When you have experienced a great trauma or loss and your grief is assumed and evident to all those around, you will be treated differently for a while. This is to be expected – but some treatment we receive is helpful and some we could do without.

The less-than-helpful things: Especially in the Western world, social taboos have been invented that make us try to avoid or deny any discomfort from loss. We look with disdain at the outpouring of grief in other cultures and accuse them of “lack of control.” We don’t realize that we are the foolish ones, holding in something that would better be let out.

It’s important to remember that your friends mean well. Their insensitivity is not because they intent to hurt you or prolong your grief – it’s just that they’re uninformed about what to do and how to help.

The helpful things: There are going to be a few of your friends who are wise in the ways of grief – either because they’ve experienced it themselves, have been trained, are particularly intuitive or have read a lot of books! When you find these people, do whatever it takes to keep them around!