The Myth of the Perfect Wedding

Reprinted with permission from "The Pilot."

Is there a bride or groom who does not hope, wish, dream, and plan to have "the perfect wedding"? In pursuit of this perfection, brides and grooms come to my office armed with checklists, computerized schedules, "questions Mom wanted me to ask," and stacks of thick, bridal magazines. These glossy publications are built on the premise that a perfect wedding day is entirely possible--provided you're willing to pay for it. Make no mistake about it: There is an industry out there ready to reach into your wallets, purses, checkbooks, and savings accounts as soon as your engagement is announced.

Of course the zeal that fires the desire for a perfect wedding day is a wondrous and genuine energy. How might we channel that energy and make the best use of its hope-filled intentions? Rather than seeking the "perfect" wedding, can we look toward preparing for a joyous, solemn, meaningful, and prayerful wedding?

Weddings are by their nature joyous events. A man and woman who have found each other and fallen in love are ready to tell God and the world that they promise to be faithful to each other, for better or for worse, all the days of their lives. Let trumpets blare and church bells ring! What joy this brings to any human heart, to know that in faithful love, two lives will become one in marriage and that the "two become one" may multiply that love through bearing children. While we know well how to celebrate joyously once we reach the reception hall, we seem less adept at giving voice to that joy in the wedding ceremony itself.

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If everyone at the reception sat in total silence, we would know that something was wrong! Wedding liturgies that do not offer opportunities for the guests to sing render silent the very people who have been invited to celebrate! If engaged couples and pastoral musicians work together, keeping their plans simple and their expectations modest, they can offer an opportunity for wedding guests to participate that makes everyone present a member of the "wedding party."

The joyful "dancing" at a wedding liturgy will take the form of processions: measured steps intended to lead those assembled deeper into the mystery being celebrated. The first "dance" or procession is that of the guests into the worship space. Who will greet them as they arrive? Perhaps the families of the bride and groom can be at the church doors to welcome relatives and friends as they arrive. Bridal attendants as well as groomsmen can "usher" people to their seats. And who better to welcome the arriving guests than the bride and groom themselves! Forget the nonsense about the groom not seeing the bride before the wedding: This is pure superstition and has no business on the church steps where Christians are gathering to pray.


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Father Austin Fleming
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