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Are You Chasing Him And Don't Even Know It?

If you think you're just being "friendly" by sending him a flirty text or baking him a birthday cake, you could be getting in the way of the kind of courtship you desire.

woman texting

When we find ourselves falling for a man, it’s normal to start feeling that if we don’t show enough interest in him he might get the wrong message and drift away. We want to make sure he knows we like him. So we might do things like:

1. Calling him because you heard or read about something interesting, or because you knew there was a great band playing somewhere, or someone told you about some great event that you want to invite him to.

2. Calling to ask why he hasn’t called you.

3. E-mailing him, texting him, Facebooking him, sending him a cute card, dropping by his house, or in any way attempting to initiate some kind of contact.

4. Asking him how he feels — especially asking him how he feels about you or the relationship.

5. Inviting him to come and join you, or in any way acting like the social director of the relationship.

At first glance, these actions might seem completely harmless. In fact, you may feel that he'll just see you as being friendly and want to get closer to you. But doing any of these things shifts you into masculine energy and makes you the pursuer in the relationship. When a man feels even a little bit pursued, he'll feel he doesn't have to work so hard to win you over and will immediately drop his efforts.

It's important to understand that the urge to chase him in this manner comes from fear: feeling like we're going to lose him by not letting him know we're interested in him. But nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, whenever you initiate courtship you are sending the message that you might be insecure about losing him, and this will make you appear less attractive to him. He feels smothered and feels an aggressive vibe from you that does nothing to inspire him to want to get closer.

It Pays To Be Patient

I know how frustrating it is to sit back and let a man take the lead. We want a man to know we're interested in him. We want to make it easy for him to ask us out again. We want to seem enthusiastic and easygoing. And often times this means we inadvertently chase him in the ways described above.

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