Is Marriage Without Sex Really a Marriage?

How to cope when your partner shows no interest in physical intimacy.


I am 31 years old and my husband is 32. We have been married for four years now. We have never had sex. Never. Nothing at all. My husband ingests too much tension and anxiety in his job, finances, and our relationship. We tried to engage in intercourse a couple of times when we were first married, but he couldn't get excited enough to penetrate me. Then we started making excuses as to why we couldn't do it. It became a stigma for us.

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We don't talk about it. We know it is at the back of our minds but don't make any efforts to reach out to each other. I desperately want sex and babies, not simply for the sake of sex but as a bonding experience with my husband. I love him, but I am frustrated. I'm tempted to make nasty comments, but I don't want to hurt him. I seriously think he's scared of trying and failing now.

I did mention sex a few weeks back, and he apologized and said we will start trying tomorrow. That was the end of it. It's making me very moody and even unsatisfied in my job. I feel like asking him for support in getting artificial insemination at times, as a last resort. Please, how do I help him and my marriage?


Awaiting Guidance Anxiously

Dear Awaiting,

The cessation of sexual intimacy between a husband and a wife is, according to Jewish law, a functional termination of a marriage. Understand, sexual intimacy is not just a carnal act for procreation or for physical pleasure. It is the ultimate act of fusion that a husband and wife can ever possibly have. It is the glue that holds a marriage together. Sex is the act that brings in its wake an overwhelming tidal wave of positive emotion that is capable of sewing a husband and wife together as one flesh.

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