Top 5 Funniest Jokes

Ventriliquist

An old-time ventriloquist who's been on the circuit for more than fifty years is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small club in a small town outside of Chicago.

With his dummy on his knee, he's going through his usual jokes about "the dumb kids these days" when a young fellow in the fourth row stands on his chair and starts shouting:
"I've heard enough of your stupid put-down jokes about my generation. What makes you think you can stereotype us that way? What does age have to do with worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep young people like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and old-timers like you continue to perpetuate insulting discrimination against us...and all in the name of humor!"

The ventriloquist is embarrassed and begins to apologize, when the young man yells,
"You stay out of this, mister! I'm talking to that little jerk on your knee!"

Special Price

One day, a woman walks into a dentist’s office and asks how much it will cost to extract wisdom teeth.
“Eighty dollars,” the dentist says.

“That’s a ridiculous amount,” the woman says. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?”

“Well,” the dentist says, “if you don’t use an anesthetic, I can knock the price down to $60.”

“That’s still too expensive,” the woman says.

“Okay,” says the dentist. “If I save on anesthesia and simply rip the teeth out with a pair of pliers, I can knock the price down to $20.”

“Nope,” moans the woman, “it’s still too much.”

“Well,” says the dentist, scratching his head, “if I let one of my students do it, I suppose I can knock the price down to $10.”

“Marvelous,” says the woman, “book my husband for next Tuesday!”

Catholic School Math

A ten year old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.

After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in after school with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face, and went right past them straight to his room, where he quietly closed the door.

For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged long enough to eat, and after quickly cleaning his plate, went straight back to his room, closed the door, and worked feverishly at his studies until bedtime. This pattern continued ceaselessly until it was time for the first quarter report card.

The boy walked in with his report card - unopened - laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it, and to her amazement, she saw a bright red "A" under the subject of MATH.

Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at his remarkable progress.
"Was it the nuns that did it?", the father asked.
The boy only shook his head and said, "No."
"Was it the one-on-one tutoring? The peer-mentoring?"
"No."
"The textbooks? The teachers? The curriculum?"
"Nope," said the son. "On that first day, when I walked in the front door and saw that guy they nailed to the 'plus sign,' I just knew they meant business!"