It was many New Years Eves ago, yet I remember it like it was yesterday.  It was still early, maybe 5-ish. I went to to pick up hot dogs for the kid’s dinner. I had no plans that night, I was getting divorced. My husband didn’t love me anymore and my greener pastures were still in the future.  Standing in line, waiting to pay, I ran into Mark. He was my brother’s best friend and he knew my story.  I guess Mark wasn’t the sensitive type, because he laid on his own love story pretty thick. He and his wife always do “this” on New Years’ Eve. He and his wife love it when “that” happens on New Year’s Eve. I was miserable and his happiness brought me even lower.

Twenty-five years later, I’m the one all lovey-dovey with my husband— and it shows. David and I were at services recently for the holidays. It was the end of the Sabbath and we were all gathered around singing and swaying in prayer as the Rabbi extinguished the candle. It was one of those rare moments of pure beauty. The kind that touches you down to the very core and we both felt it. David put his arms around me and gave me one of those ca-hugs. You know what I mean, a cross between a caress and a hug. I felt so fortunate, so blessed and so guilty. How do you balance expressing your own happiness and remain sensitive to the misfortune of others?

I was talking to my girlfriend who went solo to a wedding for the first time in thirty years. She’s newly separated and attending the celebration was a tough gig for her. She came home and cried. I totally get it. I was there once and I’m not anymore. That’s the message I want to share with her. Maybe she will find a new prince; maybe her old one will come around. And just maybe she’ll find happiness on her own terms, without a man any time soon. There are good times and there’s bad, but one thing is certain: everyone deserves to be loved.  My Bubby (grandma) used to say, "There’s a lid made for every pot." Start looking for your lid. Get out more, see old friends, and make new ones. your way to companionship if need be. Simply decide that this will be your year to be happily, un-alone.

I am so tired of eating alone,
of sleeping alone, of waking up
to no one but myself.
I date, but it never
leads to anything long term.
For so long,
I've been looking for my type,
my ideal man.
Help me keep my eyes
and my heart open
to the possibilities
You place before me.
Help me look beyond
the women's magazines,
romance novels, and movies.
Help me find the real man, the willing soul,
who will accompany me,
even as I accompany him,
on the journey You have laid before us.

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