Is It Possible to Marry the Wrong Person?

Marriages aren't like cars--you can't get a lemon and you can't trade in for a newer model.

 
Q:

Do you think that it is possible to marry the wrong person, like when you marry right out of high school, for reasons other than love, never be happy with your marriage, and only years later find the person that you really love and were meant to be with? How could this be allowed to happen?


--Regretful



Dear Regretful,

I do not believe that you can marry the "wrong person." I am a great believer that life is pre-ordained and meaningful, and thus we are destined to be with the one person who completes us.



Ask Rabbi Shmuley Boteach

Click here to send in your marriage questions. Please include "Boteach" on the subject line.

If, as you seem to believe, you have in fact "married the wrong person," then follow your logic. You also have the wrong children. You have all the wrong friends, and you have made contact with all the wrong people. You are living the wrong life.



Nothing is as destructive to a marriage than the belief that our life choices are accidental, that the people who come into our sphere are coincidental, or that life is capricious and unplanned. To think this way means that we are all interchangeable, that any one relationship is just like another, and that a marriage is not really worth working for.



On the other hand, a feeling of predestination, that you were meant to be before you ever actually were, is the belief that gives us the stamina and will to make a marriage work. The belief itself becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Our mate is not like a garment worthy of exchange. On the contrary, they are ours and meant to be ours and worth the work that it takes to keep them ours.



Continued on page 2: »


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