“How to Be Kind to Yourself”

You’re going through a tough time. Perhaps you’ve lost your job or you’ve been depressed or you’re concerned over a lingering illness. You may be struggling to keep yourself together through a holiday or a significant anniversary of a loss. We all go through these difficult times in our lives. It’s challenging to know how to adjust to changing circumstances and to keep your hope and optimism alive. When you speak with family and other loved ones they’re likely to admonish you to “Be good to yourself!” It’s usually said with concern and kindness, but what does it mean and how can you apply it in your life? Does your mind rush to getting a pampering massage? A leisurely pedicure? A long vacation and relaxing by the beach? Probably all of those things and more! But how can you allow that energy of kindness and love into your life in ways that boost your spirits on a daily basis? Following are six tips:

Speak to Yourself Kindly

In my book, Listen: Trusting Your Inner Voice in Times of Crisis many people interviewed mentioned the idea that positive statements were immensely helpful. They all had individual affirmations or simple self-talk that they employed when they were feeling particularly down or vulnerable. Here are some examples: “It’s okay. I’ll get through this.” “Tough times never last.” “I know things will get better.” “This too, shall pass.” “What could I do today to feel better?” Pay attention to what you say to yourself. Examples of unhelpful (and unkind) statements are “I’ll never get through this.” “I’ll always be depressed (alone, unemployed, sick…)” “I’m cursed with bad luck.” You get the idea. What could you say to yourself instead that would make you feel better?

Give Yourself Some Down Time

When you’re going through a challenging life event you’re likely to be feeling overwhelmed. Most of us don’t multitask well. Putting your attention on too many things at once often give you a sense that you’re not completing anything! However, when you’re stressed everything takes on an urgency. Things have to be done immediately and there’s never enough time or energy. What to do? Slow down and breathe. That’s it. When you feel your mind racing with anxious thoughts, take a slow deep breath in and out. Tell yourself, “It will all get done.” And “What is the one priority I can complete right now.” Focus on that. You’ll feel so much better having finished it.

Notice the Good Things

It’s hard to feel grateful when things don’t appear to be going your way. The job you want still hasn’t been offered. Or you’re still dealing with the same illness. However, your life may be full of other areas that are going well. There may also be signs that things you want are on their way. Begin to note all of those manifestations. Examples of this are: You get a few interviews for the kind of job you’re seeking. Or, you experience less discomfort with your illness indicating you’re on the mend. Perhaps you had a great conversation with a friend or family member. There’s a theory that what we focus on expands. When you notice the good, positive and healing things in your life, your confidence improves and you feel more hopeful. It’s that frame of mind that allows intuitive wisdom to flow in, giving you new guidance and direction towards your hopes and dreams.

Treat Yourself

Let’s face it, those manicure and massage appointments definitely help lift ones spirits. No harm in those at all! There are many ways to be good to yourself that involve little or no expense. Need some ideas? Make yourself a cup of coffee or tea and simply sit and daydream for a few minutes. Take a walk and really take in your surroundings. Notice the sounds, sights and smells around you. Many areas offer free events such as concerts, talks, classes or nature walks. Find some things that appeal to you and check one out. Is there a special book genre you like? Romance? Murder mystery? Treat yourself! Also, many people report that helping others is a great way to feel better themselves. Is there a volunteer community event that calls to you? What feels like fun for you? Research a few of these things and try one out each week.

Say No Without Feeling Guilty

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Part of your current difficulty may stem from being overcommitted. There are too many demands from too many people for your time and attention. What can you begin to say “no” to? Think of one thing that drains you. It could be making cookies for your church bake sale or the weekly volunteer meeting and tasks. If it’s not something that energizes you, commit to saying no or find another way to fulfill that obligation that works for you. If you find yourself saying “yes” to too many things, consider putting a note on your phone that says “Let me think about that and get back to you.” That gives you some time to see if your intuition is telling you to say yes or no. If it’s the latter, you’ll be able to come up with a gracious way of saying, “That’s not for me right now. Thank you for thinking of me.”