10 Things to Tell Children about High School By Colleen Sheehy Orme l Parenting l Kids l Tips with Teens l Technology and Teens l Parenting Advice l Parenting Tips l How to Parent Teens

High School is a Roller Coaster

High school is a time of emerging independence, life innocence and forever friendships. It is also a period of explosive emotional growth while teenagers begin to feel comfortable in their own skin. It is football games and basketball and lacrosse. It is lunch in the cafeteria sharing secrets and laughter. It is parties and dances and pep rallies. It is also broken hearts, a failing grade, or a team not made. High school is a roller coaster. One day a teenager may be getting an ‘A’ and dating the person of their dreams. A few months later, they may get a ‘D’ and that dream person may be dating someone else. High school is a precursor to the ebb and flow of life. If teenagers understand this then it can be an unbelievable and far more enjoyable ride.

Being Popular is Not a Goal

Popularity is a by-product of treating every individual the same - with kindness and respect. Popularity is a pretty sexy word to a teenager. It can signify the allure of what they believe is the ‘it’ crowd. In reality popularity should never be a goal, but rather a by-product of treating every person the exact same way. There should be kindness and respect extended to every person that a teenager comes in contact with regardless of age, differences, or peer groups. It’s a simple golden rule for teenagers to learn. There is no mystery to being well liked or popular. It is simply being genuinely kind to all people and respecting them for their differences rather than judging them for any differences.

Confidence is What Allows You to Make Good Decisions

High school as a comprehensive whole is about confidence. It takes confidence to learn new things, try out for teams, run for office, join clubs, make friends and withstand peer pressure. It also takes confidence to face problems, and to make good, independent decisions. A self-assured teenager will not fear being different from the crowd or at least not frequently. Furthermore, what may feel initially uncomfortable in stepping away from the crowd will ultimately bring more respect towards the self-reliant teenager only furthering their confidence. A courageous teenager may not feel pressured into doing something they are not ready to do.

Don’t Let Others Define You

No one should ever let another human being define them - or limit them from being themselves. This is a tricky concept for teenagers. High school is by nature somewhat of a group sport. Often teenagers look to other teenagers, teachers, coaches, administrators or mentors to belong to the high school eco-system. It is of course, important to be well adjusted and harmonious within the infrastructure of high school and peer groups--teenagers should not lose themselves. One teacher saying they will never be good in a subject, or a coach saying they will never make a team or a friend saying they will not succeed or be liked at something – should never stop a teenager from believing in who they are and what is possible. They should never let one person’s opinion define them.

There Will be Joy and There Will be Pain

Love will emerge in life in new ways - so know that joy and pain are the necessary roommates of the heart. The joy and angst of first love is prolific through the teenage years. High school is the beginning of young love for many and that love is often idealistic. Therefore, making a breakup all the more devastating. It is so important for teenagers to understand that high school can be a time of unbearable heartache and that it will seem like the world is over for a day and then the next day the sun will shine brightly again. A new person to love will always happen their way. That is the dawn and dusk of high school love and of first love. It is important for teenagers to know that joy and pain are the necessary roommates of the heart.

Confident People Make the Very Best Friends

They have the ability to feel another's pain and celebrate another's joy. It is difficult to be confident all the time, especially as a teenager. However, it is crucial to find friends that are confident at their core. Confident people are generally happy with themselves and have the power to give generously in friendship. Confident people are not threatened by others happiness, success or dreams. They have the ability to feel badly when things don’t go well for their friends. There is a safety in having friendships that are confident. These types of friendships allow teenagers to make better decisions, shine and feel supported.

You Don’t have to be Loud to be a Leader

A quiet leader can step away from the crowd when necessary and do what is right. It is important for teenagers to realize that leaders do not need to be loud. Leaders are not only the conventional types, which organize pep rallies, quarterback a game or run for class president. All individuals have the ability to be a leader every day of their lives. A teen can be the first to quietly listen to the teacher in class, the first to show up on time to practice, the one to not join in while others tease or the one to cheer on a kid who’s feeling uncertain of themselves. A teenager does not have to follow the masses in high school. They can be the one to turn around and pick up the one who is left behind.

Now is the Time to Learn Self-Responsibility

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This is a time to learn a higher degree of self-responsibility - face problems it will empower independence. High school is a time to encourage remembering homework, team uniforms or another responsibility. It is a time that teenagers are beginning to grow up in many ways so it is only logical that they also grow in responsibility. This also applies to not just the aforementioned high school responsibility maintenance. It also means addressing a bad grade with a teacher, a missed assignment, a forgotten commitment, a late practice or a skipped class. Each time a teenager accepts accountability and confronts a situation, the confidence from their problem solving ability is empowering.

A Little Self-Doubt is Normal

Even the most confident people are occasionally filled with self-doubt especially through the teenage years. Understand that and never let momentary insecurity spread to others. Never make another person feel bad to make yourself feel good. Every teenager should understand that even confident adults have moments of insecurity so it makes a lot of sense that the teenage years may have even more of this. A person who never experiences some amount of self-doubt isn’t very realistic. It is important to discuss this with teenagers so that they understand this is to be expected. When a teenager does feel unsure of themselves, they should know to never make another person feel bad just to make themselves feel good. In other words, don’t spread those bad feelings.