Sleeping with the Enemy

Try and visualize the things you love about yourself…… your passions, your natural talents that the Lord has so graciously blessed you with. Think about your role in your family and friends life.. What makes you come alive? The way it feels when you laugh, your carefree spirit. Your style… How you are wonderfully and uniquely made.. Now think about your physical features.. your smile, your eyes, the way you bite your lip when you are nervous ( that is actually me). Think about what you contribute to this world.. Your intelligence, your warm heart, the way you love to nurture others…..Do you love to cook? Do you appreciate a good wine? Do you love to paint, travel, listen to music? Now that you have a good visual of all those wonderful qualities that make you, YOU.

Picture this…Think about who you are right now! How does your partner really treat you? Is he honest? Did he lie to you again and then blatantly blamed you for being the liar? Did his dismissiveness leave you feeling “less than” and shut down once again? Think about your interactions with him where you were left feeling more alone and more unsafe. Does he say things to you like you are crazy when you address his disrespect? Does he come across as he if he is above you? You find yourself over time feeling more desperate and wanting someone, anyone to stand up for you… To say, “hey she is a human being stop treating her this way” but it is just silence and quite frankly no one wants a part of that “drama.” You are becoming more and more isolated. How did you get here? Do other’s see what you see? You are a shell of who you once were. People who care about you are noticing the dark circles under your eyes, the loss of weight but you just smile and say “I am fine!” You cry at the drop of a hat and feel embarrassed so you apologize for crying and say ” I must be tired.”

You are no longer the woman that you used to be! But know that you are not alone.. Let’s begin by breaking down the traits so if you are in this type of destructive relationship, you can see it here in black and white and begin to acknowledge and recognize this hell...

Manipulation and Mind Games

Manipulation is much like lying and deception because it is a form of dishonesty. It is designed to conceal the truth in an effort to control and keep the power in the relationship. Manipulation is demeaning. The underlying assumption is that your feelings, opinions,values, faith, choices, and preferences have little or no worth. Mind games are much the same and their main purpose is psychological warfare. “Broken women, anxious and uncertain women- no matter their intelligence, background, degrees, careers are much easier to control so little by little they break you down to someone you don’t even recognize. Both can wreak havoc on your self-esteem leaving you second guessing everything.

Emotional Terrorism

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Ugh, this one is so nasty but happens frequently when there is a huge imbalance of power. It can turn a sane women into a complete wreck in no time. Children are usually used in emotional terrorism because it’s a woman’s soft spot.. These type of men will use anyone you love to control you. Example…. You are late picking up your child and the school calls him by chance, he belittles you by saying something like” Do you know you left our son at the school for close to an hour after school was out.” When in reality, it was less than 10 minutes and you were trying to get someone to answer the main line of the school. This type of abuse causes such distress and so you keep trying harder but you are not perfect nor is he, clearly. You walk on eggshells more and more until you explode and then get called crazy again. It’s a vicious, vicious cycle which brings me to number 4…

Isolation, Possessiveness, and Jealousy

He sets the terms even though they constantly change and you must adhere to them or there will be consequences like withholding/punishing. He will tell you that he doesn’t want you hanging out with so and so or that bars are no place for a woman. He wants you to prove that he is special and he will shame you when you don’t put him first all of the time. He is domineering and you are his possession. He stops looking at you like a human being. He will take you away from the people you love and try to avoid you spending time with them if possible. Your friends and family may joke about how "he never lets you out of the house." Take these things seriously, as they are a sign of true manipulation and possessiveness.

Taking Aim at Your Heart

Men who want to harm women will take aim at her heart in many sick and twisted ways. For example if she feels any type of security, he will dismantle in order to disrupt her bond and sever trust. Men like this are “connection-averse” They are abusive to the relationship instead of being supportive. Women in these types of hostage situations, are never supported. They will limit all resources anyway they can and convince themselves they are doing nothing wrong. Their goal is to get you worried about the relationship whether with admiring, flirting or cheating with other women or purposely keeping things including money from you. They typically have a very different lifestyle than you. They will do anything to make you feel worthless and like you cannot escape the relationship. They may twist your mind to make you feel like you don't want to leave, and that the things he is doing are your fault.