Beyond Blue

Beyond Blue

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One of the unfortunate things about “coming out” as a depressive is that any enemy in your past can rightfully say, “Aha! See? I knew she was crazy.”

I was not well liked at my first job out of school. I admit that I was as annoying as Tom Cruise minus the Oprah-couch-jumping: loud but inexperienced, ambitious yet impatient, and much too competitive for teamwork. Still, a group of my colleagues didn’t have to make fun of me like a clique of popular seventh grade girls.

Recently I’ve reconnected with an editor there, who, like me, suffers from depression. Our communication has unearthed some of those old feelings of insecurity. There are moments when I feel like I’m back in that little gray cubicle eavesdropping on a conversation about my mistake du jour.


But I know I’m making progress. Because I don’t care as much that a few people (and many more that I don’t know about) don’t like me. One truth that the psych ward taught me is this: trying to do everything perfectly and make everyone like you will guarantee you a permanent bed there. Shoot for half. If you get more, you’re ahead of George Bush. If it’s less, you’ve got God on your side as a cheerleader and loyal fan. Even if you’re annoying.

  • http://HASH(0xcf2cf68) Julia Johnson

    I’ve learned in having depression/Bi-polar that if others are not pointing out “Ah you’re crazy!” we are selfs are saying it so much louder in our heads anyway? I did understand what you meant though. We sure do need to be kinder to one another and especially ourselves. I agree to focus on the steps forward into any kind of progress. I admit my steps are much smaller than yours but I can’t afford in standing still or back tracking with depression, its dangerous. Thank you for letting me share…

  • http://HASH(0xcf2dd68) charles rawson

    “In this life God gives us what we can handle, no more and no less.” A belief that keeps me going during the tough times. Keep the Faith, charlie

  • http://HASH(0xcf2dfb4) dolorosa

    Your insights are so great! When will you put these into a book?

  • http://HASH(0xcf2e98c) melinda

    It is not that I have already taken hold of it or have already attained perfect maturity, but I continue my pursuit in hope that I may possess it, since I have indeed been taken possession of by Christ [Jesus]. Philippians 4:12 The Catholic Bible personal study edition

  • http://HASH(0xcf2f398) Teresa. u.k.

    I put it down to insercurity. When a person is happy with themselves, there is no need to be nasty. If you can withstand what anyone throws at you, they soon get bored. And gain their respect {secretly}.

  • stacey

    I read this quote somewhere and it is appropriate for this: ONLY HURT PEOPLE HURT PEOPLE. The people who tear you down at work or socially have their own issues…insecurity, control, power, etc. By beating you up they make themselves feel better. I teach Special Ed. and learned the only people I am worried about are the kids in my class. If I make friends at work, GREAT… but it is only a job……I have friends elsewhere who support me. God Bless

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