The Infidelity Cure

Why men are tempted to cheat, and how they can stop the cycle.

Continued from page 1

When I was asked by the man mentioned earlier to give him a good reason why he shouldn't cheat, I told him that one of the most compelling reasons was that he would not only be dishonoring his wife but himself. There comes a time in a man's life when he has to decide what kind of person he wants to be. Even if his wife never found out, he would always know the truth about himself.

The ancient Rabbis said that when contemplating committing a sin, one must always remember that there is always "an Eye that sees and an Ear that hears." G-d is omnipresent. Silly excuses like "my wife doesn't understand me" mean nothing to the Almighty. Your wife doesn't understand you? Well, make her understand. Talk to her. Having sex with another woman won't increase her comprehension.

But I also told the man who consulted me something else, something that is often not focused on when arguments are given to husbands as to why they should remain faithful. In addition to being immoral and deeply hurtful to one's spouse, cheating deprives a husband of the greatest erotic pleasure that marriage has to offer.

Men cheat primarily for one reason: they're bored. Their wives are a known quantity, and they want variety. Seducing a wife does not make one feel manly, since no seduction is really necessary. Men feel that their masculinity is corroborated specifically when a woman who is reluctant to go to bed with them has her resistance lowered through his overpowering attractiveness. Man, that feels good.

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Yet married men are clueless when it comes to recognizing how sexually attractive their wives are to other men. Moreover, this attraction is mutual. Just as men are attracted to your wife, she is attracted to them as well, especially if they make her feel desirable and womanly.

For a woman at work, these men might include her boss, her colleagues, and especially men who are subordinate to her. Stay-at-home moms, contary to popular belief, also have plenty of men to interact with. There's the Fed Ex man who delivers her packages, the electrician who connects her wires, or the proverbial pool guy who shines her tiles. One way or another, women are attracted to men, especially when they know that those men are attracted right back.

Why don't husbands realize this? A man whose attraction to his wife has waned thinks that the same is true for all other men as well. But to other men, she is shiny, new, and unconquered-even better, she is sinful and forbidden, the ultimate allure.

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