were dead–my blinders are on. Not that I always have the capability of taking them off. But just knowing my view isn’t accurate and that I’ll see correctly soon enough makes me less afraid and desperate.