What Happened to My Husband? By Chris & Rahnella Adsit & Marshele Waddell l Understanding Combat Trauma

How could God have allowed this to happen?

When an individual experiences a horrific event where evil triumphs and good people are harmed, or when a random, unexpected event results in destruction and death, it is a natural human tendency to ask, “Where was God? Why didn’t He prevent this?” If you’ve been asking similar questions, don’t feel bad about it. God knows the motivation behind your questions is pain. He’s eager to comfort you, strengthen you, and help you better understand what you are experiencing.

There are two things we know about God: He is “supremely good” and He is “supremely powerful.” But wait a minute. If God is supremely good, certainly He wouldn’t want bad things to happen. And if He’s supremely powerful, He certainly would be able to do what He wants – and keep bad things from happening.

So…why do so many bad things happen in a world ruled by a God who is so good and so powerful? Here’s why…“

For God so loved the world…” You’ve heard that line before, right? God loves the world, God loves you and God loves your husband – at a depth and with an intensity that exceeds our understanding by infinity. His love isn’t the sentimental, syrupy love that we see in the movies or daydream about. It’s a love that is wise, selfless and freeing. It has eternity in mind and not just the here-and-now.

“Control freaks” are also characterized by depth and intensity. But they don’t care about you–they have their own agenda. God is the opposite of a control freak. Because He loves you, He’s not going to force you to do anything. He’s not interested in a race of puppets that will do what He says when He pulls the right will. If we are forced, it’s not love at all. It’s physics: simple action and reaction.

So from the very beginning God has deeply desired that we would decide on our own to respond positively to His loving overtures. Love cannot be coerced.

How combat has affected your husband

“Combat Trauma” (officially called “Deployment-Related Stress” by the Army) describes a spectrum of distressing reactions a troop may have to the trauma combat. These reactions could include anything from the normal, relatively mild tensions associated with the transition from deployment back to home and family life (reintegration Issues), all the way up to severe conditions known as Acute Stress Disorder (ASD) and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). ASD and PTSD occur in those who have been exposed to a traumatic combat-related event (or series of events) which involved actual or threatened death or serious injury and caused an emotional reaction involving intense fear, panic, helplessness or horror. The symptoms are both disorders are: (1) a persistent re-experiencing of the event(s) through nightmares, intrusive thoughts or dissociative episodes, (2) obsessive avoidance of any stimuli associated with the event(s), and (3) feeling “keyed-up” (aroused, angry, sleepless, jumpy) at all times. The difference between these two disorders is how long the symptoms persist: one month for ASD, no time for PTSD.

PTSD is common

Posttraumatic Stress Disorder is a common reaction to an uncommon event. It may be difficult for you to imagine that your husband’s new anxiety-riddled behavior is common, but that’s exactly the case. His symptoms are what would be expected from someone who experienced what he did. They are common to hundreds of thousands–perhaps millions– of other courageous men and women who have fought in wards down through the centuries.

But compared to how he used to be, he’s probably acting very uncommonly. No doubt, he’s different from his pre-war self and different from his friends who never experienced combat. But for someone who saw, smelled, felt, heard and tasted the things he did, it’s common.

He is not weak, weird or cowardly. He has been wounded.

What can cause a wound? We normally think of physical implements, like a knife or a bullet. But one can receive “soul wounds” that are as bad as or worse than physical wounds, affecting a person deeper and lasting longer than anything a gun could produce. And we’re not talking sentimental psychobabble here–this is as real as it gets. You know. You’ve seen and experienced your husband’s woundedness.

What causes PTSD?

Not just combat. Any kind of horrific event that makes a person think they could be severely injured or killed can trigger PTSD. We emphasize can because it doesn’t mean it necessarily will. One study determined that approximately 75 percent of Americans have had a traumatic experience significant enough to cause PTSD, but only about 10 to 25 percent of those actually develop the disorder. Experts do not fully agree as to why some do and some don’t, but it seems that the intensity of the experience or multiple experiences has a lot to do with it. In addition, if a person has been traumatized at a younger age (physical or sexual abuse, abandonment, kidnapping, assault, etc.) it increases their likelihood of developing PTSD as an adult.

Experiences that can produce PTSD are combat, sexual and physical assault, being held hostage, terrorism, torture, natural and man-made disasters, accidents, receiving a diagnosis of a life-threatening illness, violating one’s conscience by engaging in mutilation or other violations of the Law of Armed Conflict or the killing of innocents (accidentally or on purpose) in life-threatening situations. Even witnessing threatening, mutilating or deadly events or hearing about them happening to a family member or other close associate can cause PTSD. It can be especially severe or long-lasting when the trauma comes from an intentional human act, rather than from an accident or a natural disaster.

PTSD persistence - getting “stuck”

Often, a trauma survivor can go through a short period of decompression and processing, and return pretty close to “normal.” But if the traumatizing event was exceptionally violent and life-threatening, or if there were multiple episodes, the brain stays “stuck” in this crisis-alert mode.

The shock physically alters parts of your brain. Your reactive pathways modify and your brain chemistry changes becoming hypersensitive, quickly overreacting to normal stimuli. Your hippocampus –the part of your brain that interprets and calms your emotional response–shrinks and works less effectively. Your left and right brain hemispheres have trouble communicating and balancing each other–so you’re either emotional and unordered, or you’re emotionless, cold withdrawn and not much fun to be around.

And whenever your brain senses that it’s getting near the “scene of the crime” via some sensory trigger ( a small, a sound, a sight, a memory), it quickly opens up the photo album it created during the earlier traumatic event and puts on an intense slide and video show to re-instruct you that you don’t want to go there again! The technical term for this is “re-experiencing.”

We humans aren’t meant to suffer our traumas alone and not bother anybody else about them. We are an interdependent species, ordained so by our Creator. We need each other. And if your “outer self” won’t take action, our “inner self” will keep up the pressure until we do. More PTSD sufferers finally decide to seek help due to their re-experiencing symptoms than for any other reason.

Traumatic Brain Injury

Medical professionals training those who have been wounded in the recent conflicts in the Mideast tell us that many troops coming home with a diagnosis of PTSD actually have Traumatic Brain Injury.

Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI) is usually the result of a sudden, violent blow to the head. The skull can often withstand a forceful, external impact without fracturing – but a blow such as this can launch the brain on an internal collision with the skull. The result, an injured brain inside an intact skull, is known as a “closed-head injury.”

A brain injury may also occur when a projectile, such as a bullet, rock or fragment of a fractured skull, penetrates the brain. The severity of brain injuries can vary greatly, depending on the part of the brain affected and the extent of the damage. A mild brain injury may cause only temporary confusion and headache, but a serious one can be fatal.

What’s ahead for me…for us?

It’s important to understand that God is the healer, and you aren’t. We’re sure that you desperately desire to bring healing, respite, stability, normalcy back to your husband and to your household. But that job is too big for you. It’s too complex. Only the infinite mind of God can get a handle on your situation and bring about the conclusion you desire. But He will use you in the process. You could be the most significant “bridge” that God will use to create the environment that will give Him optimal access to your husband’s body, soul and spirit. Keep your mind open to the partnering God wants to forge with you.

Trauma is a thief. The self-defense mechanisms that God built into your husband were vital at the time his body and mind were attacked, but now – not so much. As a Marine, Soldier, Sailor, Airman or Coastguardsman, he sacrificed. As his wife, you sacrificed. But more has been taken from you both than you bargained for. God wants to reimburse you for what has been taken, if you let Him:

Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten…You will have plenty to eat and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you; then My people will never be put to shame. – Joel 2:25,26