Why Won't He Pay the Bills?

: My husband and I have had a problem for many of the 32 years we have been married. He lies to me about whether he has paid the bills. I don't know that something hasn't been paid until I get a phone call. I have osteoporosis, and following my doctor's advice, I do not work. My husband has always handled the money, and either he tells me to work or he complains about the extra taxes if I do work. I am at my wit's end with this man. I attend church regularly and pray about this, but nothing seems to help.

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: All relationship problems have the same underlying dynamic: The couple makes some issues more important than their friendship. However, both partners must make this mistake before it can divide them. If one person doesn't take an opposing stand, there will be no controversy.

The issue you write about--money--is potentially more difficult to solve than many problems. Paying bills late will affect your credit, which in turn may keep you from qualifying for certain purchases or loans. Yet this has been going on for many years and so you are well aware of your husband's tendencies. Arguing about it, which we assume has occurred many times, has not helped. Your getting a job has not helped. Even prayer has not changed your husband. You could threaten divorce, but do you really want to go in that direction, and do you honestly believe that your husband would change even if you did?

Getting calls from creditors would be upsetting for anyone, and the temptation to stay angry at your husband is understandable. But if you want to bring God into this situation, you must begin by trying to restore the friendship in your marriage. Practicing friendship is practicing love, and God is love.

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