Beliefnet
Because This Is Your Life

This may come as a big surprise to you regarding relationships…

And to some people it is downright shocking and hard to believe.

In fact, this is something that just about every personal development and self help guru who speaks about relationships, rarely, if ever brings up or even helps their clients with.

What could I possibly be referring to?

It’s the one thing that ruins most relationships.

Before I say what this is, let me share a true story with you…

I knew this wonderful couple many years back who got into a relationship with each other. They met on the internet back at a time when that was a “new” and unheard of thing.

Even though they lived about 1000 miles apart, they ended up moving in with each other. Six months after first meeting they got married.

On the outside everyone was saying at how perfect their relationship seemed to be and it really was a very “solid” relationship…

But what most people were not seeing is that, behind closed doors, they had their share of conflicts, up moments/down moments, happy moments/sad moments, agreements and arguments.

Despite what everyone was seeing on the outside, the relationship was slowly deteriorating to the point where it culminated 7 years later by ending in a divorce.

A few questions you may be having:

-Why am I sharing this with you?

-“How can this help me?”

And…

What is this one thing that ruins most relationships?

I’ll answer all three of these questions right now.

I’m sharing this with you because there are some important lessons in this story that most people are not aware of when it comes to relationships…

And it also includes that one thing which ruins most relationships, that once you understand and apply will change the way you see relationships along with how to make them long lasting.

The one thing that ruins most relationships is trying to have a one sided relationship.

What do I mean by this?

I’m referring to trying to have a happy, nice, kind, supporting, giving, generous type of relationship.

Now don’t get me wrong these are important and part of every relationship whether you realize it or not.

However…

Along with that is the sad, mean, cruel, challenging, taking, and greedy part of it as well.

Having both of these sides is in every relationship, is incredibly important and very healthy in a relationship, and is necessary in order to have a long lasting, caring , loving relationship that most people dream of having.

Read again what I just mentioned in the last sentence and look in either your own relationships or those of people you know who have had those type of long lasting and loving relationships that people dream of…

And guess what you’ll find every time?

You’ll see that they had moments of both sides occurring throughout the relationship, because if they didn’t the relationship would not last.

Go and ask anyone who is in a long lasting, caring, and loving relationships if they’ve had moments of happiness and sadness, moments of peace and war, moments of giving and taking, moments of support and challenge.

In fact they’ve had equal moments of both.

Wherever your relationships are at right now, I want you to think about what I said here today.

Look in your own relationships over the course of your life. Did you try and have a one sided relationship and if so how did that relationship end up?

Did you have a two sided or what I’m calling a fulfilling relationship with someone and if so how did that relationship end up?

I’d like to hear your feedback to these questions because they are important for you to ask so you can get clear on how to have the type of relationship you’d love to have.

I’ve said it before…

When you realize both sides of another person you realize the magnificence and brilliance of who you are.

This is the main purpose of relationships.

They are trying to get you to realize how amazing of a person you really are.

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