I have a big giant pit in my stomach. I forgot to do something really important. I forgot to go to a charity dinner gala last night where I was an invited guest. This compares to the time I didn’t think to make a meeting place after the Memorial Day parade. My son Craig was 8 years old at the time (pre-cell phone) and he spent the afternoon wandering around Northbrook looking for me. What have you forgotten to do that comes back to haunt you like a bad dream?

If you’re the kind of person who always delivers and rarely causes a lets down, it really hurts to “be that guy.” You usually don’t get many sports analogies from me, but when I think of disappointment, I think of Michael Jordan’s story.  A little history: MJ is the greatest basketball player of all time. He’s a natural athlete and a fierce competitor.  Michael Jordan leads the Chicago Bulls to an NBA championship in 1991. He follows it up with a three-peat: two more championships in 1992 and 1993. His Airness decides he wants to retire from the sport he’s great at, and play professional baseball. I was sure he would be successful in whatever he chose to do. There was a flaw in my theory: He was lousy at playing baseball. He just couldn’t deliver.

When I miss an appointment, screw up an assignment, or over cook the meat loaf, it’s hard for me to sluff it off.  I pride myself on being organized, efficient and a pretty good cook, but why does it continue to bother me years later, when everyone else has forgotten? That’s the way some of us are wired. We tend to remember the pit-producing moments and forget about the ones that make our spirits sing.

I do have a few precious memories still hanging around after all these years. One happened about the time Air Jordan was making basketball history. I was sitting at an awards assembly at Glenbrook North high school. Craig’s name was announced and he walked onto the stage to get his honor. My mother was with me, we held hands and we both cried.  I will never forget that moment and I cherish it to this day. Sometimes when I pray, it’s too easy to think of what’s wrong. I need to search for the right mood to bring to my conversation with God. Guess what memory I recall? Joy triumphs over disappointment.

I won't spend one more day in fear.
Today I will not be limited by
negative thoughts that gobble up the day
and don't allow me
to recognize the beauty around me.

Today I will be freed of unrealistic expectations
that lead to disappointment and self-pity.
I am committed to being in the moment
where I am safe, provided for and loved.

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